LA, Music & Tokio Hotel
by themusiclife
Summary: Bumping into Bill Kaulitz, your to be best friend? Well, that isn't easily dealt with. What's worse is that you don't realize that you fell for him the first time you looked into his eyes.. But then again, he hasn't realized he's in love with you either..
1. Smtn DEF unexpectd frm a MAC store :P

NIKI's POV -

I was working the night shift again.

So kick my ass – I have a part time job and am being signed for a record label.

So here I am in LA, living with my two band mates (one more is on her way here) on the first floor of my cousin bro and his wife's apartment.

And I got bored this summer, so shoot me.

Let me give you a background on me – I'm 17, my band's music is pretty big back in Asia (if I may say so myself) and Cherry Tree Records heard us on youtube and got in touch with us soon enough.

And I'm working at a M.A.C store

Ok, focus – talking to myself again. The door opens and brings in a warm shaft of air, blowing my hair all across my face and making it stick to the clear lip gloss on my lips.

"Could I have a black eye shadow please?"

"Yeah sure." Sexy voice… Sounds familiar… hmmm…

My phone rings –

"_Ich wil da nich allien siem la suns gemeinzam In die Nacht –_

Payal.

"Hold it would you?"

"Ok babe, but I got big news!"

"Chick, I'm working here! Not my fault you gotta be a lazy ass and sit at home!"

"Ooh! See any hot guys yet?"

"Nah, only coolio voices…" Haha… we have code words for everything; including smoking hots that stood in front of you and you didn't wanna make a fool out of yourself.

"Well, happy flirting!"

"Copy that!" I never really have flirted though… but that doesn't mean I don't KNOW how to… Anyway, I never thought it a great idea.

"Caio."

"See ya sis"

"So – what was it you wanted?" I could see his hands – black with white tips! PUNK! Sexy hexy…

"A bla – "

"Oh my God."

I had just looked up.

Slow motion – the tight jeans, leather jacket with chains with skulls dangling on top of them, black dreads around a face with chocolatey golden eyes and… WAIT UP

Bill Kaulitz?

THE Bill Kaulitz?

No freaking fucking fuck!

"Oh! Here's the lottery!" I exclaimed, giggling at my idiocy – and the funny I just made. The poor God of pure beauty looked confused – halfway through laughing and calling 911._ "Yeah, I'm calling in a nutcracker?..."_

I giggled some more.

"Forgive me," I said through a lot of gasping, "I just happen to be a fan." I was spluttering through giggles, and highly doubted he understood a shit of what I'd just said. Here comes my fit…

"No wonder twinsie was happy…" I said spacing out, and yet managing to grab and give him the eyeshadow.

"Twinsie?!" he asked, amused, clearly.

"Oh! My twin sis? I like bugging her… that's the only upper hand I get for being the

younger one…" I said smirking at what her expression would be if she knew I told BILL KAULITZ how she got bugged. The patent Payal face…

"SO! What is Bill Kaulitz doing on a Saturday night at a M.A.C store at 11?"

"Buying eye shadow, knowing his band mates are gonna hit on his every nerve to make fun of his style." He replied sighing. Hmm…

"Why don't you rub it in how you got named 'Sexiest Man Alive'?...twice?"

"Point."

"And so not moot."

I stood on tip toe to put in a few things that were out of place, I wasn't short, don't get me wrong, but the shelves here went pretty high. I turned to see him spaced out; I wondered why he hadn't walked out yet. I mean, he had his band waiting and it was 11 at night.

"Er… Sorry but, you'd want to leave, coz I gotta shut the place I mean…"

"what? Oh, yeah… Oh and see you at the concert tomorrow!"

"But I don't have - "

"Now you do." He said, placing 2 tickets and VIP passes on the glass next to the pay counter.

"Thanks! So see you tomorrow!"

"Buh – bye."

I'd got a text. Whipping out my phone my fingers began working across the screen. I had the feeling I was being watched – I get scared of such stuff pretty easy… I looked up to find the guy still staring at my hands. He looked up to see that he was caught, and embarrassment was written across his face.

"Er… - "

"It's ok," I said smiling, "even I find myself doing it all the time."

He smiled, grateful, and walked slowly towards the door.

"See ya tomorrow." He called.

This was gonna be a weird and hyper night…

"HOLY SHIT!" Were the first words out of her mouth when I told her…

"I WANT DETAILS!"

"Nuh – uh"

"WHY NOT?!"

"Why am I not spaztastic today?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A FU-"

"Shut that hole of yours you wanna get us screwed?!"

_Fuck _she mouthed.

We stared at each other for 10 seconds before we burst out laughing.

"That's a…a…a…!"

Yeah that's us.


	2. To give in to excitement SPAZ

PAYAL's POV

SCHIESSE. After all, it's not every day that BILL KAULITZ gives my best friend/twin sister tickets to his concert at 11 pm in a M.A.C right? I knew there was a hot guy in there with her, but I didn't know it was HIM! Or rather HIS brother!!

"Ok… ok maybe I could show you the tickets then, and mind he was kind – or sexy – enough to spare one more." She said, always responsible no matter how funny… punk.

"Otay!" I shouted hyper now that I could finally see my favourite band – or favourite lead guitarist to be specific – in the flesh.

"You NEED to stop."

"Fine." Kill the mood much? But she didn't kill it well enough…

Because as soon a she pulled out the tickets a white slip fell from in between them and I grabbed it and ran to the other end of the room.

"AHA!"

"What the - ?" evidently, she hadn't noticed that piece of paper either…

"THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO ASK!"

"PAYAL!"

"FINE, HAVE IT YOUR WAY – punk." I whispered the last bit.

"THAT I am… and for your information it's a security number – you gotta call it so that they can escort you through that mob of screaming fan girls… and boys."

I giggled – never loses her sense of humor does she?

Oh well. I'm kinda used to it now…when you live with your best friend AKA twin sis for 4 years, you tend to know stuff about em. :P

***real short, I know :P... bt u gotta gimme a little time!!***


	3. Twins, and idiocy

BILL's POV –

"Gosh just walk in already!"

"Nah."

"Aren't you running low on it?"

"Yeah, but – "

"Shut it. And go."

Sometimes Tom could be a pain in the ass, and sometimes he could be the best brother ever.

But sometimes he was both, and this was one of the nights.

"Schiesse." I cursed as I walked in. The place was almost shut, except for a girl of about 17 who was moving – dancing? – and placing things in their places, preparing to shut down. Wait was she dancing or moving?! But she twirled and swayed! The movements were to melodic, moving to a rhythm.

But there was no music!

"Arschlosche" I cursed myself for wasting time – Georg would have all the more reason to pick on me…

I walked up to where she stood, she didn't look up. I was beginning to feel awkward for having stared at her.

Why did I do that anyway?!

Gosh.

Being me can stink sometimes.

I took a deep breath – "Could I have a black eye shadow please?"

"Yeah sure." She replies. Surprisingly her voice contains no accent, and its soothing too.

I NEED to STOP.

Her phone begins to ring, making a smile work its way across my face…In die Nacht played from it.

"Hold it would you?"

"Chick, I'm working here! Not my fault you gotta be a lazy ass and sit at home!"

_Nice, _I thought, laughing inwardly. Why did that sound so twin – ish? Maybe it was her tone. Yeas that would be it…

"Nah, only coolio voices…" COOLIO VOICES?! It had to be her twin. I saw a smirk appear on her face. I couldn't help but stare…

STOP!

"Copy that!" she said loudly, then – "See ya sis." AHA! I KNEW IT! SEE? SEE?

Ok, I freak me out.

"So – what was it you wanted?" She was looking down at my hands, the smile widening on her lips. Hmm…

"A bla – "

"Oh my God." She had just looked up, taking in the whole of my form in one quick glance.

I resisted smirking.

Her eyes widened –

"Oh! Here's the lottery!" she said giggling. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or call for help.

"Forgive me," she said, spluttering through a fit of giggles, "I just happen to be a fan."

Like I didn't know that!

I stared at her smiling away. She looked so childish, with her eyes crinckled up as she giggled. A very PRETTY child…

UNGH!

"No wonder twinsie was happy…"

O—K?!

"Twinsie?!"

"Oh! My twin sis? I like bugging her… that's the only upper hand I get for being the

younger one… SO! What is Bill Kaulitz doing on a Saturday night at a M.A.C store at 11?"

it surprised me to realize that up till now she hadn't draped herself all over me…

"Buying eye shadow, knowing his band mates are gonna hit on his every nerve to make fun of his style." He replied sighing. Hmm…

"Why don't you rub it in how you got named 'Sexiest Man Alive'?...twice?"

"Point."

"And so not moot."

I spaced out, an idea had just struck me…

"Er… Sorry but, you'd want to leave, coz I gotta shut the place I mean…" she said, trailing off suggestively, breaking my reverie. But I had already decided

"What? Oh, yeah… Oh and see you at the concert tomorrow!"

"But I don't have - "

"Now you do." I said, placing 2 tickets and VIP passes on the glass next to the pay counter.

"Thanks! So see you tomorrow!"

"Buh – bye."

She'd got a text. Whipping out her phone her fingers began working across the screen. Her long beautiful fingers…

I looked up to see that I was caught- SO very embarrassing…

"Er… - "

"It's ok," IShe said smiling, "even I find myself doing it all the time."

I smiled, grateful, and walked slowly towards the door.

"See ya tomorrow." I called.

I sighed.

Tom would want details.


	4. Easy as pie :P

TOM's POV –

"What the hell were you doin' in there? PLEASE dont tell me you met a girl in there."

"Actually….."

"HA!" I looked into the store and saw a very pretty girl dressed like bill dancing around with a phone glued to her ear. Perfect for Bill. Oh this is good….

When I turned around, Bill was fiddling around with his hair and whispering something to himself. Hmm….something isn't right here. He's trying to hide something from me!

I walked beside him towards the car, not saying anything on purpose. He still refused to look me in the eye. "Ahem-ahem."

"What?! I didn't do anything! It isn't like I gave her and her twin sister tickets and backstage passes to our concert tomorrow or something! Stop looking at me!"

Easy as pie(hahaha)…..I had a lot of questions for him but first things first – Twin sister?

"Yeah. She was talking to her on the phone while I was in there. They sounded like how we do sometimes…completing sentences, random ways of figuring out what's in the other's mind n all."

AWESOME! Hope she's as hot as her sister!

NIKI's POV (on the concert night)

"ok, so which one?" I asked Payal for the umpteenth time as I flipped between my black and purple skinny jeans.

"Just put the black one on! LORD!"

"LARD!"

"Ha!" she said it even though I won… weird chick.

"Yes baby sis, I know I'm weird now control YOUR EFFING SPAZ!"

"Otay!"

PAYAL's POV

"Niki, Twish, get your butts down here quick! We're getting late! I don't wanna miss Tom!"

My room-mates emerged in all their finery – Niki in skinny jeans and her favourite black shirt and, of course, her biker gloves. Twisha followed her soon after, dressed for her dinner date with her newest boyfriend, with a proud grin on her face.

"FINALLY! NOW CAN WE PLEASE GET MOVING?!"

Twisha wouldn't tell me what was she so happy about. She and Niki were exchanging smiles throughout the ride & looking at me with a gleam in the eye….or maybe she knows something. I cant get into her head today!!! GOD this is annoying. ARE WE THERE YET?! EEP! I'M GONNA SEE TOKIO HOTEL IN THE FLESH IN A FEW HOURS! HOW COOL IS THAT?!?!?!?!?!


	5. Scream it out loud to the VIP section

BILL'S POV

(8) Running through the monsoon,

Beyond the world,

To the end of time,

Where the rain won't hurt. (8)

HEY! She's in the front row…I don't see anyone looking like her in there but she's talking to that hip-hoppy girl a lot. I winked at M.A.C girl just to show her I know she's there. Hmm…her friend was very pretty. Dark complexioned and wearing loose cargoes and a tank top…and no make-up! Tom better be watching….

(8) SCREAM 'till you feel it  
SCREAM 'till you believe it  
SCREAM and when it hurts you  
Scream it out loud  
SCREAM 'till you feel it  
SCREAM 'till you believe it  
SCREAM and when it hurts you  
Scream it out loud  
Scream… (8)

Just looked at Tom. He's smiling at Ms. Hip-Hop, pretending to be interested in the salesgirl from M.A.C. I know he's gonna try and act all cool since he know's she gaga over him too! Sometimes I wonder where Tom was when God was distributing brains…..

TOM's POV

(After the concert)

"Georg, did you see that girl in the first row? The one in the black TH tank top and eyeliner?"

"Not really…I was all eyes for my guitar and my hair. I think I looked pretty damn good tonight!"

Oh god there he goes again….I swear to God Georg is just mistaken for a guy…Scheisse!

Georg looked up from his guitar and nodded. The four of us were sitting in the VIP area, cooling off and waiting for the lucky ladies to show up. Bill was lost in his own planet acting all hyper again, while Georg & I were sitting on a lavish sofa, sipping mango smoothies and playing around with the guitar. Gustav was in the soundproofing room, banging out on his drums – The perfect Tokio Hotel scene…..I wonder where was Make-up Girl's sister….Hmm…..


	6. Mr Ants In My Pants und Alex the Lion :P

NIKI's POV

That was awesome, Awesome, AWESOME! OMG I cannot believe he winked at me. And that now me and my SPAZTASTIC friend are going to meet THE Kaulitz twins! Thank God I'm not alone, I swear I would have DIED with all the color on my cheeks. Payal is getting pretty nervous, yet looking so indifferent…I wonder how she does that. But I hope she doesn't hear my little secret… ;)

"They're there….OH MY GOD NIKI TOKIO HOTEL IS SITTING RIGHT THERE!" She was whispering into my ear and tugging at my arm REAL HARD! Damn she's in a mood. OUCH!

PAYAL's POV

We were welcomed into the room with the strong smell of men's deodorant….oh well. At least they're clean! Everyone but Gustav were in the room, each in their respective post-concert rituals…Bill was watching TV, Tom and Georg were talking over the soft tunes of their guitars. We could hear someone banging out on the drums somewhere, I guess Gustav was in a mood :p :p

Bill saw us and hopped off the stool he was sitting on and walked towards us with a smile.

"Hey! That's your sister? Nice to meet you! I'm-"

"I know who you are! OMG I just loved your spread tonight! Reminded me of the time we were performing in Dehli, the crowd there was AMAZING! And then…." I realized I was yabbering again…Niki was in fits of laughter while Bill was just staring at me with a amused smile on his face. Made me so awkward…….Not.

Tom and Georg were looking at me and Niki with confused smiles on their faces. I smiled and gave a tiny little wave and then turned back to Bill. Niki was in heaven!! It made me feel so happy to see her like that…her last relationship didn't exactly do well with Jake cheating on her and all..she wasn't really over that heartbreak, but I could see the way Bill looked at her. It was so cute!

"By the way..didnt really get your names. It's a little weird talking to someone for a while without knowing their names eh?"

Niki, as usual all smiles, went "Well, I'm Nikita and little miss Chatterbox here is my sister Payal."

Bill smiled. "Nice names! I'm guessing Indian…anyway what did you perform in Dehli? You're in a band?" All eyes on Niki. AWESOME!

"Yeah actually. Our band mate Zoey and the two of us posted a couple of videos on YouTube and soon Cherry Tree Records signed us. We're pretty popular in Asia & Australia…I'm lead vocals and guitar while Payal plays drums. Zoey is base vocals and guitar." Said Niki lightly, peering down at Tom's guitar with interest, but resisting to move forward.

Bill's smile widened. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her! Not that I'm surprised…she's so pretty! Although she doesn't wanna accept it, EVERYONE agrees with me! I was getting a little impatient though. WHEN THE HELL IS TOM GONNA STOP TALKING TO GEORG!!!! BILL'S NICE AND ALL BUT COME ON MAN! SUE ME!

TOM's POV

M.A.C girl just entered into the room, trailing that hot Hip-Hop girl behind her. I just noticed that she didn't have eyeliner on but her eyes were naturally like that. Hmm…nice! She was dressed in a simple black tank top with cargoes and had a barbed wire snaking round her ankle. Jet black hair, and a twinkle in her eye. I'm gonna tease her…no going upto her….lets see if she passes the Tom-Test!

Georg was checking both of them out head to toe, and gave his approval with a wide grin. We pretended to be lost in deep conversation while the two girls were talking to Bill. DAMN! She's doing pretty well.

I hinted silence at Georg as I tried to hear what they were saying. I caught her name as Payal while Make-Up girl's name was Nikita…

She never even looked at me..her back was to me while Bill was silently trying to call me over there. Okay…I need an intro!!!!

PAYAL's POV

Yeah, now mister oh-so-cool decided to make an entry and prove he's not lost his tongue or something.

He held out his hand but before he could speak I caught it.

"Hello Tom!"

NIKI's POV

"Hello Tom!" she said.

"Good one!" I said in Hindi.

"Thank you!" she replied in Hindi too.

Bill, Tom and Georg looked confused.

"What was that?" Bill asked me still trying to figure out what I and my twin had just said.

"A conversation!" I said brightly.

Tom smirked. "Ist das nicht Hip - Hop Mädchen nur so heiß?" he asked Bill in German. (Isn't hip – hop girl just so hot?)

OK, time to tell mister ants-in-my-pants to slow down. That's one heart he is NOT allowed to break.

"Daunen boy!" (Down boy!)

Shock crossed Bill and Georg's faces, but that was before they were down on the floor howling at the beet root colour of Tom's face.

Gustav's face appeared out a door on the far side of the room. He walked in, a smirk playing on his face.

"Hello!" he said lightly.

"High there!" *Alex from Madagascar impersonation*

"I-I didn't know…" he spluttered, trying make it sound like an accusation.

"Ja, sie ist schön, aber man besser nicht versuchen, die üblichen Trick. obwohl die alle Spaß an Sie freak out" I said smoothly, giggling on the inside all the while. (Yes, she is beautiful, but you better not try the usual trick. Despite that, its fun when you freak out.)

He spluttered on aimlessly. Mission 1 – shock Tom Kaulitz - accomplished!

"Chill, I'm not murdering you! Aber sie ist immer noch meine zwei na..." (But she's still my twin sister na...)

Payal was confused, staring between me and Tom, while Bill continued his outburst of random giggles somewhere in the back.

I walked over to where Gustav was sitting.

"So… uh – uh." Payal and Bill giggled harder, while Georg a bit more on the floor and Gustav turned where he sat next to me on the sofa to show a wide goofy grin.

Silence.

Except the giggling and howling of course.

"Aw! Come on Tom! Everyone has their moments!" I said smirking.

"I like this girl!" Bill spluttered between chuckles.

TOM's POV

"Point out the obvious much?" Payal muttered under her breath from next to me.

I know; I stopped calling her 'hip – hop girl' after the shocking reply I'd gotten from her twin sister.

I looked up at her, puzzled that she's caught on so fast. She smiled; evidently she knew I knew so it didn't matter to her that I had heard. To the both of us the fact that Bill was interested in her twin was not a surprise or a secret.

Although his reactions told me she intrigued him with that personality of hers. Don't get me wrong, he thought she looked amazing and all, but after he noticed her hands *rolls eyes* he began to notice her mad personality.


	7. Twinsie cool it!

TOM's POV

"I like this girl!" Bill spluttered between chuckles.

"Point out the obvious much?" Payal muttered under her breath from next to me.

I know; I stopped calling her 'hip – hop girl' after the shocking reply I'd gotten from her twin sister.

I looked up at her, puzzled that she's caught on so fast. She smiled; evidently she knew I knew so it didn't matter to her that I had heard. To the both of us the fact that Bill was interested in her twin was not a surprise or a secret.

Although his reactions told me she intrigued him with that personality of hers. Don't get me wrong, he thought she looked amazing and all, but after he noticed her hands *rolls eyes* he began to notice her mad personality.

BILL's POV

OH MY GOD THIS WAS PROBABLY THE BEST NIGHT EVER!

After Payal and I were done laughing and the formal introductions were done (Took VERY long for the first bit), All of us were spread out across the room just chatting. Payal and Tom looked very close already…He was trying to tease her ever now and again but she always caught on and killed it. I think he's starting to like her…

Anyway, so Nikita, Georg and I were just talking and I couldn't help but stare at her. She is so pretty…and punk! Her perfectly fitted black skinny's hugged her swaying hips, and her hands!! I just noticed the cross on her wrist…something's written underneath. Note to self – remember to ask her about it and to stop staring.

Payal came over.

"Hey! You guys wanna join us at the beach tomorrow? I'm going surfing!"

Tom followed, a wide grin playing across his lips. Hmm….something aint right. I have all night for THAT conversation! 

Since nobody bothered answering, Georg took the cue and replied "Sure. We have a day off tomorrow…why not! I wanna surf too! These L.A beaches do a lot for my hair…"

"I love rock 'n roll! Come on everybody and sing it out loud!"

I whipped my head around to see Nikita swaying her hips and singing. Her voice was so deep, so pure. It made me want to sit there and gaze into her brown eyes and listen to her forever.

Payal caught my eye and smiled. Her look said it all – 'Try to THINK of doing anything wrong and I will BREAK YOUR FACE to pieces.' O---kay twinsie, cool it. I can share ;)

**_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

**please review too!!! I'd like to know u guys hu r reading (if any do) like it!!**

**kisses,**

**Niki und Payal**

**(although its Niki's account ;)  
**


	8. Chapter 8

NIKI's POV

Bill thinks I sing well. After a while he asked to go for a walk with him….It was a typical L.A night – breezy, cool, perfect weather!

"So where'd you learn to sing like that? You're really good…." His voice faded away, like something was rushing through his mind. He quickly let it slip though, and smiled.

"Never learnt. I've had a thing for music since birth! Always lost in my music….Payal's heard a LOT of it, trust me. She and Zoey are my two music critics, Zoey pushes real hard to keep me going. We're pretty tight."

His smiled broadened. I blushed – uncontrollably and involuntarily. "Why are you blushing?" Oh damn. Here we go again….I just HATE when that happens. That too in front of BILL KAULITZ! The wind kicked up and blew my hair back, killing my one last hope that I don't have to meet his eye.

Bill started to laugh. His laugh was so soft, so calming, just like his angelic voice. I couldn't help but join him…..he took my hand then, I think my heart rate was going to speed so fast and so much I would faint – or die – right there.

PAYAL's POV

Let the happy couple enjoy….For once I forgot about my friends and decided to pay attention to my own life! Georg, Gustav, Tom and I were hanging out, and the Pussycat Dolls blared from a boom box in a corner – how ironic.

It always amazed me how I fit in with guys so easily while I have to STRUGGLE to understand my own species! Georg and I were talking about surfing while Tom just looked at me with an amused grin on his face. He knew that any of his moves wouldn't work since I caught all his antics…Gustav was just being Gustav – watching TV while listening to his iPod in a corner.

"So Payal, you said you were in a band in India. What's your story there?" Tom asked. I just smiled – remembering the billion memories I have with each member. Especially Niki & Zoey.

"Well….the four of us have been friends from school and we shared a passion for music. After graduation we decided to form a band, with small gigs here and there. We posted a couple of videos of us up on YouTube, and Cherrytree Records signed us! Shipped us up here and now we're just gonna get into our first album - do I bore you'll?"

Oh well. That's why I don't have many friends….I don't talk much, and when I do, I don't have much to say. But the guys disagreed. Tom pretended to be hurt while Georg just nodded his head side to side.

"You sing?" I knew I was gonna get a good whack for that one

"Yeah I do…I'm not very good though….Oh hell Niki's gonna kill me for that one!"

"Hmm… Sing for me."

TOM's POV

"Hmm… Sing for me." I had deliberated, and she wasn't someone who I'd take back to my hotel room and forget. I felt like I needed to know her, like it was a requirement I needed to desperately fulfill.

Her eyes went wide, obviously she hadn't ever really given it a push.

"You don't give yourself enough credit…" Gustav trailed off in a quiet stage whisper, despite the music that blared in his ears.

"I know. I don't need it" She smiled.

PAYAL's POV

_Go ahead _Niki whispered in my head. _Shine for a little longer sweetie, because I've seen you waiting for this moment pretty long…_

_NO! _I screamed back. _Not here. _

_DO IT OR I SWEAR I'm GONNA KICK UR SORRY LITTLE ASS SO HARD……_

Oops.

I sighed, all of them were too persuading, but it took her just a sec to grab hold of what I was feeling and help _me_ grab it.

"Fine." I said out loud and in my head.

TOM's POV

She began to sing quietly and it took a lot of effort to not let my mouth hang open. She had a beautiful bass voice, much lower than most people's. Although the song was one which I had never heard before, I couldn't have cared less. I was too lost in the sound of her voice, in the quiet emotions that showed just a peek of themselves. The urge to know her was maddening now, and this change in behavior was beginning to surprise me more than anything else. Not many people had affected me like this before, and it made me just a little edgy in my head.

She stopped and I opened my eyes, only to find her staring at the floor, and Georg's mouth hanging open, whereas Gustav was too frozen with wonder to give any other reaction. It was pretty comical.

Not that this was not how they had reacted to Niki's voice. Her voice just overwhelmed you with emotion, the emotions that she felt. It was another voice one could get lost in, and when you heard it you felt the need to be quiet and not sing along. But Payal's voice held something for me that wasn't there for the others.

She looked up, waiting for a negative reaction. I beamed at her, while Georg clapped her on the back, and Gustav grinned. She looked relieved and happy. All I could continue doing was stare at this girl, who was so different in so many ways than the ones I'd 'met' before.

BILL's POV

Her expression was so cute that I couldn't help but laugh. She joined in soon enough, her melodious laugh filling the night air. We walked in silence for a while, while Tom tried to make me hold her hand through thoughts….Arschloch!

_Do it. You like her, don't deny it. _Twins suck. I think Niki would agree.

_COME ON BILL DO IT! TAKE HER HAND! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!_

I didn't even realize when I took her hand in mine, but I felt the tingling that begun when I did. I did notice the warmth in that hand I held, the soft skin that – somehow – had not grown rough even though she played the guitar.

_Toldja! And, yes, that is surprising… _Tom trailed off in my head.

_SHUT IT! _I shouted in my head.

_Fine._ I could almost imagine him folding his arms and sulking like a little kiddo.

"So how's the tour going?" she said, loosening the grip on my hand so that she could walk backward in front of me, a smile playing on her lips.

"Ooh, its good! I already wrote a new song even though the tour for the current album is just going on…" I trailed off excited. I hadn't realized I was holding the hand with the cross on it, or that we were talking about me - again. I slowed down and held her wrist up a little higher, so as to get a better view.

"What does it say…?" I whispered to no one in particular.

"It's not English, but you can read it, obviously." She said still smiling.

She walked a little towards me so that I could pull her wrist up to look at it more closely.

Beneath the cross, in a calligraphic but yet gothic font, were the words _Nach dir Kommt Nicht. _I caught my breath, and as I looked up, sucked in a breath without even exhaling as I saw her hair swirling around her angelic face because of the wind.

"I love the song, and it applies to that too." She stated motioning to the cross.

"I thought you were Indian." I whispered in wonder, referring to the way her skin practically glowed.

She smiled a bit more and tilted her head a little to the right. There was a chain hanging down her neck that I could not see coming down her front. Evidently it was tucked in. She pulled it out to reveal a crucifix, and held it up. As I held it in my hand I didn't realized that we were standing very close to each other. I hadn't realized a lot of things tonight, which was very unlike me.

"I got it when I went to Fatima at the age of 13." She whispered. "It's been with me ever since, and I feel kinda incomplete without it. True, I'm not Catholic, although Indian Catholics exist, but – oddly enough - I feel more at home and complete in a church than in a temple. Weird huh?"

"It's complex, but understandable…" I whispered.

"Can I ask you something?" she said.

"Hmm?"

"Where're we going?"

I snapped out of it. I needed to be more careful, I needed to avoid circumstances that could make things difficult for me. Although with this girl it seemed unavoidable to avoid such things.

"You'll see…" I replied with half a smile.

"What inspires you to write music? I've always wanted to ask you this question, and now I have the chance so…." She said, breaking my reverie.

She looked away, her long curly hair covering her face.

"Well darlink," I was imitating a Scottish lady I saw at the mall the other day, and I noticed Niki liked to laugh. "Ve write ze music with our hearts. It iz vat ve feel that ve put into our music, and so ve relate to ze audience!" Yeah. That sucked. HARD.

"That's a French accent right there, although you sounded like you were trying a lee-eetle to hard to do Scottish." She spluttered between silent giggles, but then reframed her question, "And yes, music IS from the heart, but there's always that one thing that is the spark that starts everything. So, which thing is that for you?"

We were now sitting on top of some rocks out in the water, her arm brushing against mine as we spoke. She looked at me straight in the eye, and in the moonlight I just noticed her bright brown eyes. I couldn't help but get lost in them, and she looked back at me with a bright smile.

"It was that hell hole called school. It was the hurt and pain and…" I couldn't go on, I was at a loss of words.

"I know what you mean." She said. "That makes two of us with the same spark." She added, looking ahead, her brow furrowing as she remembered a time that must have been not long ago. A difficult time; a painful time.

"I've always admired your passion, you know…" She trailed off, but that was before she snapped out of it and turned a moment too late, so that I saw the blush that crept across her face.

"You blush often." I said, stating the obvious.

"That's cause usually – in my opinion – I mess things up when I get really enthusiastic about stuff." She replied, sighing.

"No, you don't"

She turned her gaze back to my face, and again I was lost in those eyes, though there was a hint of an aged sadness to them now.

"You barely _know _me Bill."

I looked back at her – the way she said my name sent a soaring rush of adrenaline through me, and then again the truth in her words could not be denied.

"True, _yet_.."

"Yet that you don't know me yet, or yet that you don't know me but yet you know I don't mess things up?"

"Both." I said, laughing that she'd caught on so fast.

"Maybe its true…" she said, and paused, "Maybe not." She concluded, looking at me again; eyeing me.

I sighed, "Have it your way." I said raising my arms, palms up, in surrender.

"I normally do!" she said, laughing, and I joined in, for it was irresistible not to do so.

"But, seriously, do you?"

"Get my way? No. its not that I didn't to prove that I could go far, but also I had to learn how to stand up and prove it. I wasn't always the one who stood up that way – spontaneous, yes – but shy to step into the limelight. Although oddly enough I had been thrown into it since birth." She said. She had been looking ahead all this while, but now she looked at me again.

She got up suddenly, offering me her hand.

"Come on," she said, "Payal's calling."

"Fav colour"

"Blue"

Me and Gustav were sitting on the sofa while all of us fired random questions at each other. All of us had gone pretty far with this… and it was getting faster and faster. In short one no longer thought before answering. Well Payal was sick of it…and Gustav wanted to watch… only… and Tom, Bill and Georg were apparently having a 'great' time rapid fire – ing me.

"Fav song"

"Hilf mir Fliegen"

"Fav movie"

"Sweet Home Alabama, City Of Angels, Harry Potter"

"I asked ONE" Georg stated.

"And I gave you all." I said simply.

"Fav band" Tom asked me.

"THAT is a stupid question… I should have expected that from you!" I said. He aimed a water bottle and I ducked, missing by inches. Thank God for hand – eye coordination!

"Favourite guitarist" Sie idiot… I could see his smile emerging…but not quite…

"Slash" I said flatly.

"Excuse me?!"

"Don't tell me he's never heard of Guns N' Roses?!" I said in mock horror as I pointed a casual finger in his face; Bill to Georg… who were both bent at the double laughing at Tom…and the chop he got. Payal snorted.

"¡Idiota!"

"Ah…did she just call him a idiot?" Gustav asked me.

"That would be correct." Payal said, nodding her head in a sage like manner.

He grinned his goofy grin.

"What the - ?!" Tom said. Georg and Bill pointed at him and laughed harder… and Payal burst off into to crazy giggles.

"Why does it always rain on me? Is it because I lied when I was seventeen" Bill sung with a dreamy look on his face. Tom whacked his arm.

"Ow…" he muttered rubbing his arm.

"AND WHEN IT HURTS YOU SCREAM IT OUT LOUD!" I shouted.

"Scream…" me and Bill whispered, before bursting into giggles.

"OK, that just sounds SO wrong" Tom said, pointing at me.

"BAHAHAHA" Georg was STILL howling. SHEESH.

GUSTAV'S POV

It had been 15 minutes... and Georg was still laughing. sometimes i wonder the boy needs a LOT of help...  
Oh well.

"Listen..." Payal begun to say, Niki turned away from Bill and began giggling like there was no tomorrow. Payal shut her eyes tight and took in a deep breath as she heard the helpless giggles bubbling out of her twin sis.

We had all been looking at Georg for the past 15 minutes waiting for him to stop. After about two minutes into it Bill and Nikita had shrugged and begun talking among themselves.

Evidently he was STILL rapid fire - ing her. i wasn't really surprised they turned away - they're hyper people after all.

"What?!" Bill said, looking concerned and confused at the way Niki had just burst out into a fit.

"Wait and watch... Its gonna go like this - 'Listen... I'm saying this because I don't really think you could weird out someone more... GET SOME HELP!'" she said, imitating her twin exactly.

"Do you have a thing for accents lady?!" Bill asked her, clearly amused.

"Ja... And really Bill - LADY?! SHEESH MAN!" she said, "Tryee thees vone von't youuu?" she said in a deep drawl.

Tom smirked. "Africans?"

"Correctumundo!" she said. Payal shook her head at me, but I just grinned and gave a slight chuckle. She looked at me in mock horror, shaking an accusing finger in front of me. I began to laugh. No one had really seen this exchange... except me laughing... I think i scared Tom... :S

"OK, lets play a game." Niki said, crossing her legs again on the sofa.

"Which one?" I asked.

"OK, it goes like this - we sit in a circle like shape, and take turns asking questions to any one person. Now that person has to say something completely random - something completely irrelevant to the question. And using words like 'because' is not allowed. If you do, your out. And you can't take your time asking or answering questions, or your out. Everyone got it?"

"Sounds fun" Tom said rubbing his hands together.

"You bet." Payal said from next to me.

"You've played this before?"

"Yeah, trust me, you gotta be careful with that girl," she said nodding in Niki's direction, "She's quick, and she'll get you tongue - tied." she said looking her sister up and down.  
Niki smirked before starting.

NIKI'S POV

"OK trial round!" I said, slowly turning to face Georg.

"Georg, are you gay?"

"Excuse me?!"

"You're out!" I shouted. Bill stared at me a little shocked. "I moved in towards him close enough so that only he could hear. "Remember – I don't know you guys. I know who Tokio Hotel is; maybe, maybe not. But I still DON'T know you. So assuming things won't help. And I'm not just kidding." I whispered.

For the rest of the night I had the guy looking at me like I was the first person he had ever seen. I wondered if I had said something that had startled him on a level beyond my imagination.

_**LATER THAT NIGHT…**_

I sighed. "What are we doing…?!" I asked Payal.

"I really have no clue. We can't go breaking the code…"

"Oh, fuck the code… there is no chance we could ever find someone to be friends with. We're getting our hopes up."

Payal sighed… sitting herself down on the floor of my room. We'd just got into the new house we'd bought.

"WHEN will you accept it?"

"Never" I shot back at her sharply.

"What's the point in denial?"

"Really? What's the point? How does this sound – I've been wanting to get to know him for 3 years now… that I tried to put him into the back of my mind and failed miserably… does it sound normal? Or acceptable?"

"Yeah, but you never ASSUMED things about him."

"That's a moot point."

"I don't think so."

"Don't stress yourself… and think about what I said – try please… Buenas noches babe."

"Gute nacht."

Sometimes a lullaby – namely a person – can keep you awake most of the night.

And then as the night begins to end they can lull you to sleep…


	9. Chapter 9

PAYAL'S POV

"GOD DAMNIT LEMME SLEEP!"

Twisha, Meera & Niki were having a hard time trying to get me to wake up… They've been at it for a while and honestly, not working! It's NINE IN THE FUCKING MORNING PEOPLE!!!!!!!!! LET THE KID SLEEP!!!!!!!

"Sie Arschloche! GET THE FUCK UP! Ich möchte lernen, wie man surfen!" Niki was anxious, and having her BELLOWING in my head wasn't helping! Our group date/beach party was about to start in a while, and everybody was all ready to rock it…while I lay like a rock in my bed. Spacing out has MAJOR advantages…

Anyway, once I was out of bed (About an hour after they started their quest) and got dressed in my favourite hot-shorts, simple t-shirt and my newest hat, we finally kicked up and walked the 30 second walk to the beach.

I rented out three surf boards, and turned around to find all my friends walking upto me with evil grins on each of their pretty little faces. Uh-oh…this aint good!

"HI PAYAL!" Rishika exclaimed. Alongside being our friend, she's also our band manager, and the evilest dictator I've ever met. "How ARE you today darling? Been shopping lately?" Okay. Now I'm scared…I think they know.

"Yes PAYAL, been shopping lately?" Meera entered, carrying her surfboard in one arm, and her boyfriend Chris in the other. Pal joined her soon, rubbing her hands together and smirking. Niki and Twisha just stood on the sidelines, smiling at each other and trying not to laugh.

But how do they know I went dress shopping last week??? I thought I snuck out pretty damn quietly, leaving my pillow as my body for the rest of the night..Oh crap I'm SO screwed.

The thing is, I don't do stuff like this. I've always been the hip-hoppy, always in shorts and t-shirts and trilby's, half goth chick. But recently I've been having this creepy urge to go and buy this BEAUTIFUL red gown I saw at Sak's…and trust me, I am fucking RICH! Oh hell I'm never gonna hear the end of this…better play it cool!

"Huh? Whaddaya mean? You guys know I don't shop!" Left hand twitching….LEFT HAND TWITCHING! I HATE when that happens! (when I lie, my left hand starts twitching and fidgeting around a LOT) Luckily no one noticed it yet…

"Oh come on! We totally saw you at Sak's after Hannah's party!! You were twirling around in front of the mirror….and trust me babe, you looked HOT! I can recognize those eyes from ten miles away!"

Oh well. I'm not accepting nor denying. Now can we get into the water?? PLEASE?!

NIKI's POV

She's so cute! Why wont she accept it, I've never seemed to get.

Our mission today was to teach Pal and me how to surf. Oh and to meet Tokio Hotel…WOOOOOOT!

Uh – yeah.

We got into the water and swam out into the deep…I'm quite a pro at body boarding, but I've never had the guts to stand up on it. Payal – the first day we hit the beach after moving here - had signed up for surfing and parasailing lessons.

I could see Twisha, Meera and Chris in the distance, setting up 'camp' and putting on their tanning lotion. Sheesh! Sometimes Meera begins to be the doll, pretty frustrating actually. But at least she wasn't stuck up, she was an amazing person. But its just not me to sit in the sun and apply TANNING LOTION. Gosh…

Payal taught us how to stand up on the board when on a wave, and then how to place your feet when you stand up… It was pretty easy actually, but just to say. When Pal and I went to test it out on a wave Payal directed us to, we failed quite miserably :p But it was AWESOME! Didn't take long to catch on….I FINALLY get why does she like it so much! Twins again! Somehow I can never get used to that.

BILL'S POV

"Ich will schlafen!"

GOD WHY WON'T THIS ASSHOLE GET UP???? Agreed he must have had a good time with 'his girl' last night after the concert, but COME ON! We're going to the BEACH! Georg is sitting on my head since the last two hours, roaming around out hotel suite in his wetsuit, his black and navy surfboard propped up in one corner.

"Dann werde ich Sie getroffen!" I screamed

It took a while but finally Lord sleeps-a-lot decided to wake up. All I had to do was remind him of all the girls on the beach – including Payal…surfing that too. I don't know how to but it sure looks fun! Normally when we hit the beach it always Tom and Georg splashing around in the water while Gustav & I picnic or play volleyball.

Since our hotel is on the beach, all we had to do was get dressed and walk out the beach entrance of the hotel. We walked out towards the spot Nikita told us to meet her at – "N.P Point." Hey hold on…is that Niki in the water…?

TOM'S POV

I could see a dark haired girl in a navy blue one-piece on a surfboard who looked like Payal off in the distance. Beside her was Nikita in a white bikini and another girl in a black one. They were just getting out of the water, and walking towards this huge picnic where two girls and a boy were laying out food….Holy mother they all looked so HOT!! I turned to Bill and saw him looking forward with a wide smile on his face

"Hey…I know she's real good lookin' but I don't think it's a good thing to gape."

"Um…if the two old ladies are done gossiping, can we walk FASTER?? The sea won't wait all day for us…" Gustav spoke for the first time since we started walking, one of his headphones hanging down the front of his shirt. He was trying hard not to smile…I think he finally wants to get into the fun. Today's gonna be gooooood…

Niki saw us and waved us over, her evergreen smile widening. We reached the little group and I saw Payal properly for the first time that day. Navy blue one piece with a slit up one side, her hair hung in damp clumps from the water. Seven smiling faces looked up, and Niki stood up and introduced us.

"Tokio Hotel, Welcome to N.P Point! This is our regular hangout, thanks to Miss Pig over there." She said, pointing at a visibly hungry Payal, who was scarfing down some kind of sandwich with full enthusiasm.

"REY!" she managed to mumble. Georg snickered. She glared at him.

PAYAL'S POV

I glared at Georg. _BAD idea buddy…_ I thought.

I scarfed the rest of the burger, snatched up Bill's coffee – earning an amused look from Tom, a raised eyebrow from Georg, indifference from my old pals and irritation from Bill.

"Uh – oh…" Georg said, getting up slow and easy, as I moved towards him.

"You bet." I said menacingly.

"NO ONE snatches my coffee!!" Bill shouted, but I couldn't care less. I'd run at Georg at breakneck speed.

NIKI'S POV

"Well aren't they getting along just dandy." I said to Tom. He broke into laughter.

"THAT'S not right" Bill said.

She'd taken his coffee and run off. I turned, puzzled, to Tom.

"You don't take Bill Monster's coffee." He said, with an air of fake reverence to his tone. I snickered.

"She's gonna pay." Bill said, menacingly. He snatched my blue lagoon out of my hand and ran off after the two "lovers".

"What the - ?" I said, infuriated.

"Don't tell me you're gonna follow." Tom said incredulously from next to me, "Because there are no more drinks left to snatch."

"No thanks," I said, giggling, "I'm not interested in being a dandy candy." My silent giggling turned into a full body fit, as Tom stared at me in shock.

"You know that's what she said?!" He almost hissed the words at me.

"I'm the QUEEN of that one!" I said, straightening up.

"Now THAT'S what she said!" Twisha said, raising her head to look at the both of us. She was in a "tanning" session. UGH.

BILL'S POV

I ran after the two bulls – one pig, if you follow Niki's version of things.

Anyway, since I ran around the bloody stage half my life I caught up with them fast enough. Fortunately at the exact moment that the coffee went down on Georg's "perfect" hair.

But before Payal could do anything but snicker, and Georg fume, the blue lagoon was decorating Payal's black hair, crushed ice – the whole deal.

"And THAT'S what you get for taking my coffee."

PAYAL'S POV

Bill Kaulitz is going DOWN. You do NOT mess with my hair, unless you're either a) My hairdresser, or b) ME! Not only did he snatch Niki's forbidden drink from her hands, it landed in my HAIR!

So after the drink landed in my hair, I turned to see a very gleeful Bill.

"Oh you're going down, Kaulitz…" I snarled. He shot off into the distance, me in hot pursuit – and Georg running after me. It was pretty funny actually... Bill, Georg & I running around like a cat with its tail on fire. I could see my other friends sitting and laughing far off, either at the Tom & Jerry-ness of the situation (no pun intended) or imagining how hard I'm gonna try and get back at Bill.

I caught him eventually…we ran all around the beach and back to N.P Point, everyone else was chatting, and Twisha was yet tanning. God that girl needs to stop! She's gonna ROAST herself at this rate!

I was pretty washed out from my little game so Georg took full opportunity to tackle me from behind…

TOM'S POV

"So, how was last night?" I asked Niki, smirking.

"Not as good as yours, I bet, playboy. Hope you didn't try the move." She said, making quotation marks around the last two words with her fingers. I grinned sheepishly.

"Scottish accents can ruin the fun." I said, smirking again and wider than before.

"Yes ezpescialy ven accompaneed by ze French vuns!" she said. We laughed at the idiocy of my younger brother then – and now. He was being chased by Payal – who, might I add, looked AMAZING when she was angry and had blue lagoon in her hair – who was being chased by a creamy looking Geo… haha.

Niki and I had our share of giggles, watching the "dandy threesome" return. Georg was tackling Payal. _Uh –oh…_

"Listen we'd better stop this before Georg goes overboard…" I whispered to Niki. She looked at me and nodded. We moved together and pulled our respective band members away from each other. Bill came from behind Niki, huffing and puffing.

"What did you do?" Niki stage whispered in mock horror. He huffed and puffed a little more in reply.

"Bill Monster is too busy in his ritual dance." I said putting on an African accent, along with the reverent tone.

"Now, see? THAT'S how you pull on an accent!" Niki replied, shaking her head. I snickered, as everyone else laughed – that is those who hadn't headed over to the water : Pal and Chis. Bill glowered at me and his thoughts came as cuss words. _Arschloch, fick dich Sie –_

_Ja, Sie konnen es jetz schneiden kleine Bruder…_

"Hey, you messed with her blue lagoon. So don't look at me!" I said dropping Geo and raising my hands, palms forward, in surrender. Bill turned to Niki.

"At least _I_ didn't snatch someone's drink!" she said to him.

"Fine sorry!" he said, "But blue lagoon – ing your sis was fun!" he added smirking.

"Now THAT I will NOT deny!" and the party laughed, as Geo rubbed his back, groaning.

"THAT doesn't sound right!" Payal stated. I snickered, she looked hot even when she was covered in a mocktail – and being a pervert. SHEESH, I'm such a player… :P

"There's no use complaining." Niki said, "you might as well wash out the coffee – and the blue lagoon – surfing!" she said brightly.

Payal seemed pretty pissed. She silently grabbed her surfboard and walked off towards the water. Hmm….I guess I'd better go and talk to her, let Niki & Bill have another 'moment'!

PAYAL'S POV

I grabbed my board and hit the water again. I could see Chris and Pal splashing around in the water, but I was in no mood to hang there…someone was calling out to me and it didn't sound. At the last moment, just before I was getting on my board, someone caught my wrist. My head whipped around, and suddenly my face was inches away from Tom's. I shrugged his hand off. It wasn't violent, but it wasn't a gentle shrug either, and for some reason the German playboy had a hurt look in his eyes. I let my board skid off in Pal's direction, and dove into the oncoming wave, letting my senses take over my thoughts.

I ended on another part of the beach a little while later, near a little shack which was playing nice club mixes. Then it hit me.

_OH, FUCK, MY BLUE SURFBOARD!_

I giggled at the funny, despite my bad mood – or because of it – I took this fact lightly.

I sat for a little while, watching the birds flying, from the rocky edge and diving into the water to grab fish.

"Aw… Come on, they didn't mean it." A voice said from behind me.

I took a deep breath. He shouldn't have followed me.

"Why you getting so upset?" he said plopping down next to me.

I turned to face him. I hadn't noticed the hurt look in his eyes when I'd shrugged him off. I hadn't noticed how he still had an accent even after touring America five times. And I sure as hell hadn't noticed how he'd stopped flirting with me. I hadn't noticed a heck of a lot of things that I should have.

"I dunno." I replied, after an age.

TOM'S POV

I was at a loss of things to say.

"Well… Then why don't you come back? Niki was worried shitless" I said, and paused, "and… so was I." I added. It was best to tell the truth.

"You don't even _know_ me that well." Was all she said, closing her eyes. We sat there for a good fifteen minutes without saying a word to each other. I realized the words she had spoken had hit me, somewhere near the heart. I was freaking myself out, I was always either the player, or the big brother. This was not my usual. Maybe it was a passing phase…

"Why did you come then, and not she, if she was so worried?" she asked. I was taken aback by this. There was something wrong, maybe not between the sisters, but something they hadn't yet spoken of with each other.

"She – she said you would want to be alone for a little while. She tried stopping me too, said that you'd be back when you wanted to. But then we both got worried, and even Bill and Geo and Gustav and the rest of them panicked, and so… here I am."

"I am SO stupid." She whispered, shaking her head slightly from side to side.

"No, you're not. Everyone has their moments."

She looked at me again. Maybe she saw my confidence in the statement in my face, because she began to get up.

She sighed.

"Let's get going then."

PAYAL's POV

I stood up and started walking without another word. I know it was a stupid thing to get mad over, but I get pretty moody over things…never been a good thing, never very helpful either. And Niki is right, its best to leave me alone – I hate pep talks.

Tom walked beside me in silence. Nobody said anything for a while, both of us just looked at the waves.

"How do you do it?" His tone was low, like he was thinking about something real hard…just like how mine does when I think too much.

"Do what?"

"Be thoughtful all day, yet be as… fun loving."

I raised an eyebrow at him. He shrugged.

"I'm out of words." He said.

"That's just how I am – unpredictable. Although in different ways than Niki." "Hmm…."

I raised an eyebrow at him. He shrugged.

"I'm out of words." He repeated.

The wind cooled my face, and I felt a little better. And for the first time, having someone else next to me helped too. I noticed how hard he was trying to act cool and not look as concerned as he was, and I couldn't help but smile….I'm in deeper than I thought. Oops… :$

TOM'S POV

_Fun loving?! Seriously Tom?! _Bill was at it again…and he was right. I really need to learn how to handle emotional girls more…especially this one.

"Why did you come after me?" Her tone was back to normal, so I guess she was feeling a little better…she smiled her normal cheery smile again, setting my insides off into twists and turns…Okay this isn't good.

_Play it cool….talk a little more, you know she isn't going to unless you open up first!_

_SHUT IT KID! _

_What about when YOU went on in MY head last night. Sie Arschloche. Since I understand the IRRITATION I leave you to YOUR thoughts now. _He retorted.

He was one to talk about how to handle women! Worst part is, he was right! She didn't seem like the very talkative type, or at least on first impression. And I noticed today she doesn't make the first move even on her own friends.

"I was worried like SHIT. You were gone for quite a while... Niki and Bill tried telling me you wanted to be alone, but I wouldn't budge…Niki told me you'd probably be somewhere around here or you'd be at some tree house."

She laughed softly. "You try too hard Kaulitz… your worry is leaking through you like a tap! Nah not the tree house, I like coming to the beach, it lets me think more…I like spending time alone sometimes, just to clear things in my head."

"Oh I try too hard? Look who's talking Miss-I-Pretend-Not-To-Notice-But-End-Up-Staring-Anyway…I fully saw that stunt after the concert, your frustration was pretty damned funny, but you still passed the challenge!"

She blushed, her giggles rising in volume every second. I never thought someone like Payal could giggle….maybe she's weirder than I thought. "Yeah you're right…I came to the concert for two reasons, good music and too see the coolest guitarist on the planet! Kind of annoyed me you were lost in Georg but now it's worth it isn't it?"

"So I was _lost _in Georg now was I?" I said. She caught on faster than most; it was actually fun to have this crazy and silly conversation with her.

"Glad you caught on to the pun intended." She spluttered between giggles.

"Ah, that will be similarity number one between you and your sister." I said using the African accent I had put on earlier for her sister. She giggled some more.

"What's the Afro accent for, though?"

"Ah, _zat_ is a inside joke betveen me and your seester!" I said imitating Bill from last night. She snickered.

"It's not good manners to make fun of your little brother, Kaulitz! The lady's don't like it as much these days!" she said, wagging a finger in my face. I smirked.

"I play, hence I decide the rules."

She turned to me with mock disgust and shock playing on her face. I broke into laughter.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**_BARBECUE................._**

NIKI's POV

Tokio Hotel is even cooler than I've ever imagined! After Tom ran off after Payal (who's probably lost in one of her "think-y moods" again), the rest of us decided to splash around in the water and have a sort of mini-party right there on the beach.

I went back and got my boombox and a couple of CD's out and turned it on full blast. Georg decided to join Pal & Chris out in the water and soon the three of them were out on the waves surfing and just having a good time…Gustav and Twisha were having some kind of chat forum with Rishika back at the picnic spot, while Bill and I were walking up the beach, talking…

"You know, I love Indian food." Bill said to me, "On tour in New York once, the guys & I came across this Indian restaurant and all of us were really hungry. Our bus driver introduced us to it actually, obviously at 3 in the morning you don't find many places open! So we entered and he ordered a couple of things...It was really complicated to look at, but I fell in love with Indian food right then and there!! Do you cook?"

"You bet I do! Cooking is just another one of my areas of expertise. Back in India I used to cook all the time, making random dishes for everyone in school – Oh, hold on…" I said whipping my phone out.

"Where in HECK have you been babe? It's like I'm the only one sitting here and staring at the emo guys around here!"


	10. Chapter 10

**The ringtone on there is Don't Trust Me by 3Oh!3**

**XD**

**Its Zoe's fav song**

**LOL**

**____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

BILL'S POV

"Oh hold on…" she said as her phone began to ring – _"Black dress with the tights underneath I got the breath of a last cigarette on my tee."_ I wondered which song that was.

At first she frowned and then that ever – infectious smile broke across her face.

"I'M GONNA BE THERE IN TWO!" The twin sisters shouted out of the blue. WHAT THE HELL?!

"NO! _I'M_ GOING!" the screamed at each other at precisely the same time. I exchanged a glance with Tom – _What in HECK is goin' on? _– we both thought to each other. If you'd seen us right now we looked like to guys nervous but determined to separate the fighting sisters.

"No _WAY. _She was gonna come tomorrow!" Twisha said, shocked.

"OK, who the HECK is this anyway?" Georg asked irritably.

"Zoya Shain AKA Zoey" Meera said quietly as she broke away from Chris. Her look said it all – _I HAD GOT A MOMENT AFTER SO LONG… LEAVE IT TO YOU TO RUIN IT._ But she shook her head apologetically towards me anyway, and smirked.

"If you're gonna be sticking around… there is a LOT of craziness here…" she said. I smiled at here. I was beginning to feel all of them were gonna be interesting to talk to as individuals.

"Forget it. I'm going. You'd want to stay." That last bit sounded like it held more than an order there. _Hmm…_ Tom and me lost ourselves in each others thoughts, and glimpsed – for a moment – what the other was feeling – strange feelings of compassion… of wanting a friend or few more…

"Oh-my-gosh I'm gonna have to get Cameron here to help with _that_ scenario." Niki whimpered from next to Gustav. How did she get _there _now?!

"You bet girl." Twisha said, getting up. For the first time I completely noticed this band member. She had seemed disinterested all day, but I just realized it wasn't disinterest – it was her lost in thought. She smiled at me.

PAYAL'S POV

A bit after we got back Bill and Tom were to be found speaking silently in a corner, and Bill did NOT look happy. I could hear a lot of German gibberish but obviously I couldn't decipher anything besides the word "arschloch".

Hmm…

TIME FOR ZOE TO GET HER ASS HERE!!

"I'M GONNA BE THERE IN TWO!" me and Niki yelled at the same time. I looked at her, eyeing her, weighing my options. The both of us get intimidated by the other on such rare occasions of long quarrelling. ;)

BILL'S POV

OK, time for a little talk – talk with my big bro.

Yeah.

I pulled him over to the side.

I was worried that this was not going as planned.

"_WHY _are we doing this! It isn't going anywhere!" I muttered to Tom in German. Even as I said it, a staggering pain hit my heart. I didn't want to leave now. New friends were more than welcome to me right now… especially ones that understood. Both these statements did not come out of my thoughts often – it was a rare occurrence.

"I don't know." He said through gritted teeth. Obviously he felt exactly the way I did, not only because he felt what I felt, but otherwise too.

"I don't think this is the best time for this talk." Tom muttered to me, looking over at the excited party, breaking my reverie.

PAYAL'S

"Okay, here's how it goes." Twisha said. "I and Niki can go pick Cameron and then go pick up Zoe. Anyone willing to join can come along, but be warned…there will be reference to a lot of emo boys, and absolutely no silence until the end of the night! By the way – is the barbecue still on?"

"Did anyone just say barbecue? I'M SO THERE!"

NIKI's POV

I heard Gustav Schafer speak at an audible tone for the first time today. He walked up and stood next to me, smiling with one earphone in his ear while the other hung down the front of his shirt.

"I've been craving short ribs for quite some time now…and after that tandoori Indian stuff at that deli the other day, I'm in LOVE!" His grin broadened, as he looked around at all our freaked out faces.

Meera stood there with her mouth hanging open. "He SPEAKS!" she exclaimed. We stood there laughing and decided to keep the barbecue, a sort of surprise party for Zoey and Cameron.

And so started the walk to home, with everyone in tow the car. After a couple of streets we finally got there. I switched on the lights as I got into the house. As soon as I was out – surprise surprise – Tom was staring at my car, gaping – with a longing expression on his face.

"Just don't leave fingerprints anywhere. That's my baby." I said to him.

Bill snorted. "You sound uncannily like Tom." Gustav seconded it by shaking his head at the same time and Georg thirded it by smirking. Tom and I stared at each other, shrugged and giggled at the inside joke we shared but did not want to say out loud. By this time Bill was staring at me funny – a far away look, like he was considering something, like he was considering _me_.

I waved out to everybody, and winked at Bill before getting behind the wheel of my shiny black convertible, Twisha slipping into the passenger seat and slamming the door shut…

Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw Tom glance back just once, as Gustav raised his hand, as a "see you later" and Georg began to walk backward, his front towards our retreating vehicle.

Although he rolled his eyes at me when I winked, looking back in the rear view mirror Bill Kaulitz was the only one staring after the car as we drove away, with a longing indescribable by any means of description that existed written all across his face.

PAYAL'S POV

After Niki and Twisha had zoomed off, the rest of us moved towards home to prepare for the barbecue.

"You own that car?!" Tom asked me – his face shocked and his eyes twinkling as he tugged my arm, pulling me aside.

"Hell yeah I do! Niki and I bought it last year! Cool na?"

"Can I take it out for a spin later?! PLEASE PLEASE _PLEASE?!_"

I blinked. He was standing right in my face. I shook my head.

"Niki will kill you if you touch her 'baby'."

He groaned. "SCHIESSE!"

"Did Bill Monster rub off on you?" I asked innocently.

"YOU – You're going _down…_" he said menacingly, moving towards me agin. I starting backing away slowly, keeping my gaze on his face, getting ready for the final taunt…

"C is for cookie that's good enough for me!" I recited in a deep booming voice.

"BAHAHAHA!!"

And so begun the wild goose chase --- thank goodness for creating Tom's twin the hyper Bill who I will owe for evermore because he opened the door –

"Wait – you LIVE _here?! _WHAT THE FREAKING FUCK MAN!"

Meeri giggled. "That's what Niki says."

Tom snorted, "Thank God you didn't say 'she'."

While Tom and the rest of Tokio Hotel marveled at MY baby – the big white house – I heard the idiot shout –

"BLOODY HELL! THATS EVEN COOLER THAN THE PLAYBOY MANSION!" I giggled to myself as I shook my head. Idiot…

"Yeah that's my – " I had followed them to where they were standing in the passageway to mine and Niki's room…

"HOLY SHIT WHO CLEANED MY ROOM?!?!"

"Uh – huh…" Bill's said, imitating Niki from last night, and then giggling at his own imitation. Gustav rolled his eyes and cracked up that goofy grin of his – which of course faltered as he got into my room that is.

Ok, brief up on me – I'm half hip – hop half Goth.

Yeah.

So basically if you happened to enter my room right now you would see two black walls, one red wall, covered in a heck load of posters and framed pics that I have clicked. A ceiling where my twin sister had painted the night sky.

And a lot of gothic style furniture.

Apparently Niki had taken to cleaning while I'd collapsed on the sofa. My bed was done up, and everything was in it's place. SHEESH. My guitars lay against the red wall (the one facing the wrought iron bed, with the ornately cared head post).

At least my drum set was lying all messed up.

"W-O-W" I heard Georg say, just as the breeze blew inwards – oh yeah, my window gives me a view of the beach.

GEORG'S POV

Ok. This chic had it going. The posters covering the walls, let me name a few – Green Day, A LOT of Evanescence, us (TOO MANY… AGAIN), Creed, 50 cent, Pharell, , Snoop Dogg, SAMMY DELUXE, Bushido, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Slipknot, Fort Minor, Children of Bodom, Deep Purple, Kanye West, Beyonce, Lil' Wayne, Chamillionare, Akon, Flipsyde etc… you get the picture.

"Go goth hip – hop girl!" I said raising my arm, fist up. She giggled. Tom's mouth was still open, while Bill lost himself to the star patterns on the ceiling. Billi, Billi, Billi… what will I do with that guy??!!

PAYAL's POV

"Who made THAT?" Bill asked, pointing at the ceiling with an amazed look on his face.

"Niki did….art is kind of everyone but my 'thing to do' in this house…." I giggled at everyone else's shocked expressions.

"HOLY FRIGGIN SHIT I CAN SEE THE FLOOR OF YOUR ROOM!" Rishika entered the room then, two grocery bags full of bread and cans of coke for the barbecue.. "YEAH! She CLEANED it!" I was not feeling the room then…second brief on me – cleanliness? Yeah. Not my thing…I can find a perfectly ironed pair of jeans off the floor better than I can from a cupboard; THAT is for my hats and gazillion pairs of sneakers!

Bill was still lost. "Are – Are you serious? NIKI made THAT?? Not even Picasso can make something as cool as THAT!" Pointing at the ceiling on the word 'that'. "YEAH DUDE SHE DID! AND SHE FRIGGIN CLEANED IT….hmm at least she didn't touch my drum kit so I'm fine. LETS GET THIS BARBECUE STARTED BABY!" and walked out of the room, dragging Tom by the arm.

BILL's POV

We walked out towards the back of the house, and Tom, Payal & I started setting up plates and cups for the party…And I couldn't help but notice the empty pool a few feet away.

"Yeah that's still under construction. Twisha wanted a hot tub but the rest of us were tired of the gazillion times she's dragged us to the spa. Honestly – My pores are gonna turn into blackholes if this keeps up!"

"You don't need a spa honey, you rejuvenate ME all the time!" Tom…what can I say? He's the world's greatest brother, but sometimes he just needs to be like that.

Payal laughed. "Nice try Casanova, it takes a lot more than lame pick-up lines to get ME interested" I joined in, and Tom looked at me with a broad grin playing on his lips..as if saying _I likey! _

TOM's POV

I really DO likey…while setting up the backyard, Payal was running around everywhere, making sure everything was PERFECT for this Zoey's arrival. Oh yeah also, she and Rishika were yabbering on about how 'cool' she is…

"She's into a lot of scene music and emo boys..a bit whiny but once you get to know her she's AWESOME! It takes a while to get used to her constant jabbering and randomness though, and the talks about the thousands and thousands of tattoos and piercings she's seen on people.."

"Oh and don't' forget, she plays and sings bass in the band, is planning on opening up a photography studio with Payal and has is one of the tallest people I know! RISHIKA STOP BLOWING BALLOONS IT'S A FRIKKIN BARBECUE!" I laughed as Payal shook her head and wagged her finger in Rishika's face.

"But WHY? I LIKE balloons!" Oo…kay. "Do you happen to realize you're seventeen years old woman? Pink balloons and party hats with ponies on them is NOT something any seventeen year old would like! What's next? Pink ponies???" I couldn't help but retort, dude its irritating!

As time passed, I was getting more and more desperate to talk to her…and after a point I just couldn't take it, I walked over to her and asked her to show me around. "I wanna come too!" Georg said..I quickly caught Gustav's eye and signaled him to drag Georg away and he immediately came to my rescue.

"Georg but I need you here to help me fix the coals in the barbecue! You know how uncoordinated I am with these things no? Come and help me…you have all day to see the house!" and dragged him away…sometimes the quiet ones do the best of things!

NIKI's POV

Ugh! WHERE THE HELL IS SHE? Cameron and Twisha are driving me CRAZY!

The three of us were standing outside the airport, waiting for my third best friend/bandmate/housemate to arrive. She was in Dehli for the finishing touches on our album which was soon to be released worldwide. We haven't seen her face in a MONTH and Payal & I have missed her like CRAZY!

"Her flight landed HALF AN HOUR AGO! She should be out by now!!" Okay – brief up on Cameron – he's Zoey's best-friend-turned-boyfriend and they started dating pretty soon after they met. He's also one of the best DJ's I've ever seen, and we used to go to Jazz class together when we were tiny. Only he wasn't so… scene back then. And also I didn't know him that well… we didn't speak a lot.

Waiting…and waiting…and waiting….and finally we saw Zoey emerge from the airport gate, wearing a plaid shirt, jeans and boots with her long black wavy hair tied back into a ponytail.

'UGH! FINALLY YOU'RE HERE FREAK! I THOUGHT YOU DIED IN THERE!" Twisha ran like the wind towards her, and engulfed her in such a bear hug, that poor Zoey had to ask her to let go… SHEESH

"Oh MY GOD India is SO boring…missed the cleanliness here and the house here like SHIT!" She hugged me and gave a quick kiss to Cameron, and we looked over to our new task – try and pick up her seven suitcases and bulging duffel bag into the car.

"Yeah… I know right…that's a heck load of bags…" she said, fidgeting with my hands – an old habit of hers : fidgeting with MY fingers.

DAMN that took a while! I think she had rocks in each of them deliberately just so that she can see one of us break our backs…the four of us were at work for a long time and by the end of it we were all huff & puffed out!

On the ride home, I told Zoey about how we met Tokio Hotel and how they're waiting for us back home with Payal and the rest. She kinda strangled me out of shock and excitement, [It went like this : "OMG OMG OMTH OMTH OMTH OMB" – the "B" being for Brokencyde – "OMTH!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL GIRL???!!!!!"] then she sang along with Twisha and me to 'Scream' the rest of the way home…We entered the driveway to be welcomed by a merry sight – Payal walking around the front of the house, I think showing Tom around…but Tom's eyes didn't look anywhere but at her face, all smiles.

PAYAL's POV

SHE'S HERE! WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!

"PAYAL!! OMG I have SO EFFING MUCH to tell you!" I missed her EXTRA huge bear hugs…Well, my third best friend is back, and so is the noise in the house! :P (You kinda get used to Niki's hyper activeness after the first shock. She always has a random statement and/or quote to make. :D )

"Zoey this is – "

"I KNOW OKAY I'M NOT STUPID! You're Tom Kaulitz, the coolest guitarist ever and Payal's long time crush…oops! That wasn't supposed to be said!" She giggled…I shook my head. I didn't really get mad over the crush thing because I think he already knew…I doubt he's that stupid.

_But he's stupid enough _I thought to myself, giggling.

His reaction was typical Tom – at least it was gonna be.

"Well, your rules you change them, you roll with the ladies blah – de – blah – de – blah… we get the picture Mr. No – Middle – Name Kaulitz." I said, wagging a finger in his face. At first he looked taken aback, but then he smirked at me. There was something about that smirk that I couldn't place… oh, well, good luck to me with _that _one.

TOM's POV

Payal and my little 'tour' ended once Zoey got in, and all of us went out back to get the barbecue started. Once the squealing and hugging was complete, Bill & Niki went to the boom box and started fiddling with the CD rack while Payal and I started grilling the food. (Some stuff called 'paneer tikka').

"I thought you were the drummer...you guitar too?" I was thinking about the black and brown acoustic in her room. She smiled broadly.

"Yeah I do…I used to learn the guitar first, but I'd always wanted to learn the drums too. Thought I'd go for it after two years of guitar, and now look! I cant STOP playing…sometimes I wake up at four in the morning and just play like there's no tomorrow! Niki's gotten used to it by now, although everyone else can use a little gettin used to." She winked at me, and we both began to laugh. There was something about this moment that made me feel at ease, yet wanting more…it felt like she understands me, other than Bill of course, like she just knew…and I stopped laughing at looked at her.

NIKI's POV

Tom & Payal were clearly visible from where Bill & I were sitting and this was NOT going well. He was just standing there like an awkward idiot, and she was getting more and more frustrated by the minute!

Her fake smile and more-than-usual joking around was a clear sign of how hard she was trying not to scream…or maybe I've just been living with her too long. The two of them were laughing away when suddenly Tom stopped and stared at her – the one thing that makes her conscious of herself.

Bill & I just looked at each other and shrugged. Whaddaya do?! Older ones are just gay sometimes…

_He aint gonna do it lovie. Hint._

_HOW?!?!?! You're telling ME to flirt?! BLOODY HELL!_

I laughed out of nowhere. Not unusually, I ended up with everybody but Payal staring at me like I've gone bananas…

"WHAT is it?!" Zoey said to me. Evidently she'd walked up and stood right next to me to see what the heck was wrong. The others just thought I was nuts like BIG coconuts nuts. I shook my head, turning to my left – where Bill stood right next to me, one eyebrow raised while his hand - with the coke can in it – was frozen midway towards his lips. I waved my hand towards Zoe, since I was still bent double trying to control my laughter at the image that had formed in my head – Payal with her face wearing a weird pained expression.

"Are you like this ALL THE TIME?!" Bill asked me.

"No… not always." I said finally managing to straighten up, although I was still chuckling slightly. The guy now had a quizzical look on his face.

I nodded slightly in Payal and Tom's direction, not wanting to attract the rest of the party's attention.

"Watch the older set of twins get awkward with each other, since apparently one can't stop making gooey eyes and the other CANNOT flirt for NUTS." I told him, taking a sip from my own Coke can. He looked towards them, smirking ever so slightly.

"That makes you happy?" I asked him curious. His and Tom's relationship was like any other twins and yet very different. I hadn't heard of two such boys in all my life. Don't get me wrong, I didn't assume things about them – but learnt from what they said in interviews etc.

"Not exactly. It's just comical to find TOM stuck in a tight spot for once. Usually it's a breeze for him." He said, sighing slightly.

"What do you mean?" I asked a little too sharply. Agreed Payal was the older of the two of us, but essentially I was the one who kept trying to protect her and the rest of my friends. They all had labeled me "Esme" from Twilight. Don't bother asking because I don't have a clue myself. Bit of a joke from where I see it actually. Oh well.

He sighed, turning to face me properly.

"He's not playing around with her, Niki." He said. The truth in this statement was reflected in his eyes. I gazed into them –

"Fine." I muttered.

"You worry too much." He said quietly.

"Hard to get rid of such a habit when you've gone through hell in life." She muttered.

"What do you mean?" he asked me, curiosity burning in that deep melodic voice of his.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes so as to block out his reaction.

"Back in my school I had to face a heck of a hell from my class mates. Oh, my teachers were fine. I was one of the few who was confided in, who was welcomed when it came to discussions that were unusual – discussions of varying levels of depth. That way they had a broad spectrum on life. No problems with a topic off the beaten track even if you sounded half crazy to the preppy, petty little kids that formed majority of my class."

I didn't open my eyes, waiting for him to say something like "Oh, that's pretty normal for the average school."

Nothing came.

I opened my eyes to find him staring at me like he was searching me for some kind of little piece of information that had gone missing.

"I'M IN LOVE IT'S A BEAUTIFUL WAY..." Georg shouted loudly, causing everyone to burst into laughter. No one had seen the two of us standing there just gazing at each other. But as Georg shouted I broke away. _No_ I said to myself. _No._

And although I already had a blush creeping up my face he didn't say a word.

He only caught my hand and squeezed it lightly, rubbing circles on the back of it with his thumb, and then interlocking my fingers with his...

Nothing more, nothing less.

BILL'S POV

I'd heard.

And thus I'd decided.

And so I took her hand in mine.

Even thought she begun to blush.

And squeezed it lightly, rubbing circles into the back of that golden – ish brown, soft skin.

And as I interlocked my fingers with hers I felt the warmth shoot up my hand just like last night.

_Maybe this is meant to happen? Maybe it IS right… _I said to myself, and sighed inwardly. It sure _FELT_ right.

ZOE'S POV

I was finally back!!

But it felt like I'd missed out on a heck of a lot.

Cameron confirmed it as he squeezed my hand to gauge my attention and nodded in Bill and Niki's direction. They looked… they looked… I don't even know how to describe it -

"…complete?" Cameron said, finishing my thought. I leaned into his side.

"I got a good feeling about this." I said quietly to him.

"You're the sex lovie."

"Sheesh boy." I growled back at him. He chuckled. In that way Cameron was very much like Niki. They both understood me and my moods like I was an open book. They could always comfort me. Their emotion zones matched mine perfectly – a harmony.

"PAYAL on the other hand…" he trailed off. I took one look at the two idiots, standing awkwardly, staring off in opposite directions –

"Girl you need help." I said, imitating an African – American. I aint racist, in fact they actually fascinate me with those accents. But I only said this loud enough for Cameron to hear.

"You bet." He said. I giggled.

TOM'S POV

OK.

I think stopping mid – laugh and staring at a girl isn't the best idea ever.

But after about 10 minutes into it, my little bro caught my attention. My head snapped up just in time to see Payal do the same.

"Well. They work it out better than us." She stated. I shrugged, allowing that. It was still a bit awkward between the two of us.

"OK, why don't we just cut it at the agreement that we're both hopeless." I said in a rush. She exhaled as if she had been holding her breath.

"Sounds good to me."

There was a long silence.

Or at least it felt long. But it was comfortable, somehow.

"How about we play the 'responsible' ones for once." She said, smirking at the "younger ones".

"By 'responsible' do you mean – "

"Shove them somewhere where they can talk? Yeah." She said nodding enthusiastically.

"Wel maybe its your first but – "

"Surrree honey." She said. A sarky, she was. That much was obvious.

"Fine, lets pull it!" I said. She giggled.

"I think my baby sis rubbed off on me or something." She said, referring to her maniacal giggling.

We walked over to the two of them, just in time to see to Niki spotting us and smirking. She was just about to say something but I cut in.

"Don't you wanna show Bill around the place?" I said loudly.

_Take the hint while I'm giving it to you little bro… _I thought

Confusion was written all across his face.

"Huh?" he said.

Looks like I said it too loudly after all.

"OK, this time round I _AM _coming!" he said. Zoe looked up from where she was leaning into Cameron's side.

She glanced at me nervously. I hope my eyes shouted loud enough for help.

"Um… why don't I take you round the tree house, I guess you already saw the inside of the house." She said.

Poor Geo. Buddy needs brains so bad.

"Besides you haven't seen Niki's room yet." Payal said, turning back to the two confused idiots. I think everyone was taking turns tonight getting confused. Except Geo, who was always confused.

And Gustav, _NEVER_ confused.

We are a weird bunch eh?

So there we go – the "younger ones" are nicely shoved inside the house.

BILL'S POV

OK.

_WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!_

Niki glanced back at the fools before they shut the freaking door on us.

She eased her hand out of mine as she placed it on her forehead, wondering.

"What the - ?! Oh, _I_ get it – they're trying to send us on a little 'moment' trip!" she said, exasperated.

You could call us both idiots now.

"Meh… anyways what was that about my room anyway?!" she turned to face me.

"What? Oh, yeah, that. I saw the painting on Payal's ceiling. How did you freaking _make _that?!" I asked. I could hear the childish awe in my own voice. She threw her head back and laughed.

"Spray, oil and acrylic paints. A HECK of a lot of paints."

"So you did that to your room too?"

"Yeah." She said nervously. Bet she knew I wanted to see it.

"Can I see."

"That's where we're going now."

We stepped into her room, and she flopped down on her bed. On the wall behind her bed there was a huge Tokio hotel poster in red, black and white. It sprawled all the way across the wall. I didn't know the made them _THAT_ big!

I walked over to it, meaning to touch it. Niki had been watching me while her feet dangled over the edge of the bed. My hand froze midway.

It wasn't a poster.

I couldn't speak.

"Yeah I… I kinda painted that."

"Heilig…" that's it. All that came out was that.

"Oh… um… look down Mr. Kaulitz." She said. Her back was facing me but I could hear the smile in her voice.

"HOLY SHIT!" I shouted.

"Shh!! It's not that bad!"

"Damn right it isn't!_ CAUSE ITS GLASS_!!"

"You saw the floor didja?" I heard Payal shout up.

"Yeah… More like I saw the _GROUND_ floor." I retorted.

Niki looked at me, puzzled.

"Um…you might want to touch that…" she said.

"No thanks, I'm fine on the bed." I said, sitting cross – legged on her wrought iron bed and eyeing the floor fearfully.

"SHEESH!" she grabbed my hand, and pulled me down on the floor with her, placing my hand palm down on the floor.

Where I expected smooth coldness, and a _clink_ sound of my metal rings on the glass, I felt wood.

"Yup… its paint. A _HELL LOT_ of paint" she said from next to me.

I lifted my hand again, and tentatively touched the floor with my index finger.

"_GAH!_" I said.

"Sheesh boy!" she said, exasperated.

"And you painted this on your own?"

"No, this required Twisha, my sis – in – law, and me of course." She smirked.

"Like to give your friends a shock?"

She shrugged allowing it. And I let out a not – so – manly giggle.

_WHAT will I ever do with you… _my brother sighed in my head

"NOTHING!!" I shouted back down to him, causing him to smirk, and Gustav to roll his eyes. And everyone else to stare at me like I was coco nuts.

"You might wanna get your head in before everyone freaks out" Niki said, her voice shaking with the effort of not bursting out laughing.

I rolled my eyes as I turned back in.

"So what's up?" I asked, taking her hand again.

"I'm hungry…" she said. I threw my head back and laughed as we begun walking downstairs into the humungous kitchen.

"She took all the ribs out!" Niki said when we got down. "Anyway, I'll make of what I have…" she muttered. She rummaged in the fridge, and came up with a pack of Skittles.

"Oooohhhh!" I shouted.

"Hey save some for me!" she said, as I grabbed a BIG handful out of the pack.

"So…" she began. I looked up, my mouth stuffed with a few Skittles. She giggled. I raised an eyebrow.

"You look like that time you guys went to the amusement park for your 20th Birthday – like a happy hyper kid."

"They're Skittles!" I said, through a mouthful of the self same. She laughed harder.

"But tell me though," I started when all the Skittles were done with, "how is this so normal?"

She considered me – it was a look I just couldn't place.

NIKI'S POV

Life had gotten crazier over just a night.

I considered him – staring into those golden – brown pools.

"I don't know…" I said shrugging

"I mean, its so weird… I don't think I've done something like this before – its out of the blue." He said – musing out loud.

"Neither have I. Well it's just the beginning for me, but I get what you mean. Not being used to just hanging out with just someone you met. Strange the paparazzi haven't caught up with you guys yet." I stated, summing up my thoughts about this truly strange occurrence. We were now sitting on the kitchen tabletop.

"_Us _you mean." He corrected me.

"No - Tokio Hotel. 13 Moons of Demetria hasn't even landed here yet, according to their sources."

"So that's what you're called? Hmm… fits… somehow." He added, smiling, "But why keep on the low though?" he asked me.

"Wanted to surprise the fans." I said, shrugging.

"You already have a fan base here?" he questioned, a tad shocked.

"Yeah… gave us quite the shock, really… never expected all this in just 1 and a half year… not the usual scenario for a new band." I stated, while watching Rishika bug the hell out of Georg and Tom – and Payal and Gustav's maniacal laughing along with that scenario of course.

BILL'S POV

She had that "thinking" look on her face, like she was turning over an idea in her head.

"Why'd you do it? Why'd you step out of the shell and talk?" she asked me suddenly, turning to look at me. I started.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude…" she said, a little embarrassed – the blush begun to spread across her face again.

"I just didn't expect that coming u so suddenly…" I said, "I don't know either. But I have no regrets. Maybe it _WAS_ time to slip out of that shell and let one or two people in… Besides, it's more comfortable with you guys because since the moment we stepped in here you'll haven't assumed a single thing about us. I don't even recall the words Tokio Hotel being mentioned in this span of time."

"So where does this leave us I still do not get." She said. I shrugged, but my shoulders slumped. I didn't want to let go; I didn't want to drop these… this?... day into a trash can at the back of my head. I couldn't believe all of this had occurred over just a day. It already seemed a week.

We didn't look at each other. It seems we were both interested in the same tile on the kitchen floor. But this silence wasn't uncomfortable.

"How about you two love birds get your skinny asses out here…since Niki is the only one who can work the barbecue… And that we only have a round about of 3 hours left before we get our asses to the hotel and begin packing?"

She blushed a deeper red – the colour made her face glow. And as I looked in her eyes again I realized how when I'd first looked into them I'd easily slipped off the cover; because of the way she genuinely cared. She could rid all of her face of emotion but her eyes. The true reach into a person's soul…

"Let the banana and coco nut roast chicken!" she said merrily, throwing her hands up as we walked back out the door. Everyone laughed, including me, and I felt the way I'd let myself become me for such a long time with a different set of people for the first time.

I watched as she walked over to the grill, expertly picking up the chicken lying on it and throwing it out since it had gotten burnt.

"I haven't spoken to YOU yet." I turned around to find Zoe standing and looking at me with a smile playing on her face.

"Zoya." She said holding out a hand for me. "Hey." I said taking it, a little unsure of what this was all about.

"Chill… I just wanted to ask if you wanna sit with us till the chicken's done." She said smiling. I eased up a bit, but looked back at Niki. She waved at me to go ahead.

"I have sensitive ears." She said tapping one of them with that long index finger and smirking. Zoe giggled. Suddenly Niki's head snapped up towards one of the trees. HEY! I hadn't noticed THAT before!


	11. Chapter 11

NIKI'S POV

My head snapped up as I heard Coco whining slightly in the distance.

"She woke up!" I exclaimed. I must have looked and sounded very excited, since Tom turned around to look at me.

"Payal could you mind the chicken for two?"

"Sure." She said, getting up from where she was sitting on the grass.

I climbed up the foot holds on the tree expertly, reaching around to open the little door as I reached the tiny wooden landing. Coco jumped on me, the fear already evident in her eyes.

"Awe, honey its ok…" I whispered soothingly into her golden, silky fur. MY BABY FINALLY WOKE UP!

TOM'S POV

My jaw seemed to drop to the floor as I watched Niki climb up the tiny foot holds on the tree that were barely visible from where I sat on the grass. She seemed to be coming down, with a huge ball of fur rapped up in her arms… HOLY SHIT she was only using one hand now to make her way down.

As she got down I realized it wasn't a huge fur ball.

A fur ball does NOT have big dark choclatey eyes.

As she set the dog down it pounced on her again anyway, knocking her down on the grass. She sat up. "Hey baby!" she said, laughing. The dog barked happily, licking her face gently. She giggled. The big, golden dog now ran up to Zoe, nuzzling his face in her hair, before licking Cameron's arm that is. I think I saw Twisha cringe just a little bit as the huge thing laid its head in her lap for just a moment. But the fondness in her eyes was unmistakable.

"Everybody – gah! – that's Coco." Payal managed to splutter as the dog knocked her down on the grass as he leaped at her.

"WOW." I said.

"Tell me about it." Bill said quietly as he sat down next to me. I turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow. Thanks to Coco for knocking him down and letting out a happy little bark.

"She likes you!" Niki said from the barbecue grill.

After Niki was done doing the barbecue thing, and Coco let go of my bro, we all sat down in a circle, just talking. Shooting random questions at each other. We realized that all of them had known each other since school with the exception of Cameron, who was dating Zoe.

"You know its so weird all of us band members are related!" Niki said.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Yeah. There's a pair of twins whose mum's sister's daughter is the lead guitarist, whereas the bassist is a far, long relation which is just too long to say. Indians!" Twisha said, smirking.

"Yeah, and we didn't know about the last one until we bumped into our very own bassist at a wedding. It was ridiculous!" Niki said.

"Sounds nuts to me." Georg said, shrugging. I rolled my eyes.

"And, it was so weird since I went from hating punk rock to falling in love with it." Twisha said with a far away look on her face.

"Yeah, it's the usual scenario where you're being an ass." Niki said, receiving a smack upside the head. "Hey!"

"Well deserved." Payal said, nodding her head like a sage. I giggled.

"Like Bill from Green Day." For a moment there I saw my brother look up, before he went on to stroking Coco.

"Eww…" Payal said

"Stop whining and deal." Niki said giving her a push.

"Are you'll like this 24X7?!" I asked

"Not 24X7… you could say _22_X7" Niki said. Gustav chuckled before taking another huge bite of the chicken rib on his plate.

"OK, why don't we play… TRUTH!"

"HUH?!" me and the rest of my band mates said, clueless.

Niki rolled her eyes.

"No, dares, just truths. But if someone knows your secret truth and you've lied you get a triple dare." She explained. I smirked.

"Sounds nice enough." I said, rubbing my hands together.

BILL'S POV

"Or chuck truth…lets play SITUATIONS!" Payal looked around with a broad grin on her face, rubbing her hands gleefully.

"NO!" Everyone screamed together, except Niki…clearly there's something I don't know. Niki just looked at me and her snickering turned into a full fledged laughing fit as she took in everybody's freaked out faces.

"What's situations?" I asked, very confused. Georg looked at me and shrugged. Payal & Niki burst off into peals of laughter as Rishika tried to explain what the game is all about.

"Basically you think of creepy situations to put people in and it can be anything from perverted to philosophical."

"That sounds like fun! But why did all of you reject so… loudly?" I was getting a weird feeling about this. I think this girl has more 'history' that I don't know about…God this girl is like a book that never freaking gets over!

"Well…that's becau-"

"Oh don't you get me _STARTED_ on _WHY_ we stopped playing this game!" Twisha exclaimed, her mood suddenly changing from lounge-y to worked up. "Payal came up with this game back in the tenth grade and since then its been pure _HELL_ for all those who played it with her! You're gonna end up in the _DEEPEST_ of shit if you play with her…._saali kutti_!" Everybody was glaring daggers at Payal while Georg, Gustav, Tom & I watched Payal and her sis continue to have a fit, their giggles rising in volume by the second.

"Try me" Tom stole the words right out of my mouth. "Sounds fun….hit it Payal!"

"Good luck" Niki whispered from next to me. "You might need it."

"Okay! How about this – you're on a date with your girlfriend. And you're nicely walking on the beach talking and you're about to kiss her – and then suddenly, BAM!"

He jumped. Some visionary he was; if you know what I mean. "'BAM' what?"

"She turns into a naked Bart Simpson's butt with lips drawn on it." She finished with a cat-like grin on her face.

"GAH!" I broke out of my reverie…I was imagining the girl as Niki, remembering the night of the concert when we'd walked at the beach practically all night long. Imagining the situation actually taking place and was disgusted at the gross addition. Gustav began to choke on his soda, his laughing was pretty creepy.

"EW EW EW! I SHALL FOREVER BE SCARRED!!!!!" I screamed. Niki giggled.

"Warned you…" she whispered. She had no idea why it grossed _ME_ out. Then suddenly I blushed. I just realized when Payal said "girlfriend" my thoughts ran to Niki. But obviously it wasn't evident – or relevant - it was very faint, luckily.

"BTW what does sa – saali kutti mean?" I asked her, trying to pronounce the words, but failing altogether. Hard language, theirs. Niki giggled.

"It basically translates to… bloody bitch." She said smirking at me. I winced. Damn right Twisha was.

GUSTAV'S POV

I've never laughed so hard in all my life! Bill was at a loss for words after Payal asked him the situation, while the rest of us were at a loss for air we were laughing too damn hard.

"Toldja you don't wanna play with her!" Twisha's face was a creepy combo of laughter and disgust, and she was doubled over laughing and pointing at Bill's stricken expression.

"Cut the laughter people! So Billi, what would you do?" Payal looked at him with an angelic expression on her face, fluttering eyelids and all that crap. She leaned towards him, resting her head on her palms.

"My eyes would be shut right, so probably I'll end up making out with an animated character's naked butt! Some fun that'll be…" I imagined the situation actually happening and I guess Niki was thinking about the same thing, since we both looked at each other and burst off into a fresh peal of laughter. Bill smiled. "But don't you worry chick, revenge shall be mine pretty soon. Let the games begin!" He smiled and spread his arms wide apart like some cheesy villain. Tom rolled his eyes and poked him in the side, causing him to give a wry smile.

Tom's turn to do the "arms wide open" thing.

"I wanna answer a creepy situation too!" Georg whined, while finger-combing his oh-so-precious hair. I swear I have serious doubts if that's a guy or a girl. Or maybe both…

"I'll ask. Okay Geo, so what would you so if you wake up one day and find that someone's shaved your head and you end up bald AND the hair won't grow back." I asked, taking my second earphone off and shutting my iPod. I don't think I would want to waste my battery while I saw Georg cry.

"_Würde ich sterben_!" He yelled, standing up and touching his hair again. "I love my hair too much; I'd kill the guy who even tried to touch it!"

"And why do you call him a boy, may I ask?" Rishika looked at me with a confused look on her face. Georg pretended to look offended. "I'm not gay! I just like my hair…"

"Yeah. And I'm a high-maintenance princess!"

"Well…" Niki said shyly from the other side of the circle.

"Don't even dare…" Rish said, her eyes glinting dangerously.

"Ya know ya love me!" Niki said, doing the Homer Simpson accent.

"Yeah, yeah whatever." Rish said, giggling.

"Damn right!" Niki said, cracking up a grin.

BILL'S POV

My phone rang just then. Jost.

"Hey Jost!"

"You guys need to leave. You guys have a shirt-signing at Hot Topic tomorrow and I don't want a whiny Tom again."

I laughed. Jost and Rishika had so much in common… I didn't like the idea of them sitting in the same room… Much.

"Yeah we'll be back at the hotel in an hour…just wrapping up some things here and we'll be on our way. Ciao" I looked at Tom.

"Jost says we gotta be back soon. Shirt signing at Hot Topic tomorrow and your whining is unnecessary." I managed to say with a straight face.

"Hey!" Tom shouted, lunging for my phone, and missing as I leaned back. I almost leaned into Coco. Niki suddenly got up.

"Tony." She said out loud for her band mates. "He's asking what's the plan for the new single etc."

"We've done the bass, voice - over, lead vocals, guitar… Umm… we still have the final touches and then we gotta move over to the video script." Twisha said her brow furrowing as she replied.

"Hmm… and Reverse the Curse still has the voice – over to be done along with the final touch ups…" Niki said, staring off into space.

"Um… exactly how long have you guys working on the album?" I asked, out of sheer curiosity of course.

"Hmm… it's been what? 6 months?"

"Yeah… give or take a month extra _at the max_." Zoe said.

"Wait a minute… That's _it_?!" Georg asked, shocked; he'd taken the words right out of my mouth.

"Yeah; with the rate at which Niki writes songs – yeah." Payal said, shaking her head at her twins, who was typing out a message to 'Tony', and was grinning at the older sibling.

"Whaddya mean?!" Tom asked, astonished.

"If she's on a roll you'll get two songs from her. Per day." Payal stated bluntly. My jaw dropped to the floor.

"How in the – "

"Fuck do I do that? Yeah… I don't know. All I know is I space out for a round about of 10 minutes, and BAM, song's out on paper. Even _ZOE'S_ whining doesn't reach my ears when I'm writing." She said, as she continued to tap – tap across the touch screen of her phone.

"Yeesh…" Tom said.

"You wanna read?" Payal asked, grabbing Niki's phone out of her hand just as I saw her hit 'send'.

"Hey!"

"What!?"

"Fine." Niki sat down, sulking.

I leaned in towards my brother, reading over his shoulder.

_**No way to escape**_

_**This cubical**_

_**No way to make it through**_

_**This hole you've dug for me**_

_**I have been walled up**_

_**In the shadows of my own misery**_

_**And my life has been a mystery**_

_**I've been blind forever can't you see?**_

_**You've given me air**_

_**But I need to share**_

_**More than emptiness**_

_**More than brokenness**_

_**I will be left alone**_

_**Where you cannot occur**_

_**Where love and life's a blur**_

_**So I picked up the quill**_

_**To write down the spell**_

_**You caste on me**_

_**I aint got nothing on me -**_

_**No fear, no enmity.**_

_**So why don't you just**_

_**Hold that hand up high,**_

_**Swish it through the air -**_

_**Reverse the curse.**_

_**Reverse the curse and bring me unto myself**_

_**Reverse the curse and erase the tears that I've shed**_

_**Reverse the curse**_

_**Cause I can't take this feeling**_

_**I am tired of bleeding**_

_**For evermore.**_

_**There so many times I wish I'd blotted your paper**_

_**My life, my existence**_

_**That parchment scratched with ink**_

_**Every move making me sink**_

_**But every single time I move ahead**_

_**To strike you**_

_**The parchment's changed, and I'm on ends**_

_**Which way do I bend?**_

_**Which way does it end? **_

_**There's so many times when I**_

_**Tried to break the chains to this dungeon**_

_**So many times I've tried**_

_**To throw it all away**_

_**Ay-ay…**_

_**But love's a hard game to play.**_

_**Reverse the curse (Reverse the curse)**_

_**And bring me unto myself**_

_**Reverse the curse (reverse the curse)**_

_**And save me from this hell (erase the tears that I've shed)**_

_**Reverse the curse**_

_**Cause I can't take this feeling **_

_**I am tired of bleeding**_

_**For evermore**_

"Oh… WOAH… Oh…" Tom said; I snorted.

"I. Am. Not. That. Good." I turned to look at her incredulously.

Zoe, Twisha, Payal, Meera, Rishika – and even Cameron – all rolled their eyes in unison.

"Whatever." Niki muttered from next to me.

I may have thought this was just one day spending time with some people.

I've got a feeling I'm dead wrong.

My cell vibrated. Jost. Again.

"Can you get yourselves here quick its almost 12 : 30 at night people!"

"Chill. Jeez, Jost what happened?! You don't usually talk shit like this!"

"You got a CD signing in San Francisco remember? Not LA!"

"Scheisse Jost we're getting there."

I cut the call.

"Did anyone even _realize _it was freaking 12 :30?!"

"Seriously?!" Georg said, getting up

"No kidding." I reassured.

Everyone started getting up. Coco at Niki's heels as she went on to get the barbecue set up back inside.

"Need help?" Tom asked and, not waiting for her reply, lifted the grill using a pair of gloves Niki threw at him and begun moving it in. The girl shook her head before following him in before throwing the itsy bitsy bones at the dog.

"Honey, you don't need to be all jumpy for the bone!" she said to the dog. Coco let out that happy little bark of hers. Like dog like owner – smiling like there's no tomorrow.

I stayed out, closing my eyes as the cool breeze from the sun hit my face.

"Bill!" Gustav shouted from inside. I walked in to find everyone exchanging phone numbers with everyone. WHAT THE HELL DID I MISS?!

"Yeah I already gave your number to everyone." Tom said, smirking happily as he stood beside me.

"You WHAT?!" I said.

"Gave your number." He said simply.

"Ah." I said. He snorted. Yes I can be a little random at times; but I guess that's fine.

"Hmm… So I guess we'll see you guys later if TH or TMOD can eh?" Georg said.

"Yeah!" Zoe said. I thought I saw Niki giggle out of the corner of my eye.

"See ya!" they dropped us till the gate.

"Wait!" I stopped in my tracks. "We don't know the way to the hotel from here."

"Which one are you guys at?" Niki asked.

"Umm…Holiday Inn Express." I said.

"Oh, that's two streets down and then another one street to your… left." She said brightly.

"You live here?"

"Nah… we're finishing the final recording and chilling here. Besides, we still gotta finish our college education. So when we get back we're sitting for the exams."

"Ah."

"Yeah, I know. Sucks to go back to freaking exams. Oh, well; I get to see mum and dad and my brother and sister at least!"

"You got two other siblings?"

"Yeah. One's 8 years older, and the other's 5 years younger." Payal said grinning.

"Wow"

"Mhm."

"Ok then, see ya!"

As soon as we got back I whipped out my cell.

**Bill: Hey :D **

**Niki: Hi… that's early :P **

**Bill: I know :-S Niki: Chill… Watcha doin? **

**Bill: Texting Andi and texting you :d **

**Niki: M bored. And not sleepy. **

**Bill: I really DID have fun you know. Strange how I let myself be free around you guys. **

**Niki: Tell me about it! So freaky huh? **

**Bill: Mhm… **

**Niki: Tired or bored XD **

**Bill: First one :P **

**Niki: Ok, then ttyl to you! Gute nacht! **

**Bill: Do you always speak half German half English?! **

**Niki: Yep! **

**Bill: LOL Goodnight! **

**Niki: Goodnight! :D**

One thought was stuck in my head and I liked it in there.

_Friends._

NIKI'S POV

"Ooh. Somebody's got a crush – y – crush." Zoe coed.

"Jesu Cristo Zoe, I don't." I said, sitting up straight and rolling my eyes. Twish shook her head and mouthed 'sorry' from behind Zoe.

"I think so." Zoe said smugly. "I don't." Payal said from the corner. I thanked her tone for closing the silly little conversation.

Me? Crush? Bill Kaulitz? Nadda. OK, fine, maybe I like his company but whatever. I had been strumming my guitar while sitting on the extreme edge of my sliding window when Bill's text had come. I must admit I hadn't expected any of them to actually text us. I had braced myself for this to be a one time thing. Turns out it wasn't going to be. I must say I liked the sound of that. After they'd left my "thinky" mood was back. That's what the rest of my band mates called that side of me, the part that wondered so much.

I was, apparently, a cross between a philosopher and a complete nut.

Oh well.

I started texting Tanz. Wondering who that is? I've known Tanz since I was 14. Well… I feel kinda guilty whenever I think of her, cause she doesn't know who I am. I haven't got a chance to tell her; and I had always tried to think of what that conversation would be like, how I would surprise her. But since I was nowhere close to where she's staying still – I'd like to visit her, and throw the bomb – I'd letting it be for now.

Niki: Today was ahmahzeeng XD

Tanz: LOL KAULITZ ADDICTION what happened??

Niki: Don't beat me up 'kay?? :-S

Tanz: What IS it lovie???!!

OK, bad idea to text.

My cell vibrated. She was calling. "WHAT WHAT _WHAT?!_ First you tell me you gotta say something and then you don't tell me! That's SO typical of you lovie…" I could almost see her shaking her head at me.

"OK, fine – _IbumpedintoTokioHotelandwehungouttodayatthebeachandthenatmyplacehereinLAandtheyleftlike2minutesago'kay?!_" Typical me with Tanz – everything rushes out of my mouth like there's no space in the middle, and she ACTUALLY gets it.

"Oh my – Oh my… WHAT THE FREAKING FUCK??!!!" I giggled.

"Oo lala… Didja didja talk to Billi?"

"Er…"

"YOU DID YOU DID!!!" Bet she was jumping up and down. Sometimes I just felt like randomly hugging her when she got like this. We were both giggling over the phone like there was no tomorrow; Payal poked her head in my doorway, took a deep breath, shook her head, and shut the door once more – which made me giggle harder.

"Ah, love… let us not go any further…" Tanz said through the phone. I giggled harder. I was now rolling on the bed, shaking with laughter.

"Payal… You… AHAHAHA YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN IT!!" I said, completely incoherent, but she understood anyways. After an hour or so of talking about random things – and inserting questions about tonight randomly into the convo – I was getting pretty drowsy.

"Tanz… I think I gotta go now." I stated yawning.

"Oh 'kay hun. But text me later!"

"Yeah. Good night lovie!"

"Lovie buddy." She said, giggling. I chuckled.

"Tell me about it. Okay now I really need to sleep!" I cut the call and shut the curtains. I put in a Silversun Pickups CD into the stereo. As the first track played, my floor began to vibrate with the bass. I got under the shower, welcoming the hot water that slowly trickled from my roots down to my face, caressed my arms and worked its way down to the floor.

"_Time  
It's never worth my time  
Blue shine  
Bleeds into my eyes_

_I still  
Sleep on the right side  
Of the white noise  
Can't leave the scene behind_

_Could I be anything you want me to be  
Its always meant to be seen_

_[Chorus]  
When you see yourself in a crowded room  
Do your fingers itch, are you pistol-whipped?  
And will you step in line or release the glitch?  
And can you fall asleep with a panic switch?_

_And when you see yourself in a crowded room  
Do your fingers itch, are you pistol-whipped?  
Will you step in line or release the glitch?  
Do you think she'll sleep with the panic..."_ Brian Aubert's voice did much to calm my senses, but nothing could seep into my memory and blur the repeat telecast that was playing over and over in my head – today had seemed like a week already.

It had been so short and so long – but so vivid. I shut my eyes, and his face as I had seen it up close that day at the store flashed behind my lids. Shaking it off was no good, but assumptions were not good either. It was just best for now to enjoy the unsteady beat of my heart, a rhythm that had accompanied the flash, the snapshot tattooed into the back of my head. Enjoy the adrenaline slowly leaving my bloodstream, lulling me towards unconsciousness, and finally enabling me to fall asleep the second my head hit the pillow.

**Song number 1 is by me - its called Reverse The Curse**

**Ah...but song number 2...3... Its by the Silversun Pickups ~ awesome punkness ~ and its called Panic Switch  
**


	12. Chapter 12

"Wakey wakey hun… NOMBRE DE DIOS WAKE UP CHICK!" Payal shouted. From next to me.

"What, what what!" I grumbled, my voice muffled by the blanket, and my waist long hair of course.

"How do I break this to you but… TODAY'S THE FINAL DAY OF RECORDING CHICK! WE NEED TO PLAN OUT THE PROMOTION CAMPAIGN THING!!" "Fine, I'm getting up, but I promise you I won't be _awake _for another hour."

"Just get yourself out of bed hun." She said, stroking my head once before scooting out of the room. We got ready and headed over to the studio to finish the touch – ups on Reverse the Curse. The piano melody and voice - over was covered, along with the bass riffs. In short we were sitting in there till 4 in the morning making sure everything was JUST right.

Then we sat till 8 NEXT morning trying to settle on the first single and the track listing.

In short, I was dead tired.

"OK, what else is left now?" I asked sleepily.

"Single video… In short we don't need to get our asses anywhere but Tony's office." Zoe said yawning herself. Twish went on to say something, but I couldn't hear anything but an indistinct conversation; my eyes were slowly closing and I was falling asleep.

I was woken up by my cell vibrating in my pocket.

Apparently all of us had crashed on top of each other in the recording studio.

Nothing new there.

I sat up slowly, gently removing my phone from my pocket. I checked caller ID. Tony.

"Hello."

"Listen you guys are fixed up for day after to line up your album promotion interviews okay?"

"Uh – yeah, ok. We'll be there at… 11?"

"Sure thing."

So after slapping the rest of them awake – literally – we got our asses home. I was just about to drop off to sleep when my cell vibrated with 3 texts at the same time.

First – Mum. I replied back telling her about everyone being fine, we finishing the album etcetra etcetra.

Second – Tanz. Here I decided I'd just go take a freaking shower and sit up and get my ass to Rish's room to work out the string of dates, calls, performances, flight tickets, producers, video scripts, yada. You get the picture of what an average musician's life can be – if we're not jumping our asses off on stages, we're flying our asses to different countries promoting our albums. So I texted Tanz, telling her I had a "busy schedule" for the next month. I swear I hate not letting her in on this whole thing.

The third and most unexpected text from Gustav.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

GUSTAV'S POV

We'd finished two CD signings already, and by now the schedule was getting boring. I decided if I'm making a couple of friends from the same line of work I might as well check out the music. So I typed in '13 Moons Of Demetria' into the Google search bar on my laptop.

The search results had m mouth hanging open.

"Guys – GET YOUR ASSES HERE _NOW!_"

"WHAT THE FUCK GUSTAV?!" Geo screamed in my face. He was ironing his hair. SHEESH.

"Hmm… what is it?" Bill muttered sleepily; as usual there was a can of Red Bull in his hands. I guess Tom was the only one who didn't look a little wasted at the moment.

"Holy…" the rest of whatever the heck was gonna come out stuck in Tom's throat. The girls were all over Google. Articles spanned from crazy tours to interviews, to pics of absolutely AMAZING music videos etcetra. I clicked on the first link – their official webpage.

"Cool." I muttered, a grin spreading across my face.

The layout was in deep, rich, dark colours. Everything had a midnight edge to it. Apparently the girls also had a facility which recorded a certain part of their tour and promotion, sort of like TH TV. There was a band blog, and then four individual blogs. I hadn't dared to turn up the volume yet, what with two of my band mates looking sort of wasted.

"Well, turn up the volume already…" Bill trailed off, curiosity burning in his voice.

So I hit play on one of the music videos and then all of us got blown of our feet.

_I'm doing this one for you_

_Its right here_

_Cause I'm afraid you're my winning streak_

_But your still here_

_Inside this heart of mine_

_Your never losing time _

_And when you know its right_

_You gotta stand up and fight_

_Cause you_

_You deserve the earth the skies_

_The starlight shinin' at night_

_You deserve with every high and low _

_To be happy_

_You deserve the laughs and the smiles_

_You deserve the extra mile_

_You deserve with every faltering step_

_To be free_

_Cause you've been searching so patiently_

_Your walking down this street of life_

_Turn the corner_

_Your wondering which store you'll see ahead_

_A happy ever after_

_Tomorrows a mystery_

_Your gonna make history_

_As you sign this heart_

_Help it start_

Zoe broke out into a guitar solo. The crowd was wild, and you couldn't have heard them from the crowd if this was a fan's video. Tom's lower jaw seemed to want to drop of to the ground. Bill looked like a kid in a candy store.

_Cause you_

_You deserve the earth the skies_

_The starlight shinin' at night_

_You deserve with every high and low _

_To be happy_

_You deserve the laughs and the smiles_

_You deserve the extra mile_

_You deserve with every faltering step_

_To be free_

_Cause you've been searching so patiently_

The edgy heavy metal/ punk rock sound came to an end. We were still staring at the screen of my laptop.

"Wow." I breathed.

"Yeah." Bill and Tom retorted in unison.

"Mhm…"

"That makes four of us." I muttered before I whipped out my cell for a text.

TOM'S POV

Niki's voice was perfect for the song. It was almost as if the song was written for her, the music was just so overpowering. Bill's eyes widened and he looked alive for the first time since the day began. "You bet wow…"

Georg put his straightener down and shoved Gusti out of the chair. "Lemme see!"

"When did you become the whiz kid!" I snapped, taking the laptop from him.

Georg sat at it anyway.

He turned the music up and started tapping his foot to the beat. "This is cool. Their individual blogs are like the newspaper man look at the amounts of comments!" He shifted a bit so we could read properly.

_**PAYAL's BLOG**_

_I guess this is what it takes to be a musician…I was thinking at the beach again and I saw a Spanish family there having a fiesta, Spanish guitar and food and all. It really e me miss my own family…my whiny lil Bug (13 year old sister) especially. I remember her excitedly sad face when I told her I'm moving to L.A for my music._

_When I sat on the plane for L.A, I tried to think that I was starting a new adventure but_ _I guess you gotta be a nuthead like me to do this sort of thing. :-P_

_Anyhoo I saw a heck load of movies and I'm going eco friendly by not touching the TV set for a good two weeks._

_Yes, that's the longest I'll pull off for you. :D_

"Moving on…" I muttered, after chuckling.

_**NIKI'S BLOG**_

_You'd think I was tired of having to sleep in a tour bus, right. Well it doesn't work like that when you have a bass player whose bunk is right under yours, AND gets bugged when you take a flick at her hair every now and then if you can't sleep because the bus jerks 24X7 :-P_

_On top of that the lead guitarists jams with you to 3Oh!3 and the "f song"…_

_Ah! The infamous "f song" I came up with._

_*evil grin*_

_So anyway… you'd think the first thing you guys would do was check the snippet of the new single that we've planned for you guys._

_OK, no more than a snippet!! I'm singing my ass off, but the whole song serving's not coming till late next month ;-)_

_So song of the day for you from me?_

_**East Jesus Nowhere – Green Day**_

_I'm telling you I'd head nowhere amazing if it weren't for this band. :-P_

_**ZOE'S BLOG**_

_How cooler can Jeffrey Star get? I land up in LA only to find he's in love with the four us idiots ;-D_

_Don't believe me? ;) You could go over check his blog. And then he got caught on the TMOD camera._

_BTW Oli – YOU LOST THE BET XD Old gran didn't like that tattoo you got so much. She freaked pretty bad sweety :P_

_And you would think I'M the nut who goes gaga over tattoes? Revolutionary exhibit A & B – Niki and Oli Sykes *shakes head* _

_No. Comment._

_Oh, and did you see the snippet yet? _

_Huh huh huh?_

_Yeah, I know I'm pushy… you know how crazy I am with that lead singer/sis of mine ;-)_

GUSTAV'S POV

There was a link to a TMOD episode. We decided we'd watch it through. By the end of it – it went past with a discussion of the nuts in their school, causing Bill to have a random outburst of giggles at the point about some chick who liked the proclamation of "Miss Big Butt" every period, where she got up, shimmied unnecessarily in class and sat back down.

"_you know, I think Pal was right…" Niki was saying, "I guess she did have wedgy and was just a wheeny about going to the bathroom…"_

Tom, Georg – and me (raise your eyebrows all you want) were now rolling on the floor as we howled, while Bill blinked rather spastically.

I sound Brit maybe, but its for effect.

And I like Brits.

But coming back to the episode, it just ended in me covering my ears –

"_Gimme the skittles gimme the skittles gimme – " _Zoe rambled on like a baby. UGH.

"_Zoe shut the *beep* up!!" _Niki shouted covering her ears. Zoe grabbed the bag of skittles from Niki's lap, smug.

"_Always works." _She said, nodding to herself as she popped a few skittles into her mouth. Niki shook her head in disgust.

"_Arschloch."_

For the first time I, Gustav Schafer, openly giggled in front of my bandmates.

Causing them to stare at me openly, which is what has been happening for the past half hour.

How boring.

BILL'S POV

Holy fuck! He giggled…and how! I stopped gaping eventually my obviously my brother and my gay bassist couldn't compose themselves. Poor Gusti was so bored, his expression was like a trapped puppy I couldn't help but burst off into giggles – AGAIN.

I took the laptop from Georg and sat down between Gusti and Tom, and looked back at the screen. I'd opened a link of one of their music videos and we all watched silently as I took in the sound. It was the perfect mixture of rock, punk and even goth! There were a couple of instrumentals and acapellas but my personal favourite was "13 Moons of Demetria – The Apocolypse."

_Darkness awaits my decision_

_The moons lie in iridescence_

_Goodbye to the world_

_Hello to the swirl_

_Of this breath of life_

_As each piece of my soul_

_Teeters onwards towards the edge_

_May darkness be borne_

_Or the moons escape my fate_

_My destiny_

_Is wrapped among the flailing arms_

_Of four_

_Including my own_

_Let us make amends._

_And when the darkness exhales its last breath_

_The moons of Demetria shall rise_

_And thirteen they shall be_

_Escaping sacrifice_

_For your love is true and pure_

_For me the only cure_

_The 13 Moons of Demetria await my cautioning wind_

_The sacrifice of my will_

_Before darkness moves in for the kill_

_And engulfs the four remnants of this heart_

_This soul, the four remnants of a spark_

_All hail these pieces of me_

_All hail unity_

_All hail the memory_

_Of my will_

_Move for the kill_

_Take my will…_

TOM's POV

My phone vibrated from next to me.

_**Payal: I just tripped down the stairs…**_

_**Tom: Holy fuck! Are you okay?**_

_**Niki: Don't bother…chick is one of the clumsiest people I know! Keeps fuckin trippin every two hours, so lame!**_

_**Payal: Haha I bet Niki just texted you**_

_**Tom: Dude agreed you two are twins n shit but I'm not exactly to another pair of twins with the telepathy!**_

_**Payal: Eh. You'll catch on. Ya get to see how you and Bill are on a regular basis, only its two whack Indian girls :P**_

_**Tom: Hmm….so whatsup? We're checkin out your site right now…… **__****_

_**Payal: LOL! So seen TMOD TV yet? Fucking awesome (We're in it after all) HA!**_

_**Tom: Can it kid we're watching…….and breakfast tomorrow? I wanna see L.A through your eyes**_

_**Payal: OOOH okay! :D after 12 though, little girl needs her 14 hour sleep**_

_**Bill: Arschloch if both of you 'oldies' are not up by 9 I SWEAR I will beat the fucking fuck outta each!**_

_**Payal: Your own girlfriend wont be up until 11 hun forget your own brother so chup**_

_**Bill: I'll wake you up with Cool Blue ;)**_

_**Niki: Twisha's tried that…trust me NOTHING IN THIS WORLD can make Payal Shah drag her ass outta bed except the beach. :P**_

_**Bill: Older ones suck like fuck. **_

_**Tom: Ha! Rot in hell little one you're just jealous…awesome guitars in your songs btw tell Zoe**_

_**Niki: Bill, "chup" means shut it in Hindi… *giggles***_y

Bill: WHY are you giggling?

Niki: Call me up I'm running on 45 minutes of sleep since the past two days

I actually was pretty damned lost what the hell were we talking about but I kept replying to the few messages that I did manage to relate to the conversation. Bill sat at the other end of the room now, his fingers blurring as they typed at breakneck texting speed. By the end of the convo, Bill and Niki were on the phone while Payal, Georg and I were on conference on another line.

Bill, suddenly looked like he was off the line.

SSOOO not the case.

"_WHY_ am I dating Bill _ANYWAY??!!!_" Niki's voice screeched from the speaker. Georg, Gustav and me - and I guess Payal too - winced. Bill had to hold his another hand to his mouth – two fingers inside – to control his laughter. He cut the speaker as abruptly as he'd put it on.

BILL'S POV

That text had made my heart skip, I must admit. I'm not so sure if this angel of a girl – who I was currently talking to on the phone – would agree.

"_WHY_ am I dating you?" she muttered irritably.

"NO idea. I told you – older ones do the fucking, and are fucked up." She giggled.

"Nein, they just drank too much…" she muttered. I chuckled lightly. It was hard not to laugh with this girl.

"Hey, I wanted to ask you – when did you write '_13 Moons of Demetria – The Apocalypse'_?"

"Umm… I dunno the date. Approximately a month and a half before my 15th birthday?" She said, trying to remember. I was dazed into a stupor. "Yeah, that would be it." She said. "Why, though?"

"Just curious." I whispered.

"Are you ok?!" she asked, concerned. We had slipped into German so easily I hadn't even realized.

"Euhm, ja. I guess…"

"Would you mind explaining?" she said cautiously.

"You wrote that when you weren't even _fifteen_." I repeated.

"You wrote '_Rette Mich_' early too, right? And '_Leb Die Sekunde'_…"

"Yeah, but…" I was struggling with words.

"Can we not talk about this." She said quietly.

"Yeah… I'm – I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault I have a hell of a dark past." She said gently. She threw me off balance, Niki did. The way she could just casually call you like you were just someone else, the way she referred to her past so mater – of – factly you barely saw the depth to it; and those eyes with that beautiful little soul…

"Bill?!" I hadn't realized I'd spaced out. I had apparently made my way to my bunk and lay down, just thinking… of her…

"Mr. Kaulitz?!" there I'd gone again.

"Oh, sorry, what?"

"I'll call you later is that OK? I haven't slept in two days and I look a complete mess. I need to fix myself up before I speak to anyone again." She sighed. She sounded dead tired too.

"Yeah, of course. Tom's supposedly 'fixed us up' tomorrow anyway." I muttered.

"Yeah and my fuck of an elder twin's in on it!" she said in a mock bright and preppy tone, before giggling that is. I chuckled.

"See you tomorrow." I whispered.

NIKI'S POV

"See you tomorrow." He whispered. My heart continued its useless splutter of a rhythm. And here I thought my cheeks couldn't flush further.

"C – cya." I stuttered. DAMN I must've sounded like an idiot on that last note. Whoever stutters on the phone with a friend?!

TOM'S POV

I sighed as I abruptly cut the cal on my newly formed – and sexy – friend. Making my way to his bunk I whispered low in Bill's ear.

"Your in too deep."

He wouldn't heed my warning in his dreams, and I wouldn't repeat it in reality.

**Yeah...I haven't updated in AGES right??**

**LOL**

**XD**


	13. Chapter 13

BILL'S POV

**"_What am I DOING?" I whispered to myself. I think I'm asleep again I wouldn't know…_**

**"_Is this right, even?!" I went on muttering, "I barely know them… how did I manage to break through that big barrier I always maintained?" I mused, "so many questions unanswered… and it seems they need no answer…" my lips weren't moving. I was just thinking out loud the dream way…_**

_**I giggled suddenly, remembering the time I'd spent with these crazy people. It was unbelievable how easy it had been to be us with them.**_

_**My head is whirring with unanswered, alarmed voices asking questions I myself don't have a single answer to. My heart doesn't seem to ponder on it. **_

_**My mind, on the other hand, disagrees.**_

_**What if - ?!**_

_**What if I'm wrong on this is all just make believe?! Pretence like everyone else?!**_

_**But then I remembered the conversation I'd shared with my angel–friend. It couldn't have been make believe…**_

_**Or could it?!**_

I woke up in a sweat. I bolted upright, causing black spots to appear before my eyes. Freaky dream…

GEORG'S POV

I must say I'd found it a bit odd for all of us to cave in so early. We had shaken ourselves too deep. I'd pondered so hard I'd almost upset Stella. And then when I told her she surprised me by saying something along the lines of – "About time, even!" I shook my head, remembering that moment. Not a single worry from her side. I swear I love her to death.

Sleep won't come anytime soon.

Hmm… Fall Out Boy time…

TOM'S POV

I thought up till now I was just toying with the idea of new company.

I didn't know I'd already decided until now.

I was freaking myself out, and Bill wasn't helping either.

I sighed. My baby brother was all out for how he was waiting for someone who he could share himself with.

Was he blind enough to not see it when such a person was staring him straight in the face?!

Well not literally but you get what I mean.

Maybe he wasn't a 'know – it – all' when it came to friendship and love after all.

And then there were these for entities who'd just entered our lives, and I seemed to be already attached to them.

I freak myself out.

And here I thought that was Bill's line.

I sighed one last time. I shut my phone and the little light that flooded my bunk area went out.

Life was taking unexpected but pleasant turns…

GUSTAV'S POV

Life's finally getting interesting and these idiots want to sit and ponder.

Freaks.

Period.

I smiled to myself; Metallica blasted in my ears, putting me to sleep...

PAYAL'S POV

I never thought it would be like this…that all of us would open up so quickly. Being introverts of different levels, all of us find it rather hard to trust other people, whether we know them for 2 days or 2 months.

I kept thinking about how I let myself slip so easily as the wind cooled my face. Yes, I was sitting on the terrace of the big white house at 3 in the morning facing the beach, watching the waves crash and slowly fade away into the darkness…just like the imaginary wall in my head.

Suddenly my phone vibrated from next to me and I sat up with a start. The words GUSTAV SCHAFER danced around on the screen. I picked up with shaking hands. I'd even forgotten they were back in town for two days.

"H-hello?"

"I knew you'd be awake. Wassup?"

"Sitting on the terrace and thinking…Why aren't you asleep though?"

"Didn't feel like….besides with the playboy and the girly fools snoring into my ear, I doubt I'll even GET sleep." His voice was even lower then usual, but it sounded like he was interested. It felt weird knowing it was Gustav on the other side.

I laughed. "I wanna go to the beach."

"Me too. Georg gets so mad every time I go cause I never ask him to come with me. I'm not really interested in talking about his hair or his relationship or anything at all. I just like to sit there."

"Me too! Cool. I'll see you there at 5 am sharp tomorrow okay? Gotta go…_Twinsie_ yelling at me cause we have a long day tomorrow. See you!"

"WAIT! I CAN'T GET UP AT FIVE! IT'S TOO EARLY! _PAYAL!_"

_Click._

Tomorrow's gonna be fun! ;)

GUSTAV'S POV

Oh, I woke up all right.

My stupid new friend started the process of waking my up at 4 am sharp. I was peacefully sleeping with 'Stone Cold Crazy' blaring through my headphones when my phone vibrated from next to me. I picked up without bothering to check caller ID.

"_WAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUP!_" I buried my head into my pillow and groaned. Zoe much?!

"Aw c'mon man lemme sleep!" I hung up. Sorry kid, I don't do mornings. Weird part is, neither does she - so how is she up so early?

My phone rang again.

"IT'S THE BEACH. YOU DO _NOT_ DITCH ME AT THE BEACH. GET UR ASS OUTTA THERE OR I'M GETTING THERE! _NOW!_"

That got me -

"_I'MUPI'MUPI'MUPI'MUP!_"

I sprang outta bed as I yelled.

Payal entering our room at 4 in the morning with the rest of the guys asleep is not something I want happening. It's like a law – you do NOT enter Tokio Hotel's room – well rooms, but here they were all joined - in the morning unless you want to die.

Either from shock or disgust, you decide.

So basically I managed to get to the bloody beach after all of my band mates pounced at me 'für die laut schreiend aus dem Nichts".

"Hi! Hi!" Payal said as I got there.

"HOW in the _FUCK_ are you up so early?!"

"Kid might need her 14 hour sleep but when she gets up, she's up!" she said with a soldier stance. I shook my head, grinning goofily again.

"So – why do you guys have a busy day?" I asked curious.

"Oh, cause we're working on the video for the new single? Zoe and Niki didn't want to work with a director's video script, so now we have one of our own. Well, the basic idea, at the least. And we got in touch with just the perfect person – so today we move over to the location and begin shooting."

"You guys work FAST!" I said. She shrugged.

"Call it talent – or brainstorming." She said, as she shrugged again.

"You know what's weird? " I said after a while. We had just sat there a while, listening to our own iPods. She removed an earphone now.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You know what's weird?"

"Yeah. That we bonded. It sounds crazy. More over the media haven't found out yet! Real shocker. I just hope the fans are ok with all of this."

I stared at her. "Do you read minds now too?!" I asked incredulously. She chuckled,

"No, I just guessed. And it's pretty obvious isn't it? I'm wondering if this is all just a hoax on the media's part and that they know everything. That's what I hate about being even an iota famous – the little fuckers mess it up the moment you even set EYES on another celebrity. Two words exchanged and then the next day you find out you were dating someone…" she said, disgusted.

"You hate them too huh?"

"Absolutely. Bunch of morons. But I don't _BLAME_ them completely – its what their job asks for. But then again they _CHOSE_ that job! _WHY_ would you _choose_ such a job?! Beats me…"

The conversation went on, and before I knew it, it was eight freaking thirty.

"Oh, fuck. Bill is gonna _murder_ me!"

"_WHY_ is he always murdering people?!" she asked; amused, clearly.

"Oh, you can't really blame him. If he doesn't murder _us_ Jost will murder _him_." I said, winking at her.

"That is just like Rish! I NEVER want Jost and her in one room!" Payal said, horrified.

"HAHA!! That's what Bill said the other day!!" I snorted as we both got up and brushed all the sand off.

"Turns out we don't freak each other that much after all!" she said, causing me to guffaw so loud she was staring at me silly.

"OK, OK," I said, finally stopping. She had her hands on her hips as she watched me by now, "I gotta go! I might be seeing you later today anyways! Bye and take care!"

I said, walking backwards now towards the SUV we'd hired here in LA for ourselves. We didn't wanna attract attention in a limo right now. She waved at me, smiling.

"See you later!" she said as I waved out the window, revving the engine.

"Who knew I'd find someone who screamed me out of bed other than my band mates." I muttered to myself as I drove towards our hotel.

I chuckled as I entered the hotel room – all of our rooms were side by side hence connected this time – and earned a glare from Jost. Bill pushed my shoulder in mock irritation. Today was bound to be a good day.

NIKI'S POV

We had been at the freaking video shoot for AGES in the heat. They had to stop mid take every other time because we were all sweating like crazy and I was wearing LEATHER.

Well it was fake but you get the point.

So anyways, they were working on my shots now. I always found it funny to lip-sync but since I knew the moods of my songs – MY own moods – like the back of my hand it seemed like a breeze. The basic idea of this bit of the video had been different shots of all of us at the same driveway of this house we'd picked out for the whole thing. They'd take different shots with all of us, and while the rest of them would be like ghosts, I was gonna be only the solid figure for this shot. Zoe had finished her bit and I was doing mine now. We'd been at it for 4 hours, ever since 9 o'clock.

They'd had a fake breeze blow my hair back as my gaze focused slowly onto the ocean. SOME cooling in this crazy heat!

And I was more upset because I HATE tans.

Don't get me wrong, I'm WAY far away from preppiness. It's just that I'm not the fairest skinned person ever. Hence a tan makes me look freaky, and they seemed to take ages to come off somehow.

"And that was JUST perfect! CUT!" the director yelled.

I ran up to him as he begun explaining the shots he wanted to take tomorrow and how he was gonna use the shots he took today. We'd decided the last shot would be us on this driveway once again, and we'd all "solidify" for a second – me staring into the ocean with the wind blowing my hair, Payal with her knee propped up as she sat a little way away from me; while Zoe and Twisha were standing – Twisha a little in the shade as one of her arms wrapped around a pillar and Zoe looked out at the glare of the sun. everyone's hair blowing as they just stood. It was perfect.

I went back into the rented house where all the drinks were stacked. I picked up a blue Gatorade and took it all down in one breath.

A black SUV had pulled up at the gates when they were done filming me sitting at the edge of the driveway as I squinted off into the sun. My gaze zeroed in to where the tinted glass window was being rolled down.

Bill's sunglasses against his white – and even whiter in the afternoon sun – skin greeted me before his wave or wide grin. I smirked, and cupped my hands around my lips to shout. I was in NO condition to walk out of the shade. I was pretty sure I would melt away and scare everyone who saw the sight.

"GET YOUR BIGASS CAR IN THROUGH THE GATES SILLY!"

Bill took off his glasses and rolled his eyes at me as he honked and pulled into the driveway of the humungous house.

"WHAT?!" I said incredulously, "YOU didn't melt your skinny ass away in the heat for FOUR FREAKING hours because you had a video shoot!" I said as I grabbed another blue Gatorade and walked a little way ahead – still in the shade – and up to the car window. Tom stuck his head out of the back window and smirked at me.

"Hola senorita!" Georg said from next to him.

"_Hola! ¿Cómo estás hoy?_" I said waving at him and smiling innocently.

"HOW MANY languages do you speak?!"

"Well, if you wanna count that would be… English, German, Spanish, French, Hindi, Marathi, Gujurati… OOH and Italian! That's it! I never got a chance to learn Portuguese or Greek though…" Georg and Tom's mouths hung open in shock. Bill smiled at me, but it was a look I really couldn't place. It made my heart flip.

Well he always made my heart flip but you get my point.

That's when I realized I _REALLY_ needed a change of clothes and deodorant.

"OK, I'll be right back with all the other Queens of Madness, okay?"

With that I rushed off inside screaming "GET YOUR ASSES DRESSED BEFORE I DIE OUT HERE WE'RE LEAVING!"

I could hear Tom laughing his skinny ass off from behind me.

I walked into the first room on the left to see the usual scenario. Payal was dressed already, iPod on and blasting rap music; Zoe was ready too, listening to Cobra Starship and looking slightly bored.

And Twish – _AH Twish._

_That's_ the diva of _THIS_ band.

She was drying her hair. _AGAIN._

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the clothes I'd fit into a duffel bag along with my other necessities – make up remover, deo, perfume, my other net biker gloves and my eyeliner.

In 15 minutes flat I was done, and had dragged Twish away from the hairdryer. We walked out as she continued to bug me about the hair.

"Your hair is FINE. Jeez!"

"Okay, so – question. First though, HI EVERYONE!" Zoe shouted the last two words as she waved spastically, out of the corner of my eye I saw Bill throw his head back and laugh. Tom shook his head in mock disgust. Payal winced, taking off the earphones.

"Are you NUTS?!" she hollered.

"Okay, where are we going and what are we doing there?" I said, as I placed my hand over Zoe's mouth; I saw Bill laugh harder than ever.

"BOTH are for you to decide." Tom offered.

An idea seemed to have struck my twin, and as it flooded my mind too we both smirked.

"Oooo – kay! Here's how it goes – rap lovers sit yourselves down in here…" Payal said, smiling broadly.

"While those who like to be blown away by rock you gotta follow me." I said, not being able to resist a smile myself.

"NOW you two LOOK like identical twins!" the Kaulitz idiots stated. My sister and I giggled in unison.

"Ok, then if everyone's decided – rock lovers get yourselves out of there."

Bill and Gustav got down from the car, and Tom took over the driver's seat. Twisha came along with us. So the SUV contained Payal, Tom, Georg and Zoe. We were now walking a little way towards the back of the house where my car stood. Bill's hand found mine once more as Gustav and Twish goofed off ahead of us. I didn't mind. In fact I very much liked it. it felt nice.

"Where are we going?" Bill asked me, turning his face to look at me. I just noticed his accent was still noticeable when he said 'w'.

I smirked. "_THAT_, my friend, is for me to know and you to find out!" I said, winking at him. He looked a little panicked.

"I don't like secrets." He said.

"It's not a secret it's just a surprise." I said gently.

"I'm not very patient." He retorted his eyes closing; it was almost as if I was guiding him ahead now.

"Your patient enough to close your eyes while I hold your hand so that in a way I'm guiding you to wherever we're going," I whispered into his ear. His eyes flashed open, and then again the warm smile was back with the same look as before – the one that I could not fathom, where his gaze seemed to examine my eyes for something he had found there, which he found comforting - "So that means you trust me? Just an ounce?" I continued to whisper. I was walking backwards now. He nodded.

"Maybe more than an ounce." He whispered back, a smile playing on his lips, his eyes shut once more. I smiled in return, I smiled for the strange happiness I felt when he uttered those words.

"Then there's no problem is there?" I said, quietly; although I didn't whisper my voice was only heard by him.

"None." He said simply.

"OK, then." I said, gently removing my hand from his, but still walking backwards in front of him. His eyes flashed open, and his grin widened. I slid my hands into my pockets as I continued to smile. Turning around, I pressed a button on my key and unlocked the car, revving the engine a little as everyone sat down.

"Here. We. Go." I said in a robotic voice, making everyone chuckle. I laughed, carefree, as I pulled out of the house and into the streets of LA.

BILL'S POV

My heart thudded onwards in a comforting way as I got into the front of the car. I had no choice even if I hadn't wanted to sit there. I am pretty tall after all.

The engine was left on as Niki tap – tapped her fingers quickly across the screen of her iTouch. She handed me the gadget as she switched gears and begun to back out of the drive way.

"Switch to the third playlist won't you?" she said, her eyes focused on the rear view mirror, as she smoothly and expertly reversed out of the gates.

I tap – scrolled my way down, reaching the playlist and tapped on it twice. The first guitar riff blared through the car, causing the whole vehicle to vibrate with the bass.

"I JUST HOPE YOU GOT A CAR INSURANCE!!" Gustav yelled through the back. But you could see he didn't mind – in fact he was having the time of his life. Niki cracked a grin at him through the rear view mirror.

_We are scanning the scene  
in the city tonight  
We're looking for you  
to start up a fight  
There's an evil feeling in our brains  
But it's nothing new  
you know it drives us insane_

"Running,  
On our way  
Hiding,  
You will pay  
Dying,  
One thousand deaths  
Running,  
On our way  
Hiding,  
You will pay  
Dying,  
One thousand deaths  
Searching,  
Seek and Destroy  
Searching,  
Seek and Destroy!  
Searching,  
Seek and Destroy  
Searching,  
Seek and DESTROY!!!!"

Niki sung over the music as Gustav banged out on his imaginary drums. Even TWISHA was pretending to play bass. The windows were rolled down and in the breeze she looked more joyous than ever.

_I've never seen anything quite like you.._

As my own voice reverberated through the car I stared at the girl next to me. She seemed oblivious as I stared her down.

"What?" she said blinking.

"Its us!" I said lamely.

"Er… So? It's not just Bill. Its Tokio Hotel." She said shrugging.

"Oh, no way…" Twisha whispered as we turned the corner and reached a long deserted road which was split into two lanes. There was not a single soul on the shops that lined the long, seemingly endless road. Niki smirked – it looked almost evil the expression was SO mischevious.

"Oh, yeah way." She said, jerking her head from one side to the other before rubbing her gloved hands together.

NOW I noticed the Black SUV that stood in the lane parallel to ours. The window rolled down and I saw Tom fake a scared gulp while Payal snickered. Niki reached over me to look out the window.

"Care for a little crazy time?" she shouted.

"Sure!!"

Suddenly Niki zeroed the volume, and I heard the faint ring of hip hop music being turned up.

"Here. We. Go." Niki mouthed as the robotic voice coming from the SUV resounded in the silence.

"Uh – oh." Was all Twisha, or anyone of us could utter before I was taken for the ride of my life


	14. Chapter 14

_**IN THE SUV**_

PAYAL's POV

The SUV was not going to be a pretty place, trust me on this one. With Zoey and me together alone anywhere, it results in a lot of screaming from people around us…I smirked at the thought

"Tom?"

"Yes?"

"Do you even know where are we going?" I looked at him with what the others called my 'Payal Face'. I used to use this face on Rishika when she cracked a funny and I didn't want to laugh, she used to – and still does – get very freaked. I just stare at the person's face with no expression on my face. Trust me, I get scared myself sometimes…

"Er..no."

I got out of the car and walked over to the driver's side. "Get your ass off my seat boy! We got places to go…" He nodded and got off. "Get out Georgi. You're in my seat."

"Okay lover-boy" Georg got off and crossed me to get to the backseat. "God, I know you like her and all, but don't make it obvious! And I thought you knew how to handle women…" I ignored his muttering and got in. First thing I looked at was the music system. Someone's iPod was attached to it, but I need rap while driving. I put mine in and blasted Jay-Z before I revved up the engine, and zoomed out into the streets of L.A.

GEORG's POV

HOLY CRAP THAT GIRL CAN DRIVE! No sooner did the rest of us put on the seatbelts that we were blown aback by the music...and her speed. Jay-Z BOOMED through the speakers, the whole van was moving to the beat. Despite that, we still zoomed full speed ahead on the suddenly empty road.

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU DRIVE SO FAST?" Tom and I scream together, screaming was the only way to be heard over the music.

"I played a FUCK lot of racing games as a kid. My dad refused to teach me how to drive because of the same reason, but I can be pretty persistant when I really really want to." It didn't even seem like she was yelling, her voice rose above the rap so easily. She winked at Tom, who couldn't seem to get his eyes off of her.

PAYAL's POV

He was looking at me with that weird look again. It caused some kind of rapture in my heart, making it go all flippy again. God I hate when that happens…

"WHERE THE SHIT ARE WE GOING?" Tom yelled from the passenger's seat.

Zoey leaned forward "You'll know. Woman aint gonna tell you nothin' 'til we get there" Pulling the 'black girl' accents her and my hyperactive twin couldn't seem to get enough of since the 9th grade… I laughed as Tom and Zoey shared a moment.

We were almost at the starting point.

As the thought reached me I smirked.

"WHAT?!" Georg shouted from the back.

"Oh, _you'll_ see." I said as I slowed down and stopped at the beginning of my lane.

"OOOHHH YAY!!!" Zoe shouted as she recognized the deserted road.

I cut off the music, rolling down the window, staring Bill – who was alarmed at the close proximity he shared with my overexcited and oblivious twin – and Niki – who smirked evilly at me.

"What?!" Tom echoed into the silence.

"Oh, nothing; nothing at all." I said revving the engine same time she did.

"Oh – no…" he said as the 'plan' hit him square in the face.

"Oh, yeah." I said, jerking my head like my sis had a mere two minutes ago.

The last thing I saw was Niki mouthing the robotic voice's words before she and I zoomed off ahead, and everyone lurched back into their seats.

BILL'S POV

I was literally thrown back against my seat. The music blared loud and clear in what had been pin drop silence not over a minute ago.

_Got money and you know it_

_Take it out your pocket and show it_

_Then throw it like_

_This way, that way,_

_This way, that way-ay_

OK, I really had no clue what song it was but the two chicks were feeling the goddamned beat. They swerved swiftly and expertly round the corners. They were driving fast, but they were DEFINITELY not driving rough. This could be two professionals in a F1 race for all I knew.

_They see me rollin_

_They hate it_

_Patrollin _

_They tryin ta catch me ridin' dirty_

_Tryin ta catch me ridin' dirty_

_Tryin ta catch me ridin' dirty_

_Tryin ta catch me ridin' dirty_

_Tryin ta catch me ridin' dirty_

_My music so loud_

_I'm swinging_

_They hopin_

_That they gon' catch me ridin' dirty_

_Tryin ta catch me ridin' dirty_

_Tryin ta catch me ridin' dirty_

_Tryin ta catch me ridin' dirty_

_Tryin ta catch me ridin' dirty_

Damn right THIS song was. We'd reached a dust road kind of thing.

"ARE YOU EVEN SURE THIS IS IN CITY LIMITS?!" I shouted to Niki over the music, who seemed to be having the time of her life as she raced a little way ahead of her sister. She smirked.

"You're right in the HEART of Los Angeles." She said, looking at me for a fraction of a second before turning back to the road and making a fast turn, where she swerved the car around, smirking evilly at her older sister. We had won the 'race'.

_DRAH! 2 Fast...  
DRAH! 2 Furious...  
I'M TOO FAST FOR Y'ALL MAYN!  
DRAH! 2 Fast...  
DRAH! 2 Furious...  
OHH! I'M TOO FAST FOR Y'ALL MAYN!_

AHH, you just came home from doin a bid  
Tell me whatcha gon do? ACT A FOOL  
Somebody broke in and cleaned out your crib  
BOY whatcha gon do? ACT A FOOL  
Just bought a new pair and they scuffed your shoes  
Tell me whatcha gon do? ACT A FOOL  
Now them cops tryna throw you in them county blues  
BOY whatcha gon do? ACT A FOOL

Both engines were still running. And as I looked out the window I saw the other four looking at us with the biggest smiles ever. When I came to think of it, this WAS fun. Niki revved the engine as her smirk grew wider, if that were possible. She hit play on the music system, turning up the bass, and the crazy drums boomed through, welcoming the guitar. I heard Gustav "whoop" in joy.

As the guitar established itself, Niki reversed, moving ahead in the lead, as her sister tried in vain to overtake us.

_Living and dying laughing and crying  
Once you have seen it you will never be the same  
Life in the fast lane is just how it seems  
Hard and it is heavy dirty and mean_

Motorbreath  
Its how I live my life  
I can't take it any other way  
Motorbreath  
The sign of living fast  
It is going to take  
Your breath away

The road grew darker, as the trees formed a green roof over us, and suddenly up ahead there were lights strewn over the barks of trees. The girls slowed down, Niki lowering the music and cutting the engine – allowing me and my four band members to take in a sharp, excited breath.

In the silence you would have only heard Gustav rejoicing.

"Oh, wow." I breathed.

"Do you like it?" Niki asked me.

"It's our hang out spot since forever." Twisha added the excitement clear in her voice.

I was looking out at a tiny winding lane lined with pub – like buildings. It felt to me like I had stepped into a tiny little garden at night. The thick leaf – roof overhead, didn't allow much light to penetrate through. There were Venetian lampposts present every now and then all along the cobbled street. It was like heaven, what with the silence.

"No one comes here?" I said, turning to look at Niki. She smiled at me, as she stepped out of the car, but it was Twisha who answered.

"People used, but not anymore."

"Why?" I asked.

"You'll see soon." Niki said as she walked ahead, her eagerness letting her forget about waiting for the rest of us all.

"This is SO cool!" I heard Georg shout from some way away.

"And we just leave the cars in the trees?" Tom asked.

"Yeah no one comes here anyways. And didn't you notice – your security people and our security people are parked a little way away for us." Niki said to him, motioning into the distance behind. Not that I saw through the trees, I could see a hint of the beach some way ahead, but the view was blocked by buildings, A LOT of buildings. So Niki WAS right.

"So… what's the highlight of _this_ place?" Gustav asked.

"Oh, you'll hear if you stop and listen for a minute or two." Zoe said, smirking.

So we stopped.

And right on cue, that's when we heard it.

The music floated from different directions, if you turned just a little way here or there, the melody that floated towards you seemed a little different. It was mesmerizing… almost… mystical.

"What _is_ this place?" I whispered in wonder.

"People don't know it because the music played here isn't _famous_. Many people don't visit this area. The few who do are mainly struggling musicians, or musicians who don't work in the main stream like us, and kids who study at music school, either on a field trip, or they've been recommended. But all of them tend to come by night." Niki said, walking further ahead.

"Hola!" she said, waving to a figure up ahead. Apparently she was very familiar with the people here.

"So, what kind of music _does_ play here?" Tom asked.

"Well you have jazz, salsa, reggae, hip – hop, rap, rock, punk, screamo, alternative, electronic, pop, soul, r n b, country… well basically everything. The people play live out here. Everything you hear is live. But none of these bands, singers, composers, instrumentalists are famous anywhere. They only play here for fun. Half of them work by day, half by night. And in their spare time – they stage shows here. It's completely amazing." Zoe said, walking after Niki.

"Wow."

"Yup." Payal said, "Now, come on. There's loads to see, if you wanna see it all!"

TOM'S POV

I could not believe this place.

It was magical. Like something out of a fairytale. I walked up ahead next to Niki. She was looking ahead, without even paying any attention and, funnily enough, she avoided all the slips she could have suffered.

Then, suddenly, I heard it.

The beat was crazy.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down!" Someone said from next to me. I turned - "What's the hurry?! The place isn't running away for shiz!!" Zoe said. I smiled, amused.

"Do you _always_ talk like that?"

"Yup. Okay where did you want to go anyway?" she asked, causing me to focus on that crazy rap beat once more. I walked faster.

"Ah… I get it! I like that one too! One of my favourites!" she said, as we reached the little door and stepped in –

Where I was blown away and off my feet.

They had everything put up here – Jay-Z, T.I, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, Eminem, Kanye West, Drake, Will. I. Am, G-Unit, even SAMMY DELUXE.

"Wow." I breathed.

"Yeah you just saw your beloved Sammy Deluxe's poster dintcha? But you're here on the wrong day. Kane isn't here today." Zoe said as she scanned the crowd. It was scary. There was not a SOUL wandering outside. But every little building seemed to be FILLED with people.

"Whose Kane?" I asked her as she handed me a soda from the bar – like place. Well it couldn't be a bar, since this wasn't a pub or something.

"He's like the best of the best. But you don't see him often nowadays; some say he's getting signed with a record company. But nothing's up for sure – Hey dude!" she said, as we moved through the crowd, greeting people who were evidently familiar to her. A few people recognized me, but not a word. It was like they understood I didn't want the screaming right now. It was cool yet just so new for me.

"I didn't know you like hip – hop and rap!" I shouted in her ear as we reached the front, close to where the DJ sat and flipped the beats.

"Well not ALL of it. But this one here is pretty different. The people who usually hang here – they're cool." She said to me. I had feeling I was going to be getting along with this girl. "Sometimes, they have this crazy battle kind of thing. It's cool. And the best part is – it can happen anytime. You just have to be loud enough for the DJ to hear and give the sig –" but I couldn't hear anymore no matter how eager I was to know.

_Tempo has reached critical level._

_Tempo has reached critical level._

Zoe pointed a finger in the air as she nodded with a smirk. BOUNCE BY TIMBALAND?!

"THAT'S THE SIGNAL??!!" I shouted.

"Yeah!!" she yelled back.

And then I watch one of the craziest rap battles.

Of all time.

PAYAL'S POV

"So, what are we in the mood of?" Niki said, walking backwards in front of me, Georg, Gustav, Twish and Bill.

"I dun – OOHH!!!" Georg shouted.

"Okay…" I said, while Gustav rolled his eyes and Bill laughed maniacally.

Georg headed into a little building from where soft guitars and a piano were floating out. Niki's brow furrowed, as she walked after him.

"I forgot about this one…" she said absent mindedly as she followed him to the door. She opened it a tiny crack.

"OOOH Its Sara today!!! I'm going in!! You guys wanna come?"

"No thanks." Gustav said as Niki jumped up and down. I simply rolled my eyes. Niki in any place filled with music is like a kid in a candy store.

"Me neither." I said waving to her.

"I'll come." Bill said, following her in. he had looked perky since the moment the melody on the piano floated out into the street.

NIKI'S POV

"SARA! SARA! SARA! SARA!" I chanted along with the crowd, as I made my way to the front.

This was the crazy thing about little Melody Lane – you had no one outside.

And the whole world inside.

I pulled the two guys – who were bouncing up and down in excitement – to the front, standing on tip toe to say hello to my amazing soprano friend onstage. Her eyes swept the crowd as she sat there at the grand piano. It was typical Sara get – up : A long white Goth dress with that heck load of black eyeliner and her flowing black hair making her pale beautiful skin look like it was glowing. Her eyes were a startling light grey. It was like Bill all over again – she was so pretty it wasn't even _human_ any longer. She was one of the most beautiful girls I'd met.

Her eyes rested on me, and her eyes sparkled even more than usual. She walked up, hauling me up so suddenly, I lost balance and landed on Bill. Luckily the boy caught me, even though his eyes were glued to the piano onstage.

"Thanks." I said, looking back at him as I climbed onto the stage.

I hugged my friend. She was beautiful, and yet her personality held simplicity in it. Sara taught at a Special Ed school for all those disabled children who were homeless. She left for the little school at six in the evening, so I was happy that I caught her. She, like my other friends in this place, knew about the record deal. Some of them had even heard of us before we came here.

We both squealed in delight. We hadn't seen each other for a week now. I had been too busy to make it anywhere after the studio. As I waved out to the crowd Sara muttered in my ear.

"Have you been hanging out with Tokio Hotel. Because the two guys you brought in here with you look just like Bill Kaulitz and Georg listing."

"Yeah, that's them." I said, not speaking much as the usual wave of nausea and stage fright made my body go rigid.

I was just happy she didn't squeal like she otherwise would have.

"Okay… _WHAT_ would you like to grace us with?" Sara asked me as she took the mike.

"Hmm… What _WOULD_ I like to grace you'll with today?" I asked the crowd as I winked and smiled. Being on stage was one of the best experiences ever. After the first few moments of feeling like your legs were too heavy to move, you feel just fine. I began tapping my index finger against my chin as I 'thought' and smiled at the audience. I could hear a chant coming on, and I wanted it to build up.

"I'm sorry, WHAT?" I said, walking back and forth along the stage. The chants began to become clear.

_Lithium! Lithium!_

_Lithium! Lithium!_

"I can't HEAR YOU!!" I said into the mike in a sing song voice, as I cupped a hand behind my ear, 'listening'. Sara threw her head back and laughed.

_LITHIUM! LITHIUM!_

_LITHIUM! LITHIUM!_

I smirked. "Alright, alright, alright! You should have said that earlier!! Lithium it is!!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Georg and Bill exchange smiles. But they looked like they had no idea what they were up for.

Me and Sara sat down at the piano, and I looked over at Bill in the crowd. He had his eyebrow raised, almost as if he were saying – "HOW are you BOTH gonna play there?"

I only smirked before we begun.

"_Lithium – don't wanna lock me up inside_

_Lithium – don't wanna forget how it feels without_

_Lithium – I wanna stay in love with my sorrow_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh_

_But god I wanna let it go…_

The two – piece melody me and Sara had devised begun. Where I played using the chords and the vocals on the piano's bass, Sara played the actual sheet music at the treble.

GEORG'S POV

I felt my jaw drop, and saw Bill's did too as the two girls begun to sing and play.

We all have heard a bass and soprano sing together, right?

But what happens when _TWO_ sopranos sing together?

Utter bliss, that's what.

Apparently we were at the Goth genre. There were candles being lifted off the tables and held in the air, just like people hold up their cell phones as a symbol of light at a concert.

Soon, a lot of the crowd was singing along. It was amazing. Now I knew why the girls loved coming here. Maybe if Stella came along to LA sometime I'd bring her here. It was amazing!

BILL'S POV

_I can't hold on to me  
Wonder what's wrong with me?_

Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside  
Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without  
Lithium, stay in love with you

Oh

_I'm gonna let it go_

The song ended, and I painstakingly put my jaw back together.

What's with these girls' amazing voices?!

I was completely blown off my feet as I helped the two of them offstage.

The girl called Sara was inhumanly pretty. Her grey eyes were so startling… But somehow held none of the charm that Niki's brown one's did for me.

Not that Sara wasn't a nice person; on the contrary she was lovely. She was simple and sweet.

Not to mention as we walked out into the street together, each with a coffee in hand, she seemed to be part of this magical place.

We walked and walked for God knows how long. All four of us were too engrossed talking about life and about where we came from and things like that. I learnt that Sara lived with her boyfriend, and that she taught at a Special Ed school.

"Really?" I asked her, impressed.

"Yup. You get a certain…joy… you know to help them." She said. Evidently Sara knew all about Tokio Hotel, but we were treated almost like we were just somebody else. But by now we had gotten accustomed to this – the other four girls had done the same from the beginning.

"Yeah, I know watch you mean!" Niki said. At this point we had reached the end of the winding lane, which was the sea face. We sat at the raised barricade, coffee in hand as we talked. "In school I was a peer counselor."

"Wait, how is that the same?" Georg asked.

"Oh, no we did it a little differently back home. You see they would choose a certain group of students without the prep attitude, those who REALLY wanted to help. And we were helped and trained in how we could help kids solve their problems. Our school counselor came up with the idea. He was a cool dude. He knew teenagers would talk to teenagers about their problems openly rather than teachers or parents, you know? So, we were trained in how you could really make these people feel loved, noticed, cared for even if they were complete strangers. You don't know how amazing it feels to help people. But then you gotta be the kind of person who doesn't talk shit about that person's problems to someone else."

"That's nice." I said.

"Yeah, I know! It feels amazing to have someone walk up to you and have them trust you without you getting labeled like, 'Oh, she's THAT chick'…"

"I wish we had that back home." I mumbled.

NIKI'S POV

And just as I was spacing out Tom and Zoe came over.

"YOU CANNOT BELIEVE HOW AMAZINGLY AWESOME THAT WAS THOSE DUDES WERE RAPPING THE FUCK OFF IT WAS SO COOL!!"

Zoe just sat down next to me and rolled her eyes.

"It's the same old…" she said, but her eyes lit up as Gustav walked back with Payal. "Kane wasn't there today!" Zoë whined to Payal.

"Chicka you have a boyfriend!!" Payal said to her, as she took a swig of my coffee. "UGH! You took it black again!"

"What!" I said, defending myself, "Nothing wrong with black coffee!!"

"BOTH OF YOU – SHUT IT!!" Twish shouted, as she came running downhill and paused for breath. Tom snickered. Twish only glared at him.

"That's what you and Bill do quite a lot of the time!!" she said.

Tom only looked surprised. "We do?"

I shook my head. I was in no mood for any of this. Suddenly I just felt like wandering off on my own. Suddenly I wanted to be on my own. Suddenly I didn't want to make conversation at all.

"You guys, I'll see you later. I'm going for a walk on my own." I said, getting up from the edge.

"Wait!" I heard Bill shout worried.

BILL'S POV

"Wait!" I shouted after her. I was leaving for god knows where tomorrow. I couldn't NOT stop her. There was a sudden pull I felt towards this girl, and it felt like I had to know her.

I ran up to where she stood.

"Mind if I come along?" she sighed and nodded her head, and we walked away from everyone else, who was saying goodbye to Sara; it was almost six and she had to leave.

The wind was whipping up again. We were near the beach, and I should have expected that, but it was so sudden.

"What's up?" I asked her as we walked in silence. She hadn't looked at me once, and I was curious what she was thinking about. She shrugged.

"Just wanted a quiet walk is all. It was like suddenly I didn't really wanna talk so much more with everyone."

"You sound like you got something on your mind." I stated.

She sighed once more. "I don't even know why it's so easy to talk to you. It's just that life's moving so fast that… well maybe I just needed time away from everyone to think a little. Sometimes your around people so often, you spend so much time with everyone else that you need a day or an hour all to your thoughts. At least if you're a seventeen year old like me who apparently according to everyone sounds like a twenty five year old pretty often." She said.

NIKI'S POV

"I get what you mean. Sometimes you feel stuck. It's just like you don't know what you wanna do at the moment, so you just drift with your thoughts." He said. I looked up from where I had been staring at the stones passing underneath my feet.

"Exactly." I said relieved someone got it.

"That happens often. I didn't know I'd meet someone who'd get that." He said smiling. Suddenly it felt like we both felt relieved. "I don't even know why I trust you, but I do." He blurted out.

"Me too." I said quietly, and we smiled at each other. It felt comfortable talking to Bill. I didn't know why or how, but it did. It felt like I knew him.

But had I known the fact that I knew him since way back then?!

I was pulled back down to earth as the scanty strip of sky I could see through the roof tops darkened. I could already see a few people up ahead, moving their way through the different buildings.

We walked ahead in utter silence for a while, each lost in their thoughts. Don't get me wrong, I'm no loner but sometimes it all comes to a point where you gotta just think life out, even if there is nothing wrong. His hand found mine suddenly, and I broke out of the cocoon and smiled at Bill.

I didn't realize how naturally that smile came to my face when I looked at him. It's like a reflex action…Until later that night I didn't realize how Bill refused to look at anything but me. It was a bit unnerving, but I loved it for some reason. It made me feel like I was part of something, like I belonged.

And I loved that feeling

"SO!" Tom said, breaking my reverie. I hadn't even realized where we were walking. It felt so good just to walk like that, without a word. And yet I felt like I'd had a whole conversation with Bill.

I smiled at his older brother.

"We gotta leave now." Gustav said sadly.

"Hey, we can still talk!" Twish said, hugging him lightly.

"Oh, and yeah – can we not tell the media about this whole hanging together thing just yet?"

Bill and Tom exchanged a glance.

"Why?"

"Well, because we have to set the release date and then promotional interviews etcetra etcetra… so basically fans will be freaking out anyway. And if they find out about this, it's basically gonna be assumed this was all a publicity stunt." I said.

"You know, I think that sounds just about right." He said, looking at the rest of his band mates and nodding. I nodded in agreement.

"So…bye…" I said, but I was suddenly being hugged by both the G's and Tom. "O – kay… that was unexpected." I said, moving away as Tom grinned at me. It was a – I don't know – brotherly grin? Yeah that would be it.

Everyone said bye to everyone.

Except Bill and I.

Everyone had stepped into the respective band cars, even.

_Except _Bill and I.

We smiled at each other.

"Can I ask you for something?" he said, tentatively.

"Er, yeah…"

"Can I hug you?"

"Bill! Of course! That's – " But he'd already pulled me close. "Silly." I completed, mumbling into his shoulder. This felt… fine.

But it made me shy because 6 pairs of eyes were bound to be watching us. Zoe was gonna talk about the silly 'someone's got a crush – y – crush' all over again.

But there and then, I just shook it off.

BILL'S POV

She smelt like vanilla, sandalwood and musk, and it was intoxicating.

I let go of her slowly, standing at an arm's distance once more.

It hurt too damn much.

"I guess this is goodbye…" I said. But she shook her finger.

"M – hmm. It's we'll see each other again sometime." She said, smiling at me.

"You know what that sounds better." I said, agreeing, and we both laughed. Suddenly Tom honked, and I scowled. Niki began to laugh harder, but out of her car Zoe tugged her arm.

"They're all too damn impatient!" she said, throwing her head back and laughing as she waved and sat in the car.

It hurt too damn much.

I waved back as I walked backwards. I sat down in the front passenger seat as they drove ahead, all of them peeking out the window shouting "See ya later!"

And as Tom drove back to the hotel I felt it again.

And you know what?

It hurt too damn much.


	15. Chapter 15

NIKI'S POV

He was gentle, and warm, and I can't even describe it right, because it's indescribable. I knew now how much I'd miss all of them. How much I'd miss him.

I didn't seem to be able to utter a word all the way home. Zoe was talking to Cameron, Payal was talking to J... Twish was texting her mum, and I was managing to drive without hitting anything only because I was a born multi – tasker. As I drove down a new route that gave me a spectacular view of the beach, the sun broke through the horizon – making the sky glow a dim red where it met the sea. I sighed. They would be leaving soon. Life was so bitterly unfair.

And yet I would never complain.

I got back home and flopped down on my bed.

_*Ping*_

I had a new text from Tanz. I sighed as I read it through, wondering how I'd answer how my day was. I wondered how I'd face her. The moment we hit the charts she'd find out who we were. It scared me. It felt like I had to do something about this soon enough. With my mind made up I lay there, wondering should I text one of them, or would I look like a creep doing that. I decided to do it anyway. I decided to follow my gut feeling like I usually do.

**Niki: This may sound weird, or obsessive or whatever else you wanna call it – but I miss you guys already.**

I locked the keypad on my phone as my heart continued to race ahead.

**Bill: it sounds neither weird nor obsessive so STFU :d Miss you too. What are you guys doing tomorrow? We got interview after interview lined up. I swear after today everything is gonna feel like a whirlwind!**

I was relieved to hear those words, but a little amused by how he used proper English in a text.

**Niki: haha, OK I won't do tht again k? V gotta finish our vid tom, n then editing etc, etc… haha, yeah, tht happens wit me all d time. Whr ARE u guys crrntly newys?! I thought u'll wud hve left by nw…**

**Bill: I'm sitting on the airport with a bag of skittles :P**

**Niki: *throws head into the pillow* I pity Tom…**

**Bill: ?! :-/**

**Niki: Hey, I'm kidding! XD you know I might get screwed soon… **

**Bill: Fine… :-P y will u get screwed neways?**

**Niki: Finly caught on 2 txt format I c… lol… Coz I hve a really close frnd in England hu has no clue hu I m… n I'm scared as to hw she wud react. I only din tell her coz I didn't wnt ppl falling all ovr her, n all of tht. N d moment of truth's cumin close. Makes me feel even mre guilty… :-S**

**Bill: LOL… Scheisse…bt dnt stress now, u gt loads to do. If she rly cares she'll gt it rite?**

**Niki: Hope so… OK, srry I gtg… Payal gtng pissed coz v gotta leave in d afternoon fr d vid n 'u hvnt slept'. *rolls eyes***

**Bill: LOL. I hve another hr 2 kill in dis plce. So ttyl then…**

**Niki: I dint know guys rite ttyl!!??**

**Bill: well nw u do :d haha. Go b4 u 'die' LMAO**

**Niki: Fine :-/ LOL cya later – the brother of mister ants in my pants!!**

**Bill: haha, yeah ok. Bt I wont tell him tht ;-)**

I shut my phone, feeling suddenly relieved. Something clicked in me without me realizing, which was weird. This never usually worked with me. But I put the thought at the back of my head as I shut my phone off and went to sleep to the sound of Zoe and Payal fighting with each other.

BILL'S POV

I locked my keypad to find four pairs of eyes staring at me, with all eyebrows raised up above where I couldn't possibly see them, what with all the hair.

"What?" I asked, looking from one to another as I popped a skittle into my mouth.

"Nothing…" Jost said, shaking his head at me.

"It was just a text!! And we haven't got anything to do on the AIRPORT any which way!" I retorted.

"Oh, we know…" Tom said, smirking as he turned away. They all just LOVED to pull my skinny legs, didn't they?

"Seriously, though…" I muttered under my breath. But it was of no use; Tom had plugged his earphones in once more, bobbing his head to the beat of rap music, Gustav had gone to get himself a coffee, and Georg was talking to Stella on the phone.

This was the usual case scene when all of us had an iota of time to ourselves, even.

NIKI'S POV

The next few days were a blur. It was almost as if a whirlwind blew past or something – the video was being launched, and the cat was out of the bag. We were going global.

And then came the endless interviews.

"What's your favourite colour?"

"What moves you as a band?"

"Are you all single?"

"How does it feel to be in the States?"

"Tell us a little bit more about life back home?"

"How does it feel to reach such a high stand in just 1 and a half year?"

"Teach us something in Hindi?"

"Are the songs on the album in connection with each other?"

"What exactly is the message behind the first single?"

Oh, and on top of that, I had a surprise visit that very day that I texted Bill.

Tanz was in town.

I smiled as I sat in the limo to just another of the million interviews we'd been giving, and remembered the moment I'd told her.

"_Oh, wow, oh…" was all she said. I exhaled, relieved that she understood._

"_Yeah…"_

"_So that means your going global…?"_

"_Mhm." I'd said, a smile creeping up my lips._

"_WOOH FREAKING HOO!!!" she'd shouted hugging me. That day had gone showing her EVERYTHING – from the songs to the video to the album cover – EVERYTHING. And I had been relieved she was so supportive._

"_Why would I get angry?! Silly you!" was all she'd said. _

I shook my head now. I had spoken to her just last night, and she'd laughed about the funny answers we'd given the host at MTV Buzzworthy.

You know what the worst part was?

I couldn't talk to my friends as often.

Yeah, occasionally I would sit up at night having multiple text convos with Tom and Gustav, and once talking on conference with the twins –

Catastrophe.

"_NO, we're leaving for Paris next Tuesday."_

"_No, this Tuesday! Bill! You suck!"_

I had been stuck in a fight, and I ended being called 'Mutti' by both of them, from trying to bring order out of chaos. I had hit 'end call' in my frustration, only resulting in a billion 'sorry' messages.

_*ping*_

"Speak of the devil." I muttered, smiling as I got another text from Bill.

**Bill: Long time no txt. Wts up?**

**Niki: Going for a performance at HOT TOPIC… :P**

**Bill: OHHH I saw d Buzzworthy interview!!! LOL**

**Niki: haha, ok bt nw I gtg, I'll call u later ok?**

**Bill: sure, happy jumping ;-)**

**Niki: You wish. XD**

I shut my phone, as I walked out the stretch limo, and got squashed by the gazillion fans outside. Of course the body guards were there to protect us, but occasionally a fan would manage to grab on your tee. And then faint, causing you to stare in utter shock, until your band mate shoves you ahead.

But today I was in for a total surprise.

We were doing a little live performance of "Catch Your Eye" at Hot Topic, and the crowd was feeling it. I was loving being on stage again. We were pepping up the crowd, and they clapped to the solo drum beat.

"Everybody sing it!" I shouted, and they did –

"_Did I finally catch your eye, did I?_

_Did I?_

_Did I?"_

They sung to just the drum beat. I pretended to squint, putting one hand to my ear.

"I'm sorry, what? I can't hear you!" I shouted. The crowd sung louder and louder, till the drums could barely be heard. Zoe threw her head back and laughed as she began strumming once again. The crowd went wild…

"THANKYOU SAN FRANCISCO!" I shouted as we ran off the stage. I grabbed a water bottle as we went, gulping everything down. It wasn't a long performance, but it was FREAKING hot outside.

As I walked backstage, black spots covered my eyes from being in the sun so long.

"That was an ama – AAHH!!!" I heard Twish, and turned, blindly looking for her. What the hell happened?! I rubbed my eyes hard with my fists, and I heard someone chuckle.

I spun around.

I remembered that laugh.

"HEY!!" I said, as the guitarist, bassist and drummer of my favourite band – and one of my first friends in the industry - hugged me. I looked around for the fourth loon, only to find him gobbling down the skittles I'd left on the table.

"YOU GREW TALLER!!" Gustav shouted as he hugged me.

"Yyyyuupp!!" I said, slurring the word out. He laughed lightly.

"Ahem…" I said, clearing my throat theatrically. Tom snickered from behind me. "Madame," I begun in complete French accent, "si vous avez fini de s'empiffrer sur la nourriture, mai-vous me dire bonjour à tous?" I said, innocently. Tom cracked up, placing a big, calloused hand on my shoulder for support as he laughed. Bill only blinked spastically at me, squinting as he tried to understand what I had just said.

"Je suis désolé, mon français n'est pas parfait." He said, stammering every now and then with the words, but managing to get it out right in the end. I just walked over to him as I shook my head and my heart raced ahead with joy and, without warning, he pulled me in for a hug.

"Wow, slow down… kitten. You're no tiger!" I said playfully, causing him to raise an eyebrow. I giggled, "I didn't you guys were in town!" I said as I faced them all.

"Yeah, well, now you do." Tom said smirking. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"I need a minute." I said, walking into a little room to the corner to wash my face and stuff. The sun's glare didn't do much for my thought processes.

But, as I walked out, I learnt this wasn't the only surprise I was receiving today.

"OK what is THAT doing in the room?" I asked, eyeing the TMOD camera fearfully.

"Well don't you think it's fitting that we let all hell break loose today. I mean – really, the fans are out with it and the album's doing amazingly well." Tom said, his arms spread over the back of the sofa.

"Yeah it did top number one on the charts." Payal said nodding in

"Uh…"

"Aw come on! I'm sick of hiding this! Really!"

I looked around at my friends, feeling unsure about what I should say or do. Just then Bill caught my hand.

"It'll be fine, you'll see." He said seriously. I sighed.

"OK."

* * *

"Oh, please Tom. You SUCK at that one." I said, giving the dude a disgusted look. We'd decided to play guitar hero.

Yeah. We got bored.

"Alright fine! Lets compete on it then!" he said. He had been picking Seek & Destroy by Metallica when I had stopped him.

"YOU'RE ON!" I yelled, picking up another guitar and plugging it to the mains.

"M, be careful." Payal warned the guy who I basically treated like a brother.

"Huh." He scoffed. The dude is up for trouble.

* * *

"HAHAHA you lost it!" I chanted as I finished the guitar solo and winning by just a note. I hit all of them, Tom missed one. He turned away to sulk, and Zoe patted his shoulder sympathetically. Bill snickered from next to me as he handed me a black coffee. We both were drinking our coffee black.

"So, what's the plan for this evening?" Gusti said.

"Except Georg and his sitting in the bathroom with a picture of me!" Tom said, wagging his finger in front of us all. I rolled my eyes. Sometimes I think the boy only repeats that line over and over because he wishes it were true.

Surrrre honey.

"Um… really no clue. I haven't been out on the streets in California at all lately."

"Yeah but we can't just walk out."

"Hmm… you know what? How bout we just go grab a bite to eat. Simple, and easy. All that's happening is emptying of wallets." I suggested.

"Sounds fine."

"It's a deal then."

"Hey, what do you mean?"

"We mean you guys need to butt out so we can change and drive of the sound of heavy guitars and flashing cameras yadda yadda yadda." I stated as I shoved Tom away from where he leaned against my knee.

"Ugh. Fine, but if you take a heck load of – "

"There are only two divas in this room. Number 1 and number 2." I stated calmly as I pointed to Bill and then Twisha.

"HEY!!" they both shouted at me.

"You guys NEED better come backs!" I said in playful boredom. Tom shook his head in agreement to my statement, and I hid behind him as Bill tried to ruffle my hair. I mean I may be tall and all, but the dude was still a good four inches taller. Crazy, really.

And right now he was giving me a freaky look again. I raised my eyebrow, but he only shook his head. I swear having him as your guy best friend is cool but kinda hard when his band mates bug the crap outta you – talking about how we have a budding romance going on. Roll your eyes right here like me and Bill do every single time.

"What's up?" I whispered to him as the all clambered out.

"Later, not here." He whispered back as he got out. I willed my eyes to be letting him know I got that, and he blinked slowly signaling that he did.

Something's up, and I NEED to find out.


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry I haven't updated in so long, I'll be posting more soon though, no worries (:**

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BILL'S POV

My hands shook where they lay in fists on either side of me on the sofa. Tom's lips had been a hard line since the moment I refused to talk about what was running through my mind. Right now I appreciated my brother and soul mate's concern, but I only knew one person who I could break down in front of. It's been a while since I expressed myself to anyone at all. I needed her to be with me right now.

"Are you guys done yet?!" Gustav shouted, but I only heard it from far away, like I was at one end of a block.

The girls walked out, and I saw her take a deep breath as she settled herself. She high – fived my elder brother and sat down next to me; unconsciously my hand slid towards her's on the sofa and, as she shifted closer, I smelt that vanilla, sandalwood and musk smell into which I had always found it so easy to relax. I tried to breathe it in without her noticing, but failed, which resulted in her smirking at me. But her eyes spoke a different story; they worried whether I was ok or not, and I had to look away from her probing gaze to keep myself contained for the moment.

I'd had no idea that I had been trailing along behind her and that we were sitting side by side in the front seat of a rented vehicle as she drove until Tom's voice broke through my thought processes.

"Where are we going anyway?"

"OK, Frisco… Frisco Frisco Frisco… hmmm… we could go to Bubba Gump…"

"You've forgotten Bill and I turned vegetarians two years ago." Tom said flatly.

"Euhm… Wait I know this cool place that's not too famous BUT it's comfy and the food's good. Maybe we can book the whole place for a little while…" Niki said trailing off as she took an abrupt turn and headed another direction.

"Indian food?" Gusti asked, perking up.

"Yep." She said, swerving the wheel and looking at him through the rear view mirror and grinning.

"Yes!"

She laughed, and then turned to me, "Dreamy boy! Wake up!" she said lightly, and I smiled at her.

We stopped in a little lane and parked a little way off. She was right – no one recognized us as we crossed the little area and entered the place. It was a well lit area and it looked like it had promise.

Everyone chattered and caught up on teasing each other. Glasses clinked and I watched as she sipped slowly on her wine. She caught my eye and nodded so subtly that no one caught the rapid change in our body language and the switch back to normal.

We sat there for what seemed like forever, and that crawling sensation of being lonely climbed its way up my back. I did not like it one bit, and it had me quiet till we reached the hotel, where we gave the car back and Niki and I stepped aside from everyone else, claiming that she just didn't feel like going back inside with the breeze blowing near the little garden like area tonight. And as we walked ahead she slipped her hand through mine again and squeezed it in the midst of the chirping crickets and overhanging trees.

"What happened?" she asked me. That's one of the things I loved about her, she never asked what was 'wrong'; she knew the effect language could have on people.

I struggled with words, unable to understand how to begin. We walked onwards, and she never asked me the question twice.

'You wanna sit?" she asked softly as we reached a little wooden bench, and I nodded my head jerkily. She pulled on my hand gently and sat facing me slightly. She lowered her head to peek into my face, which lay hung.

"Bill? Are you ok?" her tone had changed, she was alarmed now. I shook my head, and before I could stop myself the tears slipped down my face.

"Bill!" she exclaimed silently, and scooted closer to me, and before I knew it my body chose to find comfort in her embrace.

"Shh… it'll be fine." She murmured, holding me carefully.

"W – Will it?"

"I should think so." She side with finality. I did not reply to her and she didn't object to the silence. As my tears dried I realized she had been rocking us slowly, gently. I squeezed her fingers gently and she moved away a little to look into my face.

"You've got eyeliner all in your face." She said in a weak voice, smiling slightly. I smiled back, and she gently brushed her fingers across my cheeks, trying to remove all evidence of my sudden breakdown.

"Ok you're all good." She said smiling more brightly now at me. She didn't once ask what happened.

"You're not gonna ask me?" I asked her, my voice husky from crying and not talking for so long. She shook her head.

"You don't HAVE to tell me. It's ok if you don't." she said simply. "Do you wanna sit here a little longer, or are you ready to go back up?" she asked me, as if it hadn't been just two minutes ago that I'd bawled my eyes out on her shoulder.

Speaking of which, it was soaked.

"Crap." I muttered, my hands fluttering uselessly around the area, not knowing what to do with them. She pushed my hands away, behaving like she thought I was being a little more than silly.

"Pshh. I'll cover it up." She said, swinging her hair over her shoulder, and the wet spot was covered up by her beautiful brown hair.

NIKI'S POV

Right then and there he looked like a little child who had just too much on his shoulders.

"Oh Bill…" I sighed, looking away from his dull gold irises that had gone even wider, seeing as his eyes were a beautiful almond shape anyway.

"I bet Tom's pissed off with you." I told him, tilting my head up to stare into the night.

"Yep!" he said, elongating the word, and I turned to see his mesmerizing eyes refilled with his usual extra dose of happiness, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Silly Bill…" I said, shaking my head, baffled by his hyper mood at the prospect of his twin being angry with him. And we chuckled together.

Silence prevailed from then, and we were comfortable in it. That's how Bill and I could be – silent conversationalists.

And yet hyper idiots.

"I felt lonely." He said abruptly. I started, and turned my head to look at him. "I felt darn lonely and sick of remembering that I wasn't in love. And I couldn't help myself. It was just too much to hold in." he muttered, fidgeting with his nails, like he did every time he wanted to say something he thought was big and 'life – changing' as he like to put it. I squeezed his hand gently, and he looked up at me.

BILL'S POV

To my confession there followed a silence into which I guess I had been shocked. I had just realized two things

1 – if I ever fell in love, the girl would HAVE to share me with my best – girl – friend, and my brother; both of these people I owed my life to, and they both held pieces of my heart and soul.

2 – Niki was forever going to remain sacred to me, and that was that.

"Umm…what the hell is it?" she asked me now, one eyebrow raised in skepticism. I smiled at her as I drew a deep breath.

NIKI'S POV

"_To me you'll be forever sacred…_"

My breath hitched in my throat, and any words that I had thought of uttering stayed stuck where they were – all but forgotten in the sudden rush of emotions.

"Are you understanding that?" he said, a soft smile in place on his face, and I could only nod my head. His expression changed to one of panic. "What's wrong?!"

"I think the waterworks might be kicking in…" I said, my voice thick with unshed tears. But Bill had a question mark on his face.

Yet.

"I'm about to cry stupid!" I exclaimed loud and clear, and an unwilling chuckle escaped from my lips. Bill smiled and brushed on my eyes, making the tears spill and then catching them.

"Silly girl…" he trailed off in mock irritation, my eyes flew open.

"Hey don't you call me silly!" I said, as he began to get up and run. Soon me chasing him became him chasing me, and we were nearing the lifts when he crash landed straight into me, causing us to roll into the lift like a mess of happy tears and flailing limbs.

Thankfully we were alone.

"You – you idiot!" I panted, looking over at him as he clutched his side.

"You – you just stopped in front of – of the… lift! What wa – was I supposed to do!" he said, managing to smirk as he continued to pant and talk.

"OK, we are SO doing that again! Except without crying over each other." I stated, having regained my breath.

"O – okay, yeah!" he replied, and I giggled at his still bent double frame.

There was a silence, in which we both giggled – about how we'd forgotten to press the floor button.

"_To me you'll be forever sacred…_" he sung again as he took my hand lightly; I smiled.

And that was the day I accidentally realized I loved my best friend.

TOM'S POV

I could not believe he was doing this.

I mean, come on!

Who's his twin?

Me.

Who does he tell everything?

Me.

So now why her?!

I mean heck, Niki's kinda like the sister I never had; but telling each other everything was for Bill and me. That's it, no one else. Period; end of story.

So basically I didn't like it one bit that he was able to let all that tension loose in front of her, and not me.

I mean, it's not like I'm against it or whatever but jeez! He supposed to tell me everything.

Right?!

"You're jealous. Seriously dude – accept it. J-E-A-L-O-U-S; jealous." Georg said as he opened the fridge in the hotel suite we were all sitting in and puling out a can of Red Bull.

Well all of us were here except _those two._

"What am I jealous of?!" I asked him, speaking through gritted teeth.

"You realize you were babbling out loud all this while?! Jeez, they're just best friends, it's not like their doing stuff; or like Bill's replacing you. You know he wouldn't do that." Georg said, looking at me like I scared the bejeezus right outta him on a regular basis.

"Whatever. I don't like it." I said stubbornly.

"Tom, get a grip. It's just the one time he vented on someone else and not you. Is that so big a deal? I mean, give the dude a break. He sees the same faces everyday – so making a new friend and trusting them is a good thing for a guy like him who usually finds it so bloody hard to do exactly that. You should be happy; not pissed like the baboon that you're being."

"He likes her." I said bitterly. _OK, something's wrong with you, _the tiny voice in my head spoke. Having a conscience can suck on the rare occasion.

"As much as you bug the both of them about it, they deny it. Do you think he'd hide stuff like that from you? Not your soul mate. Never your soul mate."

"Please, just please. I know my brother." I said, getting out of the little kitchen area and towards the sofa in the main area of the huge suite.

Unfortunately the two of them chose that very moment to walk into the room.

PAYAL'S POV

Boy, the dude was bugging the hell outta me.

"Tom! Get a grip! Chill for the love of everything insane!" I said, trying to make him laugh, or at least not explode with all that anger. But no – the boy will remain exactly that, a boy. He just HAS to throw a hissy fit about the teensiest of things.

Yeah, you can safely say I have a thing for him.

But just please, let's get real – boys are WAY bigger older grandmas than the two girlies in Chicks on Flicks.

Fact of life: boys willing to push facts away from reality.

So then, this is what they become -

Dreamers.

Seriously though.

Suddenly laughter embraced the silence in the room.

"Yeah I know! But then it's not possible to – What happened?!" Bill said, halting in his tracks as he stood side by side, holding my sister's hand.

"Yeah did someone die or what?! No one's being a crackadoodie in here!" Niki said, taking on an Okie twang. And Zoe and Twish giggled as Gustav snorted. Georg walked into the room nervously. For an instant I actually believed Tom would melt and crack up that imma-bad-boy smirk of his.

Nup, no chance.

"I don't think I wanna be a – oh whatever it is!" the boy said irritably, walking towards the door swiftly, but Bill stopped him.

"What's up?" he asked his elder brother. Tom glared at him.

"Oh boy here we go." I muttered under my breath.

BILL'S POV

"Let. Me. Go." Tom muttered. I don't know what happened, and I can't understand why in the fuck he's angry with me.

Then it hit me.

"Uh, is this about me not telling you? Cause if your gonna go all crazy on her, this is gonna definitely hurt. What the fuck did I do wrong anyway?!"

"Oh, nothing. You did nothing, yeah?" he said sarcastically, and then threw in a glare towards my best friend. "Really nothing."

"Tom," she started softly, raising a hand towards my brother's tensed arm.

"Uh - uh, I'm not listening. Since you both are going all dandy on me, and skipping off together. I'm gonna leave."

Niki looked like someone had slapped her.

"Tom, I'm not – " she begun once again, ever so soft, but he turned to glare at her.

"Don't kid yourself." And his face said it all. It wasn't a look of pure hatred. It was more like an it's-your-fault-I'm-in-deep-shit-so-I-really-can't-stand-you look.

And a very strong and blatant look at that.

"I – I'm sorry." She said in a weak voice. Everyone looked away from the three of us, avoiding meeting any one of our gazes. "I – I guess I'm gonna go to bed now. Today – Today was ti – tiring… anyways." Niki said, staring down at her hands. I'd never heard her stutter before. Ever.

What was _wrong_ with Tom?!

"Um… goodnight… Payal, Zoe… Twish, Gustav, Geo… erm Tom. Goodnight." She said, looking quickly at everyone, and flinching as she turned towards Tom and me, the prior of which had looked away from her. "Goodnight." She said, finally looking at me in the end for not even a second as she tried to hide the hurt. I started forward, but she'd jerked out of the room and shut the door gently behind her.

"Are you having the jerk syndrome, or is this a way to humor yourself?" I said, rounding on my twin; and I stifled a gasp as I saw the coldness in his face. It melted me somehow. "Of all the people in the world I thought you wouldn't get me wrong, I thought you would understand and care and be sweet about it. Because she will NEVER replace you. Hell, I thought you understood I need you BOTH to complete me. I wonder if that made you feel a heck load better. Because right now? It sucks for me." I said, my voice managing to sound other worldly and soft while my insides raged with agony, hurt and the searing rush of adrenaline that comes with anger.

And with that I stormed out, not waiting to see the guilt and shock that flitted across my brother's face as he realized what he'd done.

I stood outside in the corridor of the luxurious hotel and took a deep breath took calm myself down. Her hurt brown eyes - that had gone wider than usual – flashed through my mind's eye.

I could not believe Tom, for in all this while he'd never been THIS irrational.

I knocked gently on the door to her suite, not wanting to ring the stupid and loud bell that they place outside the door. Anyhoo it was pretty late at night.

I heard nothing at all, nothing but a soft footfall on the other side of the door, and heard it only because the corridor had succumbed to a deafening silence.

I knocked persistently once more.

"Niki, please can I just come in for a moment? I promise I'll leave when I know your fine." I said softly, wording my promise carefully, carefully enough to give me ample amount of time to sit with her.

"Don't think so." I heard her mutter, and I knew it was meant for herself than me. An involuntary hiccup accompanied with a sniff escaped from her.

"Look I just promised I have to make sure your ok, if only to myself and you." I called, knowing that she was tired of the drama enough to let me in.

Sure enough, after a minute of pacing back and forth the door opened to reveal my red – eyed best friend, on whose face was painted an expression of utter exhaustion and defeat. She stood there in a pair of pink pj's and a white, oversized shirt.

"Fine." She muttered, and I smirked as I ducked past her arm that rested on the doorframe.

"Nice!" I said, taking in and commenting on her attire. Quick shower much?!

"Oh whatever! It's not like I have to look good in bed for a fucked up dude who might have intentions to fuck _me _up!" she said, throwing her hands up in irritation. "Literally" she mouthed as she sniffed loudly once again. Her breath hitched as she tried to avoid hiccupping and sobbing once more. Her hair was wet, so she'd just taken a shower and, as if they weren't wide enough anyways, her eyes were red and abnormally round and puffy. Her cheeks, which were usually pink anyhoo, had gone pinker and every now and then she blew into a tissue – which were fast running out and earning their place in the dust bin that she'd positioned next to the huge bed.

"You're a mess." I said softly, sitting down on the bed as she paced back and forth in her frustration. Which reminded me – "Why are you frustrated anyway?" my voice was calm, as if nothing had happened back in the other room at all.

She stopped her pacing and looked at me like I had gone 'crackadoodie', like she liked to say.

That always made me laugh.

"Why are you here? You should be with him!"

"He was a jerk." I said simply. My calm calculated tone surprised me and, evidently, her too.

"Bill his your _twin_ you have to be _there! _I'm fine and I'm going to bed. You need to go there to make him understand that he just saw things a little differently." She said, looking exasperated. Apparently she didn't understand why I was here. I don't think anyone who had watched the whole scene would. They must think Tom's right.

Their wrong.

"That's a very sweet way of putting it." I said carefully, and then caught her wrist and yanked, causing her to topple a little way away from me on the bed with a huff. "And no, I do not believe your 'fine'." I said, making quotation marks around the last word.

"Your behavior is a little strange." She said studying me. She proceeded to sit cross legged across from me on the bed. I think just talking about just anything was making her feel better. "OK, who is the person you cannot live without?" she asked me, her tone saying that she knew the answer. I opened my mouth to give her the simple answer I gave everyone – the true answer.

Well, true till now.

I had to stifle a gasp at this realization.

"Both of you." I said simply, the words escaping my lips in their purity, simplicity and truth.

"UGH! Bill! Stop making me feel better or whatever your kidding yourself into. OK, look at it this way – he's your twin, your soul mate, your everything. I'm your best friend. Just someone you hadn't known up until recently. This is not a competition; it's trying to make you understand which person you should be sitting with, not which person I _want _you to sit with. Both of which, in any case, are the same person. Now – who should you be sitting with?" she asked me.

"He's wrong; you're right. And you both are equally important to me. Period. Those definitions you gave me no longer apply." I said calmly. I was shocking myself beyond measure tonight. People would think I was making my life complicated. But the truth was this shocking revelation had somehow simplified my outlook on life.

She studied me carefully, and I spotted fear in her brown eyes. Brown eyes; you would think their most common, nothing special. But they are, when they belong to one of the most amazing people you've known.

Heck, I have brown eyes!

"Bill… stop being silly please? Can you be rational and understand this? Can you please just go over to Tom and explain that nothing like that can happen and that he's overreacting? I don't think walking away in anger is a solution. Any which way Tom's behavior was unusual today; maybe he just had a bad day. Let it go." She said softly, placing a hand on top of mine.

"He's being stupid and he'll apologize. Forget the fact that he's my brother, or that I even know him. Isn't it wrong for anyone to get away with talking shit?" I said fiercely.

"And yet politicians do it all the time." I heard her mutter under her breath.

"Don't change the topic." I said, pulling away the hand with which she covered and wiped away her tears. She made a face. "Come here." I said. She raised a skeptical eyebrow. I made a show of getting impatient, "I said come here, it won't kill you." I repeated, making a face. She sighed a long sigh and scooted closer. I immediately hugged her. "Stupid girl." I muttered into her wet hair that had fallen in my face.

"Er, yeah." She said sarcastically, trying to make it sound awkward.

"So you agree you're stupid."

Her lips formed an 'O' shape as she sat tongue tied. "Hey – " but I was already smiling, and she couldn't help but laugh. "That's not fair!" she said.

"See! Don't be an idiot about my baboon of a brother." I said playfully; she giggled.

"He isn't really a baboon." She said, getting up and getting to bathroom, probably to wash her face.

"Yeah I know, but it makes him sound less boring." I said, winking. She smiled.

"Thanks." She said.

"Being stupid again." I sang in a warning tone as I wagged a finger in front of her.

"Okay, okay, fine. I shall be rude and call you an idiot for cheering me up. Is that good?"

"Eh… it'll do." I said, playing the snobby diva.

"Asshole." She muttered playfully.

"Hey, you watch your language!" I said, imitating Russel Peters, the funny Indian dude whose show I'd been dragged to by Gustav, who'd watched one of his acts on Niki's iPod.

"So you went for the show! Gusti dragged you!" she exclaimed, laughing.

"Yeah… the Jamaican act was funny." I said, smirking devilishly.

"You and your brother are horny for eternity. End. Of. Story." She said, shaking her head. I threw my head back and laughed.

"Speaking of Bill's brother…erm…here I am." A voice floated over to us from outside the door, and my eyes narrowed as I recognized who it was. Niki threw me a look that said don't-fight-the-bejeezus-outta-each-other as she went to open the door.

"Tom." She said, her voice a little shaky. She stepped aside and let him in, and I sank back onto the bed, picking up the remote and flipping channels, making a show of making it clear that neither was I leaving the room, and nor was I talking to him. He sighed.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

NIKI'S POV

"Hey, it's ok. I don't think it was anyone's fault. We all exploded." I said gently, not wanting to have both the Kaulitz idiots pounce on each other in front of me. Life was complicated enough with me realizing I was in LOVE with one of them.

"More like ME exploding." Tom said guiltily.

"Pshh…whatever. Forget everything. I cried, you made a fuss, and Bill's being a pussy right now. We're all diva – ish – forgetting the fact that he wins the competition." I said, stage – whispering the last bit as I jerked my thumb in Bill's general direction. Tom gave me his cocky little smirk.

"Hey!" Bill said, irritated, but only lightly as he walked up to us, all smiles once again.

"That's my bro." I said softly as Tom hugged me.

"Yup. That's. My. Bro." Bill repeated. Tom snickered as he high – fived his younger brother.

"Boys." I muttered.


	17. Chapter 17

**Now, I won't say I TOLD YOU SO!!**

**haha  
**

Next morning was a little stressing and sad – the guys left (Bill and Tom left after hugging me and my twin extra tight *rolls eyes but heart beats fast*)

Paparazzi freak out on both bands.

There was a sudden call from Ellen (Degeneres, yes) to pull in both bands for the show today in the morning. Thankfully the boys didn't have a free slot. Best keep things low key.

So anyways the usual you'd expect from the buggers –

_How long have you been friends?_

_Are you and Bill Kaulitz dating?_

_Why did you not tell the fans?_

Yeah, we answered every single question, and I was sick of it all by the end of it.

So when we left two days later to get back to LA, the band was more than happy.

But I wasn't.

I don't know when or how I fell in love with my best friend; I just know that I did, and that I wasn't going to tell him and make his life complicated, or make myself look stupid.

More likely stupid – er.

Whatever, home sweet home and my sweet Coco were waiting for me.

So after a day's rest I was good for hanging out and having dinner with my some of my friends again.

Or at least I thought I was.

Namely my band, J Star, Oliver – Zoe's best friend – and dear Cameron were gonna be there.

Who by the way, had turned from sweet boyfriend to jerk boyfriend.

Well all I know of that was Cameron took Zoe in his ride, and she really did NOT look good when she stepped into the place.

There she stood, standing in the entrance to our little private section of the restaurant, and we all turned to look up and greet her and her dude.

I SO didn't expect what I saw.

As I watched a silent tear slipped down Zoë's cheek. Oliver ran up to her, bending to look into her face, but she look down and away. He pulled her face up looking in, and another tear slid down unwillingly.

"What the fuck?!" his voice cracked the silence, followed only by the deafening crash as his plate hit the floor. He ran out, grabbing Cameron from the back of his shirt as he caught up with him, and dragged him into the night air.

Oh. Holy. Fuck.

"Is everything ok?" J turned to look at me, but I was shocked to snap back at him, or call him gay again. I just shook my head like I was dumb or something.

OLI'S POV

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Oh, he's going down.

Right here. Right now.

The fuck with the media.

I ran out, dragging the dude out by his color, and throwing him on the dirt at the balcony.

I yanked on the fucker's shirt again as I dislocated his jaw.

_Well deserved. _I thought in my head.

"What the - ?"

"Oh, your asking me, are you now, _mate?_" my tone was bitter enough to make him cringe. Even after the dislocated jaw attack.

"Look it's between –"

"You and her? Not. Any. More."

"But – "

"Look, she isn't gonna beat the fuck outta you. I am."

That ended the conversation right there. I wasn't even thinking anymore. My fists did the talking as they aimed in all the places you really didn't wanna look at all. Niki tried prying on my shoulder.

Aint gonna work today missy.

In two minutes flat I had the guy clutching any part of himself he could reach.

"And that's what you get for messing with her. I think THIS was the best birthday gift she ever got. You. Losing. Your. Fucking. Mind; along with some pretty sensitive organs." I said, getting up. It was past 2 am, so I was lucky no one saw a thing.

"What are you crazy Oli? You're gonna get screwed for this!"

"No, I'm not. Because the law can go fuck itself."

And with that I walked back in to where she still stood rooted to the spot. J stood next to her, petting her hair.

"What's wrong baby, it'll be ok…" he cooed.

OK. This dude was nuts.

Or was it a chick.

Ok, 'it' can go to fucking hell. I pulled her face up, looking into her brown eyes that were still swimming with tears. And I hugged her tight. She still didn't utter a word.

"That fucker is dying." I muttered.

She shook her head vigorously against my shoulder. In the dead silence I could hear Niki making a call to a few meds, and then calling the car and asking the dude to get here as soon as we could. Throughout the ride to their house she didn't utter a word as I held her against my side, keeping my hand on her face, which rested on my chest.

Life's a bitch.

ZOE'S POV

I was just too goddamn numb to react at all. Even as he followed me into my room, even as I plopped down on my bed, and the tears began flowing again. He didn't say a word as he plopped down next to me.

"Zoe…" he said quietly, and I turned to look at him with blank eyes. I really couldn't absorb any words, any sensations at the moment.

But after a few minutes, and before I knew it, he lifted my chin closer.

He kissed me.

My best friend kissed me.

And you know what? It felt right.

OLI'S POV

I don't know why I did it

But it felt right. It just did.

No, I'm not mushy and emotional.

But she was pulling away now, slowly, gently. She shook her head as she pulled away.

"Oli… this isn't right. Not right now. Please…" she whispered.

ZOE'S POV

Against everything I wanted, I said those words, and he pulled away. He only looked at me, and took a step backwards.

"Sorry." He mouthed. I shook my head.

"'S not your fault." I muttered. Why had it felt so right at such a wrong time?!

"Zoe… Are – are you OK in there?!" Niki asked from the outside, and alarm bells went off in my head – I shouldn't let her come in!!

"Yeah um, I'm fine. I'll be out in a little." I replied to her. While Olli just stared at my face with a carefully vacant expression plastered on his face. Talk about drama – first Niki and Tom, and then me and Cameron.

_Cameron._

Shit. I felt like shit. I mean, what the fuck is with this life man?! Why do you have to deal with nice-people-turned-fucktards?!

Yeah. This is what happened –

"_How was the promotion… thing…?"_

"_Tour. It's called a tour."_

"_Yeah. That. How was it?"_

"_Cameron, are you feeling ok? You seem a little off today."_

"_Oh, yeah… I'm fine. I'm fine feeling like shit that you can blog about 'Oli' but there's not one single mention of who I am." He'd said, making quotation marks around my best friend's name._

"_Cameron, what's WRONG with you?! He's a celeb, hence easier to mention. Do you want stalkers now?!"_

"_Oh, yeah – he's a celeb. Cool eh? Why does he get all the attention? I mean, I'm dating you!"_

"_Cameron what the hell is this about anyways? It just cropped up out of nowhere and seriously does not make sense!"_

"_I'M the one who doesn't make sense?! Yeah good – cause I'm pissed that he hangs out with you wherever you go, and I'm stuck here waiting to have time with my girlfriend while she has her fun ON TOUR!"_

"_That's it. I'm out of here. Stop the car now."_

"_Oh – "_

"_STOP THE BLOODY CAR CAMERON! I'm done with this shit right now."_

_Yup, I got outta the car, and I pulled up a taxi and like a gazillion fans and made my way to the place where we were meeting for my birthday._

_Yup – my boyfriend screwed up us on my birthday._

NIKI'S POV

Things were crazy and awkward and such a buzz that even TANZ couldn't handle my crazy babble over the phone.

So she decided to fly over to LA.

Really the girl is nuts.

So – backtrack – Oli was sticking around (obviously), but there was something going on between him and Zoe. I understood that she would tell the rest of us later. She got over Cameron pretty fast. Yes, she was hurt. But she realized quickly she hadn't been in love with him no matter how serious they had been. I think I learnt that fame doesn't change you so much as it changes the people you live around. It's definitely kinda crazy when the time comes to face THAT roller coaster ride…

Speaking of roller coaster rides – I was just on one right now. I had a headache, I hadn't spoken to my best friend, family or adopted family in ages. I wondered if Bill would be pissed, or if he got it, or if I was just stupidly over reacting. Payal had spoken to him just yesterday apparently, while I had been busy with a lot of tour stage designs splayed all over my bed. It was driving me crazy, this thing. See, I had more work than the rest of them because I had taken a really heavy combination of subjects for IB. so I was barely managing my online studies, interviews, paparazzi and band mate problems and best friend talks. Tanz had had to literally sit me down as she held my hands firmly to get me to calm down. It was hilarious.

Well at least for her.

And now my exams were scheduled online, instead of me going back to India to give them. After those few days with the guys – way back when we met them first – we had had no time to do all that kind of stuff. It was lucky I knew my way ALL over the city, or getting out would have been impossible. WE JUST HAD SO MANY FANS!!

_Can I get an encore?_

_Do you want more?_

_Cookin raw with the Brooklyn boy_

_So for one last time I need you'll to roar…_

My cell continued to buzz, and I sauntered over to where it lay on the bed side table in my room.

Caller ID: Best Friend.

Yeah, I don't really keep people's actual names; if my phone ever gets robbed or something no one will know who's who really. As easy as that.

"Hello?" I said, shaking my head vigorously to shake away my internal babble.

"Finally you have time to pick up your damn phone!" he said, breathing out in a huff.

"Well you know how it is. I'm driven crazy because I have to deal with a hell hole away from hell hole!" I said, exasperated; I nearly avoided taking a seat on my bed. It was overflowing just too much with paper for my liking. Oh yeah, 'hell hole' was mine and Bill's word for school. We hadn't been able to speak like crazy lately, but we were easy to catch up on. That's just how best friends are, even if the live on two separate continents altogether.

But let's just not forget I'm in _love _with my best friend.

I'm SUCH a goner.

"Yeah, I know, but you have to hear the plan for the tour! It's just so amazing!" he chatted at me excitedly.

"Sounds good enough." I said, wearily. I was just so tired. Tanz walked in just that second, stick straight hair and all. She'd been with us for a little, and we were wondering whether putting her on the crew would be cool or not. She was definitely excited with the prospect. So she was here, living the crazy life with us as a tester.

"Who is it?" she mouthed.

"Bill." I said out loud.

"What?" the boy said into the phone, confused. I shook my head.

"Not you, I was talking to Tanz." I said. Bill had only heard about my Brit best friend, never seen her. Well in person. He head seen a few pics of her and me the one time when I was 15 and I'd begged my mum to take me to England JUST so I could hang out with her for a week.

"Oh… Hi Tanzina!!" he shouted into the receiver, and I had to hold my phone away so that my ear drums didn't get damaged.

She giggled, "Hi Bill!" she shouted back. My band mates were the only ones who had (a very slight) inkling of what I felt for my best friend. I hadn't come around to telling Tanz yet.

Yes, back then when I'd just been a fan I'd thought he was hot, interesting, horny. The load. I knew it all. In the beginning I had a hard time keeping calm because I wasn't used to such normalcy or being so close with a guy. I hadn't really been a relationship before.

Not a single kiss, not even a date.

Yes, I'm strange.

"EARTH TO NIKI!!" Bill shouted in the phone.

"Gosh, I spaced out again didn't I?" I asked both the people I was talking to. Tanz only smiled and shook her head as she continued to arrange the papers in separate piles that would later be sorted into folders.

"Yep." Bill said.

"Wait, so why did you call me anyway?" I said.

"I wanted to talk to my best friend." He replied in a small voice.

"Your best friend feels like she is in deep shit at the moment. Tour plans are driving me crazy. I have to finalize all these stage designs, then I have to work on my bloody clothes! Fuck I forgot! UGH!"

"Hey, hey, hey, calm down… You'll do fine." He said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. When the guys were with us they spoke a lot in English, just to improve on it. Sometimes when they were speaking in a rush (or even I, for that matter) they just randomly switched from English to German. It left everyone except me and Tanz in a state of utter loss and confusion. "Anyways," he continued, "I'm in town." He said. I heard someone snicker in the background.

Bet you 500 euros it was Tom.

"You're WHAT?!" I shouted, hyperly. Tanz looked at me questioningly.

"He's in town." I mouthed.

She clapped the 'Bill clap', and I smirked.

"In town, and headed your way." No sooner that he had said that, that I heard the crazy fan girl screaming. I walked out into the corridor, walking to its very end, where there was a tiny balcony. I stood, out, the phone glued tight to my ear. I could hear a lot of laughter in the background through the receiver. Unconsciously I waved at the fans below, causing them to scream louder. I could here a clump of them here and there shouting _'BILL AND NIKI! BILL AND NIKI!' _over and over. I sighed.

"See you upstairs." I muttered into my phone, barely hearing his bye as I cut the call.

People STILL kept suspecting we were dating. Bill had chosen to speak freely how I belonged in his life. Most of the fans took this the good way. But occasionally I'd get a 'threat' from a fan to stay away from him.

The fans believed we were best friends, but after seeing us hang out together there was a lot of 'just start dating already!'. Bill laughed it off, and I did too – in public. But every time that topic came up I just had to swallow the big lump in my throat that reminded me.

_You love him you love him you love him…_

UGH, it was so frustrating. Tom still liked to tease the hell outta Bill over the whole 'you're-hiding-you're-relationship-with-Niki-from-me-hence-I-should-make-a-playful-pouty-face-everytime-you-guys-walk-in-together' thing. I always threw it away with an eye roll, but I had a feeling – call it female intuition – that Georg knew what the hell was up with me since after the whole fight with Tom. Not that he said anything to me about it; he didn't say anything about it to anyone. I swear he's like the best brother I could have. Ever.

"Hallo!" came a shout from behind me. I hadn't realized I'd spaced out on the balcony, with the fan screaming going beyond bananas. Before I knew it two hands grabbed my shoulders, spun me around and pulled me into an embrace.

"Bill sie idiot." I muttered darkly as I pushed against his chest. The sudden pull had knocked all the wind outta me.

"You and your Genglish." He said, chuckling. That's the word he came up with – 'Genglish' – for German and English mixed, like I liked to use it. he made it up and used it JUST to piss me off and have me say 'that's NOT a word, FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME BOY!!'.

He still didn't let go of me.

"Miss me?" I said sarcastically. He pulled back, eyes troubled as if what I said hurt him.

"Of course." He said.

"I was kidding dude." I said, my eyebrows going up. He hated when I called him dude, dunno why.

"You know I – " he began irritated, but I just hugged him back this time. Bill was skinny, no doubt, but he was strong. You couldn't NOT feel safe when he gave you a massively huge bear hug.

"Ahem." I sighed, letting go of my best friend and looking past his shoulder.

Tom Kaulitz has entered the building.

Or the house.

You get the picture.

"Yello…" I said, smiling at him as he came over to give me a bear hug. Men and their bear hugs. Jeez.

"Where's everyone else?" Georg asked me as he hugged me next.

"Zoe's sleeping, Payal and Twish are out shopping and I was just getting the stage designs sorted out. Tanz is in my room and – "

"OOHH" Bill cooed. I turned around to find his hands fluttering over a canvas Twisha had painted and finished working on just a week ago. Then he glanced up at the ceiling –

"HOLY FUCK CHICK CAN YOU STOP SCARING ME SHITLESS?!" he shouted, not sure whether he was mesmerized or irritated.

Well basically I had painted the ceiling so that it looked like a nice clear blue sky, with a few tree branches peeking at the edges along with the stray bird.

"Nope." Gusti said, grinning goofily as usual. I winked at him quickly.

"Don't you want to meet – "

"Tanz? Yes, yes I do." Tom said, playing with his lip ring. But he was only doing that on purpose. He had made the world believe he played with that thing when he 'liked what he saw'; but the truth was he just did that when he was a) uberly bored or b)ginormously interested (as in not in a chick's 'curves' SHEESH) in someone or something. I rolled my eyes.

"You watch that tongue of yours." I said in mock coldness. Georg laughed funnily.

"Niki you need to tell me where this has got to - oh." Tanz had just come around the corner.

I smirked. I knew my Tanz only too well. She was freaking on the inside, trying not to show it.

Surrreeee.

Tom's slight chuckle, mingled with Georg's 'hi', making everything a complete mess of incoherency.

"They're idiots when it comes to all this," Gusti begun, "hey. Good to FINALLY meet you." He said, smiling.

"Nice to see you to Gustav, Georg. Tom." Tanz said, recovering strangely enough. As she said Tom's name her eyes narrowed. I giggled.

"He's not jumping your pants." I said, moving up to her and linking my fingers with my adopted sister.

"I'm not?" Tom said, playfully surprised. Georg smacked him upside the head playfully.

"Idiot." He muttered.

"Wait…" I said, looking over Tom and Gusti's shoulders, "where's Billi?" I asked. I wanted him to meet her. I just did, don't ask me why.

BILL'S POV

"Where's Billi?" she said. I heard her clearly enough. I always did. My sacred best friend.

I had just been too busy looking at what she had made on the ceiling, but my head snapped as she spoke.

And as I looked onward my eyes locked with the girl who made me fall right over my head.

"This is Tanz." Who was talking anyways? Oh yeah – Niki….

"Hey." I breathed, I couldn't look anywhere else. Her eyes left me in a trance.

"H – hi." She said, seemingly taken aback. Was I looking too intensely? Hell, how was I to blame?!

"Nice to meet you." I murmured as I turned my head sideways to let my dreadlocks fall over my face, smiling a tiny smile underneath as I reveled in the joy.

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	18. Chapter 18

**yeah yeah, i know. no post for SO LONG?!!!**

**haha here's a long one**

**but i have a condition, about continueing this fic, i mean.**

**i need reviews**

**or its byebye .**

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**so, reviews**

**enjoy the chappie  
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**____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
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TANZ'S POV

He just looked at me.

Yup, Bill Kaulitz stared at me for a solid 30 seconds.

Then his eyes went super wide, and then he looked away, trying to hide his tiny little smile.

Wait, was my hair messed up?!

_Calm, don't freak._ I told myself in my head.

I mean, come on, the dude is hot, funny sweet and what I heard from Niki – an amazing person too!

Ok fine I have thing for him!!

"What's with you?!" Niki asked irritated. I snapped out of it. Niki always somehow realized when something crazy was zooming in my head.

"Umm… I just had Bill Kaulitz stare at me…" I said. Brief up – I have a thing for talking like that sometimes.

"Love, he is a weird boy." She said, smirking as she winked at me. I giggled as I noticed he was right behind us as we walked down the staircase. He picked up my dark skinned adopted sister's hand, playing with it. Niki rolled her eyes. I just felt a little like an outsider. I must have been dreaming. It was true, what the fans said. It really did look like these two had something going on between them. I had no luck there, I bet.

Not that I would ever be spiteful about that. I loved my sis more than a silly boy obviously.

"What did I say about him being weird?" she said, holding up her hand, which lay in one of his own. He was STILL absentmindedly playing with her fingers. Bill nudged Niki playfully.

"Ignore _her_." He said shyly to me, and yet sounding playful. Bill Kaulitz is shy. WOW.

"SHUDDUP!" she said, pushing him a little.

From then begun my slow walk to a new a friendship.

A new something.

NIKI'S POV

That night was cool. Tanz and Bill seem to hit on a perfect note, and it made me so very happy to see that. But now was the end of Best Friend Land. I had to get back to my tour.

Speaking of which – Jost had a few plans.

"Will it work?" I asked, nervous already as I paced back and forth again and again and again.

"Yeah, just chill budday!!" Zoe said happily. Gosh I do wonder how she does it.

Jost gave us the signal, and we walked out.

The screaming rose and rose and rose….

And I was in the zone already.

BILL'S POV

"Well this aint really my concert you know." she said; I watched as she winked into the crowd. Already a few guys had fainted in the first few rows when she had stood up front and knelt down.

I frowned, not liking the sight of all those jerks ogling at my best friend and thinking all sorts of things about her with them in their stupid heads… dirty things…

_STOP! _

I mean, they were my fans after all.

And, yes. Niki was beautiful. It was not just that word that I could describe her with. I would need a whole load of them. Yes, she had just made me realized I could click when I saw her that first time. She still made me breathless once in a while. My best friend would always own a piece of my heart. I didn't deny that.

"_I'm walking the streets_

_In the middle of the night_

_No sign of you sticking by my side_

_Imma bite my tongue_

_Swallow all the pride_

_Guess it's time to tell you goodbye_

The guys walked out on stage, but I was rooted to the spot, mesmerized by her voice soaring effortlessly through the intricate melody. Jost had to nudge me in the shoulder blades to get me snap out of it.

_Another day passing the graffiti 'cross my heart_

_The street lights leave nothing for you to tear apart_

_Anymore_

_So baby I – I'm gonna live the lie_

_Only in front of you_

I walked up slowly, passing through the shadows of all my band mates to try and go unnoticed. The stage looked amazing, and exactly how we wished it would.

The chorus made it's way closer and closer, and the crowd went wild as my bass voice dipped low with her high soprano.

This was bliss. This was my life.

_Cause you walked away_

_Made me break_

_In two pieces_

_Lying somewhere_

_No love to spare_

_No me to share_

_Keeping me _

_Locked up somewhere_

_In the dark_

_In the mess_

_In the tears and shadows that I repressed_

_But I'm not giving up _

_On this_

_Life_

I watched Tom from the corner of my eye, and saw his head tilted low. I knew he was loving it, his eyes closed like they always did when he knew he was rocking it in perfect harmony with the rest of the band.

_Making my way over the block_

_In the cold winter shine_

_No sign of anger holding on to my life_

_Imma hold my own_

_Sell my pride_

_Guess it's time to tell the pain goodbye_

_Another day passing the hurt ghetto in my heart_

_The street lights leave nothing for me to puzzle apart_

_Anymore_

_So baby I – I'm not living the lie_

_In front of anyone_

_Cause you helped save_

_Made me break_

_In two pieces_

_Lying somewhere_

_No love to spare_

_No me to share_

_Keeping me _

_Locked up somewhere_

_In the dark_

_In the mess_

_In the tears and shadows that I repressed_

_But I'm not giving up _

_On this_

_Life_

_So many times I missed the train_

_So many times I pushed me again_

_So many times I tried to recall_

_Some many times - what made you just loose it all_

_Just lose it all._

_Cause you_

_You helped me break_

_You helped me make_

_Those two pieces_

_Glued up again_

_Lying somewhere_

_All the love to share_

_Keeping me_

_Grounded somewhere_

_In the light_

_In my own_

_Able to show what I've regrown_

_So I'm not giving up_

_On this_

_Life" _

And that was the first time TMOD and TH fused to form one.

"OHMYFUCKINGGOD YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed as she walked off stage, maniacally hyper; but that's just how my Niki was. My lovely best friend. She hugged me tight, and I couldn't help but smile into her hair as I hugged her back.

"Way to go tiger…" she whispered, causing me to giggle.

"Way to go…?"

"Best friend?" she interjected helpfully. I smiled.

"Helpful…" I said, at a loss for things to say.

She let go of me, smiling.

"OKAY NOW GET YOUR ASS BACK ON STAGE BEFORE THE FANS GO NUTS!!" she said, laughing. I shook my head, smiling away as I walked back onto stage. I winked at Tanz before I strode out of the backstage area, and she blushed, giggling ever so slightly as she looked away and busied herself by talking to Niki. The latter took one look at me, and then at her almost sister, and then shook her head almost as if to say 'jeez, start going out already!'. She saw me looking and smirked, waggling her eyebrows; I blushed, but there was something wrong in her expression. Oh well…

NIKI'S POV

I stood there – being happy, being joyous, being excited, being content, while my heart continued to war against my head. My head kept telling my heart to be sad, and my heart kept telling my heart that it couldn't be sad because, well, because _he_ wasn't sad.

I stood there, talking Tanz, going over how they had been talking to each other, how they didn't seem to be just friends anymore, how she felt so amazing about it, and yet confused, and yet she realized there was something going on inside of me.

"Are you okay love?" she asked me, a little worried at my spaced out face. She snapped her fingers in front of my face a few times, and I snapped out of the daze I had gone into.

"What? Um, yeah… yeah I'm fine, I just have a really weird babble going on in my head that just won't shut up." I said, shaking my head. Well at least I didn't lie to her; I would HATE to lie to her.

But hiding things from her wasn't any better now, was it?!

WAS IT?!

So then I excused my silly self and took my weird head's babble over into the bathroom. I splashed a little water on my face, spraying myself over with deodorant once again. I immediately felt a bit better.

_Shut up. _

I kept repeating that in my head, but then again – the more you think about not thinking something you think more about it.

_Boy I AM complicated!_

I thought to myself, and a smirk worked it's way across my face.

People would think it would hurt? Not really. I love him too much for it to hurt. All I need is to see him happy, and I'm perfectly fine. I can deal with stupid mind babble any day if I knew he was fine.

"Niki?!" Bill said, worried. His hand touched my cheek, and I didn't want it there anymore. What I wanted was time to organize myself – a) when the hell did the concert get over?! b) SHUT UP stupid mind c) understand what the hell should be my behaviour the moment my best friend and sis started going all couple – y.

And yet, my heart DID want to shout out 'I LOVE YOU!' and make me look like a completely jerk/idiot.

Thing is, this love isn't really all that materialistic. It is your weakness, yes. But it kind of neutralizes your weakness too.

_So many people overrate it… _I thought.

Let me explain it this way – when you're hungry, you can't wait to eat. But the self same hunger helps you overcome your impatience so that you can finally eat later on, right?

It's the same thing – I wanted to shout out how I felt for him, but it was that very love that gave me strength to keep shut.

"Umm… I'm not feeling too good." I said, lying unsuccessfully, for his eyes narrowed. Tanz stood by, understanding trickling in, and yet confusing her. I hoped she wouldn't know. I didn't want her to find out. I just wanted her to continue on down with Bill.

"No you're not." Bill said, firmly. In that second he all but forgot Tanz was even there. He strode past her and towards me, grabbing my arm.

"Bill!" I complained. He halted, turning to raise his eyebrows at me.

"We need to talk." Was all he said. It was so cliché boyfriend that a hysterical giggle escaped my lips. Before I knew it I was sitting on the floor facing my best friend, AKA the love of my life.

He just stared at me as I looked everywhere but his face. I didn't want to talk about this with him because I COULDN'T.

How do you tell your best friend that you love them and you want to see them happy, so they should go down and talk to your almost sister, who they like?!

"Bill, I don't – "

"You're not fine; if that's what you're gonna say over and over. That was so sudden, what happened?"

"Nothing."

He didn't speak, and I looked up to see hurt in his eyes. I started at the sight. Surely I didn't – couldn't – mean so much to him. Surely…

"You can tell me…" he said, trailing off. I looked away from his face. My life had turned from DRAMA 101 back when I was 15 to normal till a few months back.

Now it was DRAMA 101 once more.

SHEESH.

"Bill, it's just too complicated to explain…"

"But really everything was fine till two minutes ago…" he said, frowning as he concentrated to try and put two and two together. Right then and there I hoped he had suddenly become a stupid dud and that he would never understand.

"That was because till then I hadn't realized what had gone wrong." I said, sighing.

He looked at me closely.

"Please tell me…" he whispered. The sound sent goose bumps through my body.

"I – I can't." I said, looking away. His face fell.

"Okay." He said in a small voice, getting up and getting out. I know I'd hurt him. I just prayed to the Lord that he would forgive me. That someday I might be able to explain to him what was wrong, what hurt so much, what was so complicated to talk about. Heck, I just hoped I could still hold his trust like I had.

And that was the beginning of loose the 'Your Best Friend Millimeter By Millimeter' rollercoaster.

The ride was slow, it was painful, and yet it was not painful at all. It was such a complication.

The paparazzi went bonkers over the new couple. I had to answer a million more questions than them.

_Did you have romantic feelings for Bill?_

_Is it awkward now, hanging out together?_

_What's it like, having your best friend involved with someone else?_

_Have you found someone?_

_Do you feel lonely?_

_Would you like to fall in love?_

"Jeez, leave me alone." I whispered. I was currently sitting on a tiny plane that was leading me over to Canada. TMOD had another show with the boys.

Speaking of which –

"Are you sure you're fine?" Bill asked me now, worried. I had been randomly muttering things under my breath all afternoon; Tom and Georg had given up asking me what had happened, and Bill had just involuntarily fallen asleep with his head on my shoulder. He yawned now.

"Not exactly ok. Today is the 'the grass is greener on the other side' day for me." I usually answered his worried looks and questions as truthfully as I could nowadays. It had taken all in my being to go right back out there that night and smile up at him once again. Bill had let it pass, understanding that I'd not wanted to crowd him with too many problems. He forgave me, and he – and in turn I – was happy once again.

"It'll be fine tomorrow. Don't stress yourself even more." He said, squeezing my hand. His head hadn't moved from my shoulder, and he curled up where he sat on the seat next to mine. I shifted a little, nervously glancing at his girlfriend AKA my sister who sat in the opposite aisle.

"She's fine." He assured me, not reading me quite correctly, but I somehow calmed down.

"Okay…" I said hesitantly. Lately I had no clue what to do with myself. When I was with my band I was completely fine, and even with Tom and Gustav and Georg. To an extent even Bill. I had forced myself to be in permanent 'Best Friend Mode'. So then usually things were perfectly fine, except me being a little left out. But that was until Tom noticed me shifting uncomfortably, and usually included me in his mindless teasing. Bill had somehow not been able to detect these things.

Why was I so lonely on these rare days – everyone had someone. Payal and Tom were kinda sorta together and yet not; their kinda freaky that way. Or that's how I think it through. Just say it out loud already! Anyways, Georg had Stella – who was a sweetheart. I had spoken to her enough on the phone by now. Gustav had Twish as a sister – like figure over him; Zoe had Oli (yes, they went official after a really weird 2 weeks). And Bill had Tanz. I just felt shitty like that, alone. I hated it.

I really wouldn't hate it that much; but the paparazzi like scratching that angry pink scar that forms over your goddamn wounds.

Bill squeezed my hand gently. He was good like that. He knew – like he always did – that I just needed that little bit of assurance and I would be fine in a little. We were kinda sorta alike on that point.

"It's like everything's sitting on my head in a pot of boiling water, and their using my hair to keep the fire going." I muttered. He chuckled, but stopped as he realized what he was doing. I shook my head, placing an earphone out of the pair that I had jammed into my iPod, and looked out the window of the private jet.

"How about… how about we just do nothing tonight? How about we just go out and walk the city down? Just me and you?" he asked, no – begged was more like it.

"Bill…" I begun hesitantly; I hadn't spent even a day with my best friend alone since that day. I just hadn't felt like I could face a heart to heart conversation with him right now. _ Or ever. _I thought, but then swallowed. I would face it. I would work it out. I was used to working things out from the sidelines. I was used to receiving shit, and tolerating it because it meant the people I loved were happy. I was used to it. so I took a deep breath to steady myself. All this while Bill continued to stare at my face.

"…okay." I completed. I guess he saw the fear in my eyes.

"Too much pressure on that beautiful little head of yours. Stop taking so much pressure onto yourself." He said, messing up my hair like he did. He knew it annoyed me; but whenever I asked him the only answer was "I do it cause your so important to me!" add a pout there. I just roll my eyes. Sure; I couldn't mean so much to him. It was abnormal. Tanz didn't think so. But I did. I just did. It's just too weird for a guy to think ANYTHING of me usually. It was just plain weird. Well Bill can be kinda freaky sometimes. So, that's ok I guess. Not that he's the bad freaky.

My mind babble continued as Bill chattered happily at me. I smiled at him. He was so happy nowadays, so content. I liked that. I liked all these wonderful people who surrounded me being completely happy. In fact that was one of the highlights of being me – seeing so much happiness.

"So then, we can just go see that show you had wanted to see so badly. Or maybe we can go over to the Niagara Falls. You like that. Or maybe that ride would be too long… I don't know, what do you think? Niki! Say something!" he said hyperly. I laughed a little.

"OK, let's go to the Niagara falls after the stupid interviews are done today." I said, smiling at him.

"The interviews aren't – oh." He said, stopping mid – sentence.

"So it's those idiots bugging the hell outta you?" he asked me quietly. I hadn't told him about what kind of questions they had been firing me with. I just told him the interview was 'the usual' whenever he asked me.

I just looked away now.

"What's up?" Tanz said, linking her arm with mine as she walked with us. Bill turned to look at her angrily.

"The paparazzi happened. Stupid ass mother –"

"OK, can we keep the cussing on the low?" I said hurriedly, trying to move ahead. But too hands grabbed me from both sides, and my best friend and sister pulled me back right in the middle of them.

"I feel like a third wheel." I muttered.

"Niki!" Bill said, shocked, and then laughed. I couldn't say a word. I just didn't know how to react today. It's like all my involuntary reaction controlling brain parts had been flushed down the drain.

"Hey I was kidding…" he said, waving a hand in front of my face. I blinked myself awake.

"Uhm…" I said, not knowing how to respond.

"OK, tonight. The end. No discussions. _Khatam." _Yup, four Indian chicks hanging out with four German dudes resulted in the German dudes speaking a word or two in Hindi. Well I was fluent in German anyways.

"OK, whatever you two have planned for yourselves, you'll need it." Tanz said from next to me, pulling me randomly into a hug. I hugged her back, holding her tight, trying to put so many unsaid things in, and I guess she understood. I sighed, and so did she.

Tonight should be fun.

I could feel the cold water rushing past my feet. I could taste the brandy mixed with coffee at the tip of my tongue. I could feel the breeze caressing my face and whipping my hair around. I could feel the burn as I inhaled the salt spray. I could see the lights that lit up – and literally – the Niagara Falls from behind, so that the water shone; now purple, now green, next blue. I could feel everything, see everything, taste everything, smell everything.

So it was very evident to me that my best friend was staring at me so intently that by now there should have been a hole where my left cheek was, and that my hair should be singed.

"Gimme a sip." He said, taking the flask out of which I sipped the coffee mixed with brandy. It gave my numb legs – that were dipped into the surging water of the gigantic waterfall – some warmth. My shoulder brushed against my best friend's as I looked up at the starlit – and electric light lit – sky. Everything was beautiful and peaceful and calm here. Everything was normal and right here, here under the walkway of the Niagara Falls, on a big bur rough rock, with the water surging a few inches below my knees. Everything was fine. At twelve in the night _everything _was just fantabulous.

"How's it going with Tanz?" I asked him, still looking straight ahead.

"Don't change the topic." He said quietly.

"We weren't even talking before this."

"I don't think verbal communication is required anymore." I could almost hear the smile in his voice. I turned around; of course. There it was, lighting up his beautiful face. He wasn't anywhere near perfection, but when you looked at him, I mean seriously looked at his face, you could have doubts. "What is it?" he urged me to open up. And I wanted to so badly. But then that would ruin things for me and him first and foremost, and then even for me and Tanz. She wouldn't mind, don't get me wrong. But she would be uneasy. Uneasy in a confused sort of way – she wouldn't know what to do.

I sighed now, not knowing where to begin. I decided with the truth –

"I don't know where to begin. It's beyond just a _little _complicated. Its full blown bedlam."

"It's full blown what?!"

I sighed once more. so much for his 'vast' vocabulary. Not that its his fault. "Confusion. Bedlam. They mean the same thing. Well, roughly – bedlam's more… more _destructive._

He considered what I'd said for a moment.

"Their bugging the crap outta you because of Tanz and me right?" he said bitterly, his teeth gritting together audibly. I'd never seen _that _happen before. I winced.

"Umm…"

"So they are." He said, his tone a little softer. He placed an arm around my shoulders. Lately I didn't like that. I mean, it's kinda weird when you love your best friend, who loves your sister, right?

But I didn't shrug out of his hold; and after a while it felt fine. It felt like my best friend was protecting me. Just my best friend.

"Yeah. A scab doesn't really hurt if you don't scratch it. Unfortunately the media just _loves _to scratch." I said, saying the last sentence with a full doze of sarcasm.

He snorted in agreement to my statement, but then turned to look at me seriously.

"What exactly do you mean?"

"I mean nowadays I get the _'Did you have romantic feelings for Bill?' _or a _'Do you feel weird hanging around the couple now?'_. Or maybe try _'Are you with someone too?' _or _'Are you lonely? Does it hurt to be surrounded by so many couples?'_ Yes, I get that so much." I said, my voice getting weaker, till it was a teensy high pitched tone at the very end. Bill rubbed my shoulder lightly.

"But… how is that a scab, a wound?" he asked me gently.

I sighed, "I don't know if I wanna go over that tonight." I said guiltily. There was so much I hadn't told Bill. So many things I didn't think I was ready to explain in depth.

"Well, maybe you might feel better." He said in the same gentle tone, but I could hear the hurt that he was covering up with such difficulty. He found it so hard to trust people. He trusted me, and there I was – not returning the favor since that damned day.

"Okay… but I'm warning you, it's… not pretty." I said slowly.

BILL'S POV

"When I was a kid – and I mean since playschool – I had no friends. On the rare occasion I found someone. Oh, not just one person. The usual scenario was I was surrounded by people. But by the age of 6 I learned that none of them cared. They were pretend friends who just pretend trusted, and to whom I had narrated every bit of fun I had ever had. The day I learnt this, was the first day I broke my heart. I broke it by being run over."

"Then, when I was in elementary, I learnt that I was a loner. Nobody knew my name, nobody cared. I sat at lunch alone, I spoke to my own self, I studied – well, I might add. And then I came home, and one of those days – they accepted me. That was one of the first time I felt hope urge me."

"They were the only three in my building. The only three I would learn to trust all through elementary and secondary school. The three that taught me how to laugh, when in school I still sat alone, still walked alone, still spoke to myself, inventing my own little games while everyone else slid down slides and laughed as they chased their friends and fell. I had no one. Except those three. That was the day I found innocent happiness"

"Then one day, I found out one of them spoke ill, she spoke bad, she spoke all she could to have me cornered. And I tried my hardest to reason with the other two. After being run over for almost a year, I won. That was the day I knew betrayal."

"Betrayal became an ally for me. I became used to it. Betrayals after betrayals. The moment I let someone in, I received another blow. One from jealousy, and followed up by betrayal once more. And I knew pain."

"And then, I found two – two who made me forget the way the other three turned mutinous. The way the treated me ill. I had friends again. I was happy again. But I had felt something new. I had felt ignorance."

"Ignorance led me all the way to eighth grade. Where I learnt vulnerability. Where all those unlearnt feelings – being broken, hurt, pain, betrayal – all came running back to my unprepared arms. I felt all those emotions, and a new inexperienced one – I felt infatuation."

"And then infatuation left me after sticking around for a year. But then I was to feel the worst of emotions ever – I was to feel shame. I was to beget the syndrome that man loves to overrate – refusal, rejection. Everything that a typical high school student tells himself he is going through even if he isn't just to fit the stereotype. It was like I turned thirteen, and in school a 'look at me I'm a freak' switch would be switched on from where it perched atop my head."

I sat there, almost numb as I heard her through. There was a short period of silence now, as she sucked in a ragged breath. I didn't need to look to know that she was successfully holding back so many tears.

"Ray is the biggest bastard I have ever come across." She said bitterly.

"Ray?" I asked in a weak voice.

"Basically the story goes as I was standing under his house, watching him from where he sat on the second floor of his house. Well, that's his version of things. The fictional one. A fatal split second halt just outside his bungalow while walking through the street to buy tomatoes – of all things to buy – resulted in a long stretched out tale brewed just so that he looked like a hunk in front of all his friends. That was the first time I felt true insecurity. The first time I lost myself."

My hands were turning to fists unconsciously.

"I was a freak even among freaks. I had a few friends, friends who didn't care what the world thought, but I didn't know how to trust anymore; I didn't know how to be myself anymore."

I could hear her reliving the defeat that she had felt.

"But then I decided to go against my shell, I decided to peck at the wall like a newly born chick. All because I was hurt, all hurt because she was hurt. Nobody messes with any of my sisters and gets away. That was the first time I was provoked."

She sounded fiercer now, like she was getting stronger as she relived things.

"His group had a nightmare for a school trip. And I had a recovery session. With each blow I served I realized who the freak was. It wasn't the freak in me that I feared; in fact there was no freak in me. There was a whole lot of freak in them. The bad freak. With each blow I served I found a little piece of me once again."

She stopped, turning to look at me. Was this the same girl who I thought could never have had to face loneliness? Yes, it was her. And now I understood how wrong I was about her not understanding.

"So then, in all of this, how do all those scabs I spoke about fit in?" she asked me, a triumphant but sad smile lighting her beautiful golden brown face. There was an aged sadness in her eyes that I never thought could ever be present there.

"All this left me with not a single soul to share things with… with, well… well, _that _way." She said, and I understood, even though I could not comprehend it.

"Never. Never till date. Never till date have I not had one face not turn towards me when I walk down a street, when I stand in a mall. Never have I not known of the whispers that pass through, that seem to assure everyone that I am a freak, that I am an alien. These were the things that kept me lonely. I always sat cheering everyone on. I always sat on my window sill talking to everyone about how amazing it felt to have someone who cared in that sense. I sat and I felt an inkling of happiness. I had always seemed to live for others. It's one of my flaws, and one of my strengths too. It gets me run over by people, and then again it earns me their love, their protection, their trust. So I was happy when they were all happy. I had that bit of sparkle in my life. It was my source of laughter whenever I had those rare days of the down syndrome."

That was her. Niki had been like that. I had never seen it, but I knew. I just knew deep in me. It was her.

And yet I didn't know she had had it exactly, and even more, as bad as me.

"So then, when now I have to answer everything that reminds me of all the pain, of all the hurt, of all those people staring at me since the day I turned fifteen even if all I was doing was walking down a street. If it reminds me of all the reasons I feel like an alien. If it reminds me that all these beautiful souls have their little pieces of happiness, and that I know I'll never find mine. Well, won't you call that a scab?"

She laughed sadly, shaking her head.

"These things make up life. I can't walk out on them saying 'it's not fair' life was never fair to me. I grew up in a spotlight. The only difference was first it was set to negative and now it's turned positive instead. Well, partially."

I sat there, numb. I knew there was more to these things. There was something that upset her along with all of this. Something that she couldn't tell me now, but would – in time.

She was staring into the mist that bloomed at the fall. I felt the need to let my arm drape itself over her shoulders, and so I did. Talk about complications. Complications, after complications.

"You asked Tanz if she could join you on tour didn't you?" she asked me, turning to look into my face, her eyes bearing directly into my own. I started.

"How did – "

"Don't worry she didn't tell me," she said, waving a dismissive hand in the air, "I just figured." She said smiling.

I had no problem talking to Niki about this; but then again it was such a sudden change in topic, such an odd time, where I was completely unprepared as to what to say.

"Eh, she won't say no." she said, smiling slightly at me. And I knew she wasn't just talking in thin air; when Niki had a gut feeling it was almost always like a sixth sense that could guide you exactly where you needed to be. So now I was feeling pretty relieved.

"You're just the best you know that?" I said, throwing my arm over her shoulder. She threw her head back and laughed, carefree.

"Sure hon." She said, sarcasm colouring her tone.

NIKI'S POV

_I couldn't fall asleep _

_I cried too hard_

_And when I fell asleep_

_T'was time for a new start_

_Time for change_

_Time for pain_

_To leave me standing_

_In the rain_

_To see the blue_

_Streak the white_

_Holding your finger_

_Flying high_

_Coz I'm a perfect dreamer from his angle_

_Nothing I can ever say can change his opinion_

_And I'm a perfect mess, I lie in a tangle_

_Nothing I can ever say can change his opinion_

_Because I'm his savior now._

_I couldn't meet his eye_

_I couldn't meet his eye, or follow his gaze_

_I couldn't touch and fly_

_I couldn't touch and fly over the maze_

_The Maze of Change_

_The time for pain_

_Time to hold you _

_In the rain_

_To see the blue_

_Streak the white_

_Holding your finger _

_Flying high_

_Coz I'm a perfect dreamer from his angle_

_Nothing I can ever say can change his opinion_

_And I'm a perfect mess, I lie in a tangle_

_Nothing I can ever say can change his opinion_

_Because I'm his savior now._

_Coz I'm his savior_

_In the rain_

_Put out the pain_

_To throw in the light_

_To win the fight_

_To give it my all_

_To catch his fall_

_To keep out the world_

_For eternity_

_Coz I'm a perfect dreamer from his angle_

_Nothing I can ever say can change his opinion_

_And I'm a perfect mess, I lie in a tangle_

_Nothing I can ever say can change his opinion_

_Because I'm his savior now._

I stared at what I'd just put down randomly on my Mac. I had got the urge to type the song out while in the middle of a _blog. _I mean, I swear, typing the lyrics of a new song while in a blog post thing is beyond weird. Jeez.

And how was I suppose to fit this song into my life?! It wasn't exactly my situation.

I freak me out ALL the time.

Yes, unable to fall asleep, I had taken to begin writing another blog post for the fans. But then I ended up writing a song.

Nice.

I curled up on my bed, sifting through so many memories, so many random thoughts that had passed through me during random moments in my life. I closed my eyes, and suddenly a very random, yet very unique memory set itself into my mind's eye like a tattoo.

_The window of the car, a tiny space covered with steam that shrunk and grew with each of my own breaths. My five year old hands were pressed against the glass as I watched the one droplet I had been focusing for so long slip and slide into another, and finally cascade to the bottom of the misty window. _

_My own squeal of childish happiness filled my ears, and I felt like I was replaying a movie clip._

And as I smiled a tear not unlike the little magical droplet slipped and slided across my cheek.

I'd love him forever.

TOM'S POV

"We have a coffee break before the show, we have a coffee break before the show, we have a coffee break before the show! AAAND nothing can stop us now!" Bill sung, causing me to giggle as Tanz clapped her hand over her ears in mock irritation.

"MMMM, I smell cookie!" Zoe said from the corner as we all entered the backstage area.

"Ooh I smell a cookie baking

Tell me what kind are we making

Looky looky what a cookie cookie cookie oh!"

Niki sung, waving her arms in the air as she swung from one foot to the other; I couldn't not smile. It was impossible.

"Sugar cookies, peanut butter

Chocolate chip, here comes 'anutter'!"

Bill sang along as he pointed both his index fingers at his best friend.

"Lookey lookey what a cookie cookie cookie oh!"

They sung together like little kids

"I see cookie, mixey, bakey

Ooey, cookie, bixy, makey  
Looky, looky, gimme cookie cookie cookie oh!"

Niki sung at the top of her lungs, causing all of us to laugh as she waggled all of her long fingers – outstretched hands, the whole deal. It made me happy to see her happy. It had been a long while since I saw her like this. Sometimes I knew the reason, and then again I doubted my hypothesis.

I mean, no best friend would be _that_ self sacrificing right?

Right?!

But I had the weirdest feeling Georg knew exactly what was up.

I mean, he didn't make it obvious, or tell someone or something like that; it was like he just knew. But his face said it all – he was just going to keep his mouth shut.

So yup, I'm still confused.

"Confused about what?" a voice said from my right, and there was Payal looking up at me.

"Did I say that out loud?" I asked.

She smirked, "Pretty much." I smiled back. It was easy, simple.

"I'm confused about… stuff." I said, not knowing how to put it best.

"I think you and me are confused about the same stuff." She said, dropping all pretense of playfulness and get straight to the point. I put an arm around her shoulders, and we pretended to watch the two idiots sing their hearts out.

"She didn't speak to you about it?" I asked her quietly.

"Nup, and she never will. She wants it to go by like that very fact doesn't exist. Only the Lord knows how in the hell she's managing."

"You mean she doesn't discuss it with you at all?" I asked, surprised; she sighed a long sigh.

"No."

"Do the rest of the girls know?"

"They know, and yet… they don't. I mean, they're aware; but they won't dare mention it in front of her."

I took this in quietly.

"And she doesn't even pretend. As far as I know, it comes naturally. It's just… when he's happy, she's happy; when both of them are happy, actually. When all of us are happy, that's what she says." Payal said, watching her younger sister go through the whole routine once more with my younger brother. "It's just crazy." She finished, shaking her head.

"It'll be fine sometime." I said, rubbing her shoulder.

"Hopefully. I guess show nerves are cracking me more than anything else." She muttered. It was fact – Payal ALWAYS got nervous TWO WHOLE HOURS before a concert. She scared all of us except Bill and her own twin sister. I shook my head now, letting my arm drop; I knew she'd want to stand alone when she was nervous, I just somehow knew.

I fiddled with the candy stand, the cola, and finally my guitar – before it was time for my palms to get sweaty like they always did before a concert.

"Let's do this thing." Niki whispered as she walked out on stage.

NIKI'S POV

Adrenaline took over my whole body, I couldn't feel anything but the thudding of my own heart, the feverish sweat that had broken out across my forehead and the deafening reverberations of the fans' screaming.

_I hate my life.  
I can't sit still  
For one more single day,  
I've been here waiting,  
For something to live and die for  
Let's run and hide._

_Out of touch  
out of time, _

He walked up to me; I just knew it; even though my eyes were trained on the crowd. This time I had taken the bass on vocals.

_  
Just get lost without a sign.  
As long as you stay by my side  
_

We were now standing side by side – Tom, Bill and I. the crowd was goin nuts, even more than they usually did, and the number of fans with tears streaming down their faces weren't even funny.

_  
In your shadow I can shine  
In your shadow I can shine  
In your shadow I can shine  
Shine_

_You see my soul,  
I'm a nightmare,  
Out of control I'm crashin'_

_Into the dark,  
Into the room,  
Into the world,  
Of our cocoon._

_You are the sun and  
I am the moon._

_In your shadow I can shine  
In your shadow I can shine  
In your shadow I can shine  
Shine_

_Don't let go!  
Oh, no oh.  
Don't you know_

_In your shadow I can shine  
In your shadow I can shine  
In your shadow I can shine_

_Shine, shine, shine_

_In your shadow I can shine  
In your shadow I can shine  
In your shadow I can shine_

_Shine, shine, shine_

_In your shadow I can shine.._

The crowd went wild, and so did my heart rate and I couldn't help grinning like a mad person.

"In your shadow I can shine." He whispered one last time as he passed by me.

"NOBODY LIKES YOU, EVERYONE LEFT YOU!"

"THEY'RE ALL OUT WITHOUT YOU!"

"HAVING FUN!"

The guys had given up on us, as my best friend and I pranced about singing Green Day like we were drunk. Bill giggled as he threw his hands in the air for the umpteenth time.

"WHERE HAVE ALL THE BASTARDS GONE?!" he sung loud and clear. Tanz and me threw our heads back and laughed.

"So are you going or not?" I asked my sister of sorts. I thought she looked a little sheepish.

"We were going to tell you after the concert and all…" she said helplessly. I only smiled as the growing pain continued it's silent way towards the centre of my heart; she was going away, and I was also making one more sacrifice. But the pain had a certain tinge of euphoria – it reminded me why I was doing this, and I was happy again.

"Hey, it's ok. It doesn't take a genius to figure out the two people that you may be knowing best." I said, winking at her. She smiled weakly.

"I don't know love… I can't help but hurt at the fact that I might have to leave you behind… I just – I don't know." She said. Everyone was busy doing whatever they were doing. We were in our own little cocoon.

"What does your heart say?" I asked her gently. She looked down for a moment, and then back up.

"I'm not really ready right now. But maybe a little while later… when I feel surer about things…" she said, trailing off suggestively. I immediately felt better; she had unknowingly bought me more time to be with her, and then again Bill wouldn't be upset with her decision. He would do anything for his love.

_And I would too, for my own._

My conscience had to choose this moment to be active?!

_Live for yourself._

The voice in my head was getting angrier and louder. It sounded so much like my Guru, that I was shocked into mental silence for a good long two minutes.

_This IS me living for myself._

I sounded confident, and yet maniacal, even to my own ears. I shook my head before my conscience could frame a reply once more, successfully shutting off the babble in my overly hyper head.

"STAND UP AND DANCE! STAND UP AND DANCE! AND DANCE! AND DANCE!" Bill sung as he grabbed my hand and begun to lead me through a waltz all over the little room; I only laughed. These were the times I loved, times when I never ever had to pretend. Everything was fine when I had my favourite people around me.

"IT'S SAINT JIMMY, AND THAT'S MY NAAAMMMEEE!!" we sung like idiots; Tanz only laughed harder. "AND DON'T WEAR IT OUT!!"

***

"I'll call you both when I get there…"

"OK, now go get on that freaking plane you're getting late. Bill, sie idiot, you're not leaving forever and ever!" I was getting frustrated by the minute. The guy was my best friend, but boy did he give us a hard time saying goodbye.

"I'll miss you…" he said as he kissed his girlfriend.

"Me too." She replied.

"And, you…" he said, rounding on me, sounding like he was ready to give me a big fat firing. I braced myself but nothing came. After 2 solid minutes of staring me down (so much so that my cheeks had stained a completely unattractive red – not like I cared, just saying) he laughed and engulfed me in a huge bear hug. "I might just miss you the most." He whispered in my ear, but I only half believed him, the idiot that he was.

"Not very likely." I whispered back.

"That's because you nearly don't see yourself clearly. Nearly." He still spoke in low tones, so that only I could hear. Smiling, he squeezed my hand on last time; his finger tips lingered against mine as he stepped away from all of us.

"Love you." He mouthed to Tanz. He gave me a wink and waved at the others. Georg was still moving along giving us all bear hugs. Gustav pulled a freak face only for me, and I giggled like an idiot. He grinned his goofy grin.

"This is g – gonna be h – hard…" my almost sister was sobbing next to me. I knew how she felt. I'd miss all those idiots… and Jost… and Saki; all of those crazy cats.

"I know hun, I know." I said, pulling her into a side hug.


	19. Chapter 19

**Ok, ok... **

**I KNOW I ASKED FOR A REVIEW!!**

**BUT I GOT A FAVOURITE!!!**

**THAT MAKES ME HAPPY TOO!!**

**xD**

**LOL**

* * *

The months flew by, we begun to tour even Europe now. Everybody wanted us. And the boys? Well, let's just say they were maintaining a low profile for the public AKA paparazzi. But I of course often chatted with them across the phone.

That don't mean I was happy.

Somehow, I ended up talking to Tom, Gustav or Geo almost every single time. I knew why, of course; Bill would be on the line with the woman he loved, not the woman who happened to be his best friend. I couldn't get mad at him, and yet I couldn't _not_ get mad at him – all at the same time.

"I don't like it." Tom had said one day, when after talking to him for 2 hours Payal had handed me the phone and ran off to bed.

"What?" I had said, playing safe.

"You know what." He'd replied; I had almost pictured him gritting his teeth in agitation.

"Their in love. What do you expect?"

There had been silence, after which – and with a lot of hesitancy – Tom had said in a quiet voice,

"I know a lot of things, and you don't like it either."

"I don't know what things you're talkin' about, and, yes, I don't like it. but I don't not like it either. I'm a girl; I'm bound to be complicated." I'd cut him short of questions and, taking the hint, he had changed the topic.

Lord only knows how life rolls the dice.

***2 MONTHS LATER***

BILL'S POV

_"I figured this to be all I could give you._

_Fur immer deine Heilig beste freunde,_

_Niki_."

That was the only line I had received from her. I felt guilt and happiness surge through me at the same time – so that my face fell, lit up, and fell again, all in sequence. Looking up I saw Tom reading the top of a note seemingly a foot long at the minimum. He wandered his way up the stairs, tripping as he went.

My eyes turned back to the little piece of paper and the blue envelope in which it had arrived. I flipped to the envelope, fumbling as my hands shook with nervousness. Inside was a black square of an envelope - at the most 2 inches on every side. As I turned it the other way I noticed the silver seal and begun prying it off. My hands shook so bad that at a point the little thing along with its contents fell out of my hands and onto the carpeted floor. There was an unmistakable clink of metal as the little gift skidded across and hit the wooden leg of the table. I bent down to pick up the little surprise, and I actually looked at it for the first time.

I could feel the tears form in my eyes.

Four months. Four months had gone by, and I had not spoken a word to her. I'd made promises, uttered words.

But I had honoured nothing.

The little dark droplet spread across a rose on the carpet.

_"I got it when I went to Fatima at the age of 13." She whispered. "It's been with me ever since, and I feel kinda incomplete without it. True, I'm not Catholic, although Indian Catholics exist, but – oddly enough - I feel more at home and complete in a church than in a temple. Weird huh?"_

Strange how I remembered her exact words of that first day I'd met her.

Strange how she was hurting and could yet love.

Tanz had told me time and time again that I was doing her wrong, that it was completely unlikely of me, that I should call her, and I had put it off with a 'later'.

The later had gone.

And so had my shame and soul – very evidently.

I held the very same cross up to my eyes, my vision blurring, but I remembered the crimson of the cross and the well carved silver of Christ on the crucifix.

Even when I had given her nothing, she'd given me something so very close to her heart.

The chain glinted in the light and I felt like someone had branded me with my offence, my crime over my chest.

September 1st – I turned 23

And also turned into a jerk.

TOM'S POV

I sat on my bed as I read the letter I had received from my sister of sorts.

_HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! XD I wish I was there right now to give you a personalized scream/ wish haha. Thanks for being there big bro. I know I've asked a lot from you these past months, and I'm sorry you were forced to commit. But you know I'm just trying to do my best. I hope it doesn't hurt you too much…_

She made me flashback to our last phone conversation – the long serious, and heartbreaking, one. I knew this was one of the last times she would be o open and frank in public with me, or any of the other guys.

Especially him.

I read halfway through, skimming through the parts where she stated that my present was up and about through courier at that very moment, and how she knew I didn't want presents but that she wanted to give me one anyway. She promised me she hadn't spent a penny on it. I smiled; typical Niki – make something for someone's birthday.

_I love you for being there. You're one of the bestest friends I'll ever have [[yes, I just said bestest XD]] I know I might ruin things, and I'm sorry for making you see things my way. I know this will be hard. But it's the only way I can make things right. You know all too well why I need to do this. I might cause harm if I stay around much longer. In fact I think the both of them have already begun to notice that something's up, no matter how much Bill brushes it aside, it was in his eyes. He'll forget me, surely. And even if he doesn't – I just know he will be himself very soon when the news breaks out to him. I haven't figured out that part yet. I know this was to be a birthday wish, but I'm slightly messed up. You see, I'm not used to such a scenario. In fact by now I'm hurting for a lot of reasons cause of him, so I have an excuse too. But I can't let him know… I don't know what to –_

"How come she wrote you a whole toilet roll while she wrote me only 3 lines?" his voice caused me to jump, but his tone indicated he knew exactly how much of a jerk he had been. I shrugged, trying my best to avoid it. I knew Niki wanted to tell him herself.

"So you don't know huh?"

I shook my head, but he looked unconvinced.

He sat silent, wondering at her behaviour while I continued to read through the letter. Apparently my gift would be arriving in half an hour. Lovely.

And then the bomb went off.

He gasped, he only gasped – but it was much too obvious. I only looked up to find him flying out of my room, probably heading out towards his cell phone.

BILL'S POV

_Ring ring, ring ring. Cut._

_Ring ring, ring ring. Cut._

"Come on Niki, talk to me." I whispered in utter desperation. It couldn't be happening. Technically it could – she had promised me no such thing as 'staying forever and ever' or anything. But surely she wouldn't leave?!

_Ring – _"Hello?!"

Adrenaline rushed through me, but unfortunately it did not let me speak, nor let me process whose voice was on the other line.

"Um, Bill, she's um… she's… Oh, yeah she's in the loo!" Payal said, hesitant and bright – all too easy to hear that she just had a bright bulb moment.

"K…"

SCHIESSE!!

"Nein!" I almost shouted as I barged right into my brother's room. I lunged for his phone, but he snatched it from where it lay on the bed.

"Lemme make a call!!"

"She doesn't wanna hear from you." He hissed at me. I felt like I might break. I needed to talk her out of this.

"Tomi…" but he didn't budge as he glared at me. And he did have the right to be angry – I HAD been a jerk after all. A complete idiot.

His glare faltered slowly as I pleaded with him silently, my eyes blurring with tears that he hadn't accounted for. Sighing, he handed me the little cellular device. "Fine…"

I ran back to my own room as I dialed her number – her number that I knew by heart even though I hadn't dialed it in four months.

_Ring, ring – _"Hello brother!" she said cheerfully across the line. Her voice brought with it a sense of complete and utter relief.

"N – Niki?" I stammered, not knowing how she would react. I half expected her to cut the phone in anger.

"Oh… Bill?" she said, now guarded. It hurt me to hear that in her voice. She had never hid things, hid emotions from me. I didn't know she could be such a brilliant actress. She almost had me convinced.

How could I distance myself like this from her?!

"Yeah…" my voice was weak to my own ears.

"Are you ok?" the slightest hint of concern evident in her voice.

"Why?" I asked my voice tiny. This couldn't be happening. I needed my sacred best friend too much.

"Because…" she sighed, "things are just not working out, you know? I mean, we're still friends, but I guess this is how it was meant to be…"

Translation that I could hear very faintly in her voice – _"How could you…"_

I swallowed the lump in my throat, along with the tears that came as a package deal.

"I'm sorry. Please, maybe things can be better."

"Bill – let's face it. It really won't hit you so hard in a little while. In fact you'll be fine. You'll have your brother _and _the woman you love with you. I'm just someone who played a part. It's clear."

"Wait…what?"

"Tanz decided like a week ago that she's ready to join you guys on tour. You see? You'll be fine. Anyways, who am I dude? It's ok. I got the message. It's fine."

"Niki – "

"See ya around pretty boy…" she whispered softly, the slightest hint of that old tease she always used on me present in her voice.

She was slipping away.

NIKI'S POV

"I did it SarSar…" she hugged me tight as I slipped to the floor. I could not believe I had just managed that.

"It'll be ok." She whispered back, and I knew she wasn't lying.

As long as he was complete and happy it would be ok.

*2 MONTHS LATER*

BILL'S POV

"I still feel you should call just once more." Gusti said as we sat in the little tour bus. 2 months had flown past without me receiving a single word from her. But almost everyday I was being updated about life back with TMOD through my girlfriend, so then again – when I heard she was smiling, laughing, enjoying I smiled, laughed and enjoyed.

But she still wouldn't call me.

I shook my head now, stubborn.

Gusti sighed and walked back towards the bunks.

Tanz continued to stare out the window.

"Bill?" she said suddenly, causing me to start.

"Yeah?" my voice sounded wary to my own ears.

"Wanna go out tonight?" she asked me, and I brightened up. Sounded like we had things to discuss.

But then again – I felt queasy.

TANZ'S POV

Things had changed between me and Bill.

I mean I still loved him, but I wasn't… _in love _with him. So I decided I would let the cat out of the bag. I could see that he knew these things too.

But maybe I knew more.

Maybe I knew who he actually loved, even if he didn't.

"EARTH TO TANZ!" the girl in questioned shouted into the receiver.

"Oh, uhm, what? Yeah…"

"Honestly, I thought you'd be happy there!" she said, teasing me. But I knew it was pretense. I knew Niki to well; she was hurting so much. She was only doing it for us. She knew I had been on the brink – about to fight with Bill any day back then we he just didn't pay her any attention, I mean she was his freaking best friend! And she hadn't said a word, she had just shut up everytime she heard me having those little arguments and she knew what they were about. I knew she had decided to break things off with him just so that we wouldn't fight, I knew it all.

But it was his fault.

"I am not happy that you pushed me here. I don't like it." I snapped back at her now. She was silent for a moment.

"I thought you'd be happy with Bill there. You were pretty sad."

"God Niki when will you get into your head that I love you more than I could ever love him?! Can't you see he was a jerk?! I should have fought with him! It would have knocked some sense into him!"

She sighed, she was tired of hearing this everytime. She was also tired of me trying to persuade her to take just one call from him. She said that would bring us back to square one. I hated the situation.

"I gotta go now, I'm going out with him tonight." I muttered, as I heard someone approach and begin to open the door of Nathalie's, Dunja's and my bus.

"Oh, ok have fun honey!" she said, and I sighed as I said goodbye an cut the call.

Tonight would be some night.

He entered the room, silent – which was very unusual for him. He hadn't been this silent since the first month of her absence. Since then he had robotically accustomed himself to everyday jokes, habits, the works.

"I don't think you really wanna go out." He said quietly. Guess he knew that I really wanted to talk serious. I wasn't sweating – I knew he knew, that most likely he felt the same way. So I nodded, and he motioned for me to sit down next to him on the sofa at the front of the bus.

"I think you know what this is about…" he only raised an eyebrow, "Bill, lately…" my turn to sigh, "lately… I've loved you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you. You know what that means?"

BILL'S POV

Oddly enough, I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I just stared at her for a long time, this weird uplifting of pressure overwhelming me complete. And then I interrupted her just before she was about to speak – her brow dipping in concern.

"You know, oddly enough, I know what you mean!" I said, smiling.

"You do?" she asked, surprised; I smiled brighter.

"Yeah you know where I love you, but…I don't really want to _kiss _you!" I said, and she lit up.

"Yes, exactly! So… you're fine with this? I mean we're still friends, obviously."

"Good friends." I added smiling at her, and she returned the gesture.

"I love you man!" she said, laughing as she reached over and hugged me. I laughed along with her, feeling oddly cheery. And here I thought I had found love?! I sighed inwardly… guess not!

"I love you too woman!" I said, in the same American accent she implied – the overrated one that was only present when you exaggerated on how Americans sounded; they actually sounded decent in my opinion.

Weird night.

NIKI'S POV

I sighed, resting my head against the window sill. I had just got a call from Gustav, informing that the guys were gonna be in town next week. It was gonna be so weird, sitting in the same room with the guy who used to be my best friend, who was just some other friend now… just some other guy.

But I had had to do this.

I looked out the window, staring out to the ocean; there was a little lighthouse, far out into the waves, flashing its warning to everyone out there concerned. Tanz had texted me, which was something odd, since she always preferred calling me if she wanted to reach me. Something was up, that was all she said. And it did not sound like this particular piece of new was going to be a good piece of news at that. I was officially scared.

On the good side of things, Sara had finally gotten a break, and was featuring on one of the bonus tracks of our Platinum version record. It made me happy to see her so full of life, so pleased with things. But then again she had had to break up with Tony, the guy she had been dating. He got a bit jerk – ish when he found out about the record deal.

The week flew by, much as I wanted to stay around for longer. But Tom seemed excited enough on the phone. He said he missed us so much. It made me smile, that there was a bit of the happy ending for me – I had found a trustworthy, sweet, caring best friend and brother in each of the other three guys. They weren't perfect, but I loved them the way they were.

So now I stood on the airport, waiting for the flight to land in the VIP area. I really wouldn't have sat there, because that would be inconvenient because we wouldn't know when they were all out of the luggage clearance etc, but when you have screaming fans wanting to jump your bones everywhere you go? Well, lets just say, I'd rather stay isolated, despite the fact that I just love our fans too, too much.

"They're out, they're out, they're out!" Payal squealed. I laughed softly, amused – how unlike Payal. But anything for her 'Tomi' I teased her in my own head, and she realized exactly which direction my thoughts were headed and glared at me, before winking that was.

Before I knew it I was being dragged along by my wrist by my overly excited twin, who refused to calm down.

"?!!" before I knew it, Tom Kaulitz had squeezed all the air out of me. I laughed lightly.

"Tom, Tom, Tom, you're _such _a girl." I said, and I heard someone snicker from behind me. I twirled around like I always did.

And then regretted it altogether.

BILL'S POV

There she stood, radiating that happy, cheerful warmth that always flooded out of her eyes. Unfortunately those lit eyes dimmed just the slightest bit as they set themselves on me.

All I wanted then and there was to hug my best friend, and take in that vanilla-cocoa-sandalwood-musk smell that always put my thoughts right, that always made me see things in a better light.

"Bill." She greeted me with a genuine smile. It was true, she never did lie. I could only nod back, and Georg giving her a – seemingly – bone crushing hug didn't provide any room for me to do anything else either.

"Ungh Ge – ORG!! Lemmego!!" she breathed out with quite some difficulty, and I couldn't help but chuckle. Although she had walked away from me I couldn't help but love her like I did.

What a second, what?!

I shook my head, nervously; stupid me.

TANZ'S POV

I could see him struggling, and yet not, with the whole concept of not being with her. It was written plainly on his face, liking an outrageous tattoo all across his forehead and running through his hurt yet coping eyes. I stood next to him, taking his hand in my own, squeezing it, and trying to reassure him. Distantly I heard the fans screaming their lungs out.

He turned to smile hesitantly at me.

"Will it be ok?" he mouthed nervous, and I nodded.

I would fix this, I promised myself. No matter what it took, I would fix it.


	20. Chapter 20

**I GOT FAVOURITED AGAIN!!! HAHA SO HERE'S ANOTHER POST FOR YOU GUYS!!! xD**

* * *

NIKI'S POV

The guys seemed to insist on going to the hotel together, although I thought Georg and Gustav looked exceptionally tired, the were the one's persisting on it. Ridiculous.

So then, we were all stuffed in that one big limo.

And I was sandwiched between the two Kaulitz brothers.

Amazing.

Tom sat at the window, gazing out. And, to me, it seemed that me and my ex – best friend were in a silent albeit awkward bubble of our own, while everyone except Tom chit – chatted; the older twin was lost in his music.

I really don't recall when I started staring out the window myself, counting out the number of brunette fans that I spotted.

I didn't even spot when a few strands of my hair fell to the sides of my face, along with my newly cut bangs, that fell out of the clip they were supposed to be in. I swear my hair can NEVER behave.

"You streaked your hair!" Tom exclaimed, sounding surprised yet happy. Man, does the boy get weird sometimes. I nodded slowly, as if talking to a child.

"Yes brother." I said slowly, and in a sing song voice. He swatted at my head, but I moved sideways, successfully avoiding the playful blow.

But then again, my arm poked into my ex – best friends ribs.

"Hey, sorry." I managed, flashing a genuine and friendly smile at him. I tried to stick as close to my true emotions as possible. It was only fair.

"I – it's ok." He stuttered back, looking away and at his girlfriend.

I turned back to Tom, he was taking in every angle of my hair. Jeez.

"AND YOU CUT IT!" he shouted in a light bulb moment.

And it was true; over the year my hair had become less curly and straighter, with just a little wave at the end. I had let the length be, but I had a four layer cut with bangs down the front that I never needed to blow dry now. Also my bangs had a purple, a red and a white blonde streak. I had done the same colours to a bit of my hair on either side of my face, and the very innermost portion of my hair. So the streaks were few, just three medium sized strands done everywhere – hence not overbearing, and didn't make me look scene.

"OPEN IT OPEN IT OPEN IT!!" Georg and Tom shouted like 15 year old girls. I rolled my eyes, and undid the clip in which I had wound my hair.

"Pretttyyy." Georg practically purred.

"It might be; but YOU, my friend, are ridiculous." I said, sounding playfully bored. I heard the raven head next to me snicker, and it took all of me not to turn and smile brightly at him.

"HEY!! NO FAIR!!"

I laughed, throwing my head back.

"So, where to tonight?" Tom asked, turning to me and smiling.

BILL'S POV

My eyes narrowed. I didn't like the fact that my twin spoke more to my ex – best friend more than I did.

Well, then again, I couldn't be possessive, I had no right to,

"Oh, we can't hang today." Zoe said, and I felt my own brow furrow.

"Why?" I asked, it was the first time I spoke through the whole ride. I saw everyone's eyes go wide for just a second before everything became absurdly normal again.

"Coz we gotta finish the single on the Platinum album, and then get set for an interview after that." Zoe answered me.

"Oh." It was all I could manage.

"Yeah, kinda scary… The interview's live." Niki said from next to me, and I froze.

TANZ'S POV

She spoke to him. God, she spoke to him. I could almost see him happy dancing as soon as he got to his room. But he'd only do it in private, I thought, giggling internally.

He turned to look at me with wide eyes. It seemed like I was a parent trying to make my kid walk. I nodded slowly at him

_Talk normally like nothing's gone down and you'll are by the way friends Bill. _I thought. _Do that for Pete's sakes. _

TOM'S POV

Things were getting better… it was taking time, sure, but I could see things getting _way_ better. Well Bill, for one, had learned not to get wide eyed when Niki spoke to him, he was more than normal, even though they didn't talk as often as we all were used to. Statements had to be made in public; well, we were forced, since nothing goes unnoticed by the fans –

"_We don't talk that often. Shit happens, and suddenly things stop clicking. Over the years I've gotten used to it, it's happened so many times… so I understand." – Nikita Mehta – singer/songwriter TMOD. _

"_Time to admit – I was a jerk about things, and I regret doing what I did. But at least we are still friends, if not that close." – Bill Kaulitz – singer/songwriter Tokio Hotel._

He admitted, it still shocked me that he had admitted. I knew Bill too well. I was his twin for crying out loud. Although loyal and sacrificing, he could be an egoistic pain in the ass once in a while. But this time round – I guess not.

So when this Saturday we all decided to just have a chill at one of the clubs around LA, he was pretty chill and humble about the whole thing. He and Niki spoke. A lot, in fact. But nothing like the close talks that they had before, nothing like the crazy jumping around all over the place. The two pretended everything was fine, but the rest of us knew better, and we always found it hard to ignore that gaping hole that was staring all eight of us in the face.

There was a knock on the door, we were all sitting in Niki's room, with the exception of the girl herself, and my brother. I didn't even bother – them and their eyeliner.

"Yippe aye oh!" Zoe said giddily as she skipped into the room. Payal turned to stare at me with the patent Payal face, "And she's not even wasted yet." She said, causing me to snicker. Did I mention I was about to pop a question any day now?

Well, I didn't know which day exactly, but well…

Ok, I'm bad at this stuff, okay?!

Whatever.

BILL'S POV

I stood patiently in front of the mirror. Sometimes I think putting all that eyeliner isn't worth it. Especially on days when your hands shake for no reason.

"It's smudging."

I jumped, managing not to draw a black line all across my cheek. I could never forget that sweet, musical voice anywhere, anytime. No matter how many decades would try to erase the memory. Incidentally it turned out to be the same MAC eyeliner product I had bought that day. Great. Way to make me feel better.

I turned slowly. I'll admit, I still felt shaky and guilty around my used to be best friend when we're alone. Things tend to get awekward then. I saw her glance at me before she went back to searching for whatever it was she wanted in the cabinet at the corner of this huge bathroom.

"Th – thanks."

She smiled warmly at me, that friendly smile. But it wasn't that special smile she'd share with me from back then, and it pinched me like the million times before as I realized that I actually had broken her trust. I hated it.

"Anytime. Anyways, are you done? The rest of them are getting pretty mad at us. They keep muttering about the goddamn eyeliner." She said, giggling, and I had to chuckle myself as I turned back to the mirror. Then again, there were those moments where everything felt fine; like now.

"Gimme just a sec." I muttered as I carefully applied one last line of eyeliner. "There. Done!" I said, turning around, and we both walked out.

"Finally!" Tom said, exasperated as he started the car. This was one of those very, very rare occurences where we drove around the place. We only ever attempted this in LA, or back in Germany. It was the only time we could be just that tad bit chill about these kind of things. Yet, just a tad.

Everyone was weirdly silent all along the ride, everyone except me and Niki. We kept looking around at everyone, and she would giggle occasionally when she accidentally spotted me sticking my tongue out in boredom.

"Gusti rubbed off on all o' ya'll patooties." She said, giggling. And Zoe looked at her for a split second – blank expression, the whole deal – before she ended up with a fit of giggles herself. I looked away, unable to contain my own crazy laughter. Payal was making the patent Payal face, sitting right in front of me, and I only laughed harder. She rolled her eyes, which caused her twin to collapse onto her lap.

"Younger ones." She muttered in playful annoyance. But then again, Niki did get off her shoulder and smack her hard on the arm.

We got in, giggling and laughing like idiots while the cameras buzzed off, and the security kept them off our backs, and soon enough we were sitting at the VIP section – The Prodigy blaring away and a drink in each of our hands, the girls having only a mocktail, since none of them were legally adults.

"Which sucks." Niki added, as Tom snickered on at her Virgin Pinnah Colada. "But I do like me some Pinnah Colada."

"Which – not unlike you – is a virgin."

"How do _you _know I'm a virgin."

"Well…" he said, uneasily. After all, Niki was – to my irritation – like his sister.

"AHA!" she shouted, and everyone laughed.

As the night proceeded I found myself next to Niki, who sat next to Tanz. Tom was quite drink, although the rest of us remained sober.

NIKI'S POV

I felt stranger and stranger as the night proceeded, and now it seemed like the VIP section had become an oven. Out of nowhere, I was caught in a coughing round.

"Ugh." I muttered, feeling my throat going dry with the lack of mucus. Great. That meant no singing for the next two days.

"You ok?" Tanz asked from next to me, and turning a little the other way, I noticed Bil's head bent low to check on me too.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I tried reassuring both of them.

"You definitely don't _look_ fine." Bill said, his brow dipping, his voice skeptic. How could he detect when I was lying even when we weren't best friends any longer was baffling me. But I had no time for that, I was getting pretty dizzy.

"Hey!" Payal said from the other side, feeling exactly what I was feeling and swerving towards me immediately. "You need to get home." She said firmly, and I knew it was useless fighting that tone, so I caved in.

"Ugh, fine. But I'll go home on my own." I said, raising my hands; Tom's eyes narrowed.

"Payal's going with you."

"No, I'll get Cole to drive me back. I'll be fine. You guys chill." Payal sighed at my words, knowing I wouldn't change my mind.

"Fine."

BILL'S POV

She got up, stumbling a bit over my legs, and I caught her arm, steadying her.

"Thanks." She mumbled.

Ok.

I am NOT letting her sit at home alone.

"I'm gonna go check on her." I muttered, walking out after her before anywhere could get another word in.

I caught her at the park space, coughing as she got into the backseat of the car, and then catching my eye.

"W –what are y- you doing out he – re ?!" her words were broken as she coughed.

"You know you can't get home alone." I persisted. She stood there, just looking at me, I didn't know why though. But then finally she sighed, "Ok." She muttered, and I got in after her.

She stumbled her way into the house, my arm around her waist just to keep her steady. She'd gone from bad to worse, but she said that all she needed was a good night's rest.

"You know I'll be fine from her on." She said as I placed her careful on her bed. I took one good look at her and my eyes narrowed. At this point – I didn't care how freaky I seemed for just some friend. I couldn't leave her alone, it just wasn't going to happen.

She sighed at my expression. "Alrgiht, I surrender." She said, raising her hands, but a small smile curving up her lips.

She lay down, surling up on the bed and pulling the covers on top of her. I guess she would be comfortable; she was wearing a pair of jeans and a tube top anyways. Odd for her, since she usually dressed up a bit more when she went out like that. I sat down on the bed, switching on the TV in her room. There was a comfortable silence, and somehow I knew she wasn't sleeping. All thoughts but the thought of that's stupid soap opera were whirring round my head, and so when the question tumbled out of my mouth, I'd did wanna cut out my tongue, but didn't really blame myself for lack of control all the same.

"Why?" I asked quietly. There was no movement, and for a moment I thought I was wrong, that she had fallen asleep. But then she turned slowly, looking at me carefully, before she gave up on all pretense and sighed.

"Because I could see that nothing was working out. And also by the end of it, Tanz was getting mad at you, so I –" She coughed a little more, "thought I'd give you a better reason to stop talking. Anyways I figured by the end of four months you didn't think it would work either. I was a little shocked when you tried apologizing." I could see the truth in her eyes, but I could also see a hint of some mysterious emotion that she chose to hide.

"You know that's not it I –"

"Then what is? What is it? what is it that you had to forget me? I mean, you could've ended it better, and you know that."

"God damnit I didn't wanna end it! I didn't want this! I didn't want us to be so – so – " and suddenly I didn't know what to say.

"Bill, stop lying to yourself. Please. Understand, that it was outrageous from the very beginning. I understand that you don't wanna be like that no more, but – UGH, just don't ask how I figured out or whatever, because you would think after four months of your best friend not calling you – not even when your dog dies – after that you know that it's goodbye."

I froze.

"Coco – coco – "

"Died? Yes." She choked on her words. "Why did you think I was calling you so frantically? Why do you think Tanz was so mad?"

"But – but nobody told me!" I cried out. I had loved that dog as my own. She was one of the most loyal soul I had ever met.

"Because I told them to shut up after you stopped responding." She said, her voice slightly edgy. She turned the other way, curling up once again. I felt like shit, solid, icky, stupid, useless shit.

"How?"

I was hesitant, but I wanted to know.

"Something she couldn't digest. Usually things like these lead to death in 24 hours. She was lucky she made it through 72." She sniffed, and I felt worse. I reached out slowly, my hand grazing her arm.

"Don't." she whispered, "Don't. Not even for a bit. Please. Don't. It hurts."

I'd stung her so bad, it felt like I had caused a rapture in my own heart and that it was overflowing blood.

"I – I didn't. I – please? One last try? Can't I give it one last try? I – I didn't meant to – to – " I took a deep breath, "If you didn't know, or I didn't give the vibe – I wouldn't ever want to hurt you. I can't. You're sacred to me. Whether you like it or not, you are; still." I had no clue where I was getting all the courage from; let's face it – I SUCK at opening up to people.

Everything was silent. For more than half an hour I sat there, staring at the TV screening playing the credits of that stupid soap opera.

"As long as you do me one favour."

I jumped at the sound of her voice. I had rawn my conclusions; I had been too big of a jerk to earn any forgiveness.

"W – what?"

"Stay."

BILL'S POV

I had a slight pounding in my head the next morning, and in my groggy state I stood up, swaying just a bit as I scratched my backside.

And then it hit me.

"Where in the – Oh."

I'd forgotten everything, and it just came rushing back.

I turned around, watching her sleep; so peaceful, so childlike – her hair falling in her face.

I couldn't believe it.

I slept over at my best friend's.

Whose a girl.

I know, I know; it's not like I did the dirty. We're just best friends.

BUT STILL.

Gosh, I can get so freaky.

Rubbing my eye to shake off the stupid babble and sleep – it was so possesive it just didn't wanna let go of me. I giggled to myself. Stupid pj.

"Rise and shine!" Tom exclaimed, eating a veggie rap in the kitchen. I scowled at him. Stupid twin brother of mine. He knows I hate it, but it's no use telling him anything now is it?

"Nup, no use." He replied cheerily.

I ignored him, opening the fridge and grabbing the Strawberry Nesquick that was lying on the inside. There was silence as I downed all the contents of the 1 litre carton.

"Someone's hungry." He commented, but his tone was fishy. Still in my bad morning mood, I whirled around, hands crossed over my chest, hip jutting out, foot tap – tapping on the wooden floor as I waited for his absurd questions that were sure to follow. But obviously I would answer them. I would never hide from Tom.

But that doesn't matter right now, cause I'm pissed.

"What the hell happened last night?" he asked me, eyes guarded. Although I knew he though I'd done the dirty. I'd expected something like 'MY BABY BROTHER GREW UP!' but – and thankfully – it didn't come. Pissed further, I whirled back around to dig further into the fridge.

"You _really _think I wouldv'e had hot monkey sex with my best friend?" I know, very, very harshly putting what he had wanted to say. But hey, mornings suck. It's a known fact.

He choked on the bit of veggie rap that he'd just bitten off the whole.

"Whaf dif fyou fay?" I giggled slightly. He sounded like a dork.

"I faid I difn't hafe fex wif ma bef friend." I said, leaning in a little towards him, taunting him while I practically sneered. He scowled at me, but didn't say a word.

"Fine." He said after a long albeit boring staring showdown.

"Guten morgen!" Niki skipped down the length of the kitchen, stopping right in front of me, shoving me out of the way, and grabbing a can of coffee from the inside.

"Hey! That's rich coming from you!" I said, annoyed.

"What? I'm hungry! And you know I have coffee in the morning. Stupid German rockstars won't understand now will they?" she muttered audibly enough, and I had to laugh as I pocked her in the back as she walked out the kitchen. When I turned around Tom had an eyebrow raised.

"What?!" I asked him.

"You two – "

"Fixed it? Yeah." And I genuinely smiled. It felt like my mouth hurt or something. That's what so many fake smiles can do to your face and your heart. They fuck you up.

But not anymore.

***

"Just shut up and get on that stage."

"I'm scared. Fuck, I don't wanna screw up and then sound like a sucker later!"

"Can you _stop with the abusing?!_" I fixed a wrinkle on her shoulder. The idiot was freaking. Her first Grammy performance. I don't even know WHY she was freaking. And all those abuses! UGH, I hated those, even though I used them rarely now – a little more since she rubbed off on me.

"Are you sure it'll be ok?"

"Yes, I swear to it."

"But then you'll drop dead!"

"I WON'T CAUSE YOU WON'T SUCK!" I roared as I pushed her towards the crew member holding out the mike. Jeez, I care. A lot. But sometimes the girl can REALLY piss you off.

_Am I playing_

_Slowly_

_With you're heart_

_Are you giving_

_Me_

_The time to restart_

_To the beginning_

_Curtain call – lifting_

_Lights reach my eyes._

_And I despise_

_The way you twirl around the stage of my life_

_Making a mess, it's more than I can take_

_Bringing back the scars that I hide_

_Oh, you're pushing me down the edge_

_Leaving me to grope;_

_It's a trust betrayal written in fate._

_Are you counting_

_Down_

_To the second I blow up_

_In your mind,_

_I can see_

_The places where you hide, _

_Where you smile _

_And you whisper_

_Insanity _

_Oh, it's killing me_

_It's the way you twirl around the stage of my life_

_Making a mess, it's more than I can take_

_Bringing back the scars that I hide_

_Oh, you're pushing me down the edge_

_Leaving me to grope;_

_Its trust betrayal written in fate._

_I keep_

_Running towards the wings _

_But you're blocking my entry_

_The crowd shouting can see_

_The thoughts running in your mind_

_But your performance has got them blind_

_It's the way you twirl around the stage of my life_

_Making a mess, it's more than I can take_

_Bringing back the scars that I hide_

_Oh, you're pushing me down the edge_

_Leaving me to grope;_

_Its trust betrayal written in fate._

It was their new album, and their new single, "Trust Betrayal Written In Fate". That was what the album was called too. I knew it was a mouthful, and I knew half the time the emotions that poured out of Niki just didn't click into her head for a long time when they came out on paper, but I knew this one was all me. It had to be. But she said she didn't think so, that it couldn't be. It didn't hurt so much anymore. I had learnt to accept so many things when I had been Jerk Boy for those six months. Niki always giggled at that term – "Jerk Boy". I always managed to make her laugh, just like before. But now there was a strange happiness accompanied with the normal one. It felt like time slipped passed like a metro rail whenevr I was with her. A day felt like 2 minutes. But the whole 2 minutes were worth it. she was the best best friend I could ever ask for. Yes, I had always had Andi, but this was different. I don't know why or how, but it just was.

She walked off the stage now, her beautiful black dress flowing a little at the back. She smiled brightly at me, and I just had to smile back. I felt happy when she was happy, when Tom and Andi and Mutti were happy. That's just the way things were. If I never found love, now I was certain I would be happy. I had my best friend. But as I thought this, my heart hurt. Why did it hurt? My mental babble started once again, but it cleared from chaos into order when she called my attention.

"Huh, what? Sorry, I spaced out." She shook her head, wiping her face of the sweat, and smudging some of the eyeliner across her cheek. But she still looked breathtaking. Nothing could change that.

"Idiot. Okay, I'm it with the designing. You agreed from last night." She said.

"Huh?" I was blank now. She stared at me pointedly.

And then I got it.

I had to swallow the lump rising in my throat.

"You lost the bet. We collaborated. And that too with GREEN DAY." She smirked, satisfied. I made a face, even though she wouldn't mess up my outfit.

"Fine. This better be good."

"YAY I get to pick what you wear on my eighteenth birthday!! OR RATHER BE DESIGNING IT!! YES!!" she danced around me, fake hyper on purpose, only trying to piss me off; but I grabbed her tiny little waist, and she huffed as she was caught out of a spin.

"You're an idiot of a best friend sometimes you know?" she said, mock irritation in her voice. I smiled, laughing softly. How could I not realize what she really meant to me. Things were so complicated now. But I knew I'd make it.

"Yeah, I know."

***

"Shut up and stand still. I think you know neither Audrey nor me wanna feel you up while your eyes are shut." She sounded a little irritated. But why wouldn't she be – I had been moody and edgy and fidgety and what not the whole day (the what not included a lot of grumbling). Her hand brushed down my torso, smoothing the fabric pinned to me on top of what I was wearing.

"Hmmm, you know that looks just _slightly _overdone. Don't you think?" she said, engrossed in the whole thing. I just wanted to open my eyes and get a sneak peak.

But then, that would have to mean my death.

"Yeah… yeah you're right. But we got the pants nailed just right." Audrey said. Audrey was a 21 year old punk designer who owned a boutique somewhere in LA. I'd say where, but for that I'd have to know where too. Niki wouldn't tell me. But she was right. Me being me I would have come back here (wherever here was) and found out what exactly I was gonna wear.

"Okay, you know what? Let's kick mister I-hate-secrets back to the front so we can work on this for the next hour." I heard Niki say, but the tease was audible in her voice. My brow dipped in mock fury, and I waited till all the fabric and pins were off me. I gave the minute or two before I cracked an eye open. They both sized me up and down.

"You know I think I have something in mind for what you gave me the other day. Just a little modification should do the trick." Audrey murmured. I shook my head, knowing I wouldn't understand anything, and walked through the white door and to the huge front of the boutique. It was a hug place, really. You would never believe that Audrey wasn't a big designer already. I had seen some of her work, and she was amazing. In fact she frequently worked with the girls – especially Niki – on their stage and award outfits. Sometimes Niki would just pop in here and plop herself down, and I wouldn't hear her of her for a good two hours. Audrey was also known as Hannah – which was her middle name. I sat myself down on one of the plush leather sofas near the blinds that blocked the outside view through the window.

"Bill!! What awe you doowin here!!" little Emily bobbed up and down in front of me, and I just had to smile. Em was Audrey younger sister. They were orphans. At the age of fifteen, and with not a single family member to turn to, Audrey had begun designing, doing small odd jobs to pay the rent and the fee for the course she was taking. By the time she was sixteen she had managed to fit a small boutique in a slightly larger apartment in LA.

"Niki surprising me remember?" I told her as I picked her up from her tiny little waist and placed her on my lap. Her beatiful golden brown ringlets bobbed up and down as she adjusted herself happily onto my lap.

"Daw, I know what that is!! I could tell you?" I smiled down at her, looking into her shining blue eyes.

"Naw, then Niki wouldn't like us so much now, would she?" I thought her face fell just the slightest bit.

"Oh… Well, then I won't upset dear Niki." I swear the girl's British origins came through in her speech. She had the slightest hints of an accent as well. I bounced her up and down lightly on my lap and she laughed.

Things were…well, just how they were. I had my best friend, the media freaked over us being best friends all over again. Perez said _I _– and specifically I – had pulled a publicity stunt. The fans kicked his ass on that one, but that was always the case.

But more than anything else our relationship was the same.

Somewhere it hurt. I was only going to be her best friend. That was the only place I had, maybe the only place I deserved. I could imagine her sometimes, a beautiful white dress and a tall lean guy in her arsenal, happy as she walked away from me, into her new life. But she couldn't walk away from me, because whenever that picture formed, I was never in it. My heart always did hurt, and my head spin, when I thought of all these things, and sometimes flashes of my stupid Jerk Boy attitude returned.

She never brought it up, brushing aside all sorts of blunt, cheeky questions away with the most grace.

She was growing into a beatiful woman. Hell, she'd been a woman before I'd cared to notice. She was so much more than that pretty smile that she always flashed to the paparazzi. And my heart swelled; I knew what she was, what was behind that beautiful smile, behind all those well guarded walls; she'd let me in. but I guess there would always be her gentle heart that I could never hold close to my own in that way. We belonged to each other in ways so different than the ways I wished. It hurt, and yet I was ready and happy to sacrifice and love her and be there in her life.

"Hey, come on. I got it done. It's gonna be ready by next week! Aint that amazing?"

Niki walked out of the back, holding her purse in one hand, and the car keys in the other. She stopped next to me, smiling widely at the little girl almost bouncing off my lap to get into her arms. Em just adored Niki, more than any of her fans ever could. Audrey would DEFINITELY have vouched for that.

"Niki, Niki, Niki!" she chanted, her curls bobbing up and down around her face.

"Hey baby!" Niki said in return, throwing her head back and laughing as the little kid buried her head in her hair and sniffed nice and long. Em always did that with her. Who was I to blame, didn't I find comfort in that very fragrance myself?

"Awe, I have to go love. I need to get back to the studio." Niki said, looking into the little baby girl's face. Her baby blue eyes dimmed a little, and lit up again as she heard the words 'the studio'.

"The studio? I can come? Pwease?" her big round eyes litterally pleaded with the girl's big, almond shaped brown ones. Niki smiled, looking slightly sad. "I'm afraid you can't honey. Not tonight. It will be past your bed time. And we know how much homework you've done." She said, laughing slightly, and the little girl bubbled too.

"Au revoir little one." She said, kissing her forehead. She hugged Audrey, and I waved over to Emily as we walked out.

"So." She said, staring up the engine.

"So?"

"That was a day of accomplishments." She said, sighing. We were almost immediately greeted to the usual flashes of light. The paparazzi – obviously. But that was only normal now.

"I don't get to see anything!" I grumbled, throwing up my hands in frustration. I hated secrets, and she knew that better than most.

"Hey. You'll get to see soon." She said, turning to me and smiling.

"Yeah, by next Thursday, and then I wear it on Saturday. Do you think alterations can be made that quick?"

"It's Audrey. We'll manage. With ease, even."

"Fine."

"What's on your mind?"

She'd caught on to my mood completely now, had she? I was grumpy today for so many reasons. The thinky mood had descended in all its glory, and it had been driving me crazy.

"Nothing." I said all too quickly, looking away and out the window. But too late; I'd already seen the hurt along with the reflection of the many lights in her eyes. Her big beautiful brown eyes…

Silence followed; a very uncumfortable silence at that. As we pulled into the drive way of their huge white house she quickly scarmbled out of the house. I knew I'd hurt her, because she knew I'd wanted to tell her, but I didn't. she hated it, and so did I. I hated not being able to tell her… tell her everything. Every bit of it and then some more. it hurt.

It hurt because I knew she wouldn't be able to grasp the whole thing, that I didn't – couldn't – ever deserve someone like her. So this meant hiding away all the urges to pull her closer, hiding all those times I wished I could just tell her that I was a jerk, and that I should have realised all of this and then some more long, long ago. I had to do this; somehow, I just had to.

I hated doing this.

She walked up and into the house. I watched as her hair swished just a little before the doorshut gently. But I knew it wasn't locked.i was maybe the only person with whom she found it hard to get angry. She just couldn't bring herself to it. I didn't know why. Her best friend couldn't mean so much to her, even though she was sacred to me.

I entered the house, shutting the door softly. It didn't take much looking to find Tom and Gerog on the couch playing Need For Speed. Tom looked up, pausing the game. Georg turned, following Tom's gaze. He took a deep breath.

"What now?" he asked me. But what was I to say? That I loved my best friend and that I couldn't say a word? Weirdly enough, I remembered that one time that she hadn't confided in me. Come to think of it, she hadn't told me what that was all about till date. Well maybe I knew how she felt back then. Maybe she knew how I felt back then too. Gosh, this was just so hard! UGH.

"I – forget it."

The bassist raised an eyebrow. "I'll leave the room if you wanna talk to Tom alone." he said, hands up in surrender as he got up from the couch and walked out and to the staircase.

Tom turned a little more, patting the space next to him on the couch.

"I – " but words wouldn't come out. It was just a little complicated.

He looked at me, understanding flooding his eyes.

"I told you you're in too deep." He said softly. Somewhere the ghost of his voice echoed those words in the land of my dreams, and I frowned, trying to remember exactly when he'd uttered those words.

"It's hard isn't it." he continued, making the question sound like a statement. I only nodded.

"Nothing close to words sum up how hard it is." I said, running a wary, tired, confused hand through my hair.

"Don't worry." He said, rising from the couch. I looked up at him with questioning eyes.

"What? You're gonna leave your best friend hanging in mid air?"

NIKI'S POV

My eyes shut tight, a tear leaking out the corner. I cursed. How hard could this get? Any more and I would burst. This was getting way beyond the normal line of 'unbearable'.

There was a knock on my door, and I managed to fix my face before my best friend walked in.

Sometimes Satan did get the better of me, and on these rare occasions I wondered why in the world was he so damned clueless.

I plastered a smile on my face, but I knew he wasn't buying it. for him I was always see through. I was like an open book. Well, that was when my love for him wasn't strengthening me to lie, to hide what I truly felt. But that wasn't so hard when some part of me did enjoy being his best friend.

Gosh, how complicated am I?

"You okay?"

"Ummm…"

BILL'S POV

Her phone began to ring just that very moment. I thought we both looked relieved.

"Hello? Oh, yeah. Um… okay, but then I'll be there in…" she continued the conversation and, sighing and tired out, I sat down on the edge of her bed. Of course I put my legs up; wooden or not, her art skills scared me when the shocked me from her floor. She paused, looking straight at me, and instinctively my eyebrows rose up in question. _Armstrong_ she mouthed. So this was about the opening performance to their concert. I sighed once more, knowing this conversation would go on for a little longer. The few days that I'm in town and yet we can't spare enough time for each other; but it was ok, that's how our lives had been since this crazy, sad but happy rollercoaster ride started anyway. Also when it's your best friend in question? You don't need to talk all that much for them to understand you're worked up/hyped up/hyper/happy/angry or sad.

***

"I wanna chill. How about the club?"

"Naw…"

"But you know, actually, we haven't been there in ages."

"Well, okay then."

"Meet you in an hour then."

"Girls."

"Hey shut up. Girls includes your girl Stella too. And she's here today so you better shut that trap of yours."

The red – head giggled from the corner. Payal was always good at her comebacks. But, well… Niki was better –

"And you better shut yours. Just because I'm gonna come to the club – AND _not_ fall sick this time – " she flashed me a smile, "does not mean I'm gonna _not _hurl if I catch you grinding all over the place. Seriously, keep your hips in control!"

Payal went pink. Yup, that's what happens when you're high and completely oblivious to the fact the you're in love with my ass of a brother, who may be serious about you too. Ridiculous.

Stella giggled harder from next to my best friend, causing her to giggle as well.

"I'm taking all the divas upstairs – at least the female ones." She added with a smirk as she grabbed Stella's hand. They'd become fast friends; shy at first, but an hour later – you couldn't get a word around them. I scowled, one of them diva jokes on me again.

"Hey – "

"See you in an hour pretty white boy!"

My face turned pink with indignation, but she just laughed, and somehow her laughter left me feeling anything _but _angry. Jeez.

***

**AT THE CLUB**

"What about that one there?"

"Would you just give it up?! With the paparazzi around I can't _do _anything anyways!"

I was edgy; the whole while – and due to Tom's stupid idea – Niki kept teasing and bugging me, kept pointing out someone or the other who I should be flirting with rather idiotically, but I was not. I was sitting with her at the bar. I'd rather, since SHE was the one I was in LOVE with now, wasn't she?

"Fine. Whatever. But then don't come running to me later!"

I snorted, "I won't." I said dully.

"You know what, I want a something something to sip on. Be back in a mo." She got up from where she sat. yes, we were sitting at the bar, but this place was swarming with fangirls – and boys – now. You had to actually _search _for a loop hole to get to the barman.

I sat there, staring at the gazillions of people on the dance floor, blanking out.

But after 15 minutes of zoning out I really wondered where the hell she'd gone.

I scanned the bar area; there she was at the very end – chatting with some – who?!

Oh, no.

NIKI'S POV

I made my way through the crowd. I swear sometimes I wished I was just someone.

Obviously, that aaint happening.

"Ahem…"

Someone cleared their throat from next to me on purpose, and automatically, my head turned.

And there he stood with that goofy grin on his face.

"No hi…?" he said suggestively.

"Well, well Mr. Lautner, you didn't say hi last time we met either." I said, playing hurt with my arms crossed over my chest. He threw his head back and laughed.

Flashback – I met him at the VMA afterparty last year… last year during the time when me and Bill were…

Well you know what I mean.

"Ok, then we're on the same level. What's up?" he asked me. We'd clicked so easily. It was easy to laugh around this guy; but I wasn't ready to put down my walls, unlike with Bill, where he ALWAYS saw right through me.

"'M here with the guys." I said, smiling.

"I told you you'd be fine."

My eyes narrowed playfully, "Yeah… advice I didn't need… psycho psychic psychoanalyst." He laughed again. The drinks hadn't come yet, so I guessed I could talk a while.

"I have some other advice for you." He said, smirking and getting up. He flipped his cell out, I guess he had to go. Oh well, so long for a lengthy conversation.

"And what's that?" I asked him, eyebrows raised, a smile on my face.

"Don't be looking like that in public. It's crazy at this club anyways." He whispered in my ear, raising goosebumps on my arms. He laughed at my widened and confused eyes and begun to walk away.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I shouted after him as I grabbed my drinks.

He looked over his shoulder and winked.

"You know it."

BILL'S POV

She walked back towards me, handing me a drink while she sipped on her Pina Collada. I knew my eyes had narrowed by the look she gave me.

"What?" she said, eyebrows raised.

I didn't reply, and she sighed.

"We met at the VMA afterparty last year. When you and I…" she trailed off, and I understood. I nodded my head curtly, and she sighed and looked away. We sat in silence, but it wasn't the usual comfortable silence that was there between us. This one was full of frustration. She breathed out in relief as she spotted Gustav; before I knew it, she'd gotten off the seat and walked over to the drummer. I hated this. Why were things so very complicated?! Was I losing her to the guy?! Would I ever get out of my I'm-too-shy-to-say-anything-first attitude and tell her?!

UGH.

She didn't speak to me at all, not once even when we rode back to their place. Obviously we hadn't eaten. We just hadn't. so we were gonna sit here for a while.

She hopped out the car after Georg, walking with him till the inside, and they chit chatted away. It was obvious she didn't tell anyone what had gone down.

I needed to talk this out, I hated fighting with her.

So I followed her up to her room.

"Why can't we just talk about this?!" I said in a rush as I shut the door; I knew she knew I had followed her up.

"Because we can't! Because we fight and then everything goes awry, don't you get it!" she replied heatedly.

"I just – "

"What? Found it hard to trust that I didn't have a thing for him?! Seriously?! I didn't expect that out of you!" she was angry now, definitely.

And so was I.

"Well, you would think you would mention something like that wouldn't you?!"

"UGH, why are you so bothered _anyways?! _It's not like you're in love with me or anything! I mean, what the heck?!"

I froze where I was standing, she stared at me – her tear-filled gaze piercing right through me. I finally managed to look away from her face and at the floor. I guess something clicked in her, and she realized something inside her.

"I need to get out of here." She muttered to the silent room. She moved past me, always lithe and graceful.

"Tell everyone I'm going for a drive." She slipped out the room, and I slipped out of my control. A tear ran down my alabaster cheek, taking the eyeliner down with it.

I hated this.

**long eh?**

**xD**

**hahaha, i like keeping readers hanging in mid air as if they're falling through a rabbit hole, but yet quite not**

**(:**

**Oh, and every song that you come across (which isn't a Tokio Hotel song) is written by me (:**


	21. Chapter 21

NIKI'S POV

"_UGH, why are you so bothered __anyways?!__ It's not like you're in love with me or anything! I mean, what the heck?!" _

"_It's not like you're in love with me or anything!"_

"…_in love with me or anything!"_

"…_in love with me or anything!"_

The words rang through my head as I drove, faster and faster and faster. But I was good – no one was gonna come into Melody Lane… Escpecially no cops. Nope, none.

UGH, how could I?!

How could _he_ - ?!

Shit.

Ugh, ugh, ugh! I just hope I hadn't given him the "I'm-so-totally-in-love-with-my-best-friend-AKA-you" vibe.

I didn't think he would be ready for that yet.

Shit, shit, shit!

I forced myself to concentrate on the road ahead, I was staring so hard at the little patches of road coming up ahead that I didn't even realize that I had pulled up at the beach until I blinked three four times. I stared ahead at the calm view I head. My breath came hard and fast, and I let it slow down. I knew my phone was vibrating away to glory on the front passenger seat, and I knew that it was all of them taking turns calling me. For some reason I could especially see Tom walking up and down the hallway hoping that I would pick up the phone, but I guessed that was because of the weird twin connections I'd always have – and cherish, mind – with Payal.

_Twinsie come – _

_Leave._

I cut her off mentally. I wouldn't take it. This wasn't me being angry or self – sacrificing towards the guy I was in love with, it was me pissed off at my best friend who wouldn't trust me when I said I didn't have the hots for some guy.

Okay fine that would call for an inclusion of the guy I loved too, but you get the picture.

I blew out in a huff. Why was life so fucking complicated?! So… so bloody dramatic! Fucked up, I swear…

And WHAT WAS WITH Taylor FLIRTING with me?!

Oh. Sweet. LORD.

My phone vibrated once again on the set, and I decided I need to escape, sort out my brain, and then return home or wherever.

I kicked of my stilettos, stepped out of my car, focusing on the feeling of the soft but grainy sand under my feet. I was happy I was wearing a knee length dress; I wouldn't have to roll up jeans or anything. My hair was already blowing out of my face like it did everytime. I immediately felt parts of my mind clear.

I begun to walk slowly along the marking the water left as it receded. Every now and then the water would caress my feet, cooling my souls even further, giving me goose bumps and peace of mind. My mind started to stitch the correct pieces together, temporarily rejecting pieces of information as if everything was a jigsaw puzzle. That's just the way it was, that's how I worked myself out; it was some subconscious control taking over and restoring order.

Bill cared, that's why he asked…

He'd always had trust issues, easy to doubt, so that's why he got mad…

Things made more sense now.

"_It's not like you love me anyway!"_

I stopped dead in my tracks.

"…_love me anyway!"_

Did he?!

TOM'S POV

I had felt it, when they had started fighting.

And now I felt him break.

My reflex action was to get up and move towards him, and although I established the getting up part, I couldn't get myself to move any further.

It didn't take a genius to figure out he'd fixed his make – up, just to make it look like he hadn't cried, even though it had just been one tear.

Payal had already tried walking after Niki.

Obviously to no avail.

Ugh.

He plastered a big smile on his face, "She's just out for a drive."

So fake.

I nodded solemnly, and everyone took cue and acted normal.

I could feel the storm building up.

BILL'S POV

The room was cold, unbearably cold. She still hadn't been back when we'd left, and more than anything I was worried where she was. I hadn't dared to call her till I was alone, and when I did she didn't pick up the phone.

Had she realized?!

I ran both my hands through my hair. Complication, complication, complication. Jeez.

I couldn't sleep; I didn't even attempt changing out of my clothes. I knew it was useless; what would be the point tossing and turning and wondering what was running through her head?!

_Well, _I thought, a blush creeping up my face, _you're doing that anyway. _

I knew what was going to do next would be hard, but I had to do it. this was a necessity now.

"Whatever happens…" I muttered to myself, but got up and out of the room without saying the rest.

But obviously I had the thought in my head.

_Whatever happens… to me you'll be forever sacred. _

_***_

Cold and hot, cold and hot. The temperature fluctuated as I moved from the shadows into the moonlight, and back under the shadow again. I couldn't make up my mind. Should I go in?

It was just past 4 in the morning, and I had managed to spend the last hour staring at the light that was switched on in her room high above and also ignore Tom's repeated calls and finally end up text messaging him.

I sighed now, deciding to finally step in.

Of course I wasn't going in through the front door.

I don't know how, but Niki had manage to plant and grow a good number of trees here, even in between the older ones that had already been present here. I crept in the shadows of these trees now, crept until I was directly under the big tree house through which Coco had come out that very first time I had seen her.

And now she was gone.

I avoided that sensitive topic, and turned to face the house, which looked pale and ghostly and yet beautiful in the light of the waning moon.

I walked straight ahead, knowing that I would always find the little groove in the wall. I yanked, and the door that had been invisible not a second ago swung open, the darkness of the kitchen leaking out over the grass.

See, Niki had this little secret entry installed right from the beginning. She knew they'd need a safe way to get in if the paparazzi went too gaga, which till date had been prevented by their amazing security and crew.

My shoulders weighed down as I walked into the house.

There was a reason this entry was unlocked

For us.

Standing still for a minute, I looked around the kitchen, the very kitchen where I'd first sat with her and actually _talked. _Where my skin had tingled watching her brown eyes.

I made those beatiful brown eyes hurt, along with her heart.

UGH.

I ghosted through the house, letting my feet wander, and in no less than two minutes I was at her door. I stood silent, debating on what my POA actually was.

Then again, I didn't have a POA.

It was that two minute silence that made me hear the voices.

"…don't even know why I'm doing this in the first place! I mean it almost seems obssessive, but I trashed TWO OF THEM after _letting my mind_ _wander._" She sneered the last three words, mocking herself. I frowned. What the heck - ?!

And then – "is the face structure okay? God, WHAT AM I SAYING OF COURSE IT IS! UGH!" I opened the door gently, and only one head turned to look at me. Twish.

Her hazel eyes looked directly into mine; they asked no questions, but understood what I felt completely. I sighed in relief, turning to face the girl I hadn't known I had fallen so very in love with. Fortunately though, she had no idea I was in the room.

And then my eyes zeroed in on what she was painting.

I was rendered speechless.

Her hadn moved swift, graceful. Her wrist turned, and the colour flicked at just the right angles. It was beautiful.

It was me.

"I mean, what am I, his stalker?! Like, jeez, ridiculous – "

She twirled around and caught my eye, and her breath.

" – isn't it." she breathed out in a whisper. I caught sight of Twisha staring at the floor awkwardly, and then – after a piercing and extremely long and aching silence – she walked out.

"That wasn't – " she begun, but I cut across her –

"I'm sorry." The words sounded choked, and I just realized I'd been fighting back tears, that her eyes were glossy too. Before I knew it I was being squeezed into the tightest hug ever; but I didn't mind, as long as I could breathe in that sweet smell that always lingered in her hair. I didn't even care if she knew how I felt or not, which she probably didn't, judging by her reaction.

I couldn't fight with her again.

NIKI'S POV

How my legs propelled me forward, how I crashed into my best friend AKA the guy I love's arms, I had no idea. All I knew was that I was crying, and that I was confused, and that I didn't understand why we were fighting so much. It's just that we were, but it felt amazing to be engulfed in one of his skinny bear hugs. I don't even know how that was possible, but it was. He petted my hair, and I knew he was reassuring himself just like I was. I disentangled myself from him, knowing that he might find him awkward if I hugged him too long. The tears had dried, and his golden – brown irises stared clearly into mine.

"Why do we keep fighting?!" I asked him, my laugh sounding watery what with all the crying. He smiled slightly, shrugging in response. I gave it up; I guess we'd never know the answer. But I'd rather fight with him than not have him around, and I had been a fool to pretend that we would be fine if we weren't in touch. That's now best friends could work. Ever.

He looked past my shoulder, squinting as he gazed at his own face on the canvas.

Suddenly I felt the basketball in my stomach twist and turn into uncomfortable positions.

"Ummm…"

"Can I see?" he asked me, utter curiosity visible in his overly expressive eyes.

"I – if you wish…?" his reaction shocked me. And here I thought I seemed stalker – ish.

He walked forwards towards the propped up canvas, his hand interfering with the air just above the layer of oil paint.

"Umm… it's – "

"Amazing." He said, his smile dazzling me like it did everytime it was genuine.

I could only watch him, his reaction puzzling me once I got over the overflow of happiness all across his face.

"Ummm…"

"You're not crazy, you're not stalker – ish, you're not going insane, you're not obsessive. You're you, my best friend and I – " he breathed in, trying to prepare me for what he was going to say. He may be shy at first, but Bill was always for the theatrics – "I love you, you idiot."

BILL'S POV

She giggled, and I smiled. She giggled even more, and I began to laugh. She knew what I meant. I was her best friend, and I loved her that way. My mind had decided that it was not ready to unlock my heart. Silly.

"I love you too, warped – head weirdo." She said giggling harder. I shook my head, rapping my knuckles against her skull.

"Foolhardy." I muttered in mock hopelessness.

She rolled her eyes as she continued to giggle.

"That's not even how you use the word." She said.

"I know."

"Idiot."

***

NIKI'S POV

"OK, what the HELL?!"

"Just relax."

"Yeah. Relax when I can't see anything in front of me. Suurrreeee."

A pair of arms wound around me and hugged me close, trying to spin me around into a bear hug.

But I stayed put.

He sighed against my shoulder.

"Don't be so difficult."

I huffed; as soon as the fanparty in Italy got over a pair of hands had covered my eyes. Before I knew it I was being blindfolded, and the only sounds were Zoey checking out of the hotel. Jeez.

Obviously my twin was going through the same thing.

"This isn't nice."

The arms only tightened around me.

Ordinarily something like this would have surprised me, but I was used to Bill's gazillion bear hugs by now.

I sighed, trying to peek through the bottom of the blind fold, but all I could make out was the hint of white marble flooring.

"_Welcome to Milan Linate – "_

"EXCUSE ME - ?!" I whirled around and I knew I was staring at Bill's face. I could almost imagine him fidgeting with his fingers.

"You weren't suppose to know…" he mumbled.

"Just tell me where we're going." I sighed.

"Not happening sis." Tom muttered in my ear.

"I swear if the paprazzi catch us like this their gonna think you guys are terrosists I'm warning you." But Tom only laughed from next to me.

9 hours. Do you know how irritating it is to have to not know where you're going and lay wide awake when almost everyone is asleep ON A PLANE?!

FOR NINE HOURS?!

I do.

It fucking sucks.

My iPod's drained.

I'm snobby right now cause of all the sitting still buisiness.

UGH.

But then eventually I fell asleep.

How do I know?

When I woke up the stupid blindfold was back.

"Okay, I'm gonna take it off now." Bill whispered in my ear. Thank you very much?!

I just crossed my arms over my chest.

But when the blindfold came off I froze.

"HIYA HONKY!"

Was this for real?!

"Dhruv. Freaking. Mehra. YOU ASSHOLE! YOU – "

"Aye mind your language!" my mum mock chided me as I hugged my almost brother. I hadn't seen these guys for a solid year now. It felt so good.

So good I started crying.

"Idiot!" Zeeshan shouted.

"Says mister goodie pants." I said, sniffing nice and long.

He only gave me his patent frown, but I could sense that everpresent mischief.

I was home.

BILL'S POV

"I guess I'm gonna go to sleep now honky." Dhruv said. That was one fun guy.

Niki frowned as she watched him walk off the terrace of their home. Everyone was sleeping over here tonight, but it wasn't easy to house THIRTEEN extra people in this place. Anyways that wasn't the concern right now.

We were the only two sitting up, everyone had left one by one, Dhruv being the last.

"So…" she siad, clasping her hands together in her lap. She turned to look at me, smiling slightly.

I shrugged.

"Nice surprise." She said laughing slightly, and I saluted in mock pride.

"Yeah yeah whatever." She said, laughing and peeking up at the tiny bit of sky that was visible past the onning that ran along one strip of the terrace.

"You know… it seems just yesterday that I hated Dhruv, and that Twisha and I used to keep squablng, and I had to wear that stupid jail uniform… that I was fifteen. And now here I am… I've turned eighteen!" she sighed, looking straight ahead. I smiled, even though I didn't quite relate to those emotions. I did however, understand the crazy passage of time.

"So you gonna cry like Twish did on hers?" I asked, teasing her, and her hand swatted at my head but missed. She laughed, her head moving from side to side like it did everytime she was in a fit of laughter.

"Stupid." She said when she was done. We were sitting side by side on the granite platform on the one side of the terrace. It was 4 in the morning, and sleep was the last thing on my mind.

And she was the first.

I knew I was staring at her, but she didn't say a word even though she seemed to feel conscious about it.

For once we needed a topic as a distraction.

She looked back at me, smirking now. I raised my eyebrows.

"You really did think I had a thing for Taylor didn't you?" she asked, still smirking. I could feel the heat in my face, although I wouldn't say I really blushed. I continued to stumble with the words until she started laughing at my helplessness.

"All of them fall for him." I mumbled. She stopped laughing, turning to look at me, and I thought for a second she looked hurt. Again I caught us staring at each other.

"Jeez." She breathed out, shaking her head, and I manage to look away from her face.

There was a heated silence as we just sat there. It was so suddenly upon us, and so very evident; it made my stomach tingle.

"Then you really won't like this other person…" she said, trailing off. My eyebrows went higher and higher… if they would have gone any higher, I think they would have dissappeared all together.

"And who's that?"

"This guy… who had a crazy crush on me… he still tries his luck. He's been trying his luck since I was fifteen and _he _was turning eighteen." She said, snickering as she said the last part.

That don't make me very comfortable.

I guess my face showed it, because she quickly added to her statement.

"He looks pretty gay if you think about it." I chuckled. Typical.

"Taylor wasn't gay." I said, pretending to be uptight about it, even though in my heart of hearts I knew I was gonna throw a fit tomorrow.

"Taylor wasn't my best friend." She stage whispered, fake grief in her toe; I resisted the urge to laugh and faked anger.

"You didn't…"

"Yes I did…"

Picking the pillow I struck hard, but she ducked and I hit the wall. Before I could look away from her laughing face and throw her another blow, the lights went out.

She yelped, clutching my hand tight and I started.

"What?!" I asked, panicking over why she was panicking.

"It's dark." She blurted out, sounding utterly mortified. I laughed softly, adjusting my arm around her, and for the first time – most likely because of her phobia – she shifted even closer to me and covered the tiny gap that I had thought was non – existent.

I was so wrong.

She turned to scowl at me.

"It's just the night." I whispered, I just couldn't raise my voice. It was one of those moments where everything goes silent, so you just whisper instinctively.

She ignored my comment and pulled her knees up to her torso.

"We can go down if you want." But she only shook her head quickly, looking ahead now.

I don't know what made me do it, but I grabbed her chin.

"It's just the night." I said, laughing and smiling just a bit. She only stared at me, wide eyed with fear. "You'll be fine." I continued softly." But she didn't budge, still looking scared as she looked up at me.

She might have been scared, but without all the make up, without all the craziness of the world to bother her, I think she actually felt exactly what I was feeling right now.

Maybe that's why she leaned in towards me just the same time I did.

And that's when the stupid lights came on.

She pulled away from me, looking the other way awekwardly.

If I had been alone right now, I would have blown my top off over the lights.

"I guess we should get to bed now." She whispered shyly, and she sounded like the girl I'd met in that MAC store again.

I almost smiled, but then stopped myself.

"Yeah."

NIKI'S POV

I lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. I'd had to sleep in the room in which my brother used to sleep two years ago. Now ofcourse he slept in the bedroom of the connecting flat we owned her. He was married now.

I could hear his breathing from the camp bed on the floor.

Well, basically everyone hogged my room (as usual), and they left us both no place excpet this room.

Which was making me think even more.

What if the lights hadn't come on?

BILL'S POV

"Niki?"

"Hmm…"

"Can I come up for a bit?"

"Of course." Her tone made me feel like an idiot for even asking.

I got up, straightening myself out, and slunk down onto the bed against the pillows.

"Can't sleep." I stated. That tension wasn't gone yet; I flt I might burst from the way my stomach was twisting and turning.

Before I knew it, an iPod headphone lay in my hand in the darkness.

_I've been alone with you inside my mind…_

"You like that song?" I whispered. Funny how she wasn't scared of the darknes when she had her music and a person around…

She nodded a yes in response to my question.

"It's one of my sleepy songs." She whispered back.

_And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times…_

"You know… I didn't believe in love at one point. Thought no one accepted me at school, no one would accept me in life."

_I sometimes here you pass outside my door…_

"But now I think I do. Believe in love, I mean."

_Hello, is it me you're looking for?_

I can see it in your eyes  
I can see it in your smile  
You're all I've ever wanted, and my arms are open wide  
'Cause you know just what to say  
And you know just what to do  
And I want to tell you so much, I love you ...

She looked up into my face, and I had to desperately fight back the urge to reach out and stroke her face. It was a while before she snapped out of it.

"Goodnight Bill." She whispered, and I automatically got up and off the bed, my eyes never leaving her face like her's never left mine. I was fighting my heart now, and her words, her everything was making the blood rush to my face. I finally looked away as I lay myself down.

"Goodnight."

***

NIKI'S POV

" So how many times have you put down the flirt already?" Tom asked irritably as I sipped on my wine. I finally got to have my favourite hard drink in all of the world. Red wine – simple and amazing.

And stopped myself from laughing in between a sip.

"Which one?" I asked, giggling. I thought I saw Bill scowl even more at the floor, and I stopped laughing immediately. That crazy sparks flying thing refused to vanish since last night. I loved it, but it muddled me up. Oh, well.

"Both." Tom barked at me.

"Lets see… I've pushed them away four times already, and I avoided Taylor once."

"Nice." He said sarcastically and I sighed. Enigma, the club at Mariot, was totally ours for tonight. So basically everyone I cared for was here.

"Okay, you know the night's gonna be fine when these guys leave we're gonna be doing shit back at the suites!" I said, grabbing my last ray of hope. I saw Gusti perk up.

"Yeah!" he said enthusiastically, and the others nodded too. Me and PiePie had just wanted another night at the club. Nothing too big. Mum had other plans, but we'd brushed them aside.

I immediately felt better. Getting up from where I sat I weaved my way through the people I knew so well and loved so much to the little area on the other side of the glass. It was just the hint of a balcony, but it was sufficient to clear my head from Bill's frowning face. I knew he wouldn't tell me that he wasn't liking all that flirting that was coming from Taylor one bit; sometimes I knew why he was so uptight, and sometimes I didn't. Like I said before – it gets me muddled.

"Hey." Speak of the devil. I smiled slightly. His company was more than welcome.

"I just needed a breather." I said. I felt his fingers lace with my own. After that one moment in time, the fact that we had almost kissed each other didn't really make me feel a bad-weird. It was a god-weird, if you know what I mean.

It was like I was falling in love with him all over again.

"You know he really is gay." He whispered, and I knew he was standing at my shoulder. I could hear the smile in his voice, and I smiled too, laughing softly as I did. I turned to face him, letting my face settle into playful skepticism.

"Really?"

He smiled at me. "Yeah. Really."

"Didn't look like that in there." I said, managing to keep the same face. He laughed softly, but the sound was nervous. "I can guess you know." I said quietly, more seriously. He looked away from my face a little.

"I just…" but I already knew what he was talking about. Standing not two inches from each other, we stared at the same strip of floor. I turned my face to stare at the moon that was up in the sky.

"I think… I know what you mean." I said slowly, and his head snapped up. Neither of us was good at such a conversation in the beginning. We were both people who found it hard to break the ice.

"You do?" he asked me, and I couldn't understand the emotion in his eyes.

I nodded. "Yeah." I said. I looked up into his eyes, trying to make him understand that I did.

Before I knew it I was edging closer to him all over again…

"Niki? They're calling for both of us together inside…"

His hand slipped from mine just as my head snapped away. I moved forward, very much aware of what the hell had just happened, of the crazy amounts of blood rushing to my face.

UGH.

BILL'S POV

The party was way past over, and so were all the crazy pillow fights, dark room games and truth and dare rounds. So now my idle mind had enough time to keep that moment running through my head. I had no idea what kept snapping in me everytime when she pulled away…

_It's your ego. _

I ran my hand through my dreaded hair. This was just beyond irritating. I had no words for it.

Now my stupid EGO was in the way?!

Great.

"Just get yourself in that bed and go to sleep Bill." I muttered angrily to myself. I began to angrily take of the gazillions of rings that I just seemed to love to adorn my fingers with.

But that just made it worse, because I then remembered how she'd play with those rings when they were on my fingers.

UNGH.

And that's when the inexplicable happened.

ZOEY'S POV

All I heard was a piercing scream.

And well, I proceeded to open the door that led to Bill's room. We had like a connecting door thing for some reason.

"The stupid assholes are doing things human eyes shouldn't ever see…" he whispered, looking horrified.

"Huh?!" I said, walking back the way I came and woke up Niki, who'd wanted to share the room with me tonight rather than take a room of her own.

"Mmmm… WHAT?!" she said, grunting sleepily.

"Bill's screaming his top off." I said, sitting down on the bed. I knew it had to do something with Tom. I mean, I understand Tom…but sometimes he's just too gross. So I wasn't really blaming Bill.

She got up immediately, popping a mint into her mouth as they walked through to his room. She sat herself down on the floor in front of Bill.

"What..what ha – oh."

He looked at her, still slightly dazed.

"Seems like my twin sister just got a birthday gift from her boyfriend."

NIKI'S POV

I sat on the floor, and the silence was getting awkward.

I started to say something, but then I stopped.

"Maybe…well, maybe they didn't…you know, do - "

He shot me a death glare.

"Okay fine they did."

There was a knock on the door, and as usual Rish came barging in.

"Well in case you guys didn't know you – What's going on?!"

"Payal got her birthday gift." Bill muttered, just a split second before my hand clamped down on his mouth.

"OOOHH!! Can I tell everyone pretty please with my mum's chocolate cake on top PUHLEASE?!"

"Shuddap!" I snapped and she cackled sitting down on the bed.

Silence. Again.

"If I were you, I would want to knock on the door JUST for the heck of it." She said in the monotonous voice of hers.

Way to give ideas, Rish.

BILL'S POV

How about I actually take the Cat's idea.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, where you going?!" Niki said, grabbing both my hands and pinning them together at the small of my back.

"I WANNA INTERRUPT THE DIRTY!!" I shouted, protesting away against the hands holding my arms back.

But with one huff, I was pinned to the ground, and her hair was tickling my face.

"SHUT UP!!"

The way her voice boomed, I actually DID shut up. She stared at me angrily and I stared back.

"Okay, this may be working for the two of you, but from where I'm standing – it looks wrong."

Niki glared at Rish and let me go.

"One more protest and you'll be back on that carpet, pretty boy." I shivered. If anyone scared me right now, it was her.

And then I shrieked again.

"BLOCK THE ASSHOLE OUT!!" she said, clamping her hand down once more, and this time it worked. My shrieks now sounded like girly squeaks.

Well, the shrieks were girly before too, but you get the point.

Rish walked out, giggling and clapping giddily.

Niki turned to glare.

"You shrieked." She said, staring me down all the while she walked slowly up to me.

"You just HAD to shriek." She said, standing not even an inch from me. Is it petty of me to say I still wanted to kiss her?

Silence.

"WHY, OH WHY, DID YOU SHRIEK?!"

I blinked. "Huh?!"

Her eyebrows went higher and higher till she understood what was on my mind… and for once she admitted it out loud.

Well, almost.

"You're thinking about _THAT _just now?!"

I desperately tried to shake the thought out of my head while she paced up and down the room.

"Great," she said, stopping in front of me, "now Rish knows, which means _EVERYBODY _knows!! UGH!!" and as if to prove her point, something clanged down the hallway.

The hallway full of our people.

"HEY EVERYBODY GUESS WHAT?!"

"ARGH!!" Niki said, covering her ears desperately with her hands as she walked out of my room and into her's via the connecting door, where she stopped and turned towards me once more. "TADA!!" she said, anger and sarcasm practically dripping off of her, "We did it!!" she sneered, stomping off into her own room and proceeding to put everything neatly aside like she did everytime she was fuming.

I sure felt like a typical guy trying desperately to understand the female mind.

NIKI'S POV

He hovered over me the whole time, and soon enough I felt a pair of arms wind around my waist, trying to turn me around and into a hug, but I pushed him away.

"I freaked out okay?" he said guiltily. I sighed, turning around slowly. I was short tempered, mind, and it could be disastrous if you were around me at such a time. But sometimes I learned to control it.

"OH. MY. GOD." Someone said from outside, and I sighed, my face in my hands. Everyone was overreacting, just like I'd thought they would.

"This is the LAST thing she'll be wanting." I said, shaking my head with my face still in my hands.

Before I knew it he held my face up gently by the chin, just like he had last night.

"We'll fix it." he said quietly. I swear sometimes Bill could be a complete surprise. He wasn't usually completely in control. I was used to seeing him in a crazy panic attack.

Yes, I'm petty enough that my heart started racing when I looked into his eyes, that my mouth was shut because I had no words in which to express my feelings.

He took my silence to be skepticism and sighed.

"We'll fix it right now if that's what you want." He said, and I wanted so badly to smirk. Typical Bill, not so patient after all.

"How?" I whispered, he was still holding my face up, and he was right in doing so. If I had my will I would sulk in one corner. I can get pretty irrational when I'm upset over something involving me.

He looked away a little, and then back at me. Taking my hand gently, he lead me out the room and into the hallway. We looked around until we spotted that Georg's room was open. I thought I saw a bit of Gustav from where I stood.

"Okay, why are we – "

"Did they really – "

"GUYS SHUT UP!!" I shouted. All faces snapped to look at me and Bill standing in the doorway. I thought Georg, Stella, Twish and Gusti looked relieved everyone had shut up.

Maybe for the first time Bill clutched my hand instead of letting it go."C'mon guys, would you like it if everyone was discussing the moments you shared with the person you're dating?!" I asked, surprising myself – since my voice wasn't shaking one bit.

"But why – " Rish butted in.

"Rish I know you like spilling the beans to people you trust about the people you trust but there's a limit and you crossed it. So just don't ask why, because you know how to keep a secret. Right now I just think you had too much to drink." I said, my gaze scrutinized her, and I heard Bill and someone else snort in the background. Zoe looked slightly ashamed, and the rest of them seemed relieved, especially Jost. A giggle escaped me after I saw his face, and Bill turned to look at me, astonished.

"L – look" – giggle – "at Jost's f - " giggle, "ace!! HAHAHAHA OHMYGOD!!"

Before anyone knew it Stella was laughing too, and everyone was smiling a little, trying to control themselves.

Thank. God.

"Ok, then," I said, in between giggles, "not even a word to the slightly icky couple. 'Kay?"

Everyone nodded, laughing a little now. And I said my goodnight as I exited.

I'd all but forgotten Bill was still with me.

"Didn't expect you to take it well." He said quietly from next to me, and I jumped, causing him to laugh. I scowled at him, and he only laughed harder.

"Oh, shut up" I said, smiling anyways. He grinned back at me.

We walked into my room, and I walked right into the bathroom, splashing water across my face. Immediately the eyeliner started slipping down my cheeks. Bill stood leaning against the door frame, watching me. All of a sudden I felt conscious of every bit of me.

I looked up at me messed up reflection in the mirror for a split second. The eyeliner running down looked like black tears. My face shone with the hot water. I looked like crap. I didn't know what he'd seen the other night in this face. It looked everything but pretty to me. It had always seemed like that to me. Well, at first I hadn't noticed, but that was till I started getting all the stupid compliments, which I thought were shit. Oh, well, that's just me.

I snapped out of my flashback, wiping my face and turning and blinking in surprise again. That flashback had successful erased the thought of Bill from my head.

But now it was back again, wasn't it?

Yep.

He only smiled a tiny smile before stepping out of my way and walking back into the room.

I swear I was clueless sometimes.

"So…" he began, looking up at me. I arched an eyebrow as he walked up to me.

"I don't know. Gonna go to sleep now ma – "

But I didn't get to finish my sentence. His lips brushed gently against mine, and even the rest of me was completely was frozen, I managed to respond. He squeezed my hand, but neither of us was able to look at each other, let alone in the eye. There was a crazy silence, since neither of us knew what to do now.

"Goodnight." He said, catching my eye for just a split second. I couldn't even manage a response; I ended up looking to the side as a tiny smile crept across my face. My hand still in his, and he didn't walk away for a while. But when he did, I could still feel the tingle on my skin where his thumb had been rubbing circles into the back of my hand, I could still feel the slight pressure, him squeezing my hand before he let it go.

"Goodnight." I whispered to myself after the door connecting the two rooms shut softly.

**So.... what???!!!! Ya like it?? no??**

**PLEASE REVIEW .**

**LOL [[But Seriously though...]]**

**Love,**

**Niki**


	22. Chapter 22

**Oh sweet baby Jesus!! I'm posting after ages xD**

BILL'S POV

Was I stupid, or did I do the right thing?

God, that was SO unexpected outta me!

Sheesh.

And I couldn't believe that she had responded.

WHY HADN'T I SAID SOMETHING?!

UNGH.

I am SO not bringning this up tomorrow. Heck, I don't know if she even feels the way I do.

SCHEISSE.

WHERE'S TOM WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!

"He's right outside your door, sie idiot."

I jumped, and tried blocking out the craziness from before... His craziness. Fortunately, I succeeded.

I opened the door, and there he stood, shaking his head – so he knew I was having a panic attack.

"Whaddya do now?" he asked loudly, and I winced.

"Shh! Niki and Zoe are right across the connecting door. For all you know…" I trailed off, swallowing. I didn't even know if I wanted to make a confession.

"C'mon, it couldn't be that bad." He said, trying to calm me down. I attempted to take in a few deep breaths. After fifteen minutes, I'd accomplished what I wanted – I could speak now.

I looked up at my brother.

"Well…?" he said, trying to get the answer straight out of my eyes. He said the only person who was even easier to read than me was Niki. So I looked away now.

"I… well, I…" I couldn't say it, I just didn't know how to put it in words!

I breathed in nice and deep once more, "I – "

NIKI'S POV

"Tanz! No!" I whined, looking away from my best friend. I don't think I was gonna sleep tonight. The girl had just come in looking for something to get rid of the irritation in the eye, and I had been all spaced out. So for the past hour she had been trying to get 'the moment' out of me. Obviously, it wasn't coming out as easy as she or I expected it to.

"Gosh, it's eating you up! I know you wanna say it so stop being such a pussy!"

I looked up at her.

"You KNOW that's not right."

"Don't change the topic."

I sighed. "Fine…" I said softly, and she muttered something along the lines of 'finally the bub speaks'. I looked to the side, letting my hair cover my face. I knew I was going to go red like I was thirteen all over again. Only this time I wasn't confessing about an infatuation (not that I ever had back then anyways, but anywhoo).

"Something happened after I came back here… you know, between Bill and me…" I knew she was shut only because I wouldn't like her squealing. But then I frowned. Why would she be squealing anyways?!

"Umm… we… well…"

"Oh, just tell me already!"

"Well, it wasn't a… you know… it was just a peck…"

"A WHAT?!"

"Alright fine he kinda sorta kissed me." I blurted out, catching her eye for a split second before bowing my head and letting my hair curtain my face.

When I looked up she was about to happy dance, and that crazy giddy smile was up on her face. But she froze when she caught my eye. I raised an eyebrow at her. What the hell was going on?!

"Well, it's clear…" she begun, hesitant, guilty and sheepish all at the same time.

"What is?" I asked her, cautious that my emotions wouldn't get the better of me.

"You love him. Duh." She said, looking at her fingernails. SO unlike Tanz. I shook my head, I think I just hallucinated.

"Umm… I think I just hallucinated. WHAT?!"

"I know, you dummy! You love him." She said, smiling as she looked at me. I have to say, I was shocked now. And I also felt a little twinge of guilt.

"How long have you known?" I asked her quietly as I hid my face with my hair once more. but she parted it, lifting my face up again. I sighed.

"Since we broke up." She said quietly.

I groaned.

"Please don't tell me I – "

"No, it's not your fault we didn't work out hun. It was just like… like one day we both woke up and… and we loved each other, but we weren't _in love _with each other, know what I mean?" she said, still smiling. I nodded a yes, still shocked.

"So you noticed right then?" I asked, my voice shaking a little bit still. She shrugged in response.

"Everyone but Bill sees it, but they dare not say a word to you. In ways they know you won't listen to anyone."

I sighed, suddenly pulled back down to earth.

"I was meant to be his best friend Tanz, nothing more… that's the right order of things…"

"If that's the case, then WHY in the WORLD would he kiss you?!" she said, smiling in triumph; but I shook my head. It was so clear now.

"It must just be those stupid attraction things. Maybe he finally noticed I'm a girl." I laughed a little, but the sound was sad. For the first time I wanted to be noticed that way by my best friend. For the first time I didn't want to sacrifice myself. But I knew the moment another girl came into his life I would switch back to the plan.

I could hear her sigh now, and I looked up to meet her eye once again.

"Nein…Honey, I don't think that's it." and now it seemed like she was not letting me in on the whole deal.

"What is it then?" I asked her, and I knew what she would respond with already.

"That you'll know when the moment's right honey. All in good time…" Great, just like I guessed – she chose to sound like my granddad. Jeez.

BILL'S POV

"MY BABY BROTHER'S GROWN UP!" I winced at the words. UGH, I should've seen this coming.

"Shuddap!" I hissed, and he quieted down again, grinning and giggling like an ass.

"I HAVE an ass, I can't BE an ass little bro." I looked away from him, folding my arms across my chest. I bet I looked like a little kid who didn't get to keep all the candy in the store.

Wait, scratch that, it sounds wrong.

I waited till 'the guy with an ass' shut up, and then I turned to face him once more.

"So…" he said.

"So what?" I asked him, blank now.

"How was it?" I frowned.

"It was just a peck. I don't think you can say much about it…"

"Oh." He said, thinking for anything else he should be knowing.

"What are ya gonna do now?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure if I should mention it at all. You know, what I did isn't exactly something best friends do."

"Well, yeah we established that."

We were quiet for a moment or two.

"Say we don't mention it…" he started, and I caught on, brightening up immediately.

"…and let the pieces fall into place of their own accord?"

He looked at me, smiling.

"Yep." He said, nodding. I laughed, feeling slightly relieved I'd spoken to him.

"Yep."

NIKI'S POV

"So, you guys got briefed on the guy who's interviewing us today?" I asked the guys as they dropped in again at my place. We managed to keep things low key. Everytime we needed to leave any kind of venue, we'd spread a false message through the media. So by the time we got to wherever we wanted, no one knew.

Bill and Tom shook their heads at me as if to say 'what's it to us?'. My eyes narrowed.

Let me fill you in – I was choosing to ignore the whole 'I kissed my best friend' thing. Anyways they'd just walked in for today, so whatever.

"This guy is internationally famous. He's like one of the biggest movie directors of Bollywood."

They just shrugged.

"You don't even know what this whole interview thing is about either do you?" all four shook their heads this time. I sighed.

"It's more… personal."

Bill's eyes widened.

"He'll get you in a tight spot if you lie. Trust me. Also, witty response required. If people love you on Koffee with Karan, they love you no matter what." Now they were paying attention.

"So what is it like?" Geo asked.

"Well, since their taken us together, I'm guessing stuff that we as bands have in common, and in personal history." Like the time the media said shit about how me and Bill dress similar. I mean, seriously? No. Big fat NO! "Also a lot of randomness. It's just like a rendevouz of coffee thing. Only there's no coffee, except th coffee hamper and the cup you sign."

I saw Bill nodding a little to himself. I bet he was prep talking to himself in his head.

"But the key to earn praise tonight is – be yourself as much as you can. Don't let it get too personal, but don't generalize what you say too much. Diplomacy with a personal touch."

"You know too much for your age kid." Tom said. i smirked.

"Told you I would've made a good pyschiatrist."

"Yeah, like the time she analized Bill right down to the point that he was mortified she'd read his song book or something." Bill looked up at Gusti, scowling.

"Like I've always said to everyone," he said, "you can get REAL bitchy Gustav!" I smiled a little and went back to choosing something out of my closet to wear. It was two in the afternoon now. We had to be ready in four hours. Obiously, the guys were just sticking around my place for half an hour only. It takes time not cause we all are divas, but we'll start panicking and get bitchy.

One by one the guys left my room.

Or at least I thought so.

"I think you need help with those clothes." I jumped, turning around and practically onto my best friend.

"Huh?" I said, regaining my balance. He laughed softly, pushing me out of the way and grabbing at random bits of clothing from my cloet. Though he didn't mess up even one of the drawers, unlike me, who had wreaked havoc in this place everytime.

"How about…that?" he said, holding up one of my self – designed black dresses. It was one of those mixes of corsets and Victorian dresses. Only this one was knee high with golden sequences running their way all across diagonally from one side to the other. I hadn't worn it in AGES.

"Where did it come from?" Bill asked me, staring at it in wonder.

"I designed that just for fun like half a year ago. It was before we moved over to LA." I said, looking at it as he looked at my face. I didn't know why he looked so astonished. I just grabbed the dress out of his hand, laying it on the sofa-cum-bed in my room and starting hanging up and folding whatever I had removed.

"So… you spoke to Tom about his…night?" I asked, smirking as I turned to look at him. I caught something in his eyes, but it quickly vanished as he shook his head.

Whatever it had been, it had set my heart racing.

"Huh, no." he said, "Did you?" he asked me, grinning. My smirk turned sly.

"Yup." I said, making the 'p' pop. He raised an eyebrow trying not to laugh.

"It was…well… oh stop doing this to me!" I said, imitating my twin sisters high pitched, I-feel-shy-when-you-mention-it voice. He threw his head back and laughed.

"Shuddap, seriously?! JEEZ!" he said, and we were still standing close enough that we ended up taking each other's support we were laughing so hard.

We ended up controlling ourselves and looking up at the same time. Our foreheads bumped into each other and we grabbed at out heads at the same time.

"Oww…" I muttered dully. He giggled slightly, clutching his own head. Glancing at the clock in my room he gasped.

"The guys and me need to leave." he said, hurriedly grabbing his stone age cell phone from my old writing table. I watched him until I was being engulfed into a hug.

But this one time it wasn't his bearhug.

It was so much gentler, so different in so many different ways it was inexplicable. And although it lasted only a split second it left me with the happy warmth. That warmth that always makes you realize you're a complete person? That one. I smiled, and kept smiling even after he let me go, even after I'd waved everyone goodbye.

I just kept smiling.

Well, that was until someone tapped my shoulder.

"Dontcha wanna get ready now?" Twish asked me.

"Wha - ? Oh, yeah…"

I picked up the dress he'd picked out for me, climbing up halfway to the terrace to the little platform where the iron was kept. I ironed the dress out, taking it down and slipping it over my head. I decided I wanted my hair up in a loose bun with a curl or two falling out through the back.

I put on the usual foundation, lip gloss. A smokey brown eyeshadow, and eyeliner later I was done with the make up. I stood back. I wasn't too decked up. I looked just right, even though I would have preferred no make up ever. But that's something I can't do, obviously.

And then I looked down at my neckline.

This was gonna be the first time my new tattoo was gonna be exposed.

The tattoo I didn't tell the guys about.

I stared at it. it was beautiful – a red, black and golden pheonix - with golden ribbons of fire - that ran all the way from the base of my neck, over my collarbone, down a little ways after that, where the tail curled up. It meant a lot to me; firstly, it meant the freedom in fantasy – it was my version of Fawkes, Dumbledore's pheonix. It also indicated my freedom. I had freed myself from people's stupid stereotypes in the tenth grade. I just loved this tattoo.

But it wasn't the only one.

I smirked, admiring the angel wings running up the outer sides of both my legs. There was also a something on my wrist – sheet music. A high C, the treble, a heart, the bass and a low C – all connected via the exact same barbed wire design on my sister's ankle.

This was gonna be a heck of a surprise.

I stepped down and into the car that waited round the back of this building. Everyone had already been waiting inside while I strapped on my converse heels.

"Someone's looking hot." Zoe said as I sat down, I smirked.

"Someone needs to remember she has a boyfriend and that we're related."

"Hey! Just cause I'm bisexual…"

Payal laughed as I pulled a crazy face.

"He's gonna kill you for wearing that." She whispered.

"He picked it out for me. His fault. Anyways, what's he got to do with it? I'm his best friend. He's gotta deal." I giggled a little, and she did too.

"Guess so."

"Wow. Umm. Wow." Was all that came out of Tom's mouth. I laughed.

"Shut up bro. and Payal's over there." I grinned at me and walked away. I sat there as everyone got themselves fixed.

And that's when my best friend walked up.

BILL'S POV

I froze.

Wait, were all those tattooes real?!

She looked up from where she'd been sitting fiddling with her phone. That beautiful smile flashed acrozz her face and I had to smile back.

That don't mean I wasn't frozen.

She only threw her head back and laughed at my reaction, and that delicately curled strand of hair that lay draped on her neck shifted a bit. She looked amazing.

"When did you get all those?" I asked, still shocked and dazzled. Utterly dazzled.

"When you guys weren't around." She said smirking. "You like them?" I could only nod.

"Who's ideas were they?"

"All mine."

She smirked, and it was taking all in me not to blurt out everythiing that was running through my head and heart. I have to admit, all my thoughts weren't clean.

"Okay then, you guys gotta wait here till the cue okay. The girls go first, and then the guys." Someone from the crew reminded what we had heard over a gazillion times over.

We sat there, slightly nervous, but chatting away.

"Why so nervous." She said, smiling at me comfortingly as she laid her hand over mine for just a second, but as soon as she pulled it away, I held it. I couldn't take in theat cocoa, vanilla, sandalwood fragrance. It was just so faint under all that perfume. I didn't like it so much.

"Girls you gotta move now."

"I'll see you inside." She whispered, looking me straight in the eye. I nodded, and she smiled, throwing in a wink as she got up from where she sat.

NIKI'S POV

"Well, girls you're second time on the show!" we all smiled.

"I don't we'd want to miss it." I said, still smiling. And it was true. It was one of the most amazing shows ever.

"Ah, see now that's where I this little thing starts beeping!" Karan said playfully, waving the lie-o-meter in front of us. He loved fiddling with that thing. We all laughed. "But seriously having you guys up last time was fun."

"Yeah you know that was one crazy rapid fire."

The camera was rolling already. Like I said, Koffee with Karan was a casual but sophisticated affair. Cheeky but not too cheeky was the key.

There was the usual question about what we did recently, the projects we were working on. And that's when the guys came up.

"But there has been one bunch of celebrities that you always seemed to club with." Karan said, continuing the whole 'which celebrities we connected with in Hollywood' thing.

"I think everyone knows who's you're talk about now." Payal said, smirking.

As usual, introduction followed.

"They break girls' hearts, they break boys' hearts. They're a global sensation, and you simply cannot ignore them. They won more international awards in just a year's time than one could ever imagine, all with the aid of their amazingly loyal fans. Ladies and gentlemen, I have with me the hottest Germans around town – Tokio Hotel!"

In walked the idiots in all their glory. I guess the audience at home finally caught onto why there were two huge sofas in the place tonight. Usually that was not the case.

"So guys, how's India?"

Tom smirked just a bit. "Yeah, India's great. You could say the girls here are hotter than very many other places. Yeah, I like India already." Bill smirked too, and Georg looked away. Obviously – he's 'booked'.

Well, so is Tom, but he's Tom for crying out loud.

I could tell tonight was gonna be a breeze. No issues at all. I knew for once I could count on Tom to not get pervy.

"So you guys - how did you end up being… well, best buds? I mean, wherever you look its 'TMOD and Tokio Hotel!' Everyone's shouting your names, and the fans just love you both together."

"Well, that's a funny little story." Gustav said, accent and all, and smirked at me. I thought I saw Bill duck.

"Ah I like stories." Let me brief you up, Karan's pretty much gay.

Like homosexual gay.

"Well, umm. This was about the time when TMOD wasn't big in the U.S at all. I mean we had fans but that's it. so there we were in LA, and I decided that well, I might never get the chance to do just like a tiny little job somewhere like so many kids do abroad in the summers, you know? I wanted to know what all the hype was about. So, I was at the mall. It was just a week's thing, and I'm shutting the place down and this guy walks in." I pushed Bill's shoulder playfully, and he smiled shyly while Georg and Tom and the rest of them smiled and laughed a bit.

"Before I knew it I was staring my favourite singer in the face, and two tickets to the concert and backstage passes landed in my hand."

Bill was shaking his head now, but I could tell he didn't mind this coming out. We wanted to tell people for a while now. Fans had been curious, but we didn't know when to break it down for them.

"Ahh, so fans do have a chance."

"Yeah, yeah they do. But I think my brother was feeling extraordinary when he stepped in to buy something that night. I mean, usually it's not Bill who does things like that." Tom said from my right.

"Yeah so then, it was just me and Payal at that place. And before we knew it… we were chatting each other up! It's very rare when something like that happens. I mean, none of us were used to opening up to each other."

"Uh – uh."

"But then the media found out about you guys, and they freaked didn't they? I mean, how did you tackle all of it?"

"Umm, well you know, we usually laugh a lot of it off. I guess they pretty much freaked because the girls and we decided that we didn't want to bring both the bands' friendship into the picture till the girls got the fans' response for the album, you know. I guess it was better that way because we didn't want to make it look like… euhm… a publicity stunt? You know how the media can jump from conclusion to conclusion." Bill said.

"Yeah and, they did make a lot of conclusions didn't they? There were a lot of rumors…." Karan urged us to speak. We were weirdly coordinated at all this by now. We'd had too many interviews together.

"Uhm… yeah, they got kinda crazy. Especially with the whole both bands have twins in them thing. They kinda freaked." Bill answered again.

"Yeah, you got targeted a lot didn't you?" Karan said turning to face me.

"Yeah you know it got a little crazy in there. Fans freaked out a lot when they learned that you know the younger twin in both bands was the singer… you know, I like my eye shadow and eyeliner as much as my best friend here. They got pretty crazy over those things. Some people even speculated that we were modeled after the guys… but when they heard the music that thought went right out the window." I said, laughing a little. And Tom laughed a little too.

"Yeah, in essence our music is very different." He said, adding a little to my statement.

"Yes, but you guys performed shows together. How did that work out for the both of you'll as bands?"

"Well… euhm… you know, we do have very different sounds. But… euhm… I guess when you fuse both the bands it forms something completely cool. I mean the fans loved it." Bill said, conversationally.

"Yeah, I mean at first I think I freaked a lot, personally. We hadn't done anything close to performing with another artist, let alone a band. Fusing two bands isn't easy. It involves a lot of technical and sound changes. But it was a fun experience. It's interesting how other people look at your music, how other artists interpret what you've created. It gives the whole thing a new dimension." I said, looking at Bill a little, and then at Karan, who was nodding as he heard all of us out. This was why I liked this show. There was a lot more depth to it than just scratching the surface in our lives.

"Yeah, the fans loved you guys together."

"You know we were pretty scared as to their reaction… you know, it wasn't as simple as 'Okay we're doing a show together'. Both bands do have a lot of haters. It's not easy to arrange something like that just because both bands are really close friends. When… euhm… when we sat down and laid out the set list… there were so many changes, so many things we had to keep in mind. At that time we didn't work so much as friends as we did as two bands fused as one. It's a completely different level altogether. It's much too complicated to explain." Bill said, and Karan seemed to be paying rapt attention. I could tell he was loving Bill second after chatty second.

"You know, it sounds like quite a phenomenon to me." Karan said, smiling. Bill laughed a little.

"I wish I could say the same. I feel like we've just started digging into the craziness."

"Yes, well. You both have made your countries proud."

"I think we can all safely say that's something we love even though we never thought of it when we decided to do this." I said, smiling a little. I suddenly felt Bill's fingers intertwine with my own, and I thanked the lord I could control the flushing of my face when a camera was rolling. It wasn't a big deal, it was just after last night my stupid little heart wouldn't stop dwelling on stupid little details like this. I felt like a dumb kid all over again.

And the weirdest part was it didn't bother me as much as it should have.

Before I knew it the rapid fire was up.

"What's the ickiest thing you've found in a guys tour bus."

"I don't think I wanna talk about it in public. It's a rated R subject." I said quickly, Tom laughed.

My throat was hurting for some reason.

I answered my rapid fire and everyone laughed. I guessed my answers had been witty. But I didn't pay any attention.

My throat was killing me.

I guess Bill noticed, because he scooted closer to me on the joint sofas. I didn't even think that would have been possible. He held my face carefully. He was doing that a lot since umm… that thing…

"Are you ok?" he asked me.

"My throat hurts." I barely managed to say. I mean, I could speak. But this thing would last at least another hour. So best not waste my voice.

He frowned, "Are you – "

"Okay we're on again in 5. 4. 3 . 2. AND GO!"

We turned back to face Karan.

He held my hand tighter.

I didn't speak much after all. Bill was my saviour. He began to chat even more than usual. He said exactly what I would have said whenever a question indirectly came to me. Without him I don't know what I would have done.

"You guys were great! I think that's one of the best episodes I've had! Well done!" Karan shook all our hands, and I smiled brightly at him.

As soon as we got out of the main set Bill pulled me closer for an inspection.

"What hurts?" he asked me softly. He was worried now.

"Ummm… right there." I said, pointing to where my voice box was. His eyes widened, and I was scared now.

"Bill, I think it's just a cold I – " I said, pulling away from him, but he kept a firm grasp on my hand. Anyways I could already feel my voice giving away. My throat hurt more and more every second I spoke.

"Whats up?" Payal asked looking at me. She'd obviously guessed something was up. Obviously, won't my twin know?

"UGH! Guys, I'll be fine by morning!" I said, daring to shout, and my voice cracked. Bill and Payal wore identical expressions on their faces – they were looking at me like I was a stubborn child.

"UGH, I'm outta here. I need to rest this off anyways." I muttered, yanking my hand away from his. I knew he was hurt now, I could feel it. the guys were going back to Germany tonight. And I had made the plan to stay up with them; now I was the one backing out.

I felt someone tug softly on my waist, and before I knew it he was hugging me close; that same hug that made the warmth, the feeling of completion soar high inside me. He kissed my forehead softly, and my eyes shut in that moment. I all but forgot I couldn't really speak.

"Please take care of yourself." He whispered against the skin of my forehead.

"I will."

***

"Peace day!" Payal said, happily. It was our thing, we always said it when we had a day to ourselves. I mean, we loved hanging out with everyone, but it's a twin thing, you just NEED twin time.

As usual, I only smiled.

"How's the throat?" she asked me. She and I had been pulled into LA once again for some interview thing, just the two of us.

And about the throat.

You guess.

"'S not that great." I muttered. And she frowned slightly, but she sensed my irritation and let it go. Yes folks, my throat still hurts. But since I've been sneezing like an ass, I let it go. Although Payal didn't, and she was taking me to the doc this evening.

"Today's peace day, right?" she said, as I made us some coffee and laid down her egg, sunny side up.

I nodded, but frowned.

"Well, you're always with Bill or someone else…"

"That's only when their around. And I can't ignore our band, and you know that." I told her, sighing. It's true, we hadn't got much time for the two of us anymore.

She looked down, and ate up her egg quickly.

"You're right." She said quietly, but then her almond shaped eyes brightened up. "BUT WE HAVE ALL OF TODAY!!" I threw my head back and laughed and then hugged her. I could never look at her and say 'yeah that's my twin sis'. That statement would have to be more like 'yeah that's someone who owns majority of my soul'.

"So what do you wanna d – o?" my voice cracked on the last word, and she looked at me with a worried face. I had been the one putting off the visit to the doctor. For the first time I was SCARED to see the doc.

"Hummm… let's go to the beach!" she said, dropping the subject.

"And then we're going to Sak's and I'm buying of that crazy red dress you're so in love with. Unbelievably, it's still hanging on there in the store." I whispered, smirking. I wasn't exercising my voice too much.

She looked panicky, but I just laughed at her face, linking our arms together, grabbing our coffees and walking out to the little strip of beach that we had. We'd actually bought it after a while. Before that I had no idea you could buy part of a beach! It cost a bomb, but it was worth it I think. I didn't have to worry about paparazzi all up in my grill.

We just sat there, laughing about anything and everything. Flailing arms as we fought each other. We were used to hitting each other and running after each other as we fought and laughed at the same time.

"Okay," I said, gasping for breath, "I think we tanned ourselves enough in here, it's like a FURNACE. Wanna go to Sak's now?"

It was just a normal day, just the two of us. But you should know – normalcy is hard to come by in a lifestyle like ours.

"Okay, here you go." I said half an hour to the lady at the counter at Sak's. As soon as I got the bag I shoved it in her face in playful irritation. "There you go, you ungrateful ass!" she only threw her head back and laughed.

Today we actually managed to walk a bit around LA without being mobbed. That was strange, but oddly pleasing all the same. A few cameras did go off, but we didn't really care anymore. We went crazy over ice cream, I dragged her to Hot Topic – where we got mobbed – we escaped, and went over to Melody Lane. We messed around with Sara for an hour, and finally at about 7 at night, we crash landed at home.

"Gosh that was fun!!" we shouted at the same time, landing in a messed up heap on the sofa with a dozen or so bags lying everywhere from where we'd dropped them.

"TWIN TIME'S ALWAYS FUN!" we said, again together, and burst out laughing.

_Wei'n Geistafarher…_

My phone began to ring. That was this week's ring tone for me.

I got up from the sofa.

"I think I'm gonna just go to sleep now." Payal said, moving up the stairs with as many bags as she could.

"Why haven't you been picking up your phone?" he said irritably.

I kinda sorta froze.

"Ummm…"

"Niki, what's up?" okay, I admit I had been avoiding the calls, because I knew I would cave in and tell him everything.

I sighed, "I'll tell you when you're next in town." I said, feeling guilty. I could hear his soft breathing over the other line. "We're gonna be in town tomorrow for the album." My breath caught. WHY OH WHY WAS IT SO SOON?!

"Okay then… I'm gonna go catch up on my sleep now…"

I could hear him sigh over the other end.

"You didn't take care of yourself." He said sadly.

"I know." I said, feeling guilty.

"We'll talk tomorrow."

"Okay."

I sighed, getting up and up to my room. Time for a little nap before I visit the doc…

"OI! WAKE UP!"

"Huh? I JUST WENT TO SLEEP YOU ASS!"

"It's 7:30, if you don't get up now we'll be late."

UGH.

"Fine."

"You'll be fine."

"Hopefully…"

The whole car ride I was silent. That's really an accomplishment for me. But I can tell you I was very very scared; my heart felt like it wanted to fall right outta my rib cage.

After an age of just examining me over and over the doc spoke.

"You might euhm…"

"What is it doc? Just get it over with…"

"You might euhm… have a vocal cyst."

I felt like I was in a blackhole. I couldn't move. The doc just looked at me carefully. Obviously she knew who I was, she must have known I'd freak.

But I wasn't ready to scream and ball my brains out just yet.

"Miss Mehta?!" she said, alarmed. I felt my twin's hand on my shoulder, and that was the only think that unfroze me.

"How do we go about this?" I whispered in a thick voice. The doc looked at me sympathetically.

"Well, first we need to get you through some scans to make sure if it's a cyst or not. I know what you're thinking, but everyone's symptoms aren't the same as your German friend. You don't always lose your voice that quick."

"How quickly can we finish off the scans?" Payal asked for me.

"We can do them now if you – "

"Let's get this over with right now itself then. I need confirmation." I said, still whispering.

I wanted to just go to sleep and live in dream world forever. At least there I wouldn't have an uncontrollable nightmare. At least there I could change the scene.

"Okay," the doc said, scribbling something across the clipboard she's just grabbed, "follow me."

BILL'S POV

"Are you sure they're home?" Tom called from outside.

"Where else could they be?" I called back. I needed to make sure she was ok. After fixing up the timings for today, instead of getting to business immediately, me and Tom had come here to the girls' house to check up on them.

"Bill, they're not here. Because I know where they are." Tom called to me, and I sighed, trudging out. I found him staring at his phone screen. I frowned at the expression of shock on his face.

"They'll be here in another 5 minutes…" he said, still sounding shocked. Now I was scared.

"W – what's happened?!"

"They said they'll get here and explain."

So we sat inside, tensed up and not talking, fists clenched with nervousness. After what seemed like a billion years the two of them walked in, and when I saw her face I thought my heart would shatter completely. She looked completely worn out, drained completely emotionally.

"Wha – "

"Upstairs." Payal said, while Niki walked up like a dead zombie. I needed to know what was going on, or I was going to start panicking and throwing things around big time.

Tom hung back.

"You know about this? Or do you not wanna come up?" I asked him, turning around a bit to look at him. He looked down.

"A bit of both… the text said it all for me… you go on." He said.

So I went up.

"Just say it." I managed to choke out, after staring at her lying there so weak on the bed. She looked up, scared, and it was a reflex action that I went over and sat next to her, letting a comforting arm around her waist. She sniffed once, and she was sincerely trying her hardest not to cry. I had never seen her so vulnerable… I just wanted to pick her up and kiss her and tell her everything would be fine.

She grabbed a notepad from where it lay next her on the other side. I frowned, realizing I hadn't noticed that before.

What I had noticed, and what made my heart race, was the fact that she hadn't spoken at all since she walked in.

I gulped down the fear that was making its way through my every vein as she scribbled hastily over the paper. Her hands shook, and she took a few steadying deep breaths before she begun to write again.

When she'd finished she placed the notepad with gentle, shaking hands.

The words on there made me want to grab fistfuls of my hair and yell at everyone present within one mile radius.

_Went to the doc yest. Got some scans done. Vocal cyst. I overheard their conversation. They don't think I'll be able to sing again even if the surgery works. Twinsie doesn't know I know._

Why?! Why does this happen?! I remembered the time when I had lost my voice, and I that hair – pulling, yelling at everyone thing increased. I didn't even realize that I was shaking, but that was until she touched my arm. I looked up at her; her eyes were puffy and tired, swollen from a lot of crying. Her lashes were still wet and tangled. I pulled her in, hugging her tightly. She sobbed quietly, but then stopped mid – sob. I knew she was trying not to make it worse.

"Shh." I whispered softly, while the broken sobs continued to escape from her, and she was shaking now, with her head against my chest. "You'll be ok." She pulled away from me, wiping all the wetness from her face. She begun scribbling again.

_I can't speak. I might not be able to speak even when this whole thing's over. _I read over her shoulder, and just as I began to say something she started scribbling again, _singing IS speaking for me. You know that. You feel it too. I want to sleep and keep dreaming and not wake up ever again, because then I can mend all problems by just changing the whole scene. _

"I can't have you sleeping all the time. Who will I go to when no one understands my weird, crazy hyperness?!" I said in an attempt to cheer her up. She looked up at me, the tears still on her cheeks, and smiled a little. I was glad she could even smile, but I was not at all glad that even the smile didn't reach her eyes. Her eyes were sad, they screamed for help for comfort, and then again the light in them flickered and dimmed, almost as if she was trying to hide her pain. I felt like dying, the helplessness was killing me.

She looked away again, and I realized we'd just been staring into each other's eyes for so long. But by now my heart rate had dropped back to normal.

She was scribbling again – _where's Tom and the G's?_

I sighed, "Tom's down. The G's don't know." I'd caught onto the fan made pet name for Geo and Gustavo. She looked down again, and then hesitantly up at me. I knew _what she wanted, her eyes practically scream the words at me, even if she didn't_ want them to. "I'll call Tom, I'll tell the G's too if you wish…" she nodded solemnly, and I reluctantly got off the bed. When I came back up with Tom, the window was open and the breeze was coming in.

She looked up from where she was scribbling on the notepad. Without a word both Tom and I took a seat on either side of her on the bed. Where my arm went back around her waist, his went over her shoulder. Not realizing that we were being freakishly synchronized, we both gave her a gentle, reassuring squeeze. She actually giggled, but that was before the sound was cut off unnaturally. Where I was smiling a second ago at the familiar, soothing sound, I frowned now as it was cut off. But she kept on smiling.

_Try not to make me giggle/laugh/want to scream at the top of my lungs a lot, yeah?_

Me and Tom chuckled together. This was one of those things where we were the typical twins. She shook her head, and begun to scribble again.

_STOP. NOW! =D _

We both continued to laugh as she smiled softly. She grabbed my elbow, calling my attention, and when I looked she pointed to the edge of the bed.

I turned to see that crazy painted floor of hers and shreiked like I had the first time I saw it, pulling my legs up closer to my torso. I could hear Tom laughing even harder now, and I turned to Niki who was smiling innocently at me now, holding back her own laughter because well… she couldn't laugh – no sound.

And that's when the scowl snapped off of me, I had to smile and laugh as I looked at her face. The smile yet hadn't touched her eyes, but it was getting better now, even though I knew she was going to curl up into a ball and weep the days away if she wasn't kept distracted.

We didn't realize that we were still giggling and chuckling away randomly till Payal walked in with a glass of some kind of liquid. She sat at the edge of the bed, on the side at which Tom was seated. She passed the glass over to Niki, who readily gulped down the hot liquid. Me and Tom sat clueless.

"Honey and lemon in hot water. Usually has it in the morning and at night before sleeping, but then I thought one more dosage in the evening till this whole ordeal isn't over won't hurt." She said, smiling as Tom linked their fingers together. He had surprised me; they were both so… together. For the first time in my life I saw Tom happy with a girl without always having to physical touch her. it was absurd, and yet it made me smile everytime I thought of it. Maybe my brother actually _was _ready for something serious.

The rest of the day – till midday, that is – went by as we lazed around the house. I didn't tell the G's and rest of the crew yet because they were recording their bits back in the studio. I decided I'd tell them when they got done, so they could come here first thing. I knew how Gustav could get when he gets worried.

"Time to go bro." Tom said, getting up, and hugging his… his_ girlfriend. _(Yes, it's hard for me to take it in… still.)

He hugged my best friend, and she hugged him back, smiling a little. It made me feel all warm and special to know that we could cheer her up, that she trusted us. The two bands' friendhip still surprised me a lot. It was still… well, weird to me how we all just clicked with each other.

"See you later." I whispered in her ear as I hugged her, planting a soft kiss on her cheek as I pulled away. She turned her head away, blushing obviously as she smiled softly.

As I hugged my almost sister she said to me, "You asses should just tell each other."

But I only chuckled, pulling away a little as I whispered back, "Let's wait for her voice to be back shall we?"

NIKI'S POV

Just three days before I found out, two since the news broke out to the paparazzi, who – by the way – went crazy.

But then again, so did Gusti and Geo –

"_Are you sure you're ok?!"_

"_We're staying with you! We'll manage the record in LA. Everyone will understand! We'll – "_

"_SHUDDAP!" Payal and Zoe shouted, and I was glad I was the only one who'd lost my voice…_

I shook my head, smiling slightly. They were here with me, all of them – here in LA. Along with everyone else close to me. Everyone had been cool and calm about it. except Dhruv's initial "shit… oh fuck…"

"You can text whenever you want you know that, even if it's two in the night or even if I'm – "

I shoved the piece of paper onto his chest before he could continue, shaking my head as I watched his face as he read the words that told him that for the BILLIONTH TIME, I would be ok. He frowned, and I saw Payal roll her eyes. So much for being calm.

_Shuddap and get on the plane before it leaves =D_

I scribbled and gave it to him again. His eyes were sad as they looked back into mine. Bill had tried everything to be with me most of the time. It hurt and affected him more than everyone else because he knew what it felt like to be in my position. Honestly, if I were to be left alone for even a sec, I would have either cried, slipped into manic bipolar depression, started hallucinating, or murdered myself. I would have tipped over the edge. My music, my voice, singing was the only way for me to let out my anguish, my pain, the hatred, the helplessness I felt. Now it was gone, maybe forever. I snapped out of my reverie as someone sat down on the bed. I looked up to see everyone was gone, except him. Payal was at the door, but as soon as she saw me look up, she left. It was weird – all this time, even though she was the elder one, I had taken care of her. This time things reversed. I don't know what I could ever do without her before, and now even more so.

I looked away from the door and into his eyes. He smiled softly at me, but he was still worried.

_I'll be fine. _

I gave him the piece of paper with the words on it. He looked at it, and sighed. I picked up his hand, playing with it. Nowadays I did that just to reassure him I was ok, but it wasn't working. He tried to keep calm, making the craziest (and horniest) jokes ever, but I could see the panic. He was scared as much as I was that I might not be able to sing ever again. I just overlooked that bit altogether, just to stay sane.

He cradled my face in his hands; he was doing that a lot more than ever before. Our relationship was…well, somewhere between shying away from the fact that we…wanted to be together, and the fact that we were currently just best friends.

I smiled, but lately he said the expression didn't reach my eyes.

He smiled too, this time with more warmth than usual.

"You'll be fine." He said, but it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself.

_Stop trying to convince yourself. _I wrote on the paper, and he read it while I wrote and sighed.

"I can't." he said.

_You'll be back in two days._

He nodded; of course he would be.

"You take care of yourself; okay?"

I nodded, my eyes wide and serious. He leaned in closer, very much aware of what he was doing, and just as I thought he was going to hug me, he held my face carefully, so very close to his own.

He kissed me. At first hesitant and slow, afraid of my reaction as I was of his, but then quicker, more urgent, and far more passionate than I could ever imagine his soft lips to be. I didn't know in that moment about wrong and right, or about who I was to him; all I knew was I loved him, and that I'd miss him even though he would be gone for all of two days.

"Miss me," he whispered softly in my ears as he softly broke away, and the only silk I felt now were his pale hands cradling by face, holding my hands. I smiled, and he kissed my nose gently before he spoke again, "Miss me, and I'll be back in a jiffy. You'll be brilliant." I snorted.

_I can't be brilliant in an operation theatre Bill._ I wrote down for him on the paper, but he only looked up and smiled at me.

"_You_ can be."

I looked away, my face turning a completely unattractive red, but he held my face by the chin. He pulled closer, until his lips were at my ear.

"Be yourself, and that's all the convincing, all the confidence you need."

At his words I looked up into his eyes; how did he always exactly how I felt I would never know.

He smile widened just the slightest bit, and he kissed my cheek softly.

" Don't forget what you are to me. Ever. Au revoir." I nodded, my mind hazy and yet so clear. I waved as he backed out of the room, and I could've sworn I heard him softly singing my song.

To him I'd be forever sacred.

***

I giggled (silently ofcourse, it was the eve of the operation), my head in my twin's lap. It was always a safe place for me, whenever I had been agitated, thinky, or silent all I had to do was lay my head down on her shoulder or on her lap and all the restlessness would vanish.

"What now?"

I showed her the text.

**Bill: Tell PiePie Tomi's getting angsty :P**

As I watched her face turned bright red, and she shoved the phone back into my hands. Apparently according to everyone me and my best friend were no longer best friends.

We were, well, a couple.

Bill and I hadn't spoken anything of it. well, maybe because it hadn't after he left, and to have that kind of conversation in a text? Sorry, not happening.

My cell beeped again.

**Bill: We're landing tonight at 8**

And then it beeped four more times.

**Tom: We're landing tonight at 8 **(Twins… 'Nuff said)

**Gustav: We might make it in time for your operation =D**

**Georg : We're landing tonight. When's the operation?**

**Stella : I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU!! [[when you get out off that OT all babbling and going on about your beloved 'best friend' ;P]] **

I shook my head. So much for deciding which one should send out a text. The idiots.

I'd just finished replying to all of them as Tanz walked into the room.

"Got the text from Stella, Tom and Bill…" she said, and I only held up my phone in reply. She took a look at the texts and began giggling like crazy.

"You ready for the whole 'we're gonna drug you and open you up and finish the deed' business?" she asked me, waggling her eyebrows. I swear talking Tom and Geo on the phone wasn't doing her any good. I resisted a laugh, smiling instead. "You know I was right when I told Bill his crazy jokes made you _really _smile." I blushed, looking away at her words, but caught her smirk before my hair curtained my face.

"So you _were _playing matchmaker, weren't you?" Zoe asked, as she and Twish walked in and sat down on the sofa.

"YES YES YES AND IT WAS SOMETHING I SHOULD BE SENT TO HEAVEN FOR!" she said, throwing her hands up and twirling around. Everyone began to chuckle, but it soon turned to full blown fits of laughter when I pretend shooed her off, pulling puky faces.

"So, Miss Mehta, you seem pretty okay with this whole thing after all." The doc said, walking in on everyone laughing at the crazy faces I was pulling over and a=over again. Oli and mum and dad and my other two siblings were here too now. All my crazy Bombay buddies had had to go home. College doesn't really permit much of a holiday.

I smiled at the blonde, and she took a quick scan of her clipboard before she begun to brief me up, "Well, from 7:30 it's no liquids or food or anything. So you can have food or anything else you'd like to have now itself. We'll be wheeling you out at 7:50, and you won't feel a thing. When you wake up, you might feel like babbling a lot, or you may not."

"She's been put under anesthetics before. Never babbles… unfortunately." I swatted my twins arm as she looked up from her phone, smiling. Everyone laughing.

"Well, then no issues! Oh, and after the surgery it would be preferable to not speak for a further day or two. And one other thing – don't worry about a scar, because there won't be one. I guarantee it." she smiled at me, and walked out. I liked her, because not only was she frank, she also didn't freak over who I was or who I knew.

Anyhoo, I decided that I just wanted to sit and do nothing (including scribble on that notepad… seriously sick of that). So I picked up my iPod, tucking the earphones in securely. Time passed by, and eventually my cell beeped again.

**Taylor: Go get 'em tigress ;P**

I stared at the text message. He hadn't yet given up, and just yesterday I fought with Bill again on the phone about it. I couldn't understand why the boy was getting so worked up over it. just because Taylor was flirting, didn't mean I was flirting back. I mean, seriously. But then when I asked Bill if he trusted me or not, the replying 'yes' was instant, almost like a reflex; and then he'd realized how stupid jealousy really was, and had shut up for a good 2 minutes out of guilty before I told him it wasn't his fault that Taylor was trying to 'get to know me'.

**Niki: SHUDDAP!! =D [[but seriously]]**

His reply was instant.

**Taylor: But seriously, knock 'em dead (:**

**Niki: I can't. they're gonna knock ME out ROFL.**

**Taylor: O.o my bad…**

**Niki: haha…**

My cell beeped, but this time the message was from someone else.

**Bill: No matter what be the outcome, you'll still be sacred to me. Take care (:**

Why is it his words always make me feel warm, comfort me like no one else ever can except my twin? Maybe because I'm madly in love with him. Yes that would be it.

So when they rolled me out and towards the OT, and when I noticed Gusti's unmistakable form, running over to me, followed by the rest of them peeking over his shoulder. I smiled, meeting his golden brown eyes and wondering what I had done to deserve such a beautiful soul.

***

BILL'S POV

It had been a while since I'd sat myself down. They had wheeled her in just over an hour ago, and now the worry line on my forehead was deepening. I had long stopped responding to Tom's "stop it already" looks.

It had just been two days that I had been gone, and during these seemingly long two days I had caused everyone I knew to snap at me due to my crazy scared mood; in these two days the scans had been finished, the operation date and time set, everything done.

In these two days she had become more vulnerable than ever.

On the surface Niki was calm, composed. She could have the whole room believe that she was sure this surgery would work.

But I knew better.

Each letter in each text almost always betrayed the hot tears that were falling down her face. If there was one thing that avoided me breaking altogther it was the fact that she could pull through this just like I had, that according to Tanz I was able to make her laugh, make her genuinely smile. I was proud and the love flooded my heart in even greater volumes than before; all of this because I knew that I could hold her gaze, hold her hand and help her believe for just that one moment that everything was _really for sure _going to be ok.

"Are you going to tell her anytime soon?"

I jumped, and turned around.

"Geo, you scared me man!"

He only continued to look at me, expecting an answer.

"How did you know I – ?"

I don't know why the last two words – "loved her" – I don't know why they wouldn't come out. I just couldn't understand myself sometimes.

_It's your ego._

I sighed internally, when was it _not _about my ego.

But the point was – Geo understood anyways. Obviously he did, he was my best friend.. my brother.

"It's painted all over your face bro. and plus, I'd expected this _ages ago_, to be frank. I haven't forgetten that thousand mile smile on your face the morning after their birthday, and you_ never _smile on mornings. I know what happened that night after you both left the room, so yeah. "

I sighed openly now, looking away to avoid all the attention the red staining my cheeks would call for.

Everyone – Tom, Gustavo, Geo, Stella, Nathalie, Dunja, Tobi, Jost, Saki – _everyone _was waiting for my response now.

"I'm gonna break it down after her voice comes back." I said quietly. Nathalie and Dunja almost whooped, but I guess they thought against it.

But I shouldn't have looked up, for Tom's upset face was looking up at me.

I swallowed hard, I knew what this was about.

But that did not mean his anger was justified or that I would encourage this behaviour from him.

Anyhoo, no matter how sure I was about confronting him, I would have to do it. so why not now –

"Tom, I – "

"I'm sorry, could you move, please?"

I turned around, now face to face with the love of my life – who looked pretty much out cold, although she was fighting the exhaustion. She smiled at all of us, and this time Nathalie _did _whoop. I smirked, forgetting Tom's scowling face for just a second before she was wheeled away.

"What is it?"

The tone of his voice, the bitter taste that now hung in the atmosphere had not only me, but everyone else flinching as well.

Suddenly I'd decided against talking.

"You know what? Later." I snapped at him, wandering the sickly white corridors till I'd found her room.

Entering her room, I watched her peaceful form. She lay there sleeping. I always thought how very innocent she always loked like that. It was beyond beautiful – it was beyond fascinating; in that one moment she was capable to hold all my attention, and she hadn't even opened her beautiful, brown, mesmerizing eyes yet. I sighed, wanting so much to tell her everything in that one moment. But I could not trouble her. I wanted to get over this huge sticky problem before I said anything.

But nonetheless I walked up to where she lay, sitting myself down, and just as Payal walked in I bent down low and whispered in her ears –

"You'll be ok love."

NIKI'S POV

"…_sacred. I'm dying but I know our love will live. Your hand above like a dove over me. And one day the sea will guide you back to me. Remember – "_

_Was my phone ringing? Was that beautiful, angelic boy – no, man – the man I loved, was he singing to me? Or was it just my iPod blaring in my ears?!_

_I had no idea._

"_Forever you. Forever sacred. Forever you. You will be sacred…"_

_No, the voice was close by, an angel murmuring sweet words in my ears, filling them with dreams of heaven._

_So now I was being sung to in my dreams?!_

"_It's not a dream love…"_

_That angel voice spoke this time, the tinkle, the love reverbrating in my ears as though my head were empty._

_Huh?! What was wrong with me?!_

"_Nothing's wrong with you baby… I won't let it be…"_

_Huh?!_

I woke up with a start, my head's buzz and ache very different from the burning, thirsty sensation in my throat. All I remembered was that I'd had a very bizzare dream, and I could remember fragments – that angelic voice, my song, our song…

I groped about bravely in the darkness, searching for the bottle of water. You see, I'm scared of the dark.

But I almost screamed when a hand grabbed my wrist.

Then again, even if I would've screamed, there would've been no sound.

"Shhh. It's me."

I blinked once, twice, a gazillion times before my body thawed from the fear.

And then my eyes adjusted to that soft pallor, those beautiful dull gold pools that were bearing into my own common brown ones with such great anxiety.

"Niki?!"

I breathed out in relief as I heard his voice once again. In the darkness I barely saw his hands make for mine before I could feel them. I sat up once more, groping about for that stupid little notepad. But Bill had already grabbed it, placing it gently in my lap along with the pen.

_You scared the shit outta me!! _I wrote, and laughed in the softest of whispers. I looked over his shoulder and understood why. My twin sister lay there on the sofa, sleeping soundly, curled up and stiff as a rock. How did he -

"How's your throat he asked me, pulling me out of my train of thought, and I winced as I realized my throat still hurt like a tiny needle was pricking it again and again. It didn't hurt me, but it was annoying me like crazy. I frowned, writing down the reply –

_Eh, it's ok. The tiny pricking feelings annoying the shit outta me but yeah =D_

He smiled at me, exhaling in relief; soon enough his cold but soft, pale hands found my face.

"You okay?" he asked me, and I knew he was the only person apart from my twin and Tom who could see right through me. These were the only three people anchoring me to sanity, Payal more so than anyone else. She was a part of my soul before any of the others, so it wasn't surprising.

I nodded, ignoring my stupid heart that thudding loud and clear, skipping beats every now and then. I swear, sometimes I can be such a kid. But then I cleared my head, bending down to scribble once again.

_How'd they let you stay?!_

"Oh, that. Snuck in." he said, smirking. I stared at him in disbelief. But his smirk only widened. I shook my head. It was a Kaulitz, I should have expected a lot of rule breaking; unlike me, trying to stick to some of them.

Hey, not all, I can't be all that goody goody. It's unreal.

A smiled pulled at my lips as he sat down next to me on that stupid hospital bed. Hospitals are fun in the beginning, because you can just lie down and sleep all day and everyone brings everything for you. But then after two days you begin to get _pretty _bored. Anyways, I've been in a hospital for too long to care.

I begun scribbling again, with his arm over my shoulders and my knees up to my chest so that I was unconsciously leaning into his side. He read as I wrote.

BILL'S POV

_I had the weirdest dream ever. But I can't remember everything. But I could hear singing. More importantly YOU singing. O.o gosh, me and my imagination!!_

I read the words as she put them down, and I had to force myself to not smile.

"It wasn't a dream…" I whispered softly, trailing off, and watched her eyes get wide. Like always told her she _almost _didn't see herself clearly. _Almost._

_No dream?! _She wrote down, and I did smile this time, holding her chin gently. Even in the dark I could see her cheeks stain red.

"No dream." I assured her, closing the distance between us, letting my lips caress hers, but she jerked halfway through it. I looked into her eyes, confused as I was. She began scribbling once again.

_Unexpected. _She wrote down, and my fear vanished with that one word. I laughed softly once again.

"Really? How 'bout now?" I raised a hand, bringing it right up to her face in a slow motion sequence, almost letting it touch her nose, and then pulled it away at the same excruciatingly slow speed. When I looked again she had a frown painted all over her face, her arms crossed over her torso.

"Hey now, you said it was unexpected!" I teased her, but she only stuck her tongue out, looking away, shimmying away from me on the already narrow bed. I chuckled, pulling her close to me again. If her voice were there, she would have given me a few dozen cocky replies by now already.

"Mmm, I'm sorry?" I whispered, coaxing her face up once again. I felt like I could have told her there and then how I felt. I just had to.

_Wait for the right time. _

UGH, stupid voice!

She still had her arms crossed over her chest.

"Please?" I asked for forgiveness softly, and I felt her start. She looked up at me, trying not to smile, I knew.

"I take that as a yes." I said softly, leaning in to claim her lips once again, and she responded this time. Everything was… it was beautiful. In that one moment I didn't think of the one million 'what if's' if she said no, if she told me she didn't love me. All I wanted was her next to me; I wanted to talk to her, to laugh with her, to grow old with her, to sit with her and Tom on a couch and laugh our asses off for no reason at all. I wanted each and every one of those memories.

I wanted her.

She broke away, and we were both breathless. She didn't bother meeting my eye again, and I knew all about that familiar red staining her cheeks. No matter how much she frowned on how it made her look, for me she was beautiful, because she had a beautiful soul, a mind of her own, a heart that was capable of loving people who had hurt her beyond belief – people like me. Whenever I looked into her eyes there was always a moment where I caught wonder, but I only wonder why that was. She deserved so much than 'poor, scarred, freaky Bill Kaulitz', but then again the beauty of the situation was that she would never have me change for anyone. I loved her for ever little bit of her; everything including her 'freaky' expressions, her crazy moments, her snobby moments, her mood swings, her everything. She was imperfect and that's what made everything even more beautiful than it already was.

She looked back up, and she almost couldn't keep the smile of her face. I smiled back letting my arm go back around her shoulders, but the moment was broken as she yawned noiselessly. I chuckled, and she scowled slightly again before smirking.

"Goodnight." I whispered, getting up and grabbing my little bag from the corner. She frowned.

_Where're you going?_

"Was waiting for you to wake up." Her eyes widened once again, and I leaned in, pecking her cheek.

"See you tomorrow okay?"

She nodded; even though she hadn't spoken in so longer, her eyes almost always scream words at you. It was hard to ignore, and you almost couldn't.

She smiled, throwing a sheet of paper at me. I caught it out of the air just as it begun to fall.

_If there's one person I'm never going to ever let myself forget, it's you. See you tomorrow._

I stood there frozen. Until now, she had never made such a statement before.

I touched her cheek lightly.

In the dark a whisper echoed.

"To me you'll be forever sacred."


	23. Chapter 23

**Okay, I know I didn't post for a while, but the site had gotten REALLY wonky for me .**

**But here it is finally!!!**

**xD**

**Enjoy!!!**

NIKI'S POV

_"Sky's blue Ross, and I had sex yesterday!"_

Joey Tribiani had to be the funniest character on the face of the earth.

I giggled, but that turned into full blown laughter when the  
overcrowded sofa began to shake from my band mates and the guys.  
Nathalie and Stella rolled on the floor, and soon tears were streaming  
down my face from laughing so hard.

It had been eight days since I begin speaking, my first word being  
'Euhm...?', causing Bill - my evident um... boyfriend - to frown and  
claim that I had gone too far and was perhaps having too much fun  
imitating him -

_"First the nails, then the cyst, and now the words!! Tomi!! Say  
something!! She's imitating everything I do!!"_

I loved him too much to put into words, and I didn't know when I could  
ever get over my fears of his 'no', and pluck up the courage and tell  
him exactly how much he meant to me. Sometimes I just felt like  
blurting it out, but just as I would pluck up the courage, something  
or the other would come in between. Mostly it was just Tom, calling on  
his baby brother so that they could leave for the studio, so I didn't  
think much of it.

But Bill did.

Everytime Tom pulled him out, Bill's eyes would not only go hard, soon  
enough his teeth begun to click together audibly. But I could never  
understand this change in behaviour. All I knew was that the twins  
were fighting.

I didn't like them fighting.

"Okay, everyone - who's up for coffee?"

That broke my reverie, bringing me back down to earth.

"YEAH!!" everyone cheered, getting up from the sofa, and with them the  
sofa lifted too. I laughed, "Look what you guys did to the poor  
thing!!" I said, still laughing as I sat next to my... well, my  
boyfriend.

"Do you not wanna go grab a coffee?" he asked me, getting up as well.

I shook my head, "Not in the mood." I said, and I guess that was true.  
Right now I was kinda sorta running away from all the questions, the  
paparazzi, the fans - even. I had just got my sanity back. I'd like to  
revel in It before I delved into horror once again, thankyouverymuch.

"Alright then," he said smiling a little and sitting back down next to  
me. I raised my eyebrows at him.

"You guys go ahead. Oh, Tomi get me a coffee?"

Tom pulled a face.

"Please??!!" Bill pleaded; so persuasive, as always. Tom sighed,  
nodding.

I had looked away from the two of them, and so had every else, I could  
tell.

This is gonna turn ugly, and my thoughts mimicked my twin sister's.

"What?!" he said turning to me as everyone walked out. I shook my  
head, still not meeting his gaze for longer than a second, keeping a  
watch on the door, waiting till everyone was out of earshot.

I still couldn't meet his gaze. I was trying to brace myself for this  
conversation in just a few breaths.

Thankfully, I managed.

"What..." he said softly and I looked up at him.

"I..." I found it hard to get the words out. He continued to look deep  
into my eyes while he waited for it. I took a breath, looking down at  
our hands intertwined together in the space between us. He pulled my  
hand closer, squeezing it gently, rubbing circles into the back with  
his thumb like he always did when he was trying to calm me down in any  
way.

I sighed,

"I need to know what's going on."

He pulled an innocent face, but his eyes were hard once again; bluffing.

"Bill, don't shit me, alright?!"

He sighed, looking away from me, but I needed an answer.

"Please just… why can't you sort this out with T – "

"No." I started; his voice was so bitter, ice cold – like it was a concrete and irreversible damage.

"But why – "

"Because he needs to grow up!" Bill hissed in a whisper. I blinked; was I seeing and hearing right? I hadn't _ever _heard Bill talk like this about Tom. _Ever. _

"Just tell me it'll be okay?" I said, and I could hear my own voice shake. He looked up at me, covering the distance between us and leaning his forehead against mine.

"You don't need to worry about that…" he said softly, stroking my face to calm me down. But it wouldn't work right now. I couldn't see them fight so bad.

"You have to talk to him." I said bluntly, and his eyes went hard again when he heard my words. He pulled away, looking out the window.

"He's your twin, your first priority…"

"So are you."

I started. Again. What?!

_Shake it off. _I thought to myself, and shook my head.

"Bill, you know that's not possible."

"It is. You have to know it."

"Bill…" but he didn't let me finish as he looked back at me and kissed me passionately. But for the first time his kiss didn't make me forget everything (well, at least not when I regained control over my heart… that took _pretty _long); it only made it clearer that he was trying to avoid the topic. Somehow – and with great difficulty – I extricated myself from his arms.

"Bill." I repeated softly, trying to make him understand what I was trying to say.

He didn't respond, and this time he seemed mad at me as well. He looked back towards the window.

"Bill I – " I stopped, trying to reframe. I sighed, running a frustrated hand through my hair. I just couldn't understand what was it that was making them fight so bad. "Okay, what's this 'big fight' about anyway?" I asked him, and he turned to me; but this time I refused to budge. I stared intently into his eyes, searching for a crack in his hard, dull gold pools, and when I did, he finally sighed and gave in.

But not completely.

"He's just being stupid." He mumbled, it would have been inaudible to others, but never to me.

"Then why can't you both just let it go." I said softly, trying to coax the anger out of him. He looked up at me sharply, his eyes angry even though the rest of his calm.

I raised my eyebrows.

"Not easy." He said curtly.

"Hey, no need to – " and that's when I begun coughing. You see, even though my voice was back (I was always a fast recoverer from any kind of illness and such… they said I was a fighter. I believe them enough.) I still had moments where my throat went too dry. That why I always had a thermos of steaming honey and lemon in water with me everywhere I was going. Bill handed it to me now.

"It's really hot, be careful." He murmured softly, patting my back, trying to help me out. I gulped thrice, then paused to see if it worked. Still a little dry; one more gulp. "You okay?" he asked me. Bill was always concerned, worried if I was okay.

I didn't respond, looking deep into his eyes, determined to convince him to talk to his brother.

"Are you?" I responded eventually. He blinked, then started at my words. I had touched the right chord then, I guess. He looked away, and I knew he wasn't hiding the angst he felt any longer.

"Bill, just try talking to him. It's not right to fight with him. _He's your twin! Your true other half! _You can't let down your top priority…" he looked back at me hesitantly, and I took his hand in mine, squeezing it gently.

"You'll be okay prettyboy… I promise." I said, winking, and he growled halfway through smirking at me.

"You know I hate it when you call me that!" he said, and I only threw my head back and laughed, and after a minute so did he. But when we stopped, I knew it was the perfect time to tell him; no one here to interrupt, and we were both cheery.

We looked at each other for a while, but then he raised his eyebrows as I begun to play with my hands nervously like I did everytime I was scared.

"Bill there's… something I wanted to talk to you about…" I knew this was going to be on top of him before he wuld know it; I knew maybe it was going to sound crazy, but I had finally gotten over my ego and my crazy fears and my silly girly reactions. I _had _to do this before we both went rampant and begun fighting again.

"Bill I – "

"WE'RE BACK YOU GUYS!!"

The door slammed shut, and so did a few car doors. I sighed, loooking away from his attentive face.

"Hmmm…?" he said, reaching out and lacing our fingers together, grabbing my attention once again.

I sighed one more time.

"Later."

BILL'S POV

"Get on that plane already." She said, pushing against my chest lightly, but I still held on to her. our relationship finally being out in the public and the fans going wild, it was a blessing we had been able to remain in one part of the airport for over 15 minutes.

See, Niki's voice was back but she had yet to get back to singing. She had refused to remain _in _voice rehab, but she went there every day.

She wouldn't ever let me go with her.

And now she had convinced me and the guys to get our asses back to Germany.

"_You guys need to get back to family. I'll manage, I swear!"_

"I can still cancel on the flight, you know that right?" I offered one last time. I was scared to let go of her. No matter how much she smiled, laughed, and behaved like herself, she was still suffering. She was still hurt.

"I've told you I'm not buying it." she replied, smiling. I only searched her eyes for the truth, but then again I always knew when she was lying just by the tone of her voice.

I sighed, pulling her in closer, and the fans scream even louder as they continued to watch us. I could feel her frown against my chest.

"My first relationship and everyone knows what's going on even better than me." She muttered, and I could only chuckle. "I wonder how Tanz never had the urge to murder someone." She said then, lifting her head to look up at me. I smiled at her, brushing away the hair from her face and pecking her lips softly. I could actually hear the crazy banging on the glass now. We both tore our gazes away from the fans to see some of them crying. Her eyes widened and she looked back at me, stepping out of my arms, but I pulled her back anyway.

"Bill." She said sharply, her eyes narrowing jut the slightest bit. I sighed, and then her expression changed. "It's glass, it won't hold them back. I refuse to give them anything at all. Forget a free show."

And she was right. Not to be traditional, or old fashioned or anything, but I would like to keep _everything _– and I mean _everything – _about my relationship with the love of my life private. I knew it would be stressing and hard, but I'd rather not go crazy at interviews.

I took her hand instead, moving over to where everyone else was sitting, and the fans outside shifted and struggled, straining to catch us together. Majority of them had been happy, but apparently it was a heartbreaker that I was taken once more. the reaction fans had to Tanz was NOTHING to what their reaction was now.

We sat down, and Tom sat on her other side. I glared at him. We hadn't resolved that… problem.

"Wanna hear?" he asked her, and she gladly tucked one out of the two headphones in her ear. Immediately both their heads were banging to rap music. I strained my ears to listen – Eminem.

I shook my head; I never understood the concept of rap music.

"So you spoke to her?"

I jumped, and turned to my other side and into Tanz's face.

I shook my head, and she sighed, resting her head back against the hard metal seat.

"…such an _idiot _Bill… Say something before she figures out the problem between you and Tom…!"

I knew she was right, but what could I do when my twin brother kept interrupting me whenever I _did _wish to say something?! I couldn't even understand why he was doing that in the first place!

"He keeps…"

But I didn't know how to put it in words.

"_Flight 786 to Berlin, Germany ready to board…"_

I felt a tug on my hand, and I looked sideways to see Niki getting up, and I did too, sneaking in a quick kiss, knowing that Tom was wincing at the sight. But I didn't fucking care. He was going to get it bad when we got home.

NIKI'S POV

I looked up at his face; even though I was very tall for a girl, I liked being shorter than him, I liked looking up into his face. He caught my hand once again, and kissed me softly. I could never get used to the way it felt, that I was so much with him in so many moments and all I had to do was laugh along with him, or smile as I remembered all the crazy things we'd said and done. I wished I would have told him already, but everytime I tried there was always someone or the other interrupting the conversation. I guess it would have to wait…

"I'll be back in 3 months…" he whispered in my ear.

"And I'll be up and about way before that. I'd give it one month tops." I replied, smiling, trying to reassure him. But nowadays it just didn't seem to work. He saw right through me like he always did. He knew I was hurting beyond imagination because of what the doc had said. but then again they had also told me I was a fighter. I just hoped to fight this mad time away.

"Take care ok?" he whispered, and I nodded. He let go of me as the rest of the guys and some of the close crew came in to hug me, already being done with hugging my band members and Tanz.

"I'll miss all you guys. Just do me a favor and don't pull each other's hair out like you'll always end up doing." I said, and the all chuckled. Tom was the last to hug me; his hugs were the most comforting after Bill's – an elder brother hugging his sister, it made me feel okay while it lasted. He smiled as he let me go.

"Take care sis." He said, stepping away from us, but only after pecking my sister.

I smiled, hoping that he could take care of himself too. I knew Bill was going to blow his top off the moment they were to themselves.

"You too."

BILL'S POV

Life had been crazy in Germany in these three months. The time flew, but I remembered each and every fight I had had – almost daily, and we weren't even talking properly to each other for Mum's sake.

You see, he refuses to explain what the problem is.

And I just can't stand that.

I mean, first he's upset and pissed and keeps acting like a jerk, and then he won't tell me why?!

He knows I'm not one to sit and pretend to be the Djini out of the bottle.

But then he says he doesn't have a problem with Niki, that he never could.

Then what in fuck's name _was _his problem?!

He just wouldn't tell me, and it hurt.

"Bill, we're here…" Nathalie said from next to me, and I got up, my hand automatically reaching for the itsy bitsy pieces of my luggage lying around the plane. We'd just landed in LA.

I walked ahead of everyone else, numb and inattentive – two things that I almost never had been before. I couldn't believe him, I couldn't understand him, I couldn't comprehend his behaviour.

Presently he tried grabbing my arm, tried to calm me down, tried to match my pace and walk with me, tried being my twin, my elder brother, my almost everything. But I couldn't let him. He had made himself unreachable to me. He sighed, stepping away, and I strode forward. I just didn't talk to anyways, going straight up to my room – which I had requested to be next to Nathalie and Dunja's rather than close to my band mates. I barely even noticed when Geo tried coaxing me out of the hurt with a bag of skittles. Nothing was working, and I didn't even realize I had been staring at the blank television screen all night; that I had over 10 missed calls from Mom, and another five from Niki. But when I did finally look away and wipe the silent tears that had been streaming down my face all night I noticed one text message.

**Niki : Take care ok?**

She had been right after all.

This problem was serious.

NIKI'S POV

"Are you sure you'll pull through tonight?! You could call in sick… it's ok…" but he shook his head at my words. It was the Grammys again, and we had decided to do the new – and first – Tokio Hotel and Thirteen Moons Of Demetria collaboration. It was a crazy performance, and everyone had had to rehearse like crazy, cause we were all hovering in air through the whole thing, with a floor kind of thing in mid – air for the guys, and we were only dependent on harness and wire. I had already done this before, since I loved dabbling in dance, but everyone else had had a hard time with it. there was a lot of movement and fluidity that was required in the performance.

And Tom and Bill hadn't been easy to work with together.

"Yes, I'll manage…" he said, perfecting the eyeliner under his left eye. I squinted.

"You're just missing that spot there…"

"Where?"

"Give it here…"

He frowned slightly, but turned to me with a sigh anyways. I held my hand steady, evening out the layer and the line.

"There…"

He was staring at me intently, and it had been a year and a half since I had seen that look, for I hadn't seen it since that barbecue at the TMOD house – the one where he was _considering_ me.

"You okay?" I asked him, and he only nodded this time, lacing his fingers with mine like he did everytime he got the opportunity, like he'd done ever since I'd known him. I couldn't remember a time when he wasn't tracing patterns into the back of my hand with his thumb, and now I even knew how to decipher them and thus decipher his mood. He was still thinking about Tom.

"I don't understand why he won't talk." He said quietly. It was 45 minutes before we were up, so that gave me 15 before he went in with the band to just cool it off before the performance.

"He will. I know it." he looked up at me from where he had been staring at the floor, his eyes hopeful.

"Really?"

"Really."

He pulled me closer, hugging me, his head bent and resting on my shoulder. I knew it wasn't my argument only too well – that you should never interrupt two twins fighting – but I had half a mind to go talk to Tom.

"Niki I," he sighed, looking tired despite all the makeup, "I wanted to talk about something, about us…"

I froze, my heart racing. I don't know why that was my response, but all I knew was he then smiled and squeezed my hand gently, trying to tell me things were okay.

I took a deep breath, calming myself down, and so did he.

"I – "

"Bill, Tom's calling you." We both jumped, and turned to face Nathalie, who was red in the face with shame. I thought I saw Tom slip the other way in the corridor beyond the door. Bill turned to face me, forcing a smile on his face.

"Believable?" he asked me, and I shook my head. He sighed, squeezing my hand one last time before walking out.

It was just me and Nath now.

"I – he forced me, Niki I – "

"It's not your fault hon. Calm." I said, moving forward to hug her.

"I don't know what's gotten into him…" she whispered as I petted her hair, but I was scared; I was scared beyond imagination. It was like my music had been taken away from me all over again.

"I don't know either."

GEORG'S POV

"IF YOU'D JUST GIVE UP BEING SUCH A BITCH AND TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG, TOM!! THEN I WOULD ATLEAST _TRY _TO GENERATE SOME KIND OF EMPATHY TOWARDS YOUR JERK LIKE BEHAVIOUR!!"

"SO YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S WRONG?! _YOU _DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND?!"

"NO I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND TOM I – "

"STOP!"

We all turned toward the door, and the sight shocked me.

"I-if you guys are done with this discussion, we g-gotta be out for the p-performance." There stood Niki, her eyes red, and her makeup looking like she'd hastily fixed it back. Bill started forward towards her, but she had already slipped out, shutting the door quietly.

I felt like slapping myself for letting her suffer and for letting me grit my teeth and just watch.

Bill turned to glare at Tom.

"Now you've done it." he snapped, walking out after her.

BILL'S POV

She didn't talk to me the whole night; she didn't even glance at me, even though I kept her hand. I knew she had begun to think, to take matters into her own hands. That's just how she was at times.

That's how she was when she figured she was the catalyst or cause of something.

She didn't even say a thing when I pecked her lightly after I left her in her bedroom.

She only asked me to shut the connecting door.

NIKI'S POV

The shouting went on most of the night, and I only stared blankly at the bleak black night visible beyond the balcony.

"WHAT THE FUCK TOM?!"

I sighed. I had finally figured out what the problem was, what was up with Tom, and why me and Bill kept getting interrupted.

It was me.

So I was just about ready to do something about it.

I had made my final decision, and this time I swore to myself I would stick to it.

But first I have to make some arrangements.

I walked over to the edge of the bed and picked up my phone.

Battery full – check.

Next, iPod – battery full. Check.

Clothes – tucked away neatly. Check.

Payal – I sighed. I had to have a talk with my sister. I had to prevent her from ruining what she had. She had actually found love and was blessed enough to be able to keep it. I didn't want to take that away from her.

But as soon as I begun to make for the door it opened and shut and in rushed my twin sister along with Tanz.

"Don't do it." they both said together, their hands interlinked.

"Why shouldn't I?" I felt numb. And why shouldn't I? Place yourself in my shoes – would you stand in the way of the love of your life and his twin, his everything?! Would you be able to be stubborn and selfish when you know what this could do to them?! And I wasn't even overreacting; everyone had noticed that this fight was beyond serious – it was disastrous. I couldn't tolerate it. if I was the problem, then I would leave. Bill would understand… someday. Tom might even be grateful for what I wanted to do. Geo would grit his teeth and continue to watch, just like I had made him promise. And Gustavo would remain neutral like he had promised me he would out of hiw own free will. Stella, Nath, Dunja, Tobi, Saki, Jost, Tanz, Rish, Zoe and Twish and my twin had no reason to be involved, and they wouldn't get involved, because I wouldn't let them. So what was the problem?! I had made my mind this time. I wouldn't return. _for real. _This time I wouldn't be weak and crumble under his gaze. I wouldn't…

"You're not doing it. I'll break up with Tom if you do." Payal threatened me.

"You promised me you wouldn't." I retorted, my eyes widening.

"I was about to seal that promise. But you have to stay." She looked straight into my eyes, determined that she had this figured out, but how could she?! I don't think you can live with something like this. You _never ever _mess with a pair of twins. It's just… wrong. You can't separate two halves of the same soul and expect them to live – they'll wither.

I couldn't do this.

"I have to go." I said quietly. I had to. That was it. at least until Tom and Bill got back to normal, at least until Tom could believe again that Bill was his and his alone. I was just someone. He had to realize that. But to explain to Tom was like trying to shift a mountain – the only way out is to give up.

"No you don't." Tanz spoke this time. "You – you'll break Bill's heart…" she said hesitantly, but I smiled wistfully. It would hurt me worse than it could ever hurt him. He didn't love me the way I loved him, and that was just how it was.

"He doesn't love me like I him. It's so easy. It'll hurt him, and then he'll think I was a bitch and move on." She shook her head.

"No. Stay. For me. For everyone. We're having enough drama already…"

"And I wanna end that so lemme go ahead and do it!!" I hissed. She was crying now, and so was I.

"No, please? For me? Please lovie buddy? Please…" and that's when I gave in. I had promised myself not break for him, but why hadn't I promised myself not to break for the rest of them?!

I nodded, my legs propelling me forward and towards my best friend and sister. Sometimes it just takes family to forget logic and reason and do the wrong thing. They teach you how to be selfless, and just when you learn how to be selfless they make you selfish all over again.

"Fine." I said, wiping away the tears, and disentangling myself from our group hug. "Fine, I'm gonna go to bed now then."

"So you aren't leaving?"

"No I'm not, okay you convinced me, okay?!"

"Sure!"

"Tanzina Sie idiot!!"

"You know you love me!!"

I sighed, "Yes… I do!! Now goodnight!!"

I shut the door on her sad but laughing face, and turned to face my twin.

She looked at me wistfully.

"About that promise…"

My eyes narrowed.

"Why?" she asked me, and I sighed.

"I don't want whatever I do with my life to interfere with the happiness you have in yours."

"I'm not happy if you aren't…"

"At least a little bit? Just because my life's in a mess, doesn't mean yours needs to be too…"

"But – "

"No 'buts'! I know we said we're in this together. We're twins. And I'll always stick by you, and that's what I'm trying to do right now!"

She looked at me carefully, searching for a loophole in that promise.

Obviously she found none, since she sighed and nodded.

"Good."

BILL'S POV

"Are you okay?"

"I think you need to sleep."

"Why are you dodging the question?"

"I'm not dodging the question; I'm suggesting that you go to sleep since you look like shit."

Tom had stormed out of my room at 5 in the morning, and after an hour of sitting there numbly not realizing I was crying I had opened the connecting door to find my girlfriend sitting there and staring blankly at the TV screen with a bored expression on her face.

Except her eyes, which told a completely different story.

I caught her chin now, refusing to let this go as casually as she wanted me to.

"Don't do this to yourself… please?" I said softly, but she didn't budge; she looked back at the screen.

"Please just go to sleep."

I was getting pretty frustrated now.

"Okay, what is this about?!"

She sighed then, yet not catching my eye. Slowly she proceeded to swing her legs over the side of the bed as she continuously stared out at the rising sun.

"I know what Tom's 'issue' is, you know."

I had dreaded this.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Niki…"

"Yes?" she said, and her voice shook. I already knew she was crying.

I crawled over to her side of the bed, pulling her back up by the waist, and we lay there on the bed, both of us looking up at the ceiling, her head resting on my chest. Only the Lord knows how stressing this was getting for the both of us.

She hadn't yet stopped crying.

I stroked her arm. Even in this mad, pathetic situation I felt a little smug that I could hold her close to me, that I could comfort her.

She shifted a bit, trying to look up at me, and I sat us up, and we shared a long look before she spoke.

"Maybe he's right."

I didn't understand. "What do you mean?"

"Maybe you are spending too much time with…"

"You." I breathed out the last word, and I felt like strangling Tom all over again. I couldn't understand him. He was _forcing _her into the situation for nothing!

_So he's the only one allowed to fall in love?!_

UGH.

"Think about it…" she said softly. But I didn't understand. I was with her when she was around, and otherwise it was me and Tom. I wasn't even a phone person, and neither was she. Where was the problem?!

"Maybe you don't see it, maybe he does." She said, adding in a casual shrug. But her eyes still told me a different story, and I guess she knew I could see that.

"I'll be fine Bill. You know that." And I did. It just… I couldn't do this to her, damnit! I can't choose between these two people who are my world!! I can't have just one!! I _need _both!!

ARGH!!

"Bill…?" she said softly, and her big brown eyes peered into mine with concern. I took her face in my hands and sighed. I searched her eyes, to find that one spot, that one spot that always reassured me. It may sound mad to so many people, but that's how those eyes were – so deep they had corners and edges and brown pools and smooth landscape, even. And then when I found it, I knew things could be ok.

"Okay." And she breathed out in relief. We settled back against all the pillows, watching a re – run of Friends, but neither of us was really paying much attention.

"Bill…?"

"Hmm?"

"You should know… I was going to leave… you know, after I found out…"

I froze, my hands clutching hers, and the silence was filled with tension.

"But I'm not because… I can't leave you – all of you. Especially you. I just can't."

I bet she could feel me relax, she could feel how much her words were hitting me.

She'd given up so many things – so many things that she never should have had to give up, that she still didn't have to give up. The cross that she had given me still dangled against my chest, underneath my clothes, like it always did… everyday.

I would tell her now, I couldn't _not _do so. I wouldn't let the ego come in between; I wouldn't let her slip away. I couldn't.

"Remember how I wanted to talk about something?" I began, a smile pulling at the corners of my lips.

"Yeah…"

"Well, can we talk about it now?"

"I don't see why not."

"Well…"

I paused, uncertain how to begin. I didn't want it to come out as just something, I wanted it to be special, I wanted for it to sound real, to sound like this was it, this was what I had dreamt of.

"What?" she asked me, and she sounded a bit nervous now.

"Gimme a minute…" I murmured, and she relaxed into my arms once more.

And then I begun.

"You remember how that first time I saw you, you remember that time?"

She laughed softly.

"Yeah. You stared at my hands. _A lot._" Another giggle; my cheeks turned red, but it made me smile anyway. I knew now what that feeling had been when I had seen that face, when I had looked upon those hands, when I had had that conversation with her on the beach. I knew it all, but it had taken so long for me to understand!

"You remember how… how I only looked into your eyes that night, when we sat at the beach?"

"That was a little crazy…" she said, and I didn't have to look at her to know she was frowning slightly at the memory.

"Hmmm yeah. Do you remember the first time I told you I loved you? How we'd fought that day? That I'd thought you liked that Taylor?"

She laughed again. "Yeah, that was kinda silly. _You _were being silly…"

I smiled; it hadn't gone unnoticed by me that she had overlooked the first part of that question.

"Guess what?" I asked her, my smile widening slowly.

"What?"

"I love you baby."

She froze for a second, before she begun to thaw slowly, and I sat us up once more. her big brown eyes had widened further; I stroked her face. I hope the answer I thought I knew was the correct one. My 'Apocalypse moments' weren't always the correct predictions.

"I love you too." She said, her voice unclear, thick with too many emotions, and in the heat of everything I kissed her like I'd never kissed anyone in my whole life; again and again and again. I could hear her laugh as we broke away every single time.

"Someone's happy." She said softly.

"I think I have a right to be."

She shifted, looking up into my face, feigning skepticism.

"You're sure of that…how?"

I smirked.

"Shut up."


	24. Chapter 24

NIKI'S POV

"Oh, fuck shut up! We've seen that movie like, what? A gaziliion times already?"

"But I wanna see it!" he whined. Sometimes Bill can be so difficult.

"And cry again? Aw, please? I wanna see The Hurt Locker, I haven't seen it in ages! Please, please, please?"

He frowned. "The Hurt Locker?"

"Yeah." I said, my eyes still pleading. Yes, we can be very, _very _kiddish.

"Fine." He said, trying to pull a pout, but let's be honest – without a camera Bill won't – and _can't _– pose. AT ALL.

"Shut up!" I said, laughing and putting the CD in. it was the last day before I got busy packing and finalizing everything for tour. So basically it was my last day to just hang out and be lazy.

Tom walked in, beer in hand. Lord, sometimes I cannot understand the dude.

"'Sup?" I asked him, and he gave me that cocky little smirk of his.

"The sky, the many ceilings of the many floors of this building, the fan, Heaven, God, the birds, the treetops, the – "

"Yeeaahhh." I said sarcastically, stretching out the word. He laughed.

"Oh, and finally – other things are up that I don't wanna show you of all people."

"EWWWWWWWWW! TOM YOU BITCH!" I chased him around the room, making him drop his coffee. See, Tom was kinda sorta ok with this whole situation, but kinda not. I had managed to convince Bill to hang out even more with his own brother. He'd been sulky about it in the beginning, but then he gave in. After all, you can't ignor your twin for long. It's impossible to do.

Tom picked me up around the waist now, dropping me down on my own bed and throwing pillows at me like there was no tomorrow.

"Look all I –" _thunk_ "am trying to say is that –" _thunk _"I don't want to be involved in a conversation full of hot dogs and pot holes, if –" _thunk _"you know what I –" _thunk _"mean." I said, snickering at the very end.

He just smirked some more at my statement, and I heard Bill snicker in the background. Oh well, at least there weren't anymore pillows left to dunk at me!

"Why are almost all guys so very _horny?_"

Tom faked irritation. "What's that supposed to mean? Yo, you a horny bitch yourself!"

I giggled falling right next to him on the sofa type thing right in front of my bed.

"I'm a _pervert. _You both are just plain _horny._"

"Whatever!" he said rolling his eyes, "As long as it makes you laugh!"

"Yeah, well all of it doesn't!"

"Shut up! You _so _laughed at that leg stuck in between thing! That was funny! Admit it!"

"Well, not that…" I feigned hesitance, and the look on the boy's face was hilarious. He didn't want his cocky/horny/funny guy image tainted by me. Chyeah right.

"IT WAS FUNNY! I REMEMBER YOU LAUGHING YOUR ASS OFF! AND THEN ELLEN GOT SCARED! BILL, SAY SOMETHING!"

His brother just smirked the slightest bit and turned to look at us. I raised my eyebrows at my boyfriend. I swear I knew that look only too well… something dirty's coming out that boy's mouth…

"Well, I don't know. My leg's _never _been stuck, if you know what I mean. It's just the right size."

OKAY.

"YUK-YUK-YUK-YUK-YUK-YUK-YUK-YUK-YUK-YUK-I'M-GOING-TO-PRETEND-I-NEVER-HEARD-THAT-MY-ENTIRE-LIFE-AND-I-AM-NEVER-EVER-HAVING-SEX-IN-MY-ENTIRE-LIFE-BECAUSE-OF-YOUR-HORNY-NONSENSE! A GUY'S _LEG_ _CANNOT _GET STUCK! EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW!" they only laughed at my disgusted face, and I stood there hands on hips, trying not to puke. Bill's smirk widened, but he removed it from his face, replacing it with an innocent 'I'm-a-2-yearld-old-toddler' face.

"I just said that – "

"NEIN! NOT HEARING IT!"

They snickered so hard they were falling off the sofa.

"Excuse me I have to go hurl." I stage whispered, playing along now, and walked into the bathroom that was just opposite my room. They were laughing too hard now, it was echoeing off _everywhere. _

"Guys shut it, it's 3 at night!" I hissed back at them through the open door, and they put a finger each to the other's lips in slow motion.

But they bust out laughing halfway through anyways.

"SHHHHH." Bill said through giggles, and I had to laugh along at the sound.

"Fuck you Bill!"

"I thought you said you never wanted to do that."

"I – well – oh, you get the point!"

"SHUTUP." Payal's sleepy face appeared in the doorway, her hair sticking up, and we all only laughed harder. She rolled her eyes, flipped us the bird and walked out, and this time I really _did _fall off onto the floor.

"You guys are such horny bastards it's not even funny anymore!" I said as we all recovered.

"Actually it is." Bill said, smirking at me as I got up from the floor. I placed to fingers on his forehead and gave a rough push.

"HEY!"

"What?"

"I don't like that!"

"I'm already done boinking at your head you idiot."

"Wha – oh – well, but – oh, fuck."

I giggled. Ass.

I yawned, I have to admit I was getting pretty sleepy.

"Goodnight to you, you baby?" Tom said, raising an eyebrow and smirking once more. I frowned, and the other eyebrow went up too, and I just had to giggle at the scene.

"Yep, sleepy. She's giggling for nothing." Bill said quietly, dunking another pillow at me. I threw it back at him.

"Goodnight you horny assholes." Tom only threw his head back and laughed, hugging me and then walking out the door.

"Goodnight." Bill whispered, leaning in to kiss me. I held on to him, somehow loving the crazy rush I got whenever he was with me. But I might as well savor it. It was back to crazy life tomorrow. I had just got _two days_ of normality before I would begin living the crazy celeb life again. I sighed as I broke away.

"Can I stay?" he asked me, and I looked at him long and hard. I didn't know if that would be good or bad. Things were still pretty delicate. Even after all the fun and crazy jokes and perve talk – things could never always be fine. Usually someone or the other was always throwing things out of balance.

But this one time it was really serious.

He sighed, looking back at the empty hallway and then back at me. He had been standing all this while, bending down to where I sat on the bed, but now he sat down.

"He'll survive. He owes me. Even if he doesn't realize it." he smirked, and I rolled my eyes.

"Fine."

"She listens!" he whisper shouted, and I frowned.

"Hush!" I snapped back at him, but he knew I was playing.

He laughed, and just like that another crazy pointless conversation started.

That was the way we were; we teased each other, we laughed, we said _a lot _of corny things, we had the randomest conversations on the face of the earth, and when we were alone we kissed so long that I could never even breathe. I loved him. And he loved me. And we both knew it. I don't think I can ever explain these things. How amazing they made me feel. It's one of those things that you need – that one person who's just there and loves you and pulls you back down to earth when you're flying a little too high. Who says _'Hey, get your laundry done faster.' _When you're jabbering on about a petty little piece of crap.To him I was just a girl, and he was just a guy, and we loved each other. But more than so many things, we balanced each other – we were the best of friends and that's what pulled us back down when we were so high. It was all rolled into one – the guy I went to whenever I was about to break down and the guy who called me 'love' and told me that he would never let me go. It was the best thing I could ask for.

"But what's the problem with that design?" he asked me now; we'd been talking about the stage designs I had been reviewing.

"It's just so… empty. The tour this time is different and we need the space, but then we needed the little bit of roof too, cause of the surprise we planned…" he frowned, picking up two of the designs that lay before us, and I had to move my head to the side a little. We were sitting together on the floor, my back to his chest. I sipped on my coffee, looking at what he was doing now.

"What if you took up the spread on here, and then matched it up with that roof setting, and then you got graffiti done on the side – like it was on the album cover. I mean, that would work out."

I immediately brightened up. "yeah, and then the lighting could be…"

"Like that." He said, picking up the sheaf of papers I'd been eyeing on the side.

I nodded as we peered down at the idea.

"Fits."

"Mhmm… You know, you were supposed to go to sleep." He said, smiling at me.

I shrugged.

"Blah." He chuckled, shaking his head. I rested my head against his chest, comfortable, and his arm went round my waist. Everything was perfect in that moment.

Too perfect.

"Stop fretting you – " he let a sound somewhere between a snort and an impatient huff, kissing me once more before I could finish my sentence, but as much as his kisses made my heart race, I pulled away quickly.

"Bill." I practically growled at him. I had woken up at like 4 in the evening, and by five he was over at my place and wouldn't let me out of his sight. There was something wrong between him and Tom again, I knew it. Sometimes it seemed like they were behaving more like a typical couple than me and him ever could have.

He sighed, frowning.

"You have to stop. You're driving me crazy with this. This is _so not you._" And it was true. I wasn't used to it. it was making me uncomfortable.

He let go of me, staring me down, but I wasn't going to budge. Giving the upbringing that I had and the culture that was now a part of me – I wasn't ever used to much physical contact. Add to that the fact that I had never been in a relationship before and that I know this was not Bill's usual behaviour. He usually never went… well, crazy like this; he usually respects my upbringing and culture and my wishes and supports them. I guess today he was having an out of body experience, and that too one which I couldn't comprehend.

Which basically spells a lot of anger from me.

I looked back at him now, my arms crossed over my chest, hip jutting out. I couldn't understand his sudden change in behaviour. It was ridiculous.

He looked away, his eyes still hard and angry. I exhaled in a huff in the cold pre - winter air. It was the beginning of October and my first day of tour planning. I stepped away from the rail of the tiny balcony present at the end of the hallway, but just as I began to turn and walk away from him he caught my wrist lightly – still giving me a choice to leave. I sighed, turning around to face him, and he pulled me into him, hugging me tightly. It was almost as if he was scared, but I had never seen Bill behave like this when he was scared.

"Tomi's going crazy all over again." He whispered into my hair, and his voice shook, and I looked back up in his face.

"Bill…" I had no words. I knew it was all me. All over again. That was the reason Tom had gotten pissed. It seemed to me that he thought Bill and I had been spending so much time together that he had never found time to be with Bill alone.

He breathed in sharply, and his eyes glimmered with unshed tears. It was a rarity, Bill crying. He never let anyone see that he was also capable of acquiring scars like the rest of us; but that was unless he absolutely couldn't prevent it.

I ran a gentle hand across his alabaster cheek.

"Shhh, baby. It's ok…"

He shook his head, disagreeing.

"I don't know why he doesn't understand I – "

"Shhh hon, you know what his problem is…"

He shook his head again, stubborn this time, and frowned at the answer.

"Yes, and it doesn't make any sense at all. It's bullcrap… I can't let go of you, if that's what he's asking me to do! I'm already spending almost the whole day with him! Just as we discussed I would! And I love him, I love every single thing we do together, why can't he see I love you too?"

"Because he's had you for so long…. You'll have belonged to each other… he's right in his own way, I guess…"

He frowned at my answer as I continued to wipe away the black lines that kept appearing down his pale cheeks.

"That doesn't make sense. He always knew how much I value love. He always knew _everything. _It's not fair, it's not like he's the only one allowed to fall in love! So he can spend as much time with his girlfriend – and before that his groupies – and I can't even keep that one special person? If that's what he's saying, he's wrong."

I was quiet, turning over his words in my head. If that's how Tom felt, then I couldn't see what I was doing standing her in Bill's arms. Tom's reasons may be illogical, but how could I come between him and Bill? I had to make Bill pick as much as I didn't want to, or I would have to pick for him, and my pick would be to shove him back towards his twin. I wouldn't see them crumble. No matter how silly Tom's behaviour may be, at the end of the day – he was Bill's other half. I had accepted that long ago; I couldn't understand why Bill was complicating this situation further by trying to keep both of us.

BILL'S POV

She looked down again, quiet and brooding. I knew exactly what she was thinking, and I knew that this time her reasons to want to leave were logical, but I don't think I can ever be that self sacrificing. I need her, and I need Tom, and he needs to cool it, and that's all I know.

I tilted her face up, my finger under her chin.

"You're not thinking of leaving are you?" I asked her quietly, and she started for a second, her cover blown. So I was right in guessing so.

"N-No." she said her voice shaking, and I knew she was about to flood. More than me, _she_ was stressing, _she_ was feeling responsible for everything when she shouldn't have gotten _involved_ in this _goddamned stupidity_ in the first place! Under any other circumstances she would've suppressed her reaction, but somehow, when I was around, she just let go without even realizing it.

I sighed, holding her closer than I already had been, rubbing circles into the back of her hand while she continued to stare at the floor. As I watched a tear splashed silently onto the wooden flooring.

I only pulled her face back up again

"Can I ask you something?" my tone serious and a bit sad; she didn't look surprised that I saw right through her plan. Then again, after all this time, anyone involved with us both would have been able to.

She nodded, looking slightly disoriented; her eyes still glistened with tears, and they begged me to see reason, they begged me to accept that Tom was all I needed, that I should never ever have to do this. But I couldn't believe that, because that wasn't the truth. That could never be the truth since I met that dancing seventeen year old in that random MAC store two years ago. It just couldn't.

"Do you love me?"

Her eyes widened –

"I – of course I do!" she flustered now, and I caught a flash of anger in her eyes before that ancient sadness came back.

I smiled at her; that was all I needed. If I was wanted, if I was welcome – then I wasn't leaving. And neither was she. I wouldn't let her.

"Then don't leave."

Immediately the flustering stopped, and she looked at me carefully.

"This… this won't work…" she said carefully, looking sharply into my eyes. I wanted so much for those beautiful brown pools to crinkle and laugh, for her crazy laughter to bubble out, I wanted her to smile and stop hurting herself.

"Do you love me?" I asked her again. And now she definitely looked mad.

"Yes, yes, yes! What more confirmation do you need?"

"Then if you love me, and I love you… then I think Tom'll have to stop being a jackass someday." I said smirking.

The flustered expression was back, but I only smirked a little bit more.

"Just enjoy the moment, won't you? Just for once – don't blame yourself, or get affected by everyone else's problems and get stressed? Please?"

She continued to stare at me, and I could see she thought I was mad. I didn't care – as long as she wasn't thinking all logically again. We continued to look at each other – she seeming mad, and I victorious. But then finally the silence was broken as she sighed softly.

"_Fine." She said, giving up, and I smiled in relief, but she only narrowed her eyes as if to say 'you're responsible for my change of plan' and I could only throw my head back and laugh, resting my forehead against hers when I was done._

"You know you love me." I said, giggling, and she smiled softly at me, cradling my face in her soft hands.

"Yeah, I do. And we're both idiots for that."

It's been over a month, and despite Tom's stupidity I've survived. He was really beginning to piss me off. Me and Niki barely texted or called each other. I was stressing, even though she told me she couldn't talk anyways.

And yet Tom was being difficult.

This was getting crazy.

"Can't you guys just blow up your tourbus and get it over with." Geo said, plopping down next to me, and punching the arm of the sofa in frustration.

"A – that was gay. B – he doesn't want to talk about it. it's stupid and ridiculous and I want to really give him two nice, big black eyes."

Geo sighed.

"We're getting back to LA tomorrow for the last few things we had left. He's going to blow anytime… what if…?"

"If he blows up there, then I'm going to be seriously burning down that tourbus. For real." I hissed.

He only swallowed loudly.

NIKI'S POV

"_You're such a – " CRASH! "fucking prude!"_

"_I'm a – " BAM! "prude?"_

"_Yeah – "_

_CRASH! BAM!_

"Niki?" Geo said into the phone, and I sighed. No one could hide their outbursts. It was playing loud and clear – way louder and clearer than background music should.

"You know what? I'm gonna just get rid of this stress for a while and then call you back, alright? Tell Stella to give me a call once she gets to Berlin. Hopefully they'll be fine by the time we get to Germany for the next bit of the tour."

"Oh, okay…" he said, sounding concerned. "Take care."

"Thanks bro. You too."

I cut the call, moving down to the humungous basement and turning up the volume. Time to give in to the beat.

_Tempo has reached critical level. Tempo has reached critical level…_

_Let yourself loose,_ I kept telling myself, but it wasn't exactly working…

_Listen to the beat._

And that's when it worked.

_I just wanna let it go_

_Let it go_

_Let it go_

_I'm about to let it go_

_Let it go_

_Let it go_

_Let, let it go_

_Let, let it go_

_Let, let it go._

Let it go.

"_CAN YOU STOP FUCKING – " _BAM "_PUSHING IT FOR NO REASON AND GET OVER YOURSELF?_"

"_NO, NO I CAN'T, HAPPY? I CAN'T FUCKING GET OVER MY FUCKING – _"BAM " – _PRIDE! YA HAPPY WITH THAT ANSWER, HUH BILL? YOU – " _

"That's it." I whispered, getting up and walking towards the door that led to the hallway outside. I couldn't sit here anymore and hear the shouts from the other room. I couldn't bear anymore, I had to escape it. but Gusti caught my wrist, and I looked back at him.

"Where're you going?" he asked me, concern and anxiety colouring his voice.

"Somewhere where I can fucking _think_." I said, feeling myself break already.

"Okay. Just come back soon, okay?" I nodded, squeezing his hand once and nodding to everyone else in the room and walking out.

I needed to think.

I walked briskly through the passageway, heading straight for the lift and getting in and pressing the 'close' button multiple times to make sure I was alone. I was getting sick of this. Thankfully I'd worn my extra large hoodie. No one would be able to see my face, and no one could know it was me since I was getting out the back exit.

I stepped out, thankful that the lift wasn't facing the vast entrance to the front of the Ritz, Berlin. I was sick of everything right now; sick of the paparazzi, sick of the crazy bickering _that was all my fault_, sick of even THE FANS. I couldn't tolerate anything. At this point I just needed the winter air, my hands in my pockets and my head bent low as I walked nice and quick along the streets mindlessly. I wouldn't mind a beer to go with that, but i didn't really favor that type of alcohol.

I stepped out the back exit, making sure to keep my head bent low even in the hotel. No one noticed me pass by; not in the hotel, not outside. I took a right, landing up on a nice, crowded street. The lights lit up everything. So I was safe.

I begun to walk, not caring where I went, but only avoiding the deserted alleys and all those people that I might bash into. I had to avoid any kind of interaction – good or bad.

I wanted to tell them just how stupid they were being, how crazy everything sounded, how I could just fucking _leave _and then they could be okay again, they could be like they were – they belonged to each other and no one else.

But I guess even _Tom _thought different now.

I remember yesterday's conversation word to word –

_I was sitting there, putting everything back in proper. I never liked anything out of my suitcase when on tour. Everything had to be packed at ALL times._

_Knock, knock._

"_Yeah, come in its open!" I yelled. _

"_Um… hey." I looked up to see Tom smiling nervously at me. I smiled back at him, slightly puzzled at why he was so fidgety. _

"_Dude, what's wrong with you? I'm not gonna eat you up, now. So anyway, what's up?"_

_He looked at me long and hard before he started – _

"_I know I'm not on my best behaviour nowadays, and I can't believe you're taking all my shit…" I sighed, this was going nowhere._

"_Tom, you're like my BROTHER. I can't get mad at you…"_

_He just kept on looking at me with the same guilty expression. The silence stretched down, and soon I started fidgeting too._

"_I didn't want this to happen like this." He blurted out suddenly. I looked up at him, starting. That was unexpected._

_I hadn't even ever blamed him._

"_Tom… I never – "_

"_Why don't you hate me?" he cried out. I blinked, taken back with his reaction._

"_Why would I hate you?"_

"_Because – because – "_

"_Tom, this is ridiculous." I said quickly, not wanting to torture him anymore. "Just stop thinking this way. I've got nothing – absolutely nothing – against you. At all. Ever."_

"_Then why do you want to leave." he whispered. I looked up at his face, my cover blown. How'd he known?_

"_Bill told me – but he didn't ask me to come do this!" he added the last bit as he watched my expression change from shock to anger. I pursed my lips, not knowing what to say. I couldn't give him the answer, because I knew he would give me the same lecture his brother had._

"_Look… no matter what I say… please don't leave?" _

_Huh?_

_How is that supposed to make sense?_

_Wasn't he pissed because of Bill and me being together?_

"_Please…" he begged. I looked away from his face._

_After a while he walked out._

"_No promises…" I whispered to myself._

And I hadn't made any promises. We'd behaved like we'd never had that conversation at all.

"No promises." I whispered again, but then altered the statement as I called a cab, mentally making my final decision, the one which I would carry out like it was my motto for life.

"No promises except those last four."

_C – lick. C – lick. C – lick._

The seconds ticked by, and the shouting had been long over. I hadn't slept, and I still couldn't. I wouldn't. I would save sleeping for later, for a time when I wanted to bar the tears from breaking the delcately placed dam. This was the last time I'd be doing this; I had promised myself that. This would be the last of anything. From here, there was no turning back. There would be no undoing this last act. It was final.

_Silence._

It was killing me, and yet numbing every bit of me, reachable or not. In this night I was braindead, void of any thoughts, any emotions. I just let one face linger in my mind's eye; I had only this night to hold any traces of him. From tomorrow, they would all be gone. Nothing would be the same, _I_ wouldn't be the same.

Where does love go when you let go of it? There is no answer to that question, especially when you let go to liberate love, to give it more value. Most people would think I was degrading my love – and his, even – but when you're braindead and you lift yourself out of the situation – you actually come to find that your impulsive decisions could be right, that turning away from them was the mistake. the biggest mistake of all, in fact.

All these thoughts didn't dare mix with my emotions in this eleventh hour. Even they knew that emotions would drain me in that one moment, and they had said their goodbies, made those goodbies cold to make the break easier. This was it.

This was it, just like I had thought it would be; all my life.

_Knock, knock._

"Time to get ready, we got the interview in two hours!"

How out of place those words sounded at this time, how much they seemed otherworldly. Up til now I had been alienated from society, and I thought that I had reached the epitome of such a lifestyle, but that was up till now – now, when this smple stimulant triggered an epiphany and made me realize I could never have anything normal, not even normal in it's unique nature. No, it couldn't be, for I was an alien. I had always been, how did I forget that.

I guess love does blind you – it blinds you from the truth of your existence, because you forget about your singular existence, you only remember your complete sould – completed by that other special person.

I could never be complete.

"I'm coming!"

My voice sounded strange to me, strange even though it sounded no different than any other day.

Yes, I was coming; coming to the finish line, I had finally found it's white marker against the blinding yellow of life. You see, blinding yellow tricks you to believe it's white, but it can't be. It just couldn't. these thoughts were like revelations, despite the fact that I had penned them down on paper so many times I'd lost count.

When you're umb, the day passes, and it passes quickly. And yet to everyone around you, everything is slow motion, everything is out of place – too perfect, as they say. Just too damned perfect.

The sun rose, and set – the day was a split second to me, a split second in which my shell was alive, but I wasn't I could never be. Few saw through me, but the rest of the world would never be able to. That was life. That was how I always was. I lived this way, and yet I didn't. it was an odd statement to make, but it contained undeniable truth.

"What's wrong?" a whisper, and I jumped. Those warm hands settled around my waist, overlapping, and that beautiful face came to rest next to my own.

I couldn't stay. I couldn't say. I couldn't do a thing.

"What's wrong, love?"

Not a word could escape me. Nothing. Suddenly, I knew what slow motion was, everything was to fast, and too slow at the same time. I took everything in, but I didn't.

"N-Niki?"

I started, looking sideways and into his beautiful face, that face that now looked so confused. I felt blank, even though the words were ready to escape my lips. This would be like erasing my memory, like a new life, like cutting off the seams off my soul, and reattaching him to the right one.

"Don't get mad at me okay?" I said softly to him, and he looked even more confused, but nodded. I hoped his heart would easily accept my words, as easily as his cover did.

"You have to let me go…" I said, disentangling myself from his frozen, shocked arms, "…and go to him, okay? Please? Bill, he's your twin brother. If he's making you pick – whether he realizes that or not – then you need to go to him. You need to pick him, so that you can have your world back, see?" he only looked at me, and I knew that expression – numb, hurt, shocked, angry, all wrapped in one. I had felt it all this time – ever since last night.

I would feel it for the rest of my life.

Heartburn. That's what it was.

"He's the one who's stuck by you through everything. What's the complication?"

And then he thawed.

"I'm not leaving what I have here and just walking out on it, if that's what you're asking me to do. How…" he looked like he was at a loss of things to say. My heart broke with the pain, even though it was broken it anyway. I had crushed it further, and the glimmering bloody powder that it had become was proof that I would never be fixed. The many times I had decided to give him up, and yet it hurt even more with every time I did try. I should have left all that time ago when this whole fight started, when he didn't know exactly how much I loved him…

"No." he said sharply. I wonder how he did that when his voice shook so. Every detail was etched in my head, in my heart.

In my soul.

My eyes began to plead with him, and so he looked away.

"Nein…" he whispered softly, and before I knew it he reached out and wrapped his arms around me once more. I squeezed the pale, long hand that held mine between the little place between us. One last time, one last time, let my broken bleeding heart beat fast and slow at the same time. Fast and slow – and towards it's own death.

"Yes?" I asked him softly, trying to make him understand, and that too before the breakdown came around and I began to cry my eyes out.

"I love you…" he said, sounding incredulous, as if he was shocked that I would suggest that he leave. but then I knew I would tip over the edge of the knife – the wrong edge – if I heard those words once more. he continued to stare defiantly into my eyes, as if expecting me to contradict his statement. But overnight I had learnt that contradiction wasn't an ally, but an enemy. It would not help now.

I caressed his face, one last time. Let my heart run wild one last time.

"I promise you you'll find someone so much more amazing than I ever can be. She'll have the most beautiful soul you'd have ever had the chance to look at; I promise that too. I promise you, she'll be all yours. I promise you she won't ever come between you and Tom, or you or anyone else for that matter. Ever. Then how can you love me?" I asked him softly, and I already knew the tears were streaming down my face, because my voice was thick and strained. Why did I cry when I had promised myself I would never? I couldn't ever know. But I did know that was the last time I'd let anyone know I did cry, that I felt. This was the last time for so many things.

These were the last promises.

He shook his head, clutching me closer even though I was fighting to loosen his grip.

"Whoever she is, she can't be all those things. _You're _all those things. Please, no. Tom'll understand. One day, won't he? He'll get it…"

The mindless whispering continued, and I knew I'd be able to disentangle myself now. Mind and heart – they met like two gigantic waves clashing together, trying to tell me to stop, but I was numb. Everything was numb.

I shook my head, holding his face carefully by the chin, managing to undo his hold on me with my other hand. But he'd always hold my broken heart, even I couldn't control that…

He looked up at me, begging, pleading that I listen. His eyes glistened, and I had to look away; but only for a moment – words are only believable when said looking straight in the eye.

"Tom loves you more than anyone else ever could. You belong with your soul mate, remember? You'll find someone else. Maybe you won't even need anyone else… maybe when you go back to Tom… maybe then you'll understand he's all that you need."

"_I_ _need you both_! I can't pick, because I can't live without both missing pieces of me!"

"Tom's your other half… I never was…."

"That's NOT TRUE!" his voice was strangled now.

"Shhh Bill! You'll find her then. One day. You will, I know it."

"But I already did!"

I shook my head, a wistful smile on my face. It felt so odd there, a smile. It felt absurd.

"IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT TOM WANTS GOD DAMNIT!"

He lifted my face up successfully this time, and I let him. i had to make him understand that I couldn't anymore, I had permanently 'morphined' myself. I wouldn't ever feel; never like this. I couldn't.

"I love you." He said, kissing me softly, but I didn't respond, and when he pulled away and looked expectantly into my eyes, waiting for my 'I love you too' I forced myself to look away, to bite the inside of my cheek so that I wouldn't say what he wanted to hear.

"I love you…" he whispered again when I looked back into his eyes. He knew my answer, so why did he want to hear it? why did he want to hurt more, before he realized he'd love someone else so much more than he could me; ever? Why did he want to win me over and break his own heart and his brother's? Wasn't just one heart breaking better than all three?

"Say something!" he wailed, and I leaned forward, every bit of me trembling with the finality of what I was about to do next.

"Hate me, please."

His eyes widened, and I slipped out of his grip on my wrist. He shook his head, slow at first, and then so violent he was a blur. His alabaster cheeks stained black, and his beautiful brown eyes broken – he was still the most beautiful human being I had the chance to see. The most beautiful soul I had had the chance to call my own.

And now it was over.

He reached forward, turning me around as I grabbed for my bags. We had to leave now, we had to leave – and I had to leave forever.

I didn't struggle this time; I didn't fight as he rested his forehead against mine.

"I can't, I – "

"Don't say it. Please don't say it."

"But – "

"Shhh. Remember, okay? Hate me. For Tom. Please. Or for yourself. Or for her, 'cause you haven't found her yet. Take your pick… but please…"

He watched, and I leaned in, careful, and kissed him one last time. My eyes were open, and I watched his close. I let go, and he tried to hold on.

"Hate me."


	25. Chapter 25

BILL'S POV

Just like that, I let the love of my life walk out the door. Just like that, because I was so numb, my heart so broken, my mind so boggled that my body didn't know how to produce any other reaction.

"_I promise you you'll find someone so much more amazing than I ever can be. She'll have the most beautiful soul you'd have ever had the chance to look at; I promise that too. I promise you, she'll be all yours. I promise you she won't ever come between you and Tom, or you or anyone else for that matter. Ever. Then how can you love me?"_

I will always love you.

"_I promise you she won't ever come between you and Tom, or you or anyone else for that matter. Ever."_

You've never come between me and Tom.

We need you.

I feel to the floor, sitting for God knows how long, until the girls walked in, and I stood myself up – plastering a smile over my face and hugging all of them goodbye. She was already gone. gone forever…

_Hate me…_

I could never hate you.

"I will always love you, I will always love you, I…"

The words spilled outta my mouth as I rocked myself in one corner of my room. My heart was broken, and she hadn't even left any pieces of me with me. There were only pieces of her, pieces of us. The pieces I cherished so much, but even they had become broken, jagged, tarnished memories. They had become vague with the numbing impact.

Tom walked in, but halted as he caught sight of me.

"What - ?"

"She left…" I whispered, but I heard only my hollow, emotionless voice. I was a void. _She _was a void.

Everything was a void.

He dropped to his knees in front of me.

"No…"

"Yes…"

_Hate me…_

_Hate me…_

_Hate me…_

I love you.

"No…"

"She couldn't leave she – "

And then it hit me, like a bomb.

"Why Tom? Why?"

_Hate me…_

_Hate – _

"You were jealous weren't you."

I looked away, out into the night. I watched the stretch limo pass underneath. Nothing registered anymore; no feeling, no emotion, there was no stimulant anymore.

"Sorry."

_Hate me…_

_Hate me…_

"Too little too late."

_Hate me…_

_Hate –_

"I can't hate her…"

Silence.

"I can't hate her… Tom, why'd you make me pick? _Why'd you make her pick?_"

_Hate me…_

She was gone.


	26. Chapter 26

"_What are your views on these articles? Is this a publicity stunt?"_

"_My views are that if the media and tabloids hadn't intervened this wouldn't have looked like a publicity stunt. What went down 6 months ago is not your concern, and no other reporter's concern either. Respect his privacy, and respect mine too. No more questions."_

"_Is this a publicity stunt? Are you still in love with the TMOD lead singer? Will the fans ever get an answer?"_

"_If this was a publicity stunt we would be back together in a week's time. I think the fans already have an answer – it's just the media trying desperately to create a story. It's useless, and I think they need to drop it."_

"_Are you currently dating Taylor Lautner?"_

"_He's a great guy to hang with, but no. I don't want to focus on anything but my music for now."_

"_What about the time when you left the VMA afterparty with that blonde there?"_

"_That is my hair stylist. She's a 30-something with kids and a really amazing husband. So, yeah – no."_

"_Do you miss Bill? Does he miss you? Are you guys still in touch?"_

"_No, we aren't in touch, and I don't think you'll spot us together in anyway anytime soon, or at all. The times I had with him and the rest of the guys were one of the best times of my life, I do not deny it. But it's not coming back. I'm sorry to disappoint those looking for a more 'fun filled' answer."_

"_She was my best friend. Those memories will remain, and I will cherish them always."_

**Time passes, and although it does nothing but numb us, we pretend that it heals, that it cures.**

**We pretend to breath.**

NIKI'S POV

"CAN YOU GUYS UP THE STRINGS ON THAT END?"

The sun was killing me, and so were the workers. This was getting out of control.

But my life had been an out of control mess for 3 years now, so I guess I've gotten used to it.

Let me feed you in – it's been three years since I left him.

Three years, and Tom's completely alright now.

In fact, he and my twin sister are getting married.

Georg's already married to Stella for the past two years, so yeah.

"How's it going sis?"

Speak of the devil.

"I'm gonna kill you. These dudes don't know no shit!" True, I was almost completely numb still inside, but I had learned to live – in the day for my twin sister and in my dreams for him. He was always there, just a memory, making me laugh at the silliest of jokes and flashbacks.

I still loved him.

Presently, Tom laughed.

"Shut the fuck up and lend me a hand here!"

He laughed some more, "Sorry sis. Gotta go check out that tux you fixed me up with."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Yeah, you're lucky I convinced everyone with the 'dark grey looks way more awesome than black'. AND that I designed that whole thing. I think you owe me big time."

He smirked, "Father actually fell for the whole 'the groom shouldn't look like he is mourning in black' thing."

I smirked back, but how could I mean it. Let's just say my acting skills had become amazing. Being emotionless on the inside does that to you.

"Yep."

"Well, if you want I could get someone to help you. Maybe Bill – "

My heart froze, my legs felt shaky, and I felt like I was getting a heat stroke. My head hammered against my skull, and the surge of emotions was overwhelming.

"No."

"_Hate me…"_

My fatal last words.

Tom looked at me carefully, the pain so evident in his eyes. He had apologized so many times, so many puzzling times. And each time I had told him not to be a dumbass. I had made the choice, not him; and it had helped the both of them. I would watch their TH TV Episodes just to make sure of that. I knew after a point they had stopped pretending to be all fake happy, hyper and begun to be themselves again. They had caved in to each other again. It made me crack open just a little bit because at least I had the satisfaction of knowing that I hadn't broken all three hearts, that I had been able to mend two of them.

I looked away now, concentrating on the workers that were fixing up the wooden board. But I wasn't looking; I couldn't be looking when that beautiful face moved into the forefront in my head.

"He can – "

"He's taking care of the stuff you wanted up on the beach." I said quietly, looking down and fidgeting with my nails. He turned me around to face him again, bending low to look up into my face, but I turned away, looking sideways. He picked up my face, making me look at him. the action was so much like Bill's had always been, those memories was so vividly burned in my head that I winced.

_Don't be like your brother Tom. It hurts…_

It hurts, because he was so goddamned vulnerable, and understanding, and –

"This is getting stupid."

"I'm not starting another fiasco all over again." I said, teeth gritted, eyes hard. He sighed.

"Whether you accept my apology or not, I am sorry, I – " he sighed once more, looking away, "I can't watch you just kill yourself every single time. Just for us. I can't."

"But I can watch me do this, and I am doing it. Quite frankly, I've not been as happy in three years as I am now – you're happy, Pie's happy, he has you, and that brunette he keeps hanging with. So maybe he found her – the love of his life. When he realizes that, he won't even recall that these past five years ever existed. He won't remember the girl in the MAC store. He won't remember anything about her. So don't worry, he'll be fine."

"He can't – "

"He never loved me that way. No one can; because I only cause them pain. I don't wanna talk about this anymore. I don't want you trying to get me back so that I can ruin his life again anymore."

"I'm not talking about him."

"You should be. I'm not your concern."

"You're my sister, obviously you are my – "

"Would you rush to your sister or to your twin?" I asked him, looking sharply into his eyes. He looked away, not bothering to answer. But I already knew, hence the question.

"That's what I thought."

"I – "

I stopped him, looking him carefully in the eyes and keeping my voice low.

"I told him to hate me, and he's doing a fantastical job. Just… just please don't ruin how much ever I've collected of myself over the past three years… Please?" I begged him as I uttered that last statement. After so long, I spoke the truth about how I felt –

Devastated, I had created a person who was exactly like the real me, only a me without any weaknesses, without any place at all for tears. And when I was able to play my part well enough, I had begun picking up the pieces of my real self wherever I found them. I hid them so deep, they wouldn't even surface anymore like they had done in the beginning.

He looked at me, his eyes sad, and his expression heartbroken.

"It doesn't make me happy. It can never make me happy that I hurt you so much and that I had to have you make decisions you should never have made. I hate myself for that."

I flinched, I didn't want him to hate himself. I didn't want anyone to do that.

Anyone but me.

"Don't, please. For him, for pie…" he looked at me carefully. The silence and the heat stretched on. After so long I heard the waves breaking along the shore.

"For you."

BILL'S POV

In the last three years, I had sort of well…

Not lived.

On the inside, there was nothingness, there was a void. In the beginning, I did nothing about it. But then, as time went on, and as I began to forgive Tom, I started restarting my system.

In day, I lived for Tom, and at night she would visit me in my dreams.

I dreamt even more than before, maybe thrice a night. And I found that the days I was hurting, I dreamt even more. But no matter how much I did dream, those words would always echo in my ears before I woke up, and I would wake up with my heart beating hard and a fresh sweat over my forehead.

That had been everyday in my life since I picked up my shattered heart.

"BILL!" a voice called from the other side of the room. I had finished arranging the model bunch of flowers, so I turned, sighing. Lisa looked back at me, beckoning me to join her. Lisa, who had been a friend since last winter, had been labeled my 'mystery girl' by the paparazzi. Even after denying it numerable times in press conferences, the media didn't want it. But the fans accepted my statement, so I didn't complain.

I walked over to where she stood, my hands on my hips. She turned away from her ginormous bag, in which she was putting all that baby stuff back. She looked up at me absent mindedly.

"Wha – oh, yeah. We need to get me back to the cottages." My eyebrows rose bit. "Erica needs to sleep. And I'm supposed to nap when she does, so…"

"Ah…" now I understood. I swear I didn't understand baby-mama-drama at all.

You see, where everyone thought me and Lisa were together, that could never happen. She was a single mom of 28, and she could never love anyone else but Erica's father; he died in a plane crash just days after their daughter was born. I had known Kurt for a long time, and it had only added to the emptiness I had felt, but with me helping Lis, and her helping me – we got over a lot of things – we learnt to pretend that not breathing was normal. This had just been a month or two ago.

We headed over to the cottages.

Turns out this wasn't good for me at all.

TAYLOR'S POV

It was getting pretty late into the afternoon, and the sun was scorching. I hadn't minded till I was in the water, but now that I'd decided to get out – I felt sick. I headed up to the cottages, all huddled together. You see, this place was on the civilized side of the Andaman and Nicobar islands. It was plain beautiful – with the cottages huddled together, opening up to a huge circular meeting are kind of thing that was tiled with old stones. The occasional roses bloomed through the cracks, and vines grew all over the outer walls. I headed up to my cottage, inserting the key and getting in; Gustav sat at the verandah, iPod blasting in his ears as usual. I smiled at him. The dude was a real nice guy, and turns out I was stupid to think that these dudes hated me. The more I got to know them, the more I loved to hang.

Well, that's with the exception of Tom's younger bro Bill.

I had no idea what he had against me; all I knew was that he didn't want me around at all. Tom said Bill could be a drama queen in the beginning – only without the gayness – and that he'd come around. But the guy never had.

I stepped in, took a shower, and got out, waving to Gus as I went. He waved back. Walking around this place, I decided I'd just spend a little time helping someone if required, but halfway through my second round of the place I sighed, giving up. No one there.

Looks like today was the day off.

I walked up, a little further away from the cottages. There was a larger construction here; a 'games room', and then another large lounge kind of place on top on the second and final floor. It didn't have much of chairs and sofas, only mats and pillows and stuff. We had turned it more into an extra large 'sleepover room' more than anything else. Everyone – and I meant EVERYONE – was up here last night, and I'd guess they would be up here tonight too, just laughing and having a good time. This wedding was more easy going and fun than most that I'd been to; not as uptight. I walked into the games room area, wondering whether I'd find anyone here – no one.

And that's when I heard it.

The music seem to slam against the ceiling, and I knew in an instant that someone – or some people – were sitting upstairs. I climbed up, eager for some company.

But what I found was, well… just one girl.

The room lay in darkness, the blinds pulled down, hiding her face, her identity. She moved ever so gracefully, twirling, and then landing with her legs crossed just the right way; even in the crazy jam of the heavy electric guitars, she'd found grace. As I watched, the music shifted. She came to a stop, and then begun again, this time diving into a salsa. I had to say, I couldn't really remember seeing anyone dance like she did. And each move, each improv had me paying rapt attention. I didn't realize when the day was over, when the sun set and the sky turned mauve.

I didn't even realize when the lights came on.

"Uh – Taylor?"

My eyes zeroed in on the face. I wouldn't have believed it.

"Niki?"

NIKI'S POV

"So – where did you learn to dance like that?" we were walking back towards the cottages. The boy had shocked me, honestly. I never even dreamt of anyone coming up those stairs in the middle of the afternoon. I had been in there for God knows how long.

"Umm… let's see… well, I did Indian classical since age 5 through age fifteen. And then I did jazz. Before that, during the classical phase I did do a level of Salsa. Later on I completed that too. After all that, hip hop pretty much comes easily to you."

"Wow…" I sighed internally; I really didn't have time for all of this. I didn't have time for anyone. I mean, the guy was a good friend; I guess he kinda stopped trying to get me interested in him after well… you know. But I still had the weirdest feeling that he hadn't given up.

"So – what were you doing up there anyway?"

"I – um… well things got pretty boring down." He said, smiling sheepishly. I smiled back. I bet it looked dazzling, I had become a master of my emotions. Pretending was as easy as breathing had been.

If you're wondering what Taylor's doing here – Tom apparently LIKES hanging out with the boy. So he's here. And he's Zoe's good friend by now too. Way to go.

We got down to the beach, doing nothing at all. I guess it got boring for him, cause I was in no mood to talk up a storm.

"So how's the wedding preparation going?"

How typical – make small talk.

"Good, I guess. Although I think I'm gonna start getting a sun burn pretty soon."

He chuckled softly, and I didn't understand why. I didn't like the way it sounded.

It sounded a lot like…

"So… are you and Bill, well…"

I froze at the name, my heart thudding louder than ever. It never showed, but no matter how hard I tried – that memory wouldn't leave me alone. His hurt and heartbroken face would leap into my mind the minute I heard his name, and it would hurt me with a searing white hot pain unlike any other. It never failed to kill parts of my heart with every single blow.

"Taylor, I'd rather not talk about it."

"Oh, okay… it's just… I really did wonder… why'd you do it… if you don't mind me asking."

I sighed, the boy actually did care. I wasn't going to spill my everything to him, but I guess he could know some of it at the least.

"A lot of things…came in the way. If… if I hadn't stepped away then, then maybe everything would be worse now. Sometimes you have to choose between two kinds of happiness – one that's been around since the very beginning, or one that you just recently found. He had to pick – he didn't want to. I tried to make him understand, but… he didn't listen. I guess I had t make the decision for everyone then. I had no choice."

"So you gave him up?" his teeth were clenched when he said it, his voice quiet. I couldn't believe him. Why did he care so much anyway?

"Yeah. But I wouldn't put it that way. There is no way to put it, really. It had to happen sooner or later. Believe me, it was later."

He looked at me carefully, and it hurt.

He had the same look Bill had had.

That first night

He was considering me.

"Why do it to yourself? Why hurt yourself for someone else?"

"Because sometimes giving things up brings about most happiness. Maybe not for me, but at least for them. And hey, I'm not exactly bawling my brains out here!" I said, saying the last bit jokingly as I waved my hands around. He rolled his eyes in mock irritations, but the concerned look hadn't left those black eyes completely. I didn't like it there, I didn't want pity, or concern, or anything at all.

I didn't want him to feel for me anymore than he did.

Because that would only ruin him further.

That would only kill me again.

I couldn't love anyone else anyway.

"You knew this would happen." He said, I started, looking carefully into his face.

No one had ever known that.

"Yes." I whispered, looking straight ahead. Suddenly the black waves rolling off the rocks at night seemed more interesting.

Just like they had when I first spoke openly with the love of my life.

Just like when he'd had me blushing.

Only this time around I wanted to avoid the sweet and caring man next to me. He deserved better.

"You shouldn't have to suffer…"

"I'm not – "

But I had no time to complete my sentence.

It felt wrong, and it felt bad.

It felt nothing like it did with the man I'd called my best friend.

The kiss wasn't soft, like before.

It wasn't warm, like before.

It wasn't his kiss.

I pulled away, finally managing to extricate myself.

"Stop. No – this can't – _oh_."

He looked unsure – whether he'd done something wrong, or if he'd surprised me.

Unfortunately he'd done both.

"N – Niki?"

"Just – look I've gotta go back inside."

"Wait – "

But I wasn't listening anymore

"_To me you'll be forever sacred. I'm dying but I know our love will live…"_

"_You're the best, you know that?"_

_I'd love him forever…_

"_I love you, you idiot."_

"_Nothing's wrong with you baby. I won't let it be…"_

_-"You remember the time I first saw you?" –"Yeah, and you kept staring at my hands. That was weird."_

_-"Someone's happy." –"Shut up."_

"_As long as you love me, I'm fine."_

"_You can't leave!" _

"_Hate me…"_

"_Hate me…"_

"_Hate – "_

Why?

"Niki?" and for a second I thought it was him, for a second I thought it was those familiar dull gold pools staring right into mine, with arms wide open, ready to take me back and to forgive me for everything I'd ever done and said to him, but as I rubbed my eyes and forced the tears out, I saw another similar face there. A face I didn't want to see, because the heart that went with that face would hurt at the sight of my tears.

I hadn't cried in two out of those three years.

"Why in fuck's name are you'll identical twins?"

"Wait – what? Niki, wait up! Please don't – "

"Don't create a scene at your wedding. Just get the both of you inside one of them cottages." The words slipped out sounding razor sharp out of my mouth. Tom looked hurt.

_Do I hurt everyone I love?_

"I'm sorry…" but it was a whisper in vain; I didn't even have the stamina to face him and say it to his face. I didn't know how severe the damage would be if he were to get mad. I didn't know how many times I could break and pretend to fix myself again. I walked into the lone cottage, being the only person living in it.

I didn't know when I slammed the door shut, or shut the curtains. I didn't know when the water started running.

I didn't know when I slid to the bathroom floor and let the running water camouflage my tears.

I didn't know a thing.

BILL'S POV

I watched her run, I watched her cry.

It was like that last night all over again.

My heart broke all over again.

"Why in fuck's name are you'll identical twins?"

I froze.

""Wait – what? Niki, wait up! Please don't – "

"Don't create a scene at your wedding. Just get the both of you inside one of them cottages."

Her words cut through him like ice.

I lurched forward.

She slammed the door shut.

"What in the name of God was all that about?"

I turned to face the woman next to me.

"Lisa, I think you should just… go take that nap, okay? I'll be checking in on you in two, I promise. Okay?"

She looked at me, warmth radiating from her, and smiled the slightest bit – her eyes were sad. "You don't need to promise me anything."

So she knew I wouldn't be talking to anyone tonight.

"Bill – "

"Just get back in. Sh – she's right. You don't want to create a scene. For your own good." I couldn't even bring her up in conversation.

My brother looked at me carefully.

She still worked for everyone's good.

"What are you gonna do?" he asked me, his eyes taking in my form sharply.

I looked right back at him.

"I'm going to clear my head."

He continued to consider me for the next two minutes. I didn't waver. I wouldn't.

I couldn't.

He sighed, walking away. Whoever else's silhouette I had seen before, they were gone too.

But now that everyone was gone, I was rooted to the spot.

I was about to break everything I had accomplished over the past three years.

Every layer, every barricade, every ounce of theatric talent.

But I knew that one day I would come face to face with the truth.

The truth about how she felt.

This is why she wanted me to hate her.

"_Hate me, please…"_

I did hate me.

My whole body felt unused, like I had never walked before, like I had never felt before. Emotions and thoughts, they mingled, crashed and then moved away in a continuous cycle.

I couldn't stay numb anymore.

The door stared me down, and I sunk to the ground, sunk down and onto the steps, letting my head rest sideways against the wood, caressing the water that trickled through from the inside. I brought my fingers up to my face.

Her scent lingered in it.

I gasped, as though a damn broke on the inside, as if the pain was spilling into my every organ, and like many would say is the best solution – I clenched my teeth and embraced the pain.

I embraced it, till I could hear every sound that enveloped the air in its emotions.

Till I could hear her crying.

I sighed a broken sigh – a broken sigh that was accompanied by a broken sob – a sob so quiet one would think I had forgotten how to breathe.

I _had_ forgotten how to breathe.

_Nothing'll ever be wrong with you baby. 'Cause I'm fixing it starting today._


	27. Chapter 27

BILL'S POV

"Why? Why me? I mean, COME ON! Simone! Please?"

I could still here the whining from the other side of the huge room, but I ignored it, concentrating on my feet.

It's not every day that the girl – no, woman now – you love leaves you, tells you that you should hate her, just so that you and your twin brother can be happy, and then continues to make an effort to stay out of your life as much as possible.

It's not every day that she cries for you while you're crying for her after three years of being apart.

So, yeah, concentrate on the wooden flooring.

"You dance well enough. And, well, he doesn't have to dance much anyway! Moving from side to side while dancing with a partner does the trick!"

"Yes, but unfortunately he has to have his first dance with the Maid of Honor, which is you. If you both don't match up, well let's just say I don't like it! For me, honey please?" I could hear my own mother plead with the love of my life as if _she _was the daughter.

"But – "

"Now I don't know what went down between the two of you three years ago," she spoke loud and clear this time, no muttering; I looked up, "because the both of you refuse to tell me." She looked at me sharply, and then at her. "But for just this once – I'm sorry to say you _will _be getting over yourselves and _get this done._" I shuddered. Mum could get her way is she wanted to, and scare the shit outta me at the same time.

Like I said – not numb anymore.

Not after last night.

I sucked in a ragged breath.

Last night…

"Bill!"

"Wha – oh, yeah…" I glanced up from the floor for what I'd thought would be just one second.

But when had I ever been able to look away from those hypnotizing brown pools.

It was like I hadn't seen her clearly at all.

She looked even better as the years went by, beautiful beyond comparison; it seemed her grace had transformed into something supernatural – like so many strangers had said so many times – she was magical.

"Hello - ?"

I shook my head, and as my vision stopped blurring around the edges, I saw the irritation and nonchalance painted all over her face.

Fake.

_Don't you see? I could never hate you!_

_I love you…_

"PAY ATTENTION BOY!" she practically cried out the words as she threw her arms up in frustration, and if I could, I would've smiled.

"Okay, just for today – and for Simone (and if you agree) – let's just be… courteous? Friendly, because I can't teach how to dance by saying 'Please', and 'if you will' and all that jazz. I know I'm the last person you want to see here, and I'm incredibly sorry for that. Just… let's get on with this. We need to get on with that problem with your tux too. Apparently Audrey needs my help." Her tone went from nonchalant to a sneer, from where it turned serious, and became sarcastic at the very end. I'd asked Audrey to call in on Niki – hinted was more like it. But it had worked anyway. I wanted to pull her into me and tell her that I needed her back right that moment. In fact, I wanted to _show_ her that.

But no time for my heart right now.

"Okay." I replied, nodding, and then stood up.

She stood at the centre of the room, hoping that I'd do the same, and I did.

"Okay, now here's how you begin…"

"Eh, you're doing it wrong again."

"UGH, why does mum want me to learn this anyway?"

"Believe me, if I had known the answer, I would've found an excuse to say no." she muttered, but unfortunately I heard it.

It made me want to pull her back to me even more.

I'd been trying to get this right for the past two hours and I was doing well.

Well, up until now.

"Okay, you know what? We do it one more time, just to help you remember. Jesus…" she muttered, and hit 'play' once again.

I don't think anyone in this world has the slightest idea how it feels to hold the love of your life in your arms and waltz around and not be able to look into her eyes. Not even for a second. To hold her hand, and know she'd do anything to slip her fingers away from yours. To be able to calm yourself with that sweet scent, and know it's only here for the moment.

Well, that feeling?

Yeah, it sucks.

Even when there were moments where I swear I wanted to punish myself for just letting her go…even more than usual.

"Hey, you guys need to – "

I looked up to find my brother at the door, eyebrows raised, and taking in the whole thing.

Her hands dropped immediately.

" – get to Audrey."

My face turned red, I didn't even bother answering Tom's questions in anyway.

This situation was getting aggravatingly absurd with each passing second.

"Fine then, I'll be there in two." She didn't even look up to meet my eye, and then she was out the door.

Not like she had been meeting my eye for the past two hours.

"What in the Holy Mother's name was that?"

"I never thought you went all Christian over swearing. 'Fuck' does the trick you know."

"Stop changing the topic."

I looked up at him, and his eyebrows went up again.

"Dear, darling mum got us into this. Apparently I'm supposed to know how to dance. I don't bother anymore. I thought this was YOUR wedding."

His expression turned from 'I'm holding my laughter back just for you' to 'what the fuck?' in just a second.

"I THOUGHT SO TOO! AH, MO – OM!"

I snickered.

"Yeah, uh huh. So anyways, I'm gonna go get that stupid thing fixed." I said, making for the door.

"Wait, you snickered."

"Err – "

"Bill!"

I rolled my eyes. Please let him not ask me now.

"Tom!"

"Oh, yeah nice one huh." He said sarcastically. "Seriously what's – "

I didn't want to answer the questions right now.

"Later Tom. Audrey's waiting."

He rolled his eyes as I walked out the door.

I took off my shoes as I tripped my way down the stairs. I wanted to feel the sand under my feet.

For the first time in three years I wanted to feel.

I walked slowly up to Audrey's cottage. Dunja had surprised us by rooming with her. Apparently they had hit it off on an amazing note.

My knuckles rapped against the door. I looked around the place, smiling at relatives and friends who passed me by. Even though I had been 'smiling', this time round it felt weird on my face.

This time round whenever I smiled her face hit my mind's eye and knocked my concentration over in less than a second.

The door opened, and the red head smirked at me. Emily – her tiny angel of a sister peeked from behind her legs.

"Tonight's gonna be fun."

NIKI'S POV

I think I'd seen enough of him for a day. I think I'd seen enough EVERYONE for a day. If I had my way, I would just collapse on the bed and cry – because each and every memory I'd ever had of us together seemed to flood me whenever I saw him, let alone made any kind of contact with him.

I was beyond messed up.

I walked slowly up to my little home away from home, turning the key in the hole and opening the door, my eyes on the floor – the only way to prevent the tears from falling.

But what I saw when I looked up and flicked the lights on surprised me beyond imagination.

"Hiya darlin'. Miss me?" the boy perched on my bed looked up from his nails – which I was positive he'd been examining for the past half hour in pitch darkness.

"A – Adam?"

"Lambert, honey; _Lambert_."

ADAM'S POV

"What in _fuck's name _are you – "

"Doing in your bedroom? Pie thought it would be cool to surprise you." I got up and off the bed. She looked a complete mess, the poor thing. Ever since I'd known her it had been evident how much she missed her ex. Under all the smiles, the jokes, the laughter – there was a very hesitant, shy, hurt girl who needed someone who understood but would never pry. After a point I got so attached to this gorgeous brunette in front of me that I decided to at least try to be that one person.

She sighed, flopping down on the bed and taking of her hoodie.

"I thought you got here tomorrow." She said quietly; so something was on her mind…

"Eh, Erice had to leave early anyway, so I thought why leave next morning, when I can sleep on the plane this night?" I said, smiling at her. She frowned.

"You, know, I still find his name kinda girlish." She said, giving me a watery smirk. I pretended to be pissed.

"Shuddap. He's hot, and he's a darling. You don't find such amazing guys in LA anymore."

"Eh, I'm with you on that boat…" she said, and I laughed a bit. We were quiet for a few minutes.

"What's up?" after two years I guess she didn't mind telling me. I was maybe the only one who didn't tell her that her decision was stupid and wrong, and that she needed to go back on it. On that one aspect – and that one aspect only – we looked at things the same way.

"Simone happened!" she said, throwing her hands up. I frowned.

"What do you mean? I thought you guys were pally."

"Yeah, we are, but then I had to teach her younger son how to work his way through a ballroom. Which sucks for me. I want to – I want to – _oh._"

She fell backwards onto the bed, and then turned onto her belly, burying her face into the pillow. I patted her shoulder lightly. Anything more, and I'd learnt she would cry harder.

"Everytime I look at his face I – " she breathed in sharply, and then coughed, "I just can't help but want him back, and that's _wrong_!"

"Shh, hon, it's not _wrong _as such… it's just… we're humans. Our hearts are _stupid_, really…"

She giggled slightly, and then cried some more. I always found it slightly amusing how she did that.

"Silly girl. What say, we go down to the beach and I get you a coffee?"

She looked up at me, her lashes tangled together and wet with her own tears. She was the only girl that I'D ever called hot. She was gorgeous.

She shook her head now, wiping the tears off her face and moving over to the mirror on the corner and fixing her face properly.

"Evidently I need to see more of him."

I frowned. This wasn't going to be good.

"Why?"

"_Audrey needs my help._" She said sarcastically, and begun to walk up towards the door.

"You want me to – "

"I don't think so, hon. I need to go down this one alone."

I sighed, sitting back, my legs dangling over the edge of the bed.

"Okay."

NIKI'S POV

The wind hit my face, but I didn't care. I couldn't understand why people were hell bent on making me co – operate. First Tom, then Simone, and now Audrey too?

I didn't want to see his face.

"_It's Tom you should be with right now."_

"_I care about both of you. You're right, and he's being a jerk. That's that."_

"_I need you. I love you…"_

"_Tom'll understand…! We'll figure it out!"_

_He was with my almost sister, I loved him, and he loved her._

_My life was a mess._

"_IT'S SAINT JIMMY, AND THAT'S MY NAMMEEEEE! AND DON'T WEAR IT OUT!"_

I couldn't walk anymore. I couldn't feel anymore.

I couldn't pretend to breathe anymore.

_Did I hurt everyone I've ever loved?_

_Did I?_

"Breathe."

I shut my eyes tightly, screwing them up to force the tears out.

"Breathe." It wasn't a word anymore; it was an order, a command. And I followed it as I knocked on Audrey's door, as I smiled and caught Emily.

Breathe.


	28. Chapter 28

BILL'S POV

"BI – ILL! ARE YOU READY? BI – ILL!"

I sighed, feeling morose.

She hadn't caught my eye. Not last night, not this morning. Not ever.

I needed her back before I became numb again.

"Coming Mum."

"Make it quick!"

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My face was clear of most of the makeup that was usually painted all over. I straightened out the creases in the fabric. And turned to walk out the door.

I had a marriage to attend.

The weather was amazing – breezy. The tent on the corner that was set up for the bride and her bridesmaids seemed to be full, everyone was settling in, and obviously, Tom was nowhere in sight.

I sighed, moving up to the platform that was serving as the chapel.

The tent was the noisiest thing ever, even though there was just one voice I could hear. I frowned, following it in.

" – seriously, is anybody there? UGH!" I lifted a bit of the curtain out of curiosity.

"NATH! Where are you?"

My eyes zeroed in on the figure trying to peak around the other edge at the many ladies settling in outside on the chairs.

NIKI'S POV

"Nath's not here."

I froze at the sound of the quiet, velvet voice.

We looked at each other for a second through the mirror, before my head hung low, my cheeks turning red.

_Be strong!_

I was just too vulnerable to be ANYTHING AT ALL right now.

"I thought I heard someone in – AH! There you are honey! Do you need those strings fixed?" I nodded limply as the blonde fixed the hem of my dress up. I didn't want to look. Not now, not ever.

I wanted to stop loving him.

It was just so wrong!

So wrong for him…

"Bill! What on earth are you _doing _here? Out!"

The sound of cloth against cloth, and then nothing.

"Are you okay hon?" she asked me, concerned, and when I didn't say a word she lifted my face up and smiled gently at me.

"You're doing a great job sweetheart." I nodded slowly.

"The bride ready?"

"Ready, and pissed and getting bored as usual." She said, smirking, and I smiled too.

"At least someone's having a normal day out of all of us."

BILL'S POV

I stood there by my brother's side, I watch them both take the vows that they had to take, I saw both mothers crying, I saw the cousins hoot and the female friends giggle. I saw it all.

But the only thing that had my attention was her. The grey fabric hugging her torso, flowing down her waist.

Her heartbroken eyes.

The crowed moved, swelled near me, near her, the chairs cleared, the music begun. The dances began, and we moved towards each other, and then we moved together, and then it was over before it had begun. One glass of wine, and then another. I watched everyone celebrate happiness.

I felt even more alienated than ever.

"No, it's okay Audrey. I'll take care of her."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not dancing with anyone anyway." I heard her say with a slight laugh. I watched her pick up the little girl after she'd taken off those heels; I watched them move toward closer to the ocean.

I followed close behind.

"Niki?" the little girl played with the woman's hands. I watched, and choked back my sobs.

"Yes?" the girl said, smiling down sweetly at the child.

"Audrey said you don't love Billi anymore. Why don't you love Billi anymore? Did he do something bad?"

The smile vanished, and pain reigned once more.

"No sweetheart. He'd never do anything bad."

"Then why don't you love him?"

She hesitated, a pristine tear slipping down her cheek.

"I'll always love your Billi, sweetheart." She smiled weakly.

My heart lurched forward.

"Then…then why don't you talk to him!"

"Honey, do you remember when Rodriguez made you and Shaniqua fight?" the little girl nodded innocently in her beautiful golden arms. Did she know she was being held by a goddess?

"Well, something like that happened. You see, I made Billi fight with his best friend. So then I had to go."

She bounced the child up and down in her arms. Emily frowned.

"But…"

"What is it child?"

"Why is he mad at you so long?"

"Because, baby, you can't forgive certain bad things. Don't be angry with him. He's a good person. He's not even mad. I don't know why though, honey. Maybe he's too nice." She said, her voice trembling as she fought back her tears.

My hands trembled as I fought back mine.

"Then – "

"Then why'd you leave?" I whispered, and she froze, turning to look at me. A single tear slipped down, but the child didn't seem to notice.

"Billi!" she shouted, and the woman – the only woman I'd ever truly loved – she let her go.

"Em, shouldn't Niki stop punishing herself?" the little girl, who now settled herself in my arms, frowned as she thought. And then she nodded brightly.

"Yes, yes!"

I moved in closer to her, making sure she wouldn't leave. Not this time.

"Honey, go find mommy okay? Niki and Billi need to talk." She smiled brightly at me as I let her go.

"Okay."

No one spoke, and I could only look at her face.

"I can't hate you." I whispered, not daring to speak any louder – just so that the tears wouldn't pour out. She didn't reply.

"Tom hated himself… for what he did."

No reply.

After three years, I lifted that beautiful face by the chin so that I could look into those mesmerizing eyes once again.

"Why'd you have to go?"

The tears that she'd been holding back fell over, and she took a step backward.

"I – I need to go."

She turned away from me, walking onwards. I wouldn't force her.

At least not physically.

"I can't hate you, because I – "

"Don't say it." her voice cut through me, even though it shook, even though she cried.

"Don't say it." she repeated, biting her lip to stop the tears

"Come back." My voice broke, and above all the tears, it sounded like a rasp. I laced my fingers with hers, trying desperately to get out some kind of response, trying to remind her of what there had been, of everything that should have been there all these years, but had been cut away.

I pulled her closer, but she only trembled as my forehead came to rest against her's.

"Please." I whispered, holding that beautiful face in my hands, begging her with my eyes to say yes, to say that she would, to say that she would stop giving up what she wanted – what we wanted – just so that I could have a 'bigger' part of my soul. Didn't she know it was divided equally? That I needed all three halves to complete myself, to be happy?

"Please don't." she whispered, letting her fingers slip away from mine.

"Don't tell me to push you back someplace where all I do is hurt you. Please." And she'd done it again, she had me frozen again, she had me rooted to the spot, unable to do anything.

But I wasn't numb.

"How can you hurt me when – "

"Don't. Don't say it." she whispered softly, pulling away from me completely and then running along the sand, until I lost her amidst everyone else.

NIKI'S POV

I rushed through the crowd, I passed my mother, my father, Taylor, Adam, Tom, my twin sister… but I didn't care anymore. I didn't want to feel anymore, and I didn't know why my heart couldn't understand that.

_Why'd you have to go?_

"Niki – "

"Leave me alone, Taylor!"

Everybody, just disappear, please. For once, I wanted nothing but for that hole in my life to eat me up.

Not existing would be so much more helpful.

I walked into Tom once again, and cleared my face hastily as he caught my arm. He frowned.

"What's wrong?"

""N – nothing." I forced a smile once again.

He didn't buy it.

"What – oh."

"Tom, it's time for you guys to leave!" I slipped out of his grasp and pushed him forward. In front of everyone else, we both put on a smile.

"I'm fine." I muttered to him before he got on that boat and to his 'vacation', as he liked to put it.

I smiled, I laughed, and then when I was finally able to escape, I made a run for the cottage.

_Come back…_

Stop.

The tears streamed down my face. In the dark, no one saw me, no one heard me.

No one, but that's what I thought.

Before I knew it those familiar pale arms had pulled me into that bony chest. Before I knew it I was crying my eyes out.

But when I did know what was going, by then I was already on my bed.

"Shh – "

"You have to leave." my voice shook, my eyes were blurry, but I wouldn't hurt him again, I wouldn't make him go down that road again, I wouldn't hurt his brother anymore.

"What?"

"Leave. Please. You have to – "

"Do you have fun playing the saint?"

I stopped short, rubbing my eyes and looking at him carefully.

"Excuse me?"

"What is it, do you _love _doing this to me? Do you _enjoy _watching me beg for you to come back? Do you – "

"Oh, you think this is fun?" I snarled, all of a sudden I was overcome by a fit of anger beyond any other. He had become quiet, but tried speaking once again now.

But I wasn't gonna listen any longer.

"Oh, you think its fun for me TO HAVE THE WHOLE WORLD TELL ME THAT I'M A BITCH AND A POSER? You think I ENJOY watching the only man I ever shared ANYHTING special with BEG me to come back? DO YOU THINK IT'S FUN TO WATCH HIM WANT ME WHEN I KNOW THAT ALL I EVER SEEM TO DO IS HURT THOSE THAT I LOVE? DO YOU THINK IT'S FUN FOR ME TO GIVE UP WHATEVER RELATIONSHIP I HAVE WITH OTHER PEOPLE JUST SO THAT I CAN SEE THEM HAPPY? WHAT DID YOU THINK MY LIFE WAS? EASY? HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU HURT OTHERS JUST BY LOVING THEM? HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU FELT EMPTY ON THE INSIDE AND REALIZED THAT THERE'S NOTHING BEAUTIFUL OR AMAZING ABOUT YOU AND THAT YOU JUST PLAIN SUCK? WELL GUESS WHAT – THAT HAPPENS TO ME ALMOST EVERY OTHER MONTH, AND I HATE BEING MYSELF! SO FOR CHRIST'S SAKE – DON'T PLEASE EVER SAY YOU LOVE ME BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO WATCH YOU HURT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN! BUT YOU SEE, I'VE ALREADY ACCOMPLISHED THAT!"

He looked at me as I tried to catch my breath.

"I love you." He said quietly, pulling me closer once again, and I tried fighting it, even when it wasn't working at all.

"Don't – " I said through gritted teeth, the tears falling freely once again.

"I still love you." He said, holding my face in his hands. I shook my head; again, and again, and again.

"I love you, and I'm not having it any other way."

But before I could respond, before I could blink, before I could prepare myself in any way at all, the love of my life kissed me like I'd never been kissed before.

Do you know that feeling when you feel everything's going down the drain, and you want to be nothing but upset, and then someone makes you laugh? You try your hardest not to give in, but it NEVER works the way you want it to.

And right then and there I hoped that for once it wouldn't work out the way I wanted it to; I hoped that I would forget logic.

Because no matter how hard I always tried to hold on to my decision, when he kissed me I didn't care how many tears were running down my face; I didn't care what I'd say later; I didn't care that I might end up hurting him all over again.

I didn't care about a thing.


	29. Chapter 29

**Yes, I haven't updated in MAD LONG, and yes, I'm bombarding your inbox with updates but I know you all love me LOL. This is the last chapter... What follows is an Epilogue. hope you guys enjoyed this little piece of me. It's been a lovel adventure, since this IS - technically - my first baby :'D**

**I'd love it you guys would leave a review at least on the Epilogue... I'd love to know what you all thought of this story as a whole.**

BILL'S POV

"Can't you – "

"Stay? I think what just happened made that answer the most complicated thing on earth. I broke my own record. Amazing." I looked carefully into her eyes, but she wasn't looking back into mine as I held her. She'd long stopped struggling; it had been a futile attempt anyway. No one spoke anymore, until she looked away from the waves crashing outside and at her own hands.

"Can I ask you something?" she said, her head jerking up suddenly. I blinked, startled, and then looked at her carefully.

"Hmm."

"Why are you doing this?"

My heart lurched forward, and it hurt a little too. I settled a lock of her hair behing her ear as I looked at her carefully. At my actions, she looked away and down again, as if she was allowing something she had trained herself to forget even existed; she still looked injured, hurt. Her pain was far more than mine.

"Because I – "

She winced, "Apart from that." She said, not letting me complete the sentence.

I was quiet, I couldn't reply before understanding her feelings right now first.

"Is it wrong to love you?"

She looked away again.

"Right now – yes."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What that means… is that I don't why you're here, when clearly my coming back can result in the second round of that fight. And I don't want to do that, and I don't think you do either; nor does Tom, nor anyone else. So seriously – why are you here?"

She looked at me properly this time – her eyes clear, albeit swollen.

"He won't do that again. You should have understood that by now."

"He's human, not God."

"Neither are you, so stop trying to play – "

"I'm NOT trying to play God, okay? I'm sorry if you feel that way."

She began to disentangle herself from where I held her in my arms, but I wasn't ready to let go.

"Just… please. Don't do this to yourself." She said, looking back at me. Up till now her voice had been clear, but there was no real emotion there. But now the soft whisper that greeted me was full of anguish.

"_You _need to stop doing this. You need to stop – "

"Whenever I _do _stop, it results in chaos. Please, don't do this. Please." I looked at her, not ready to let her go, and after a while of waiting for my reply she sighed and gave it up.

She didn't meet my gaze after that, and that hurt me more than anything else.

"If…" she stopped just when she'd begun. The sun was coming up, and I couldn't believe we'd just sat there all night. She hesitated, trying to begin once again.

"If I've… if I've ever hurt you, or Tom, or anyone else… I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone I…" she stopped short, unable to say another word. Her voice shook, and she didn't look up at all.

I felt like breaking completely.

She sucked in an audible breath.

I tilted her chin up, looking into that beautiful face. I needed her back, I needed her to stop this.

"You could never hurt us. Ever. Okay?" she nodded, sniffing slightly.

She didn't bother meeting my gaze, even though I still held her face.

"I'm hurting you anyway, aren't I?" she said suddenly, and this time round I didn't even know what to say. "So it's true." She breathed, taking my silence as the answer.

"I'm sorry." She said, her whisper almost unheard in the silence; I held on a bit tighter.

"Don't go."

She looked up at me as she heard the words.

"Please."

Her eyes widened.

"How can you want me back after everything?"

I smiled at her, shrugging. "Since you're hell bent on thinking you're a disaster – let's say I have Stockholm's Syndrome." She shook her head, clearly not ready to buy that.

"Just… listen – hear me out, okay?" I said, focusing to give it another try. She looked at me long and hard, and then nodded.

"I love – no, please. Hear me out."

She looked away from my face as she heard the first words out of my mouth, but gave me her attention anyway.

I took a deep breath, trying to put this the right way.

"Whenever I would think of love, I'd always think of someone who immediately led me to their soul. But… I guess it's never the way you want it to be. When I met you, I couldn't concentrate on anything else for much long. Your eyes always spoke to me, and I guess I didn't realize how much I did love you. And then when I began to trust you I felt like maybe…maybe I wasn't that alienated after all; and despite all the times I've said that I love being that alien, for the first time I _wanted _to _belong_. And with you I did. I could be myself, and you would never question my personality, unlike most others. Even though you did want to understand and know more of it just like I did you.

But it seems I hadn't yet realized that love was completely different from what I thought it was; so I went ahead and thought I'd fallen for the love of my life's best friend."

I smiled at her, tilting her chin up to look into her face, and I leaned my forehead against her's gently.

"How did I ever think that was what I wanted?"

She didn't respond, only looked into my eyes as I loked into her's.

"You stuck through everything; through all the drama, the shit, everything. Sometimes I wonder how long before you felt anything. I wonder how you could feel anything at all after all that I've done. But then when we did reach the point where we both felt the same way, I didn't care – only as long as I had you.

I didn't want to fight, I didn't want to hurt you. But Tom didn't understand what he was doing. I guess he never really was prepared for love – his or mine."

I laughed softly as I relived it. sometimes Tom could sound more like a kid than I ever had.

"When you said you loved me too – you have no idea how it felt. You have no idea how you've always looked, who you are. Because trust me, when I look into your eyes, I don't see the hateful person you think you are. If there's someone out of the two of us who doesn't deserve this, then I don't know who that is; because honestly – _I've waited for someone who understands me like you do longer than you could ever imagine. _And what I've got right here in my arms? This beauty's a lot more than I could ever have predicted. And she deserves to be taken care of now, I think. And if that person who thinks he's capable of handling this beautiful, magical person here is madly in love with her, then I don't see what's the harm. And that's why I need you, I need you for everything I've ever felt since I met you. I guess I'm selfish, okay?"

Her eyes were wide as she looked back at me, not saying a word.

"Say something." I said softly, cupping her face in one of my hands. The curtains were pulled down, and we sat in the darkness. The bluish light of the first rays were beginning to light her up and made me look paler than ever.

She blinked – once, twice, multiple times.

"What?" I asked her, and in that one moment I guess I realized even if she wouldn't come back at least I had told her everything I had ever wanted to tell her. I had told her how much she meant to me, and I knew she would understand more than anyone else the meaning behind all of my words.

She shook her head, unable to say a word.

I couldn't bear it anymore, and I just had to kiss her.

She didn't protest, in fact she responded only like she had responded earlier that night. The numbness was gone, and everytime I felt that maybe she was convinced to stay, everytime my finger tips led me to her heartbeat, a piece of my heart picked itself up and welded itself with the rest of me.

"I love you." I whispered, but she only kissed me back, and I didn't mind as long as she wasn't leaving all over again.

"Are you staying?" I asked her despite myself, and she nodded as she pulled me back to her once again. I laughed softly at her reaction, my heart hammering with the utter joy.

"I missed that sound." She said softly as I broke away. I smiled at her, wiping away the tears that had been running down her face.

"I missed you." I responded, pulling her up and next to me on the bed, and we looked at each other from where we lay, our hands intertwined in the space between us. I lifted them up to my face, bringing her wrist closer so that I could take in that scent once again, but then I frowned.

"Perfume." I said, irritated. She laughed weakly, and I looked up at her face once again; she moved closer to me, resting her head against my chest, and I sighed, closing my eyes and at peace with everything once again.

Complete once again.

"Don't ever do that again, okay?" and she nodded, her fingers tightening their hold on mine.

'Never." She whispered softly.

We lay there for God knows how long, talking about nothing, and everything. Talking about everything that ever happened.

Talking about how she'd always loved me, and never said a word.

"That wasn't fair." I said softly, nudging her nose with my own.

"Life isn't fair." She replied softly.

So many things had changed, so many people had shifted in everyone's personal universe.

"Mum wanted to kill me for what I did, as in, for being with you and then ending it. She thought I of all people wouldn't go get serious over a relationship when I'd just turned eighteen and then 'dump' the guy." I laughed softly. "She wanted to murder you too." She said quietly.

"But then she didn't."

"Because she was the one who allowed the relationship to happen, according to her." she said, sounding irritated. I chuckled, "She said she only agreed because she knew you so long. Seriously, though. How long is a year? Yeah, not so long." I laughed a little more.

"She was worried is all."

"Yes, but it wasn't the best thing for me during… you know…" and I held on tighter.

"I guess so." I said softly, kissing the top of her head.

There was silence for a while, but then she broke it.

"I knew you were on the other side of that door that night."

I only held her tighter, stroking her face as she looked into my eyes as she waited for some kind of reply.

"Why did you cry?"

She looked away, suddenly uncomfortable as she adjusted herself against my frame. My eyebrows came together.

"What?"

She looked back up at me, and then begun hesitantly.

"Well… Taylor…"

This wasn't going to be good.

She flinched a bit as she saw the change of expression on my face.

"He…well, he sort of… you know, kissed me…"

"He WHAT?"

She started, eyes wide and shocked.

"Kissed me that night, and I got – "

"That – that – " the right words couldn't come out, because they were a bit too violent, and I wasn't the biggest fan of cussing like there's no tomorrow.

"Shut up, and you're not doing anything." She said quickly, her eyes scrutinizing me. I sighed, still angry.

"Fine." I said through gritted teeth.

"You're being a typical Hollywood movie style guy, and that sucks. Royally."

Her eyebrows came together, and I could tell her she was the slightest bit angry.

"Alright, fine. He's not the one who gets to keep you anyway." I felt better as I said it, slightly proud. She looked at her nails, disinterested in my rant – but it was just an act to hide the irritation.

"Still doing it." she said, ignoring me while she did.

I huffed, still aggravated.

"Jealousy is a dumb thing." She continued, not looking at me, but sighed when I didn't say a word.

"He wasn't even good. He wasn't you." Her brown orbs peered into my own dull gold ones – serious now.

"I'm acting stupid, aren't I?" I whispered, still mesmerized. She smirked, nodding at me.

"Yep." She said, snickering ever so slightly.

"Don't you snicker!" I said, growling at her, and she only laughed harder.

"Look who's a diva!" she sneered, and I caught her around the waist, my fingers attaching her sides till she was begging me to stop.

"One condition." I said, smirking and victorious.

She frowned, "You – "

But I had no mercy as I begun to attack her again.

"Okay, okay!" she said between gasps; I stopped, pinning her there. "What!" she said, still trying to catch her breath.

"Say that I'm not a diva."

She stuck her tongue out, but surrendered as I begun again.

"Okay, okay, OKAY!" she said, writhing as she tried to avoid all the attacks.

I smirked, pinning her down once again, raising my eyebrows as she hesitated with the words.

And then she smiled sweetly, "Bill-monster isn't a diva, even though he sucks with Scottish accents, or accents in general." She snickered, but I got her first. If I poked any quicker, my hands would've been a blur, and there were happy tears pouring out the corners of her crinkled up eyes anyway.

I let her go, flopping down next to her, and continued to watch her while she laughed, continued to marvel at the woman who was my best friend and the only woman I would ever want to love all wrapped in one.

She turned onto her belly, laughing even harder, and when I turned her by the shoulder to hear what she was on about all that came out was 'Bill-monster' and a lot of giggles, and I chuckled as I pulled her closer. Even as she quieted down, for a while a few stray giggles would escape and make me laugh too.

We lay there, quiet once again. But the silence didn't have to be filled, it was comfortable, happy.

"Bill?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

Just one tear trickled down my face. I hadn't heard that beautiful voice uttering those words for the past three years.

"I love you too baby."


	30. Epilogue : Never Letting Go

**EPILOGUE : NEVER LETTING GO**

NIKI'S POV

_And in today's E Buzz news – the hottest couple in town spill secrets about their past. What went wrong with Sexiest Man and Woman Alive for them to break up 3 and a half years ago? The Woman comes clean._

"What're you watching?"

"Shh. I wanna see the whole thing."

"_Hey Niki."_

"_Hi!"_

"_Welcome to E – Buzz, and as you know – this is gonna be like a crazy rapid fire. So – "_

"_I promise I'll make it quick." _I watched myself smile and laugh just a little bit as Bill rested his head into the crook of my neck, kissing it softly, causing my heart to stutter before going back to normal once more.

"_So – first things first – why did you guys, you know, breakup?"_

"_Um, I guess things were going out of control; Bill and I weren't fighting, but having each other around was ruining some other pretty important relationships. Bill didn't want it to happen that way. I admit to being the one who ended it. I couldn't watch it any longer, plus it was affecting me too."_

"_But didn't it hurt? I mean, just recently you guys stated that you were, in fact, in love."_

"_Yes, we are. And yes, it was really hard. But I think no matter how much it hurt -and it hurt for a really long time – we needed it. Because, we're all fine now – no issues, no crazy heartbreaking fights. We're all healthy."_

"_Sounds good. You know, minority of the fans had speculated for a month or two after you got back together that maybe this WAS finally confirmed to be a publicity stunt. They also thought maybe you were forced back into the relationship…?"_

"_Neither me, nor any of the other members of Thirteen Moons of Demetria, nor those of Tokio Hotel, are the type of people who meddle with relationships – in any way. If I were forced into this relationship, I would've kicked the *** outta Bill in just a few days' time; and I definitely wouldn't have stated that I was in love with him. That's just never been who I am, or even Bill is, for that matter."_

"_What about the fact that he's 5 years elder to you? I mean, he's nearing his thirties – since he turned 28 not a month ago – and you're barely gonna turn 23."_

"_It never really bothered either of us. Honestly, inching closer to thirty and the whole 'it's a big deal' thing is complete balderdash. There's not much difference. We still fool around, we still have the most random conversations. The age gap never created barriers for us of any kind at all, really."_

"_Rumors are going around that you and Bill might be tying the knot soon. I mean, your respective twins did do so not half a year ago."_

"_I don't know anything about that, to be honest! But seriously – have you seen a ring on my hand? No! Anyway we're both just really caught up in our tours. It's just a stroke of luck that a few of our dates clash and that you spot us together. But I don't think that big decision's coming anywhere close, although I wouldn't want to bank on that."_

"_Diplomatic, that's the key."_

I watched myself laugh once again, and couldn't help but smile – no matter how odd it felt to watch my own self on television.

"_What about Tom and Payal, how're they doing?"_

"_Oh, they're being their crazy, irritating, perverted, funny selves. I don't think they've even noticed their married! At least not around other people! That's what's amazing about them, I guess. It's amazing how they are with each other."_

Bill grabbed the remote from my hand, switching off the large flat screen in my hotel suite. I frowned, finding it hard to look at his face, since it was right next to mine anyway; we would've hit each other's foreheads that way.

"No, seriously! I was watching that!" I said, managing to look at him without any kind of injuries anyway.

"You did that interview, what's there to watch?" he murmured softly, shifting me so that his forehead lay against mine.

"What?" I asked him softly as he shut his eyes and smiled. He shook his head.

"Nothing."

"You're smiling like you couldn't be happier any place else – oh."

His eyes flew open, and his smile widened just the slightest bit.

Once again – like the million times before – I lost myself in those beautiful eyes.

Things got pretty crazy after _that_ day. We had a long 'chat session' with my mum and dad, and then with _his_ 'mum and dad'; both sides were pissed, so then we had _another _'chat session' with both pairs. (Like ANY of those were nice or, well… 'chatty') Bill and I were pretty much driven even _further _crazy when the place where him and Tom had always lived became a mess, what with Tom's wife (AKA my twin sister) moving in (see how odd that sounds? Tom and WIFE just don't seem to fit!), and in between Bill changing his hairstyle all over again and both bands getting comfortable in their respective studios for the new albums, the only thing that was making me feel okay (in fact amazing) at the end of the day was him.

I got through every day, every dumb interview, knowing that I finally had that one thing – that one person – with me at all times, and that's not only an indescribable feeling, it's a _beautiful _and indescribable feeling at that. Everything felt fine, just by knowing that I would always have my two favorite people in all the world with me all the time, even though we weren't living together, even though we barely saw enough of each other, I still had someone to call up in the middle of the night just for the heck of it, and then not talk because neither of us felt the need to fill up the silence. Everyone else might've thought it abnormal, stupid, a waste of time – but these tiny little things are what keeps people like me – and him – going while living this crazy life.

The tabloids with their crap about publicity stunts didn't faze me, the heartbroken girls – even _they_ didn't faze me – and even when they did, i was comforted by the fact that I didn't have to be alone and silent in my hotel room, that besides the nonstop fan girl – and boy – screaming there was that one voice that could make me laugh at the stupidest of things at the most depressing of times. Somehow I'd learnt to communicate without saying a word with someone aside from my twin sister, and I loved that feeling.

I snapped out of my flash back as Tom knocked loudly and rather too obviously on my door. I watched Bill's eyes flutter open once again – the only eyes I ever wanted to get lost in.

He frowned as his brother continued to behave in an obvious and annoying manner. I giggled softly, pressing a finger to my lips, and Bill instantly listened.

"Trust me on this one, okay?"

He nodded, lacing his fingers with mine and smirking.

He opened his mouth to question, but before he could make a sound I grabbed his hand – pinching him just in the crease of his elbow. Bill felt absurdly good when someone pressed down on that spot. He let out a loud and happy sigh, which sounded almost shocked. Perfect.

Immediately I grabbed one of the big fluffy pillows and flung it at the door, resulting in a loud _thunk _that resounded in the otherwise quite room. Bill stared on at me, slightly annoyed at my silent giggles, and more than confused at my actions. A moment later he knew –

"EW, you guys! You need to sound proof your room when you both, you know… go at it." Tom whispered the last part, and I jumped on the bed, burying my head into the pillows to prevent him from hearing the giggles. I felt Bill collapse next to me and reach for my hand once again. Before I knew it I was being pulled into his chest once again, and I found – like I did everytime he did something like this – that I didn't mind it one bit. In fact it made me feel even more at peace with things than most anything ever could.

"You know of all the things – I never expected that finding love meant such drama." He said quietly, smiling slightly as he kissed the top of my head. I smiled back.

"At least you know one thing."

He raised his eyebrows in good humor, "What's that?"

I smirked, "Tom the Sex Gott feels weird thinking that his brother might be getting laid."

He snickered, and I giggled, and suddenly he stopped short, looking straight into my eyes, making me wonder what exactly he was thinking now.

"I love you." He said softly.

"As I love you." The reply rolled off my tongue, like a reflex; it was the pure and whole truth. He smiled.

"Always."

"Always." I repeated, smiling back, and then rested my head against his chest once again.

No matter anything that would happen anytime later, no matter how many times we fought, scared Tom, or fooled around and laughed like we did when Bill picked me up from the back by the waist just so I could kick the camera and anyone else around, no matter what mum would tell me –

I was never letting go.

And the best part was knowing that neither would he.

**Leave a review, bitte, for my baby :')**


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